Durex Blender Corporation 003

eZine lover (@eZine)

Published in 

Durex Blender Corporation

 · 5 years ago

  

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T  ||==\\  ||  || ||==\\  ||==|| ||   ||  B L E N D E R  C O R P O R A T I O N 
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H  ||   || ||  || ||==//  ||=||    >|<              >>> Presents <<< 
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E  ||==//  \\==// ||   \\ ||==|| ||   ||         #003-AA02 -- [04/22/91] 
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                                 "Bagel-Man" 
                             ------------------- 
                             by Aldebaran Arghat 

     Richard was an honest boy.  He was not the brightest student in his 
class, but he was sincere.  Ever since he was a young boy entering 
elementary school, Richard wanted only to be accepted by others.  But for 
some reason, Richard was different from all the other boys and girls.  There 
was something different, something special, about Richard.  His appearance 
was plain: barely over five feet, dark hair, acne; not an unusual appearance 
for this junior in high school.  But Richard was never understood by the 
others.  There was a difference between Richard and the others that no 
person could even begin to understand.  It all began when Richard was a 
freshman in high school... 
     Richard had just moved to Plimpton the previous summer.  Richard came 
to school the first day prepared to make a good first impression on all his 
future classmates and friends.  He was wearing his Keds sneakers and his Osh 
Kosh shirt, pocket protector and his bowl cut hairdo.  Richard was ready to 
make some friends and start a great new life in Plimpton.  He entered the 
school with a bright smile on his face, ready to go.  Entering the small 
brick school, he found it bustling with other students, all excited about 
the start of the school year.  Richard eventually met a few people, and but 
none were friendly towards him.  And soon, his luck went further downhill 
when he felt nature's inevitable call. 
     Richard had little trouble finding the single lavatory in the school. 
As Richard swung open the door and stepped inside, he sensed that all was 
not well.  A cloud of putrid fumes hung ominously overhead, and from inside 
a stall heavy breathing could be heard.  The stall swung open, and a figure 
emerged from the smoky depths of the lavatory.  "Hey, what the fuck are you 
starin' at, geek boy?" 
     The burnout was more than six feet tall, with long tangled hair, a torn 
denim jacket and tight leather pants.  The heavy chain hanging ouf his belt 
clattered loudly as he stepped up in front of Richard. 
     "I...  I... I need to pee..." stammered Richard. 
     Richard had never seen a burnout before, coming from his rural villiage 
of thirty students. 
     "You wanna take a leak, shithead?  Take this you geek!" the tall 
burnout shouted as he lowered his pants and urinated on Richard. 
     Richard was frozen in fear.  He could do nothing to resist the 
humiliation he was being put through.  After what seemed an eternity to 
Richard, the burnout walked towards the door. 
     "If your geek friends ask who did this to ya', tell them it was the 
Skulta.  And don't let me see you trying to take a leak in my pissroom 
again, or you won't get off so easy." 
     With that, Skulta left, and Richard was left alone.  Mortified, Richard 
climbed out the lavatory window and ran home. 
     That night, Richard grew restless. Searching for an escape from his 
troubles, Richard took a walk through Plimpton park.  It was a hot and 
toasty night, and Richard soon had to stop for a rest beside a phone pole. 
He sat down beside it, and was about to fall asleep, when he heard a voice 
from above... 
     "Hello what!" said the voice, as the dark figure descended from the 
pole.  "I'm Random Tox.  You can just call me Random, if you want.  What can 
I do you for?" 
     "Well, mister, I'm nothing.  Nobody likes me anymore.  And...and... 
today in the bathroom, the Skulta peed on me and got me smelly and sticky!" 
     "Well it serves you right!  You're boring... umm.. no.  I didn't say 
that.  What I meant to say is that you could avoid all this alienation and 
crap.  What you need, my small friend, is a gimmick!" 
     A look of interest arose on Richard's face, as Random revealed his plan 
to give Richard a new image... a GIMMICK. 
     "What you've got to do is get a gimmick.  Something unique.  Something 
special.  You know... a gimmick.  Like the professional wrestlers.  But you 
know, they have lame gimmicks what.  You need something impressive.  You can 
be... umm... let's see... you can be...  BAGEL MAN!  That's it!  It's your 
new image!  Your gimmick!  Trust me, if you follow my instructions, you'll 
have the babes all over you and the Skulta trembling at your feet!" 
     Random proceeded to instruct Richard on the details of his new image, 
and by the next morning, when he came to school, Richard was no longer the 
young innocent boy he was the day before... he was no longer Richard... he 
was... Bagel-Man! 

  [Note: This is partially based on reality... Gimmick my ass, Random...] 

                 Part II coming soon!  [I doubt it - Ed.] 
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(C)1991 by The Durex Blender Corporation & Aldebaran Arghat All Rights 
Revered. Even yours. 

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