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Fat Nipples Issue 3
Fat Nipples Fanzine #3 - FREE
Fat Nipples c/o Chris, P.O. Box 2554, Trenton, NJ 08690
chris.conway@njcc.wisdom.bubble.org
This is Fat Nipples #3. If you've read it before, you'll notice that it's
shrunk a bit. This is my issue off--after spending long hours and months
putting together #2, I'm banging this one out quick--short and sweet. I'm
saving myself for #4, which should be extra, extra large. That should be
out by June. Until then, enjoy. This ish is a little lighter--less poli-
tics, just personal observations and ruminations. Seeya.
Let me update you on what's been going on in my life since last issue. No-
thing. One notable event--I got in trouble at school and threatened with
nine days suspension for selling Fat Nipples #2. They claimed it was porno-
graphic and inappropriate for school. I ended up spending a day in inschool.
What fucking bullshit. The same day two girls got in a fight in the hall
and a boy brought a six-inch knife into school and guess what the administra-
tors were worried about? Fuck, damn, shit, nipples, sex and an insult to
the clergy. Counting the (many) days until I leave this school.
A Formal Explanation for the Name Fat Nipples.
You see there was this boy in my school who hated me for no reason and he
was a penis and all my friends and i hated him and his first name rhymed
with fat and his last name was the name of a rubber nipple manufacturer and
he was a little chubby and ugly as sin so we called him fat nipples and i
thought it was a cool name for a zine and it passed the "editor's in-joke"
test for fanzine naming so that's what i called it and now he's gone so i'm
not as afraid of getting my ass kicked so here it is.
P.S. his last name rhymed with sortin'.
If you can't laugh at yourself, you're probably not very funny.
I just finished reading The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand. Deep. It's really
eye-opening and I think it's made me a better person. Maybe I should have
read Dianetics.
I've been piling Fat Nipples into files on my computer and sending them a-
round as "electronic fanzines". It hasn't worked too well. None of the
computer geek lame-brains want anything to do with it. They're too busy
listening to Rush. If you would like to see a copy or could circulate it
for me, e-mail me at the listed address. The files may be available on lo-
cal BBS's as FATNIPS1.ZIP, FATNIPS2.ZIP or FATNIPS3.ZIP so keep an eye out.
Should I make Fat Nipples T-shirts? I think I could sell one or two, maybe.
They could say "I Love Fat Nipples" or "Do You Have Fat Nipples?" or "I Have
Fat Nipples" or "I Love My Fat Nipples" or some other variation on the Fat
Nipples theme. They would be really crappy looking and I probably can't af-
ford them and those are pretty lame ideas but maybe I'd do it if someone gave
a good idea for one. Anyone?
Last issue I was very excited about printing the zine on hemp paper. I had
bought a case of the stuff, had written about it in the zine and ended up
not using it. Why, you might ask? I brought it to the copy center on the
day I was to print the zine. The employee there looked at it and told me
that he couldn't possibly use it, it was too thin. What?!? They sent me
the wrong paper. The zine had to be out, so I bought a few reams of recycled
paper and into the copy machine it went. I went home and called the paper
company. "We sent you the wrong paper? No problem, full refund. We'll
send UPS to pick it up within the next few days." Two weeks later, it was
the same thing. A month and a half later they were denying that I had ever
called and saying they couldn't possibly have sent me the wrong paper. Fuck
that. Why does a good product have to be distributed by a shit-head company?
Hemp paper is the best possible alternative and I can't use it because
they're too fucking lame! GRRRR.
i went job hunting today--that was a great time. All sorts of reasons not
to apply for all sorts of lame jobs. The one job I can have is the one i
don't want. oh well.
got to thinking today about the lame stuff my school censors. The word God
is banned from the school play. I wasn't allowed to be video-taped standing
in front of a urinal. We can't talk about anger or water.
Why don't girls masturbate? Come on girls, there have to be a few of you
out there. So many reply, "That's disgusting." Nice attitude ladies. Do
riot grrrrrrrrrls masturbate?
Above rrrrrrrr copped from Mykel Board. Zine format copped from Mat Radio
Riot. Slick pick-up lines copped from AG#1. This whole thing's a cop-out.
Born Against - Battle Hymns of the Race War 10"
if the 7" was a 9 and the LP was a 9.5, then this is a 8. Yummy stuff but
not enough. Overlong funny stuff on second side is a definite drawback.
Vermiform Records, P.O. Box 12065, Richmond, VA 23241
Copernicus - No Borderline CD
I got this free so I can't really put it down. It's melodramatic, philosoph-
ical spoken word over music. I kind of like it. Buy it if you like that
sort of thing.
$13, Nevermore, Inc., P.O. Box 170150, Brooklyn, NY 11217
Rancid LP
Do I even need to say that this rocks? Lovely, energetic pop punk and a
half.
Epitaph, 6201 Sunset Blvd. Suite 111, Hollywood, CA 90028
Life of Agony CD
We all change. LOA changed from a superb HC metal band to a really good me-
tal hc band. Overproduced vocals. muddy. the great songs come through
though.
Sex Dogee 7"
MRR could only think of one word--punk. That's spot on. Crappy anarko-punk
w/naive, sophomoric lyrics. DIY to a T.
Billy Records, P.O. Box 1007, Newark, DE 19715-1007
Fugazi - In On the Kill Taker LP\CD
you already have it so what's the use? really good. yabbayabba dingdong.
"cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-champion!"
$8, Dischord, 3819 Beecher St., N.W.D.C., 20007
Starkweather - Crossbearer LP
Metal-tinged and progressive. Deep lyrics and impressive vocals. yum
P.O. Box 11739, Philadelphia, PA 19101
Why can't anything just be an even dollar? Why 99, 95, 98? rrrrr stupid
sales people think they're fooling me!
i refuse to write about politics i refuse to write about politics i refuse
to write about politics (tell them about JFK) i refuse to write about poli-
tics
we got a grrrl gubner here in NJ now. I'm really surprised enough people
were naive enough to vote for her, but there wasn't much alternative.
When people go to vote there should be an essay on the ballot and they would
have to explain why they voted the way they did. That way all the idiots
who vote for someone because they are or are not a Democrat, Republican, wo-
man, draft dodger, inhaler and other crappy reasons wouldn't count.
I have a need to challenge myself, apparently, or maybe just a need to make
myself sick with worry. I did the first issue alone and got a great response.
The second issue had a different format and lots of contributors. I held
my breath. Response was still positive. Now I come to yet another different
format and a different style and I am worrying myself sick.
Kill the Robot #5
The format is scary--solid, unyielding blocks of text. The content is inter-
esting--homo posicore rants and raves. Thoughtful and intelligent.
$1, 13605 Glenhurst Rd., Gaithersburg, MD 20878
Cheese Log #5
Feminist grrrl style, cutesy and fun. Introspection and hair dying tips.
P.O. Box 802, Fairport, NY 14450
NAFTA this and NAFTA that. Lets get to the real deal. Who does Ross Perot's
hair?
At this point in my life. I firmly believe that Lee Harvey Oswald was the
lone assassin of JFK. Maybe I'll write about it next ish. Does anyone care?
Say Anything was a good movie. Its odd how events converge to bring this to
mind. All of a sudden its everywhere. Kind of like a big word you've never
heard.
Censorship is not my deal. Some people get so worked up over it, but I could
care less. It seems so obvious. Real live censorship is hard to come by
around here so why get all frothy? Stickers on CDs are no big deal. More
disturbing is the omission in the mass media of significant alter-native
viewpoints. That's not censorship, because its never even CONSIDERED.
Los Crudos - La Rabia Nubla Nuestros Ojos 7"
Spanish hardcore punk--fast and angry. They thrash it out with the best of
them. Better.
$3, Martin, 2340 W. 24th St., Chicago, IL 60608
Where are they now?
Warrant, Scorpions, Stryper, Winger, Whitesnake, Motley Crue(i.e. 80's hair
bands).
Next Step Up - Heavy LP
Yes, it's heavy, but it's also slow, boring and predictable, with lousy
lyrics and annoying vocals.
$6, Endgame, 11902 Lanner Place, Laurel, MD 20708
Cut him in half and count the rings.
Look at my eyes. Look at my eyes. What do you want from me. Do you want
me to be your toy? Your tool? I won't be manipulated.
Letterman is a very funny guy. That's what they pay him for.
Walk up to him and say, "You're funny. You should be a comedian." Say it
again. And again. And again.
Why are the most charming people always the racist, sexist, homophobic bas-
tards?
It's less fattening AND it sticks to your bones. Something for the lions to
eat.
Out Of Line demo
I was going to listen to this one last time for review and my stereo ate it.
Sorry guys. It was pretty good, though. Over-tweeked vocals and electronic
drums. Hardcore.
718 Lamp Post Lane, Aston, PA 19014
Sty Zine #14
Cute little backwards zine w/nice stories and thoughts and skating.
2 stamps, 5021 Central, Indianapolis, IN 46205-1057
Dishwasher #11
How much can you write about dishwashing? A lot. Fascination reading from
a guy who wants to wash dishes in all 50 states.
$1, P.O. Box 4827, Arcata, CA 95521
Shoelace Fanzine #5
Always a fun read. Loads of reviews and a deranged letter from a Christian
punk. yum.
$1, P.O. Box 7952, Trenton, NJ 08628
Corner Brokerage #10
A thoughtful one-pager from Mr. Bullshit. Interesting essays and non sequit-
ers.
SASE, c/o Mike, East Wind Community, Tecumsah, MO 65760
Radio Riot #29
Always entertaining. This ish, Mat sits around.
SASE, 19 Union St., New Brunswick, NJ 08901
Slapshot - Blast Furnace CD
At first, I was bothered by the lyrics, "so suck on my dick right now!", but
it turns out that the song is about spousal abuse, so I guess that's OK.
Overall, it's post-sxe metal-core.
We Bite America, P.O. Box 10172, Chicago, IL 60610-0172
This has been fat nipples #3. If you send me a self-addressed stamped en-
velope, you may have it on a piece of paper. Issues one and two are also
available through the computer or on paper. Data versions - e-mail me at:
chris.conway@njcc.wisdom.bubble.org
Paper versions - #1 is $1 and 2 stamps. #2 is $1 and 3 stamps. snail mail
to:
Fat Nipples
c/o Chris
P.O. Box 2554
Trenton, NJ 08690
