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flc-003
(startfile: 23.23.39pm 7.11.96)
neko's welcome
--------------
so. i spent the last three weeks in europe. i'll tell you all about it, don't
worry. one thing you really *should* know, however, is that i will be attending
school in russia for the next year. no joke. i leave on august 22nd or
something. i suppose all of this will go through unless yeltsin dies and throws
the political state into confusion. the past few weeks have been tense for me,
even though i was 'relaxing' in europe. why were they tense? glad you asked.
because of the russian election. yeltsin did win, but according to last
sunday's london times, he has recently suffered a stroke. not good. where was
i? oh yeah. i will be going to russia. all i ask of you is that you send me a
mix tape to take with me. and your address, if you want me to write. i do not
expect to have net access, and even if i do, what would be the point of going
to russia if all i did was sit on irc all the time? so, yes, this means flc
will be dormant from august until next summer. but when i come back ... the
stories i hope i'll have to tell. so: send me a mix tape. my real name,
address, etc. is: john heisel; 5527 ponderosa dr.; rockford, illinois
61107-1783; usa. please make sure the tape is here by the third week of august.
also, i would be more than happy to mix a tape for you, all you have to do is
send a blank tape with of any length and i'll mail it back to you with some of
my favorite songs on it. well, on with the show. shit. i just realized that i
left the article entitled 'weekly rewind' out of flc-002. it was a captured
message of mine and now i will have to go and try to find it again. if i am
successful, i will put it in this issue.
yours in eliteness,
john
index
-----
01 ... neko's welcome
02 ... departure
03 ... january 19th, 1996
04 ... weekly rewind
05 ... january 20th, 1996
06 ... athens
07 ... january 21st, 1996
08 ... rome
09 ... january 22nd, 1996
10 ... something odd i wrote after talking to paula one day
11 ... january 23rd, 1996
12 ... neko's public service announcement
13 ... january 24th, 1996
14 ... paris
15 ... january 25th, 1996
16 ... london
17 ... january 26th, 1996
18 ... saffron-walden
19 ... january 27th, 1996
20 ... dummercon
departure
---------
on june 20th, 1996, i had the privilege of spending time with the girl who
currently takes up much of my mindspace (does that make sense?). we went to a
meeting together, and then, on the way back to my house, stopped at the video
store and rented 'mad love'. why this movie, you ask? because she has been
telling me for ages that we were going to do the mad love thing. interesting
story here. the video store i rented it from gives you dollar rebate coupons if
you return a new release within 24 hours. so, i figure, i've got three of these
coupons, i can get it free, *and* watch it with that 'special someone'. so, we
go in at about 9.15pm and grab the movie. i present my rebate cards and am told
that they are not valid on half price day. fucking wednesday. i offer the clerk
all three of my rebate cards and she tells me she is sorry, she cannot take
them. oddly enough, the 5 movies for 5 days for 5 dollars deal is not half
price on wednesday. just thought you should know. so, i had to spend $1.50 CASH
on this movie. oh well, it was worth it, i guess. so then we go back to my
house and i announce that we (damnit, 'she' needs to have a name. might as well
use Angie, since that *is* her name [at least it was the last time i
checked..]) (Angie and i) will be commandeering the television to watch a
movie. my parents surprised me by actually allowing us to watch the movie. wow!
elite! they *trust* us. my mom, dad, and sister leave us. unfortunately, this
means my brother stayed. fucking d0rk. i will kill him if i ever have the
chance. not because i wanted to start the 'mad love' thing here and now, but
just because i had envisioned us seeing the movie together, no third parties.
anyway, she doesn't leave until about 11.30. eliteness! unfortunately, i have
to get up in 6 hours to deliver my paper route. i figure that not getting much
sleep this night will prepare me for sleeping on the plane flight to rome. ha.
on thursday, i wear my 2600 shirt, because i figure it is a universal sign of
computer geekiness (i would wear a dto shirt, but, gee, i don't have one yet --
MOGEL! heh) and others will flock to me. wrong. oh well. we fly from chicago to
a new york airport and take a bus to another one (they were jfk and la guardia.
i don't remember which we flew into and out of). i immediately fall in love
with the city. it's just so ... unashamedly dirty! paula and i watched out of
the window for some sign of new york greatness: crime, drug dealing, homeless
people -- anything. not a sign. that was rather disappointing. further adding
to the disappointment: the airport store didn't have an i (heart) new york
t-shirt. stupid airport. you d0rks could've made me 15-30 dollars poorer in a
second. oh well. your loss. finally we board our flight to rome. a long flight.
a shitty, cramped flight. at least it was no smoking. i didn't sleep at all.
<sigh> they showed some movie called 'cutthroat island' but i didn't watch it.
i read my stephen king 'the green mile part 3' book and listened to my sublime
cd. eventually we land in rome and we are so tired we are laughing after every
stupid half-assed comment we make. then we board our flight to athens. another
hour or two later, we finally have arrived. no rest for the wicked, however.
quick tours and all that shit. once we got going, i discovered i was no longer
tired. i think that was friday. time sort of got ... lost during this trip.
january 19th, 1996 -- 2:20am 1-20-96
------------------------------------
i'm in st. louis. oh yeah. good car ride. on the homefront, allison's sister
julia told me she had a dream with me in it. apparently i came over to their
house and then invited people over. maybe i'm reaching the wrong person
somehow. the worship service at the con rocked hardcore. in my wildest dreams i
never saw myself dancing on pews in the sanctuary. and this game -- wink -- muy
rad. this is great. maybe i should be a tad more sociable, but oh well. also, i
think i've been up for about 21 hours now. i wonder how much longer before i
decide to go to sleep. naah, not worth it.
weekly rewind
-------------
my apologies; this should've been article 02 in flc #2. somehow it was omitted.
Date: 8:23 am Tue Jun 4, 1996 Number : 65 of 100
From: John Heisel Base : Psychobabble - NeoNet
To : All Refer #: None
Subj: the bomb Replies: None
Stat: Sent Origin : 03 Jun 96 13:24:03
this week was like fucking long, but it r0x0red my s0x0rs.
sunday -- youth sunday at church. corey's party (blarg). mya's party (elite! g
to spend time with my most favoritest girl)
monday -- it rained, so i didn't have to march in the parade! but i still had
do something that day..i don't remember what.
tuesday -- my analyt teacher isn't there for the final! open book! (but i
probably still failed) spanish final -- sucked, but oh well. history final --
where did he pull this shit out of? oh well.
wednesday -- analyt teacher *still* isn't back, hallelujah! gym final -- ran m
two miles, changed clothes and hung out in the computer room for the next 90
minutes. chem final -- where the hell was all this shit?!?!
thursday -- graduation! i saw all my class of 96 buddies walk across the stage
ya-hoo. mike's party was that night, and i got to talk to the russian exchange
student who i will hopefully be seeing a lot more of next year.
friday -- the pit. and i'm getting free admission there the whole summer.
ya-hoo. aforementioned favoritest girl tells me i need to come work with her a
ethnic heritage museum on sunday. i say ok.
saturday -- aforementioned favoritest girl and i are supposed to work together
at the arboretum, but she can't make it. <sigh> i call her house and find out
she's sick. the sux0rs.
sunday -- get to hang out with aforementioned favoritest girl and i, too my
surprise, actually gave her the story i wrote about her (posted in neo-lit).
wowee.
oh yeah. me and girl talked at random spots during the week. on the phone and
everything!
... No! No! Nurse!!! I said "prick his boil"!
---
þ Blue Wave/QWK v2.20 þ
--- Renegade v5-11 Exp
* Origin: Beware of The Dark Side... (8i5) 544.2228 (54:815/4)
(Psychobabble - NeoNet) 65 of 100 Reading:
january 20th, 1996 -- 12:55am 1-21-96
-------------------------------------
i really feel welcome. i really like this. i went to some neat workshops, met
some neat people, and played some neat games. as of now, i haven't been foofed.
on a down note, Pip was apparently tripping and ended up in the hospital. lots
of people were crying -- i couldn't. everyone seems worried about the future of
the youth group. we went to a grocery store. everyone in it was black -- except
for an old white guy and us. for some reason, that was really neat. then we
went to burger king. the drive-thru lady couldn't hear us, so i got out and
shouted in the speaker. still no results. someone is playing tori amos songs on
the piano -- it is beautiful. after we worshipped -- which was amazing -- we
did Joys and Concerns. That we all trust and love and believe in one another so
much to share stories ranging from abuse to arrests to newfound sobriety was
just for lack of a better word, amazing. people often uttered 'i love you'
after a concern and they were genuine. it was like 'even though i don't know
you and may never see you again, at this moment -- and forever -- you will have
my love." for the first time in a long while i am in love with life. i wish
this could last forever.
athens
------
after our little tour of athens, we got to take showers. that was elite,
especially since i got mine in *before* the power blew out at the hotel. in the
days we were in athens, we had the opportunity to walk around a little area of
town called the plaka; basically a tourist shopping district where each shop
had the same goods that each proprieter claimed he/she made by hand. there were
some dirty postcards, and *tons* of dirty magazines. a 14 year old named ethan
bought a porno calendar just to see if they'd sell it to him. apparently he
didn't believe that foreign countries are much more lax on youth than america.
as for sights, we got to see the ancient greek ruins. they were neat, but only
because they'd been there for such a damned long time. honestly, that's the
only thing i thought was neat about them.
january 21st, 1996 -- 9:47pm
----------------------------
the con is over. i am not tired. on the way down, i rode in corey's car -- me,
nate, and julie gausebeck crammed into the back. for whatever reason, kyla,
russ, and lars rode in corey's car the way back. this really upset paula. they
wouldn't let her ride with them and she took this as meaning they didn't want
her -- they didn't care. how do i know? she told me between sobs. i saw her
looking upset and hugged her. she started crying and told me. i have felt like
this a million times -- and it sucks. she knows that, but seemed to forget.
what i mean is -- she wanted my pity - and got it - but at the same time she
wanted to do the same to me -- forget me (hell, i was already forgotten. she
complained that the only people she knew were riding in corey's car. i pointed
out that i would be in the van with her but, for whatever reason, she ignored
it.) after crying on me, i think lars saw what was going on and came over. she
left me for him. he's causing her problems, but she chooses him over me. oh
well, i am beyond being used to it. i need to get out of my movie group. if i
have to work with lars, mike, and jill, i will go crazy and die -- i am sure of
it. that's not all but i don't know what else there is.
rome
----
the next major city we hit was rome. i am not a very religious person, but i
would have to say that the highlight of my entire european trip was st. peter
in chains church and st. peter's basilica in the vatican. these are two
churches that are just so elaborately decorated with sculptures, paintings,
'tile art' and the like they are breathtakingly beautiful. when colleen, paula,
and i were wandering back to our hotel from the vatican, we were walking down a
backalley when i heard the unmistakable sound of punk rock coming from a
spraypainted garage. we walked inside and looked around. it appeared to be a
hang out. we left and turned the corner. within five minutes we were back
inside. we wanted to find a record store, or rather i did. so, we asked
directions. they were given to us, but we never found the record store. oh
well. more money not spent.
january 22nd, 1996 -- 10:14pm
-----------------------------
i played a band challenge against mike andrews today. i am quite certain i
lost. i am extremely pissed about it. not because i'll move down to third
chair, but because i get along well with allison. now i'll sit between bethany
and mike. i get along with neither. also, mike is a misogynist. and that's bad
for allison. i'm tired, but not tired in a sleepy sense. the rockford board of
education will not allow early graduations. mom and dad come home tonight --
back to reality. i told at least two more people today of my desire to drop
out. to one i said, 'i don't know how, but i will not be here for the 1997-1998
school year.' at this time, i hope that holds true.
something odd i wrote after talking to paula one day
----------------------------------------------------
do you ever interpret things as being more than they are? i think that is a
problem of mine. it is rather peaceful now. my phone has not rang once all day
and i have only used it to call out twice. but i still carry it religiously by
my side, just in case someone should call. it seems useless at times. one person
wasn't home and the other, well we talked for a little while, but then decided
that they needed to go. i connected this to what had just happened to a
possession of this persons. and then i thought. and that is where i get myself
into trouble. i think wild, crazy thoughts. like when no one is around, no one
is home, i see no one, hear no one, believe i am the only one left. i think that
maybe something i said caused the swift dismissal. but i know, or think i know,
or hope i know, that it was just what it was - something broke, needed to be
fixed. they're all leaving me alone for awhile tonight, will i be alone though?
will someone, anyone, think enough of me to pleasure me with a phone call
tonight? in all likelihood, no. i don't know the reason for this, nor if i did
could i hope to understand it. there are people at school who seem to like
talking to me. seem to have something more they want to talk about. but they've
never called me. i can try and say no one calls because my phone number was
changed two months ago. but that was long enough ago that they should all know.
so why am i so dependant on others. it doesn't make sense how sometimes i can be
fulfilled with just sitting around, reading, listening to cds, or whatever, and
other times i need a friendly voice on the other end of the phone. i was talking
to someone and told them that i was happily engaging in nighttime conversations
with a certain someone else. they asked if we talked about interesting things. i
told them that everything was interesting when you talked about it with the
person you wanred to talk to. i don't know what to expect. from anyone. i find
it best to not expect anything from anyone, that way i won't be let down when
they don't fulfill my expectations. and rarely i will meet someone who i feel i
can truly be myself with. but i still don't know. i don't even know what
possessed me to come downstairs to my computer sunday night to write this. can i
do a little time travelling? some people dislike having memories brought upon
them. not me. memories are, in most cases, all i have. here i am, i think i've
found a person. a person to talk to. a person i can be myself with. a person who
i want to know. so what is the next step. i make myself sick sometimes. not as
sick as other people make me, but sick just the same. i feel pathetic sometimes.
why am i typing this rather than saying it or even handwriting it. because i'm
lame. i look at people and wonder about them. whether they know what they're
doing, or if they know why they're doing it. i look at people and try to see
through the exterior. i don't notice what most people look like anymore, i don't
see it. i try to look through the exterior. i want to know the person for who
they are, not who they appear to be. so many times i have wanted to, have needed
to cry but the tears just will not come. where are they. i am incredibly
grateful to the people who are willing to accept me as who i am, not who they
want me to be, who they need me to be, or any of the rest. on friday night, i
had a good time. i don't know what i expected, or if what i expected happened,
but i had a good time. right place, right time, maybe. friday night was
completely unexpected. unpredictable. and yes, initially, i think i was somewhat
hurt at the end, but it was what happened and what happened was right. i can't
dwell on any one thing, because it has already happened and i can't change the
past. i can change the future, but only if i try. maybe that's what i'm trying
to do. people are mad at emily. but has anyone thought to find out why. why she
has committed horrible atrocities against those people who she called friends.
probably not. people don't seem to be interested in the reasoning, the seem to
only be interested in the result. i've made up my mind. i will ramble eternally.
i have more to say. i have to say it. writing is all fine and dandy, but i need
to learn to speak. now is the time.
january 23rd, 1996 -- 10:21pm
-----------------------------
i forgot to mention this yesterday: i have needed to cry for quite some time,
now. i was reading Calvin + Hobbes comics and the tears finally came. odd that
they should cry over a comic strip. on to today. i helped allison with her chem
homework. i hope i did it right and she gets it. tomorrow i talk to my lawyer
for the first time since my arrest. i have decided to plead guilty for these
reasons: to some extent, i did everything i am accused of; i don't have the
time for a trial; i don't have the money for a trial. ha. i just wrote
'pavement ist rad' on my underwear. i wonder if mom will notice.
neko's public service announcement
----------------------------------
i was about to start this rant off with a blurb about conformity and the
like but then after writing about three lines, i realized that i wasn't saying
anything new and if you hadn't taken the dangers of conformity to heart by now,
you never would. so, instead, i will take you on a personal journey, an odyssey
if you will.
let me give you a quick background on some stupid information. i am in the
gifted program at school. it shares a building with the creative/performing
arts program, so most of my friends are in one of these two programs. over the
last school year, i have really become close to most of my friends. i have done
this through something not at all unlike the computer/modem/messaging world. we
passed a little notebook around in which we could anonymously (well, with
handles, the same anonymity given to we the computer geeks) converse with each
other. the topics when from sex to music back to sex again. the net result of
this was me getting completely different views on a lot of different people who
i had known for years. this group of people decided that we should all still
meet and see each other over the summer. so, like the computer geeks, we had a
con. the first one was apparently a success, because there were 5 or 6 more
throughout the summer, each held at an area park.
my friends are probably some of the most boring people i know, in many
cases. they really aren't often 'fun' to be around. they are always depressed
about one thing or another. many of them are always talking about nine inch
nails (something i despise and have made it known) and how their parents are
restricting them too much. all of the bullshit makes me sick. and if they
aren't doing that, they're off smoking weed or thinking how cool it would be
if they were smoking weed. many of my friends smoke cigarretes. many of them
say how they're trying to quit and then proceed to smoke three cigarretes in
the time i spend with them. how can the people i call friends make me so upset?
probably because i do not indulge in the 'sex and drugs' atmosphere that they
do. and you know what, i think i have a better time than they do.
outside of never having smoked a cigarrete, pot, drank a beer, had sex,
something that seperates me from my friends is that i know how to say 'no'. now
i know you thought this was complete bullshit when you were in the second grade
and your teachers told you to say no to drugs, but i am serious. the most
important word in the english language is no. when someone offers you pot, you
don't have to say 'yEaH d00D! h0oK mE uP'. the choice is always open to say no.
if it's your friend who is doing the offering, you shouldn't be ashamed to say
no, they should accept you.
why am i saying this? i am saying this because i don't exactly enjoy the
company of my friends anymore. not only can we not agree on the music to listen
to, but too many of them have stopped thinking about what they're doing. too
many of them want to smoke weed just because other people are doing it. too
many of them are turning into the conformists they claim to dislike so much.
and now the cheesy finale.
look: you are you. it doesn't matter what you do in life, because you are
still you. the only person whose opinion on the way you are truly matters is
your own. if you want to smoke weed, or do something else that i have called
stupid, be my guest, i cannot stop you. but please, think about what you're
doing and make sure that it is what you want to be doing. make sure that
whatever you do is what you want yourself to do and not what someone else wants
you to do. make sure you're doing it because you want to and not because
someone else wants you to.
please. i have seen too many people's lives get fucked up. and to think,
it's all because they were afraid to say no.
(note: i wrote this on august 23rd, 1995, but it's just as relevant now...)
january 24th, 1996 -- 9:56pm
----------------------------
Decided pleading not guilty was the way to go for now. i tried out for jazz
band today -- i doubt i made it. that's ok, because i don't think i'll be at
Auburn long enough to enjoy it, if i did get in. got a 3 out of 8 on an analyt
quiz. and i thought i understood, too! FUCK! we are reading the Crucible in
english now and i am loving it. the hour goes by hella fast. i need to talk to
my teachers -- tell them what i like and don't like. mom still doesn't like the
idea of me dropping out -- but she will allow be to be an exchange student. i
need to do it -- for my sanity. oh. my phone rang once today. wrong number. big
surprise.
"I Wonder" by Blind Melon
hey i'd like to daze away to a
place no one has known
in a state of mind i could call
mine, that only i could own
where i could hum a tune anytime
i choose, and there's no such
thing as time.
where i can feel no pain just
calm and sane, what a place
for one to find.
now ya see i'm watching everything i do
and they're watching everything i say
why won't they leave me be?
why am I even here? I wonder
you leave me wondering
won't you stop watching me
i said they're watching me, watching me, watching me
now in my corner i got the ceiling in my eyes
arms holding up my knees, and rocking
back and forth my life
i didn't mean to feel this way when
i walked into the door, lord.
then they ripped away my memories
and i can't remember who i was before
i only wanted to be 16 and free.
paris
-----
we took an overnight train from rome to paris. our hotel was kinda weird. emily
discovered that the ceiling was a rubbery plastic and so we jumped on the beds
and hit the plastic. doesn't sound exciting now, but for some reason, it was
then. after touring the city on -- what else -- a bus, we toured it again -- on
the river! now, this was actually cool, because i was sitting in a section in
the back of the boat where you couldn't actually hear the annoucer telling us
what we were looking at, so we just talked. we saw some winos on one side of
the river, and waved to them. one of the winos stood up and flashed a peace
sign with one hand while holding up his bottle with his other hand. wish i had
a picture of that. then, a group of young men on the side of the river got the
idea that it would be cool to drop their pants for the enjoyment of the
boatriders. they showed us both sides. i bought a tape in paris called 'the
psychedelic experience'. i thought it was a load of crap. maybe it would help
if i was into drugs. <shrug> we went to the louvre. i saw the venus de milo and
the mona lisa. and i could swear i took pictures. i must've lost a roll of film
somewhere; i didn't have any parisian pictures come back. damnit. i hope it's
in my backpack somewhere. anyhow, venus and mona are, in my opinion, nothing
spectacular. later, a small group and i went to pere la chaise cemetary to see
jim morisson's grave. we were rather disappointed, because the grafitti had
been removed, so there wasn't much to look at.
january 25th, 1996 -- 10:06pm
-----------------------------
i got this OLD record player today and a whole bunch of church records. i
called tim to come over, check them out, and then go to Toad Hall. When he got
here, my parents united and said "No." What the FUCK? Tim has been driving for
a YEAR. This shit pisses me off. nowhere is still somewhere. it's hard to
believe st. louis was almost a week ago. allison told me she thought she was
going to cry because she didn't make it into jazz band. she didn't sound on the
verge of tears, but she sounded upset. i hope she goes to the game tomorrow
night. i really don't feel comfortable talking to anyone else. i just realized
how incredibly disjointed this is. maybe sometime i'll make an effort to
explain myself. mom is pushing the girlfriend idea on me. i don't know why.
apparently if we aren't a nuclear family, we're nothing. nobody sees the scam
but me. scott seems to have gotten the idea that we aren't a family unless we
eat together. WRONG! a family accepts one another. a family is a group composed
of independent individuals who function better when together. a family is
supportive. a family reaches out at all costs. this is not my family. any
effort to build or become part of one backfires.
london
------
took the chunnel into london where the finally speak english! hooray. i brought
maximumrocknroll's book your own fuckin life with me on this trip, and was
excited to learn that the only record store listed in london was a block away
from our hotel. i spent about 20 pounds ($30) there. also in the building the
record store was in were many other 'underground'-type stores. pretty neat. we
went to bath; which is an ancient roman bath / spa dealy. the most interesting
part was that after 2000 years everything was still working perfectly. we went
to stonehenge. interesting story about stonehenge is that it was a fairly nice
(for england, anyway) day while we were on the bus. five minutes after we got
off, it started pouring down rain. the rain finally let up when we got back on
the bus. a sign? oddly enough, none of my stonehenge pictures show any sign of
foul weather. the night before the main tour group left to come home (my mother
and i stayed on an extra week to visit our relatives), it was decided we would
have a 'party' and stay up all night. my friend ben and i went out to pizza hut
at like 11 at night and triumphantly carried two pizzas back to the hotel. this
was the first time i'd eaten 'american' food on the trip. we stayed up for
quite some time. we saw a television show called 'god's gift' where 5 gay men
engage in various inane competitions in order to get the gay audience to like
them best. in the end, the cross dressing one won. after the main tour group
left, i saw the crown jewels and the like. boooring. i saw madame tussaud's wax
museum and i must say that it is a must see. i got my picture taken with mr. t,
crocodile dundee and bob geldof (of the boomtown rats) among other people. also
while i was in london i saw two musicals. sunset boulevard and les miserables.
sunset was kinda dumb and relied more on the scenery than the plot. les mis was
the exact opposite. if you have an opportunity to see les mis -- don't pass it
up! and here's a little bit of ticket buying advice: just go to the theater box
office the day of the performance and buy the last minute seats. for 8.50
pounds (about $13) per ticket we saw les mis.
january 26th, 1996 -- 10:38pm
-----------------------------
i should stop writing end-of-the-day summaries. i forget too much of what
happens during the day. so what DID happen today? nada. they canceled the
basketball game. so i called allison and we talked for a half hour or 45
minutes. she left me with a promise that she'd call me this weekend. to sound
extremely cynical, i've heard THAT before.
saffron-walden
--------------
saffron-walden is the small english community that my aunt and cousins reside
in. i didn't like it very much. not because there wasn't anything to do, but
because of my male cousin's (my age) choice of activities. his activities and
ambition in life were basically limited to: looking for 'birds' (known as
chicks in the states. under normal circumstances i would have no problem with
this, but seeing as how there is someone at home i would like to forge a
relationship with...why bother with a foreign girl?), drinking (the drinking
age is 17, but no one really cares), smoking (the smoking age is 16, so it was
legal for him to do this. must've gone through a pack a day... of course some
of that can be attributed to his next pastime), smoking 'drawer' (or something
like that. weed. pot. ganja. cannabis. fucking moron.). so, being straight-edge
and all, you can see how much fun we had together. oh well. i saw seven while i
was in saffron-walden, so not *everything* was bad.
january 27th, 1996 -- 11:06pm
-----------------------------
Allison didn't call today. Or if she did, she opted not to leave a message. On
some level, i want to brush it off with an oh fucking well, but i can't.
allison means something to me. when i figure out what, i'll know how to
proceed. the thought just crossed my mind -- how can i MAKE her like me. i
can't. either she does or she doesn't. i need to know for some reason. "worked"
on the Huck Finn project. Shya, right. More like put it off til next Sunday.
i've just been informed that it is "time for me to go to bed" at 11:13. gimme a
fucking break. oh well.
dummercon
---------
this is the special dummercon issue. seeing as how i can't be at dummercon, due
to restrictive parents, i figured i'd release this issue at about that time to
get my entry in the zine writing contest (i'm sure that wasn't a real contest,
but oh well). oh yeah, not really. i just felt like writing. not sleeping.
hell, i've only been up for like 24 hours or so now. jet fucking lag! you know
how to contact me. and, if not, emailing neko@firecraker.com tends to work
best. (and yes, that *is* spelled right. quit sending mail to firecracker.com,
d0rk.)
(endfile: 2.22.37am 7.12.96)
