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Flippersmack Issue 20
O=
/) FLIPPERSMACK 020
`= culturemag for a penguin generation
http://www.flippersmack.com/
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Our Short Story winner is SlapAyoda! Yay! His story will be in the next
issue of Flippersmack. Thank you to everyone who entered =)
If you're in Southern California, come check out the Company of Friends
Roadshow on Oct. 24 in Long Beach. Pinguino is the featured artist,
supported by pieces by Todd Pluciennik, Erika Knoblock, and Bennie Ferrel.
We're also organizing a fashion show, featuring new clothing lines from
JNCO and Afroman! Don't miss out - keep an eye on the Flippersmack website
for more info!
Flippersmack is always looking for new stories. Send articles, poetry, and
random scribblings to pinguino@comicartist.com! We need scary stories for
our upcoming Halloween issue.
pinguino
[pinguino@comicartist.com]
tABLE oF cONTENTS
Karate Movies That Are OK to FF Through ........... Stone Dragon
Disneyland Revisited .................... SlapAyoda and pinguino
[poem] Tatters ......................................... Melinda
[review] Enterprise - Season Premiere ............. Joy Knoblock
Hit Escape ........................................... SlapAyoda
Kilna Interview ....................................... pinguino
Beginner's Guide to TSP and GETS .......................... weev
[poem] Singular ........................................ Melinda
.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x
Martial Arts Movies That Are Okay to Fast Forward Through
by Stone Dragon (r_lull@hotmail.com)
Growing up with martial arts, you tend to acquire an affinity for karate
flicks. And as most of you probably know, there's more than a handful of
movies that end up being unbelievable stinkfests. Horrid acting,
atrocious dubbing, and boring plot devices are everywhere in these films.
Usually, the only saving grace is the fight scenes, which is why we go to
see these movies in the first place. I don't care if the brave young hero
has a love interest in the local princess of an evil empire, as long as
they both kick a lot of ass. However, if a fighting movie doesn't have a
great plot, or a big budget, it usually goes unnoticed by the media and
the public. That's why I've decided to make a list of some of the karate
movies out there that are short on substance, but high on bone breaking.
None of these movies will ever win an Oscar, but they all have a special
place in my heart.
::Ring of Steel::
This movie has very little going for it by way of plot. A champion fencer
who has lost his will to compete due to a fatal accident is recruited to
fight in an underground tournament by a mysterious benefactor. The fencer
enters the contest, meets some new friends, and eventually destroys the
entire system, because after all, it is illegal. Fast forward through all
of the BS, and get to the cool swordsmanship in the tournament. There's a
fair bit of comedy in this one as well. Don't miss the fat Dungeons and
Dragons nerd who tries to enter the contest!
::Kickboxer II::
A sequel to a movie that should be on this list as well, Kickboxer II is a
cheap rip-off of a classic (if such a thing exists) Jean-Claude Van Damme
film. They even found another Belgian martial artist who looks a lot like
Van Damme, and likes to show how far he can stretch his legs. Alec (Van
Damme Cloneguy) stole a sacred sword from a wealthy Asian man (Pat Morita,
of Karate Kid fame), and is sent to a hellish prison where he meets his new
master. You'll be pretty safe if you decide to fast forward through all
of the setup crap, and just move on to the tournament that makes up about
half of this movie. The fighting is amazing. It incorporates dozens of
different styles of martial arts pitted against each other. Whether any
of these styles are bogus or not, I can't say, but they sure look damn
cool. They even have Monkey Style as the obligatory animal karate.
::No Retreat, No Surrender::
Welcome to the not-so-glorious 80's, ladies and gentlemen! Here you will
see some of the most horrendous acting in all of cinema. It's funny just
how bad it is. All of the actors should have their SAG memberships
stripped from them, and then be beaten to death with bamboo sticks. Even
so, there are some surprisingly cool action scenes in this crapfest, as
most of the actors are real martial artists. Jean-Claude himself makes an
appearance as Ivan, the terrible Russian (this was during the Cold War,
you know), who is bent on taking over the peaceful city, and over-running
it with bad Mafia types. However, aside from the fight scenes, DO NOT
WATCH ANY DIALOGUE OR PLOT OF ANY TYPE IN THIS MOVIE, AS YOU WILL BE
RENDERED INSANE FROM THE EXPOSURE.
::Wrath of the Samurai::
Or something. Since it's doubtful you'll ever see this film, the name
really isn't too important. See Ring of Steel, above, and add about 300%
more gore. Good stuff.
::Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon::
Okay, face it. Everyone who fast forwards through all of the romance crap
and goes right to the bad-ass fighting, raise your hand. Get 'em up
there, you liars! [Editor's note: Ouch! That's a good way to get Chow
Yun-Fat interested in filming his next action scene opposite yourself.]
If anyone knows of any more crappy fighting movies that have a little
merit, send me an email! I can never get enough cheesey beat-em ups.
-.x.x.x.-
Disneyland Revisited
by Pinguino and SlapAyoda
Since our last visit to Disneyland, some major changes took place.
Here's our review of the latest additions to the Magic Kingdom:
::Haunted Mansion: "Nightmare Before Christmas" Holiday Version::
Jack Skellington brings the magic of Christmas and the mystery of
Halloween to Disneyland's classic attraction, the Haunted Mansion. This
ride hasn't been significantly changed since it opened in 1969. From now
through December, visitors can experience a clash between Halloween and
Christmas. From the moment you approach the foreboding mansion, there is
something obviously awry. With hundreds of mock pumpkins strewn about and
a monstrous Christmas list draped over the building, the magic of Tim
Burton's masterwork of animated cinema is in the air. Walking up the
familiar path to this now-unfamiliar attraction, one can only imagine what
magical surprises await behind each turn.
Throughout the entire ride, our jaws were on the floor (of the DoomBuggy,
that is). Every aspect of this ride was changed, and every detail was
immersive and perfectly executed. It was so jam-packed with critters and
trinkets from Jack's bag of tricks that you really felt as if you were
experiencing the movie. An absolute must-see attraction and worth the
price of admission alone. Go get your fast-pass for this amazing
experience now!
Pinguino is very excited about the fact that she was the first person in
the whole world to discover a Hidden Mickey on this attraction! If you
don't know about Hidden Mickeys, check out http://www.hiddenmickeys.org/ -
they're Mickey shaped secrets hidden in the design of attractions. To find
Pinguino's Hidden Mickey, wait until the very end of the ride. When you
pass through the final doorway towards the Hitch-hiking ghosts, look for
three spiraling circles at the bottom of the window display: they form one
of the elusive Hidden Mickeys!
::Who Wants to be a Millionaire: Play It!::
Everyone wants to be a millionaire. Most of you will never star on the
game show, but at Disneyland California Adventure, everyone can
participate!
Each audience member is linked to a central computer, where the speed and
correctness of their answer is rated. The person with the highest score
gets to sit in the hotseat, in the center of the stage, to be quizzed by
the show's official Regis-wannabe-guy. They play similar to how the TV
show operates, with some minor changes. For instance, a familiar
Life-line" option has changed. Instead of a phone call to a friend, they
call a complete stranger, who may or may not know the answer. The person
in the hotseat can win actual prizes, like Disney pins or jackets, or a
trip for two to NY to see Regis live.
The best part of this attraction is the interactivity. It's actually very
fun to play along, as a giant scoreboard informs you which audience
members are in the running for the hot seat. Our host was pretty funny,
and much better than the real Regis. Overall, it was a great execution of
what we expected to be a not-so-great addition to Disney's newest park.
::The Walt Disney Story, featuring "Great Moments with Mr. Lincoln"::
Honest Abe has always been ignored by passing guests, as they beeline to
more popular rides. However, this historic monument was one of the first
Disney attractions, as well as Walt Disney's favorite. "Great Moments with
Mr. Lincoln" was first shown at the 1964-1965 World's Fair in New York
before being moved to Disneyland. A few months ago, Disney Imagineering
made major changes to the attraction, adding 3D audio elements, and an
even more realistic and younger Abe Lincoln.
The Gettysburg Address takes on an entirely new meaning when your eyes and
ears believe it's coming from Mr. Lincoln, fifteen feet in front of you.
It instills a rare sense of patriotism, and understanding of our past. The
new elements added here, in a similar fashion to the revised Haunted
Mansion, transform this classic into a completely new (and modern)
experience.
-.x.x.x.-
Tatters
by Melinda Ambill (scgal1@excite.com)
I left my dreams in a letter to myself
And then I lost the letter.
It was stolen away by armies of doubt.
Sent my commanders of hope to find it
And they came back with only tatters.
So I taped the tatters together
And filed them under Dreams, Forgotten.
Right next to my file of stories unfinished
And plans undeveloped.
As good a place as any,
Because the armies of doubt are afraid of filing cabinets.
-.x.x.x.-
[review] Enterprise - Season Premiere
by Joy Knoblock (joyknoblock@hotmail.com)
I am a die-hard Star Trek fan: a Trekkie or Trekker, if you prefer. I
usually just refer to myself as a Star Trek nerd. So, since Voyager
returned, I have eagerly awaited the next chapter in the Star Trek
universe. This time Rick Berman decided to take us back the very beginning
of Star Fleet, before Captain Kirk, before Captain Pike, even before
Captain April. This is the story of Captain Archer, the first starship
captain in Star Fleet, commanding the first multi-ethnic crew of misfits
that will prove to be the best group of officers in the fleet. True to
tradition Captain Archer broke the rules and disobeyed orders in the first
episode. They have brilliant linguist and a idiosyncratic engineer with an
accent. They even have a Vulcan science officer.
What's missing is the time honored Star Trek opening. No one says, "Our
mission is to seek out new civilizations, and to go where no man has
gone before." Enterprise has a generic, up-beat theme song, with words and
a bass line. It opens just like any other television show on the air these
days. The lack of the recognized Star Trek opening is actually less
offensive than the lack of acknowledgment of the Star Trek shows that have
come before. This show isn't called "Star Trek: Enterprise", just
"Enterprise". Rick Berman is trying to appeal to a greater audience than
just us Trekkie nerds, but what he fails to realize is that we are a force
to be dealt with. NBC bowed before us.
The first episode did follow the formula of a two-hour event that will be
split into two parts for reruns, allowing Trekkies to argue about whether
there were 39 or 40 episodes. The history in Enterprise is correct,
including the original series, TNG, and the movies, especially First
Contact. And the Klingon, his ship, his language and Kronos were all
correct. The writers are balancing the show between what our Navy is now
and what Star Fleet will become. The episode was well written and in the
end that's what keeps Star Trek alive.
I will continue to watch Enterprise, because even if they don't say so I
know that it's Star Trek. And Star Trek is always Star Trek.
-.x.x.x.-
Hit Escape
by SlapAyoda (SlapAyoda@yahoo.com)
Hit escape. Fade from the colors of forced enjoyment to the miserable
blank prompt of life. Keyboard stopped responding for a moment. I'm stuck
here, anyhow.
It's sad and not very fitting at all that the leaders of our nation fail
to respect the basic tenets of freedom that their own heroes championed
for so long ago. Today I woke up, shaking and cold, on what is seemingly
the first day of Autumn. Here in the hills, the wind rushes across the
windows, making a depressingly repetitive cycle of pointless noise. 2706
miles away from here, evil acts are being carried out by normal men and
women, collectively dressed in the uniform of the uninformed: a belief
that there is such thing as a need to attempt to control the living and
breathing entity of Freedom. The wind slows down but its audible moan
continues to haunt the weary-eyed.
I've been recently visited by dreams of pure freedom, symbolized by
flowing, rolling oceans of pale, milky white water, desecrated and
destroyed by the emitted shadow of a rising black sun. As the quivering
mass of flowing black heat ascends, the melancholy peace and freedom of
the world drains away, until the entire scene is dominated by a black sky
over a desert of black ash. The flowing tide of freedom is gone, and only
static black hopelessness can be seen.
The door just swung open. I think it needs a new hinge. The wind has
pushed it closed again. I'll get up now and lock it. There. The idea of a
government that refused to respect the freedoms of its citizens used to
be a distanced and foreign idea to me. Nowadays, it seems to reflect our
current nation in the most depressing way.
The door swings open again, this time with greater force than ever before.
-.x.x.x.-
Interview with KILNA: Cyber Pop Star
by pinguino (pinguino@comicartist.com)
pinguino: Today we're interviewing Kilna, a fresh cyber popstar we found
in San Diego. Kilna, tell us the the definition of "cyber popstar" and why
you choose that image to portray.
KILNA: Well, firstly I'm a geek, I can't help that, and secondly
I'm a musician. Its just kind of a natural progression of those
two aspects. I love sci-fi and I think that a lot of the time when sci-fi
is represented in the music world it's too much "N'Sync" and not enough
"Nine Inch Nails."
pinguino: Describe your style as a musician to someone who has
never heard your songs or mixes.
KILNA: Madonna and Trent Reznor's bastard child. I'm trying to find that
fine line between easy to listen to and still edgy. It's a hard place to
find sometimes.
pinguino: It's often hard to create something new that people haven't
heard before, or to put a good twist on a song that people
already love. How do you approach new projects?
KILNA: Well, when I'm remixing something that already exists, especially
when it's something that I already like, it's a challenge. I try to
take my favorite elements of the existing work and bring them to the
foreground. In my "Terrible Secret of Space" mixes, the "go stand by
the stairs" and "do you have stairs in your house" groove sections really
stand out.
pinguino: Do -you- have stairs in your house?
KILNA: Currently, no. The house I was in when that song came out originally
did, however, have stairs. I was protected.
pinguino: What drives you to create music?
As far as my original work goes, I'm finding that the type of music
I end up creating is new just by virtue of what I like in my music
being a bit abnormal. I don't mind robots and dark orchestral
sections hanging out with pop-ish techno sounds. I am noticing that
lyrically I'm ending up more Trent than Madonna, which is alright;
it's just not quite what I was originally expecting. I'm such a happy
person and these dark lyrics just keep on seeping out of my brain.
One interesting thing I didn't know about musicians that I
discovered during all of this: you're not supposed to feel bad or
narcissistic about listening to your own music.
pinguino: Do you get sick of songs you made early-on, like the
space-robot mixes?
KILNA: Amazing enough, I have NEVER gotten tired of "Terrible." And I
worked on that one on-and-off for months. It always felt a bit awkward
listening to a song after I called it done, but you have to be the
biggest fan of your own music.
pinguino: What else are you a big fan of?
KILNA: Information Society, Depeche Mode, New Order, Erasure, Pet
Shop Boys, Cause and Effect, Echoing Green, (forgiving) Iris.
Pretty much if its synth-pop I'll probably dig it. I am a HUGE Farscape
fan. That show rocks the casbah. And "Enterprise" is growing on me. I
think the world would be a much happier place with naked Vulcans. Most
geeky things have me. I am a technology FREAK. I wear an e-holster, which
is quite possibly the most geeky item ever invented. I now lust for the
new Samsung color palm-pilot phone all-in-one unit.
pinguino: What neato tech-toys do you wish were invented and in wide use?
KILNA: Here's my ideal gadget: convergence heaven, built in everything:
phone, hi-speed wireless Internet, mp3 players (from onboard storage or
streamed from the net) headphones, heads-up display on glasses, and an
arm-mounted half-keyboard type device.
pinguino: You might not have a robotic dog, but you'd be the first to get
a wearable computer. =)
KILNA: I would look like a Borg, but I would be in heaven. Yeah, my best
friend Das has an Aibo. He spent $2k on it, and now it's sitting in his
closet. *sigh*
pinguino: Poor doggie.
KILNA: And of course I'd be up for implanted technology, but I sure as
heck ain't gonna beta test.
Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt. Uh, oh... gotta reboot.
Dang cyberchip :)
pinguino: How have people been finding out about Kilna?
KILNA: Well, my own big mouth right now. I am a frequent poster to
http://slashdot.org/ under the alias 575. I'm planning on a lot of cross-
promotion though through the many existing channels for new artists to post
their music to the web. http://www.MP3.com/ is one of the many sites for
people to get their stuff out there. I'm going to remix other artists' music,
and have my music open for others to do remixes, which should drive folks who
may not have known about me. One thing about my being a CYBORG POP-STAR is
the fact that unlike most people in the music industry, I'm actually an
active user/maker of technology. All of the features of my web site were
programmed by yours truly.
pinguino: Time for greets/shoutouts!
KILNA: Props to all my crew, 'SUP!!! A big thank you to the people who
have listened, and an even bigger one to the folks daring enough to call
themselves a fan. This is the beginning of something big, and it's going to
be a blast.
Two songs are coming out this month, original songs with vocals, in
addition to the 5 already up. For more KILNA songs and info, please visit
http://www.kilna.com/
-.x.x.x.-
A Beginner's Guide to TSP and GETS
by weev (weev@kythri.net)
In response to a 1981 report on the vulnerabilities of national
communications networks, Ronald Reagan signed Executive Order (E.O.)
12472, which granted the National Communications System (NCS) increased
control over all public commercially-offered communications networks in
this country. In response, NCS began to plan a system that would ensure
government agencies and employees the ability to complete a call to any
working point on the network at any time. The Telecommunications Service
Priority (TSP) was born.
All calls using the TSP will eventually end up routing through a diverter
of some sort located in the 710 area code. This area code receives
virtually no billing costs, as telecommunications companies grant free
usage of their networks to high-priority government calls. There is a
threshold to their generosity, as they only allow the NCS a static amount
of network usage per year before NCS has to pay for it. However, NCS has
never crossed this threshold.
The GETS uses prioritized trunk queues and in a handful of places,
(including Washington DC, New York, Los Angeles, NORAD, Arlington, etc),
several completely separate trunks that have been reserved solely for GETS
use. Yes, I know the prospect of having a priority trunk on every call is
very appealing. Keep drooling, because the NCS is trying to extend it's
priority status to Internet traffic as well, so soon maybe all the routers
of major backbones will recognize certain blocks of .gov IP-space as
"priority communications."
There are many government agencies that have been given some sort of
access to GETS, including the US Postal Service, though I have no idea why
they would need it. There are five priorities attached to GETS calls. They
include:
Priority #1: National Security/High Ranking Leadership
Priority #2: National Security Posture and US Population Attack Warning
Priority #3: Public Health, Safety, and Maintenance of Law and Order.
Priority #4: Public Welfare and Maintenance of National Economic Posture
Priority #5: Low-level Emergency
See, why does the Post Office need GETS access? Maybe it's so the
Postmaster General can call 900 sex lines for free. (Yes, GETS does have
900 access. Your taxes at work!) In the event that switches are crowded
with priority 3 calls, a priority 1 or 2 call would take higher priority.
I don't see that ever happening, but the system is there so if it does
happen, a higher-hierarchy call can still get through.
Now, to get into the GETS system, you would have to call a GETS Access
Number. The "universal" GETS access number is 710-NCS-GETS. There are many
others, but that is the main one. To actually use GETS, you will need an
authorization code.
::GETS and TSP Authorization Codes::
There are two forms of authorization acceptable for GETS. One is an
automated GETS calling card number. The other is a TSP authorization code
traditionally given to a live operator. The second is extremely rare.
GETS calling card numbers are anywhere from 7 to 24 digits, depending on
the priority they are fixed at and what organization the owner belongs to.
They are usually ten digits. This means that brute-forcing GETS codes is
extremely impractical, since all TSP users are required AT MINIMUM to
resubmit their eligibility requirements for GETS once every two years, and
if you are a member of certain organizations or have a high priority it's
every three to seven months. There are no "old" GETS codes lying around in
the database.
All TSP authorization codes follow a standard 12-digit format. For
example: TSP4LPFF0-02. The first 3 are always "TSP", then there is a six
digit alphanumeric identifier, and the last two numbers are the "provision
priority" and the "restoration priority". If the last two numbers of the
code are both zeros, then that pin has no priority level on public
switching networks. It does however still let you dial to numbers that can
only be dialed from a source within the 710 area code. If you recite the
code verbally, do NOT forget the dash, as it is required protocol to say
"dash", as in: "tee ess pee four ell pee eff eff zero dash zero two"
Callers who forget the dash will immediately put up a red flag to an
operator.
::Getting a GETS code?::
Well, maybe you could try talking to the GETS administration office at
703-607-6118, or you could talk to the Office of Priority
Telecommunications (OPT) at:
Manager, National Communications System
ATTN: Office of Priority Telecommunications
701 South Court House Road
Arlington, VA 22204-2198
Voice: 703-607-4932/703-607-4933
Fax: 703-607-4937
::The Priority Telecommunications Services (PTS) Server::
The PTS provides remote administration of TSP functions. The PTS server
resides in the OPT. It is actually 4 separate workstations, each of which
have their own dial-in number. The PTS server is accessed using PC-Anywhere
2.0(Win3.1) or 7.5/8.0(Win32). The dial-in numbers are 703-607-6892
703-607-4992 703-607-6840 and 703-607-6850. You will need a username and
password. Passwords are 8-24 characters long.
Inside the PTS system, you can make requests for TSP priority codes,
revalidate any older users access that has come close to expiring, you may
put in work orders to service switches and other equipment involved in the
TSP network, and you may report users of TSP services who have been having
technical-related troubles using the TSP service. You may also see
summaries of all current requests for TSP access that are still being
processed. And on top of that, you can make requests to revoke services if
you want. Those requests are almost always granted first and then
questioned later.
The most useful function available to those who would illegitimately
exploit TSP for their own benefit is the ability to freely revalidate
expiring TSP codes. In this way, you could find a TSP code and keep it
valid indefinitely. Also, using work orders, you might be able to social
engineer backdoors into equipment and servers vital to the operation of
TSP and GETS.
-.x.x.x.-
Singular
by Melinda Ambill (scgal1@excite.com)
Walt sings of the body electric
But she sings of the body divine.
Whirling, twisting, laughing, dancing,
Reveling in unrequested freedom
As Gods and Goddesses smile down her,
This child of Theirs blessed by the spirits.
She wraps her aloneness around her,
Soft like cashmere, warm like sunshine,
Her dreams weave a pattern through it
as fine as butterfly wings.
And she smiles to think of her life
Less ordinary now.
And they all wonder at her happiness
Because they dont know the joys
Of being one.
-.x.x.x.-
Flippersmack Archives:
http://www.penguinpalace.com/
http://www.nettwerked.net/
http://www.ghu.ca/
+-----------------------------------------------------+
Flippersmack (c) 2001 Flippersmack All Rights Reserved.
Flippersmack does not condone any of the acts in this collection of writings.
A Sarcasm Detector? That's a REAL useful invention.
