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Fucked Up College Kids File 110
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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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The Anatomy of Love
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"As I gaze upon your face,
My strong-willed heart begins to race.
Emotions in captivity,
Break their bonds and long for thee.
And as I gaze into your eyes,
Behind my back time lights and flies,
But I care not for time gone by,
And for your love long now, long I."
-illusionary (c) 1995
A simple poem. Written in a moment of passion and longing
for a beautiful and captivating woman. I was in love to describe the
moment in its base case. But as I look back on this I ask myself
what love really is? Is it a brief physical experience, or a deep
emotional involvement?
Many people in society have different views of this so-called
"love". One such view is love as a physical and lustful emotion. To
be involved physically with a woman is love. Others believe that
love is that of kinship, totally disassociated from lust and longing.
Still others believe that love is a deep and dark emotion that has
ruled the hearts of mankind for ages. Yet others believe that love
has no place in society today.
With so many different classifications of love one must
determine for himself what love is. I have based my definition of
love off of my experiences in life. I have been in relationships
of kinship or friendship. I have seen the dark side of love. I
have been exposed to the physical side of love. But I find that love
is much, much more than anything that can be contemplated by mankind.
As I continue, I will focus my discussion on love to the
romantic aspect of love. The interchange of love between two people
of the opposite sex. If you find my definition of romantic love to
be lacking or incorrect then maybe you should not be reading this
file, as you can gain nothing from it. For everyone else, let's
continue...
In my poem I describe emotions that come forth as I look at
the face of my lover. My heart, which has been weathered to love and
involvements is released from its confinement and intertwines with
that of another. For the first time I love with no reservation. I
have lost all preception of time and order and all I care about it
whether or not that love is returned.
The question I want to raise is whether or not this love can
ever be returned fully. As my relationship with this woman developed
I found myself constantly thinking about her. Hardly an hour went by
when I did not question what she was thinking about, or what she was
doing. My mind continually rolled back to the past and time spent
with her. I was lost. There was no understanding of this love. I
was, and to a degree still am, captured by this woman.
As time progressed I fell deeper and deeper into the abyss of
emotional attachment. The bottom was not in sight and I kept falling
fast. Unfortunately she was distancing herself from me. One of the
most important things in my life was slowly moving outside of my
grasp. I had no control over what she was doing. No matter what I
did to show her my love, nor how much I sacrificed for her, I never
felt an equal reciprocation of my emotions.
And now she's gone... and all I can do is ponder what I can
learn from the destruction of my heart. I look to the future,
thinking about what lies ahead of me. Can I go on? Maybe. I will
work hard to rid myself of this ball and chain that forever drags me
down, but will I ever rid myself of her memory? Probably not.
What can I learn? I can realize that love will never allow
itself to be conquered by the feeble attempts of mankind. It always
has its own twisted initiative to accomplish. Eventually, mankind
will be destroyed by his desire to caputure that which no cage can
contain. No one can ever be satisfied by the creature that love
personifies. Therefore, do not expect anything in the future. Do
not hope for the acceptance and unconditional love that you offer to
others. It will never be returned until you are in the cradle of
heaven...
ùillusionaryù
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