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Flodis Issue 18
flodis #18
on love and the modern man
or
glass window to manhood
/
...
(^_^)
( )
(o_o)
-----------------------
------<[[ this is a tribal jungle ]]>------
.
+*+ <-- this is a =8= <-- this is an insect
= venus fly trap
/ flower
o|o
o <-- this is a woman
/&\
V
this is o
a man ---> -U-
M
--------<[[ this is the other end of the tribal jungle ]]>------
within the boundaries of this tribal jungle, there are a venus fly trap
and an insect near a woman and a man. a lot of interesting scenarios could
occur in this setting. here are a few:
[1] the insect could fly near the venus fly trap and
[a] think "wow, pretty colors" as he flies by
[b] try to pollinate her and
[1] get eaten and die
[c] suddenly die.
[2] the insect could sting or bite the woman (or man)
[a] she is allergic and
[1] gets treated
[2] dies
[b] she is not allergic and gets a small bump
[3] the man could walk by the woman and
[a] ignore her because he's
[1] gay
[2] stupid
[3] not interested
[b] try to pollinate her and
[1] stay with her forever
[1] get eaten and die
----------
note: the man should, if inclined, attempt to impress the woman by
doing something very neat. if he showed her a neat card trick or
invented an airplane for her, he would be a good man deserving of a
good woman.
talking about the size of your stinger doesn't count as impressing.
----------------
love is an exposition in your grade school gymnasium. you set up your half
of a card table with a display outlining your hypothesis of exactly what
love is. your display would look something like this:
+---------+
/| L O V E |\
| |_________| |
|/ O . ? & \|
+-------------+
that is a cardboard shoebox with the front side removed. it forms a sort
of stage which you set with action figures and plastic nativity scene
characters, like mary, joseph, he-man, and the baby jesus. jesus is in a
fake plastic wooden manger.
the characters in your play may be asking each other out for dinner and
movie or writing notes to each other or staring at each other while trying
to hide it. they may be riding their bikes past each others' houses or
playing catch or something.
it's all pretty elaborate and your parents helped you build it.
various people come past your display and critique it. some people shift
around the characters, so maybe he-man would be asking the virgin mary to
go mini-putting. or the baby jesus is asked by barbie to go to a triple-x
film festival. maybe the mini teddy bear would be harassed by the police
because his wife, the troll, called 911 when he ripped through her scalp
with a broken beer bottle.
at the end of the first night of the exhibit, you move the characters back
to where you think they should be. not nearly in the same positions they
were before.
the next fews days you come back to school and setup shop, and again
people come and change the characters around. some people keep repeating
the same old sets, and some new people play with your dolls and introduce
new forms of interaction.
the last day of the fair, one girl comes up and starts playing with your
exhibit. baby jesus starts talking and rocking in his crib. mary and
joseph wrap their arms around each other, and the troll offers he-man some
beer.
you marry the girl or something. way down the line she dies and then you
die too.
!!!!!!!!!!!!
congratulations
!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you've won the fair with a gold ribbon and you graduate from school.
yippee! grab that diploma and ride the school bus home. it's a beautiful
day and the walk between the bus stop and your house will be a great trip!
step with your worn out sneakers across the warm sidewalk. hold onto your
backpack and watch people out tending to their shiny green lawns. when you
get inside you can have some chocolate milk and do a logic puzzle! maybe
the sunlight will shine in the window at you. maybe the milkman will come
by in the morning and you can say hi!
----------------------+++++++++++++++--------------------
the construction of love from birth until happiness or death results in a
tower in the english countryside. the more bricks are added, the more they
are in the wrong place. levels aren't plum with previous levels. it
becomes a very wobbly affair which is likely to fall apart eventually,
unless it was built on a swamp, in which case it would tip over beforehand.
when dating girls, don't stray too far from the blueprint. don't let any
outside influences convince you to use different sized bricks or to
incorporate a decorative pattern in the wall. you know how the tower of
love was to be built so stick to it. girls know nothing about towers.
- there was that cute one who came by trying to sell insulation. you
should have been wary of her -- no saleswoman is that much of a sweetheart
if she moves from negotiation phase to installation phase in only two
meetings. but you bought it anyway, she put it up, and it turned out to
have asbestos. smooth move.
- that one came by to remove the insulation from your tower once you
started getting sick. she brought her vacuums and was sucking the thing
out within minutes. at least she cared about how you felt.
- remember that one who installed 30 television sets in your tower? that
film fanatic who wanted to show you all the movies she liked. you ended up
splitting apart before you saw all of them, but those TVs are still on.
they're still playing films about love and murder. the damn things won't
turn off and the videos are overdue.
- oh geez, that one girl who came by with her cat and now the third story
is just a litterbox. blecch.
- the sixth story is pretty nasty too, with its yellow stained walls and
white ashes all over. old what's-her-name had a thing for smoking.
- there's that one ring of really even bricks around the fourth story, but
it only lasts for a few rows. wasn't that the girl you didn't even kiss?
did you go out to dinner and plays? seems like that pairing straightened
itself out soon enough.
- the brunette came by and she was born with some sort of intuition about
the tower but she couldn't stand the texture of the bricks.
someday some girl will help you build your tower and she will lay bricks
with you continuously until you reach the sky. then you can live in the
clouds together for a while and eventually spend the eternal nothingness
with each other, all smiles and whatnot.
------------------------------------------
the lizard ate the groin until the teeth became upset and began to fuss and
dance with their clogs on the hard cement floor when they threw pennies in
the fountain and made wishes as the copper hit the blue cement basin. but
they only build statues for you if you love something more than women.
even if you're a comic character who eats peanuts and potato chips. they
still let you onto the beach where people burn their bodies and swim in
blue with boats.
[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]
last word: you grow up with an instinct of what love is. you meet some
girls who tear that down and distort it. you meet some girls who build on
it. and sometimes you have to adjust your idea of love to match that of
some girl. but the more you're torn down, and the more your view is
distorted, the less likely you'll be to find something that fits the
original ideal.
don't watch too many love movies because they ruin people. they give you
the idea that ideal love can be found, when the truth is it's just a
scripted relationship between fictional characters. the real love drama is
written on a million typewriters by a million monkeys passing time until
their next opportunity to fuck.
the monkeys are fed hallucinogens and are minorly mentally retarded. they
always have a spare ribbon at their desk but they have to ask around for
correction tape. they poop on their hands and then wipe it on nearby
folks.
i'm me. someday it's what i'll want to be. until then i will be splashed
about the chlorine sea by men with wrinkled scalps and gambling problems.
*** flodis #18 --- on love and the modern man
the zine for tasha and anjee
and it's flowers of disruption
by trilobyte@hoe.nu
have a nice day. %aug 19, 1999
%harvey is the guy who licked his beard
%clean after puking at the family reunion.
%he had too much beer and was surprised
%when his wife was playing horseshoes
%with old uncle abe. his stomach convulsed
%and out sprayed his hotdogs and beer.
%jeannie broke her leg that day.
%she slipped and fell on the gravel.
