Flodis Issue 13

eZine lover (@eZine)

Published in 

Flowers of Disruption

 · 5 years ago

  

 
  +@-------$                     @              @@@    @@ 
 +@@@$$$$$@@$   @             -+@@@@$           +@+   @@@@       @*@+++@$ 
  @@@------$   @@@           @@@@@@@@@          +@*    @@       @@@@@@@@@$ 
  -@-          +@+          @@@@++@@@@*+        -@@-    @-     @@@@@+++@$ 
  -$-          -@-          @@@     +*$@+  +-+-@+@@+   @@@-    $@@--+- 
  -@*--- ---   -@-         -@@-       *@+ @@@@@@@@@*    @@+    @@@@@@$*+-** 
  @@@@$*+*$*-  +@+         *@@        +@+@@@++-@$@@-    +@+     @+--+*@@@@@* 
  +@$--- ---   @@@       +- @@@-      +@+$@@    *@$     $@$       -@--*@$@@@ 
  +@+          $@@+-----$@$--@@@+++$-+@@$$@@+++*@@+     *@@      @@@@$@@@*@ 
  +@+          @@@@@$$$@@$-  -*$@@@@@@@@ -@@@@@@@@-     +@@@    @@@@---@+ 
  @@@           @++-----+      --++$-++   -$+++*@-       +@      @+ 
   @ 
          .-------------------------------------------------. 
          | flodis - flowers of disruption - #13 - 01.08.99 | 
          `-------------------------------------------------' 
             the zine for tasha & anjee 

 
**&&**&&**&& 
here, my friends, are flowers.  they're the line above this one. 

on the lines below, though, there is an issue of flodis which could seem 
very much like a diary entry written by an insane lovelorn drug abuser.  
the truth is, i've been up for a while, i saw blair witch project tonight, 
and my brain is a bit muddled.  so when asked about what's going on, i made 
some insights into my situation.  yes, the one i've been whining about 
lately.  i decided that instead of just replying to my friend nick, who 
asked me what was up, i would let flodis take care of the reply.  

BEWARE OF THE TRUTH, FOR IT LIES WITHIN. 

i was going to send out a story that i just wrote.  it was going to be 
flodis #13 (13 is a significant number, you are aware).  but, this kinda 
preempted that.  below this line are flowers.  below the flowers is an 
email that has changed from a plain message to a description of a boy's 
life.  please don't be offended by my lame act of exposing my feeble trauma 
to the world at large by releasing the flower in flodis.  rather, take 
comfort in the fact that this is the zine for tasha and anjee, and it 
started as mailbox filler material, quota-eater, bandwidth-waster.  this 
message below could easily only be significant to me and nick and a few 
other parties.  but hey, it's just me musing.  it could be amusing, 
especially if it could apply to anyone's life who is reading it.  but i 
doubt it.  but maybe later.  file this in the bin labelled "things that 
might happen to me sometime."  and keep it safe.  ropes. 

**&&**&&**&& 

On 01-Aug-99, Nick wrote: 
> what's buggin ya tim? 

Oh, something along the lines of "a lot of stuff." 

Mainly the fact that three days have gone by and I haven't had any contact 
with my girlfriend. 

I'm really wondering what's up, actually curious about her physical 
well-being, questioning if she actually exists anymore. 

I last saw her Wednesday night.  It's now Sunday morning. 

Tonight I drove past all the normal venues, and her car was not at any of 
these places. 

I drove past her pad, and her car was nowhere to be found. 

I drove back around all the normal venues, and again did not see her car. 

She hasn't been online at all.  She hasn't replied to my emails.  Her phone 
line was busy all day. 

I've got this other girl who's interested in me, and I've got nothing to 
conversate with her about.   

I've met the girl from Florida, whom I could talk about anything with. 

I talked with cat-eyes about former chums and her recent escapades with my 
old childhood pals. 

I felt completely bashful when the gorgeous twenty-something cook/waitress's 
eyes contacted mine as I conversed with her and Jenny at Octane this 
evening.   

Since Wednesday night I have lost my connection with the one person with 
whom I am theoretically supposed to be the most connected to, and from that 
night until now, I have been connecting with far more unexpected people 
than I could have ever anticipated. 

Connecting is not a sexual term, of course;  nor is connecting a sexual term 
or even necessarily a very emotional term.  It just involves being 
conversationally level with someone for a period of time.  And ever since 
Wednesday night, I've been at level with all sorts of people.  When you and 
I were talking about government blur sessions, for instance. 

If you had asked me a week ago if I expected to connect with a lot of people 
in any coming period of time, I would have replied in doubt.  There was one 
person I was concerned about.  Now she seems to have stepped out, and 
suddenly I am once again able to see through the glass in my lighthouse, to 
beacon and communicate with the ships in my harbor.  And some of those 
ships are unidentified!  They've entered the bay without warning.  But they 
came in peace to serve their purpose.  Some have already docked and left, 
while some remain moored.  They seem to come and go as they please. 

And it's good for people to have freedom like that.  But some of the ships 
are leaving before I want them to, and I have zero control over them. 

And soon a certain metaphorical blur may enter into my view, whenever she 
decides to make herself known again.  I'll find out just why she was gone 
and then understand how easy it will be to make her that way for good. 

So really, I'm not bugged.  I'm just waiting for the window cleaner to come 
back into town. 

&&**&&**&&** 

the truth is, i get really sentimental when i've been up through the night 
and into the morning.  anything that might have any sort of stupid 
significance gets magnified eighty times to me.  i start feeling really bad 
when i kill insects, etcetera.  so my whole revelation i've had about 
seeing everything clearly now and how i've had great conversations and 
developed connections could just be blurry-eyed early morning hogwash.  or 
it could be fact. 

never do anything very significant after being up for more than 15 hours.  i 
haven't been yet, so i still have some dose of sanity.  ahah.  but if 
you've been up for 16 or 17 hours, don't break up with your girlfriend or 
decide to be a professional glass blower.  sleep on it.  if you get a good 
rest and feel the same way in the morning, then maybe it's right.  but you 
might have a clearer head at the start of the day.  everything begins fresh 
and just gets rotten as the day burns down.  at the end of your day blow 
the ashes away, and let everything regenerate.  making a decision in those 
ashes means that they stay.  they spread to anything relating to the 
decision you made. 

god i get weird when i'm tired.  sorry.   

byebye, faithful flodis fertilizer. 

                                      ŠÕÕª                 .-. 
  Š»ÕÕÕº  Šª      Š»ÕÕÕÕº       ŠÕª          ŠŠÕÕÕÕÕÕÕª    | |  this was an 
  ††      ††      ††  ŠÕª       † †   †ÕՆ   †††           | | honestly bad 
  †»ÕÕÕº  ††      ††  † †  ŠÕÕÕՆՆ   †  †   †††           | |   time-waster 
  ††      ††      ††  † †  †    † †   †  †   †»ÕÕÕÕÕÕÕº    | | email-box 
  ††      ŠÕÕÕÕÕª †ŠÕÕª †  †    † †   †  †          »»»    | |    filler 
  »º      »ÕÕÕÕÕº »»ÕÕºÕº  »ÕÕÕÕ»Õº   »ÕÕº   »»ÕÕÕÕÕÕÕº    | |   from 
.----------------------------------------------------------| |     trilobyte 
`----------------------------------------------------------`-' 
          flodis / flowers of disruption #13 / 01.08.99 / trilobyte@hoe.nu 
     tell your friends to wipe a futon with flodis