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Fucked Up College Kids File 286
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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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Lost and Found
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I sit here alone on the balcony of a not unfamiliar apartment but
one I have been accustomed to for less then the length of time it has taken
me to smoke an entire pack of cigarettes (yes I was trying to quit at the
time but you get my point). As I listen to the cars passing by and the
omnipresent breeze carrying its song, and its winged passengers to wherever
it is that birds go at this time of the year I am reminded, reminded of my
constant displacement no matter the environment (quite the contrary to my
apparent complacency to be any given place at any given time). This has been
an ongoing battle in my head since I was about sixteen years of age, forced
to face the world alone as a young man, a boy. Given the total lack of
stability I had at the beginning of this long tiring journey of mine my
total lack of stability at present doesn't bother me as one would expect, or
does it?
I've moved from the balcony into the computer room to continue
this rant not because I don't like the outdoors, but because I find
that I can type much faster and more legible than I can write these days.
Another casualty of technology I guess.
This trek I have unknowingly embarked upon has taken me to over
twelve states in this country and several brief visits to a corrupted
land far south of where I am now. In all these places I have heard the
passing cars I hear now, and the same breeze blows whether it be from the
north, south, east, or west. I guess what I'm really trying to say is
that no matter where you go you never really leave where you were. The
same instability is there, the same people are there with only faces that
change. Sure no two people are alike but no two people are really that
different either, there are good people, there are bad people, there are
people you really wouldn't bother pissing on if they were on fire. Most
importantly of all you are there, the same person you have always been.
Maybe you have changed some things about yourself but you cannot escape
from your true self. I don't know if this is what I was trying to do but I
know now its of no use.
In looking at my present surroundings I think I have found a
location I would like to stay at for a while. The opportunity is here,
there are people I like to be around here, even the view in certain
places is quite majestic. Granted it does get rather cold at times but
hey, you cant have everything. I know it will take some time for me to
settle into a place of my own but I think its time for me to stop moving.
I have heard my constant movement about the country referred to as "running"
and "hiding", but I think of it more as living, and learning. I have
learned a great many things from a great many people, much of which would
be considered trivial to most people because they take the world in which
they live in for granted. I have laid my head on concrete and I have laid
my head on the pillows of thousand dollar a night hotels. Its still my
head.
zens
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