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Fucked Up College Kids File 128
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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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St00pid Thangs Part 1
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These are quotes from the back of PC Magazine. On the last
page of each issue, they always put humorous quotes, funny pictures,
great typos, all pertaining to computers. Here are some of the best
ones... *Note* These are not MY typos.. this is how they
appeared in whatever source...
"Intel said it will honor all customer request to replace
pentium chips, free of charge and no questions asked. Intel
will provide guidance for do-in-yourself pentium installers."
-Contra Costa Times
The latest in portable powerpacks: "Zenith Data Systems
486/SLC Notebook computer: Includes a handy carrying case, an
AC adaptor, and removable Nickel Metal High Dried Battery Pack."
-Layman's Guide Catalog
"You can use [Eudora] to tell Hillary just what you think
about health care in America. Try president@whitehouse.gov."
-Qualcomm Advertisement
"Like your personal desk, your WP Office mail box can be
divided into two sections: One bin for outgoing items, one for
incoming items, and one for personal items."
-WP Office Manual
Help Wanted
"Wisconsin's premier system integrator is looking for
qualified people... requirements include strong hardware and
software skills... this is an exciting, challenging, tough,
and demeaning position." -The Chicago Tribune
Want Ad
"Immediate Hire: 40,000 - 50,000 dollars. Division of high
profile CO. Seeking a programmer analyst with 305 years UNIX
experience." -The Ft Collins Coloradoan
From an Anderson Consulting Survey:
* Percentage of Canadians who say they approve of the
Information Superhighway: 62.7
* Percentage of Canadians who say they know what the
Information Superhighway is: 54.4
-Financial Post Magazine
"Cleaning the Lens"
* Never touch the lens or use anything to touch the lens.
* To remove fingerprints, or dust, etc. from the lens, wipe
the lens thoroughly with a cotton swab.
-Mitsumi CDRom Drive Manual
Number 4 from "Top Ten Features Included in Word 6.0":
"AutoCorrect- Program corrects your most frequently
typos as you type."
-Windows Sources
"Right now, 386 chips are two generations behind. The latest
chip, which some call the 586, is officially called the
_Plentium_... The _Plentium_ chips are new, are in somewhat
short supply, and are expensive. If you are dealing with lots
of data... go for the speediest chip you can afford."
-Physician's Management
"One quick way to get extra workspace in conventional memory,
is to add these lines to your config.sys file:
device
c:¬dos¬himem.sys
dos
-John C. Dvorak
-San Francisco Chronicle
"After freeways buckled, buildings collapsed, and phone lines
were cut off, personal computers linked to online message
centers were often the only means of obtaining critical
information." -The LA Times
"Dictionary of the Living World:... See animals that have been
extinct and made the population climb back to safety."
-Tiger Software Catalog
"Notice to User: By breaking the seal of this envelope, you
accept the terms of the enclosed license agreement enclosed."
-Adobe Font Pack for Windows
"Expense It! Version 2.0 report functions include:
* Weekly expense reports.
* Custom expense reports.
* Income tax perpetration."
-Surplus Software International Catalog
"Slide the exit paper support in until it snaps securely in
place.
"NOTE: The paper exit support does not actually attach to the
printer." -Canon BJ230 Quickstart Guide
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Selling Point of a Product: Articles are written in plain
english, not high-tech computer language thats hard to
understand.
Excerpt from manual: According to Okidata, here's how you
install the second paper tray in the OL400 Laser Printer:
"With keeping the printer in a single hand, insert a minus
screw driver to the square hole of blind board, turn the screw
driver quietly at the arrow direction of 'A' and then remove
the fluke of the blind board at the arrow direction of 'B'
with removing the fluke from the base frame."
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"Run your DOS, Windows, and OS/2 programs faster than ever,
together, in the same graphical environment. Multitask
powerful applications with fear - without slowing down!"
-IBM OS/2 for Windows Ad
"Your optional 500-Sheet Paper tray assembly is covered under
your printer's one year warranty, or 90 days, whichever is
longer." -HP Laserjet 4 Manual
Compiled by Demonika
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= Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, etc etc... =
= Internet : jericho@netcom.com (Mail is welcome) =
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= Chemical Persuasion 203.324.0894 Celestial Woodlands 214.252.6455 =
= Ionic Destruction 215.722.0570 Hacker's Haven 303.343.4053 =
= E.L.F. (NUP) 314.272.3426 Misery 318.625.4532 =
= Dungeon Sys. Inc. 410.263.2258 Psykodelik Images 407.834.4576 =
= Paradise Lost 414.476.3181 (Your Board Here!@#$!) =
= Digital Fallout 516.378.6640 Bad Trip 615-870-8805 =
= Plan 9 716.881.3663 Deadly Intoxication 801.553.8644 =
= Purple Hell 806.791.0747 Logikal Nonsence XXX.XXX.XXXX =
= PuRe EViL (NUP) 905.XXX.XXXX The Keg 914.234.9674 = =
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= Files through Anonymous FTP: FTP.NETCOM.COM - cd /pub/il/illusion/fuck =
= FTP.FC.NET - cd /pub/deadkat/misc/fuck =
= FTP.WINTERNET.COM - cd /users/craigb/fuck =
= http://www.ora.com:8080/johnl/e-zine-list/zines/fuck.html =
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