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Fucked Up College Kids File 307
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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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Sniff My Glue
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Ever hear the saying "Alcoa can't wait till tomorrow?" If you
watched NFL football ten to fifteen years ago you did. (In case
you are wondering Alcoa, listed as `AA' on the NYSE, makes
aluminum products). I never liked the commercials because I knew
tomorrow was Monday and Monday usually brought (High) School.
Another day of homework and solitude in a world where I didn't
fit in very well. I didn't like to look a day ahead and looking
weeks ahead usually meant a report or science project (ugh) would
be due. Very rarely did I look forward to going to High School.
Somewhere between Elementary, Junior High, and High School the
world changed and left me behind. It became hard to look forward
to anything those days especially when tomorrow meant going back
to school. Unlike Alcoa I could wait for tomorrow. Tomorrow
meant Monday and Monday's suck--Garfield understood.
It has been almost ten years since I graduated from high school
and it is almost hard for me to believe I'm still around. And
get this, I spent five more years getting a college degree! But
unlike High School I seemed to fit in a little better at college.
Surviving became a bit easier.
Twelve years ago the bell rang telling me it was lunch time. A
time which I mostly spent alone, sat outside on a bench and ate
my lunch. During my four years in High School I sat inside the
cafeteria and ate lunch about five times if that. The lunchroom
was a world of noise, confusion, and alien to me. Rain or shine
most of my days were spent eating outside until my last two years
when I rode my bike (I didn't have a car) home (1 mile) for
lunch. Do you think I could "wait for tomorrow?" You sure as
shit better believe I could. I dreaded it.
So if you can imagine a lot of the last twelve years being
similar to that then maybe you can understand me saying "it is
almost hard for me to believe I'm still around." This way of
life makes one feel like an alien; on the wrong planet, the wrong
country, or at the wrong time.
These days tomorrow IS my glue. Hope of brighter days, new
friendships, experiences, and challenges keep me around to see
the days ahead. I don't look too far ahead just enough to keep me
moving in the forward direction. Something a simple as a movie,
TV program, or package can keep my hopes high for tomorrow.
Conferences (Comdex/CES), vacations, finishing a project, and new
experiences keep me looking a bit further ahead. It is a simple
existence but I don't need or ask for much. I don't expect
understanding as something things can't be understood especially
to those who are not aliens.
You can stop the boo hoo's and bits of sarcasm. I know there are
other people who have "real" problems both physical and mental.
And maybe that IS the problem with a lot of the world today.
Some of us do have problems that can't be seen, measured or even
understood yet we are the ones written off and alienated. This
is who I am to accept or ignore.
Maybe you can smell it now? I'm talking about my glue. It keeps
me together, surviving. And surviving is winning for those of us
who are aliens.
Alien blueprint,
Pallbearer
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