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Evolution Issue 05
+ evolution +
+ issue five +
December 26, 1996
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
This, the fifth issue of +evolution+, marks the first inclusion
of something written by an outside source for the express purpose
of being included in +evolution+. Sure, there was the excerpt from
LYTR #9 in issue four, but that's different.
It's also the December holiday-season issue. So, for the
holidays, I'm going to start a stupid, cheesy holiday tradition.
The first issue after Christmas is the poetry issue, assuming I
make it to next Christmas.
Since you're obviously connected to the net at the moment, if
you're reading this, hop on over to http://angst.underworld.net,
+evolution+'s sister publication. Angst is a roxin interactive web
zine, written by myself and a couple of fellow losers. Check it
out, you'll love it. It's a way of life.
[ToC]
+ my short tribute to Derek Bacon
+ a poem by Bryan
+ a poem by Mafyoo
+ "Union of the Cursed" by Mafyoo
+ "Off" by Mafyoo
+ "Forever" by Mafyoo
+ "Sense Five" by Mafyoo
+ "Carriage Drive, 27" by Mafyoo
+ "Snowpure" by Mafyoo
+ another poem by Bryan
+ a poem by SPaM
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
I'm a lot like you so please
hello, I'm here, I'm waiting
I think I'd be good for you
and you'd be good for me
- Weezer, "El Scorcho"
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
Today, we mourn the loss of a beloved friend: Derek Bacon.
Derek has been a well-loved member of the WPI community for many,
many years, and though I never met him, I feel a big loss in my
heart. Maybe it's because I know what a good friend he was to some
of my friends. In any case, he's one great big heap of a great guy
who will be missed by many.
Derek Bacon
1971-1996
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
kill yr idols
sonic death
it's the end of the world
and confusion is next
- Sonic Youth, "Kill Yr Idols"
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
+[a poem written by Bryan]+
{a}
One.
Standing alone in body yet not in soul.
Others follow but not so closely.
He wonders, head tilted what he should think, feel and do.
Answers come but none are rational enough for him to accept so he just sits.
{a secret}
my head is falling off what can I do I want it to stop right now tell, must
tell, must tell
{a secret form}
form?
An image? idea? thing? figment of my imagination?
Light and fog and darkness and rain stain my mind
If I could understand, I would, but it's just too much.
{a secret form of}
Of what? More and more the anxiety builds up and I get less and less aware
Of what is to understand, what is to know
confusion, ataxia, dementia, paranoia. pain.
pain.
{a secret form of punishment}
+ end +
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
there's a little black spot on the sun today
- The Police, "King of Pain"
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
I worship you
elaborate forest falls over spring
recall the picture
under dream-vision shadow light
smooth water shine through blue
no whispers
stare only as I sing
flood
their music would shadow her rain
beneath summer moon
always in a diamond sea
+ mafyoo 8.7.96 +
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
[union of the cursed]
feel the burning wind
chapped lips smell like strawberries
entranced in the swirl
falling
dancing
the union of the cursed
naive worship
each of them overwhelmed with this
this
this feeling
the drum hits break the skin
self-worth
self-love
exit the blue man
wake up as a god
peer over the clouds to the floor
to the core of the earth
he'll believe in anything when he's there
he's certain he's said that before
pindrop
gravity
it was here
there
everywhere
the canteen runs dry
his mouth dry
his eyes dry
in worship of the queen
+ mafyoo 10.17.96 +
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
I wish I want to stay here
I wish this be enough
I wish I only love you
I wish simplicity
- Bjork, "Enjoy"
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
[off]
1.
anticipation
worship
love
you are mine
but I am far more yours
even if only in my head
the mental, the physical
barriers between
us
mean nothing to me
I know
I know
the blessed union
onion
cry
soft salty tears
collect them
see them
feel them as I feel them
cold
bitter
tearing at the psyche
ripping the system
for I know
this is love
love is this
and it is you I love
2.
paint a picture
it's there
still there
after all these months
the beach
the chair
you
sad shy meek alone
clearer than day
you are there
remember
remember
sit upon the pedestal
the mystery
proverbial mystery
mystery of stolen glances
meghan
patrick
fleece
not knowing
"no, I don't know what romance is"
perhaps
I never will
3.
i
bleed
for
you
+ mafyoo 10.17.96 +
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
I hold my breath and close my eyes and dream about her
cuz she's 2000 light years away
- Green Day, "2000 Light Years Away"
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
[forever]
warm, so warm
soft to the touch
embrace
the first and only
feel yr holy youth
against my virgin hands
euphoric love
sonic love
let love drain into you
escape the boundaries
of my mind
my heart
for their home
yr soul
the gentle curves
my hands caress
absorb yr ills
becoming mine
distilled into raw emotion
this could last forever
warm
you feel warm
i feel warm
trading warmth
intense
i see the cord between
growing thicker
stronger
silver and gold
soft
naive
innocent
luet and nafai
and their chevya
forever
forever.
+ mafyoo 11.21.96 +
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
[sense five]
your residue lingers on my hand
i can still feel you on me
smell your sweet smell
our everlasting love
i can still feel you in my arms
your inner warmth combined with my own
the soft shell of youth
i can feel your innocence, mirroring mine
together in our naivete
naked in our unity
a smile for every tear
i can still feel your shirt
the one i love so much
that is ingrained in my memory
i can still feel your hair
unclean from slumber
and under it your scalp
and my fingers against it
i still feel the way i did
when we were together
and i know
again, soon
i will feel you.
+ mafyoo 11.28.96 +
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
once around the sun
cruising, climbing
Jupiter cyclops winks at me
yeah, he knows who's driving
hit neutral in the tail of a comet
let the vortex pull my weight
push the seat back a little lower
watch light bend in the blower
planets align
a king is born
Dodge Swinger
Jesus on the dashboard
- Clutch, "Spacegrass"
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
[carriage drive, 27]
my puppy dog eyes
slowly scanning
yr eyes, nose
yr soft cheeks
the sweet fruit of yr hair tickles my virgin nose
i'm in heaven
i've got you in my arms
never want to let go
never let go
never
i want to hold you - just like this
feel you, a warm body
in this cold existance
the first with whom
i have shared my self
my hands, my arms, my soul
yr love fused with mine
in holy union
this holy, embryonic embrace
forever
my fears die
my thoughts subside
and all that remains
is you.
+ mafyoo 12.5.96 +
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
[snowpure]
the power is out
millions of snow flakes
create a swirling sea
of pureness
distant streetlights
illmuninate each flake
for just a brief moment
as they pass through the beam
and then, disappear
just another unseen fragment
of the thick gray night sky
a blanket, covering
the smooth white surface
virgin teritory
mirroring myself
vast snowfields
inate natrual innocence
i want to fuse with it
join the fresh, young snow
feel the cold against my skin
let the cold wind strike me
become submerged
frozen in time
forever innocent
forever young
forever pure.
+ mafyoo 12.8.96 +
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
I used to think that the day would never come
I'd see delight in the shade of the morning sun
my morning sun is the drug that brings me near
to a childhood I lost replaced by fear
I used to think that the day would never come
that my life would depend on the morning sun
- New Order, "True Faith"
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
don't kiss in front of me
keep yr tongue yr embrace yr union away from me
just because I can't have that doesn't make me different
I wish for a love based on learning
know yrself better than anyone
spray out yr insides for another to see
hold it close to you
close close close together close with yrself and together
and loving starving loving starving loving starving hope dreams love fear
die die die die die
six, three, two hundred and ten
four o'clock
not in front of me
not where I can
see
you together yr tongue yr embrace yr union you you you
exit
die
make me whole again, fill me up with
someone else
eat out my life, star me kitten
stop and let me live
stop and let me listen to my music
stop and let me go on with who I am
let me be
who I am
alone
starved loved starved loved starved loved starved starved starved
lonely lonely lonely alone
alone
alone
gone
die
exit
+ bryan, 9.24.96 +
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
painful beauty
you call out to me but no one is there
painful divide
i'm in the middle
i want to be free.
Oh, to have courage.todo what i dare not
when I see you my eyes fill with joy
my heart flies, my mind races
the trip away is too long
can't see back
I want to chase down the yellow beast that carries you away
but alas you are not mine to chase
two seats back yet so far away.
+ SPaM +
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
Well, that's it for the December holiday-season issue. I'd
call it the Christmas issue, since it's the one I'm most prone to,
but I'm realizing that Christmas isn't a holiday that has a whole
lot of special meaning for me in and of itself, so I'll just call
it the December holiday issue.
Yeah, anyway, that's it. Thanks to Bryan and SPaM for their
submissions. If you feel like submiting anything, anything at all,
feel free to mail it to me. My e-mail address is
zaphod@sidehack.gweep.net, or you can send it snail mail if that's
what yr in to. Here's my address for the next couple of months:
Mafyoo A. Mittelstadt
P.O. Box 1631
Orleans, MA 02653
Speaking of sending things, I need money for college.
Donations are accepted. Send money orders, well concealed cash, or
personal checks to Matthew Mittelstadt at the above address.
Have a lovely rest of 1996. I'm pretty sure I won't, so one of
you might as well do it for me.
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
+ evolution +
zaphod@sidehack.gweep.net
P.O. Box 1631
Orleans, MA 02653
(c) 1996 60Hz Productions, a division of Angst Communications.
Angst Communications is a registered trademark, used under license
from Mono Boy Records.
