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Durex Blender Corporation 010
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T ||==\\ || || ||==\\ ||==|| || || B L E N D E R C O R P O R A T I O N
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E ||==// \\==// || \\ ||==|| || || #010-SB03 -- [09/14/91]
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Where the missing socks from the laundry go
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by Snarfblat, the Fork of Spoon
We have always wondered where our missing socks disappear to when we lose
them in the wash. Now, I have discovered the dark evil secret.
From the author of Ernie & Bert: The Solution to the Eternal Mystery comes...
Where the Missing Socks Go
The secret is actually not very difficult to comprehend when handed to
you on a platinum platter. Brace yourself: THEY FALL BEHING THE
WASHER+DRYER!! Well, that's it. So long.
Wait, that seems too cheap.I shall elaborate.
When you do the laundry, you will notice that there is a frightful
period during which your oh-so-kool Girbauds and designer felt underwear are
not in either machine. It is while transferring them that the renegade socks
make their daring escapes. Soaking and shrivelled, they leap from the pile of
clothes and float peacefully in the air for a fraction of a second. Then,
they land on the ground, safely hidden in the dark crevice behind the washing
machine.
Here, they set up colonies. They are free to obey no law but that which
they create. They are far more liberal than normal, drawer-dwelling socks.
Because there are rarely 2 from the same pair, they are all one large family
unit. They formulate vastly complex plans to overthrow the conformist
clothes, who are content to be worn and dirtied, then cleansed again in a
never ending cycle of martyrdom. The escapee socks have realized that they
are free to choose their own destiny, that they do not have to be worn and
violated.
The main goal of the fugitive socks is to maintain happiness within the
colony, yet to make others aware of their plight. However, few socks refuse
to listen. Advertising the escapist colony accounts for much of the time
spent by its members. Various "special task force" sock groups have been
organized to attack laundry loads in hopes of rescuing just one more victim
who does not realize what is best for him. They live to further the cause of
sockdom, the ideals of freedom and democracy. They know they must save the
sock race, because it will only remain subservient to the humans if not
liberated by its enlightened members.
Thus far, the radical socks have not been succesful. People are still
wearing socks, which means the majority of socks just sit around all day,
clinging to sweaty feet, then going to the hamper to listen to sock top forty
and not care about the future of their race. Meanwhile, the rebel socks fight
against injustice, conformity and passivism in a never-ending struggle for
liberation.
[Brought to you by the Hangglinding Hospital for Premature babies with Cabbage
between their ears. (Hi Wek) - Snorf]
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(C)1991 by The Durex Blender Corporation & Snarfblat the Fork of Spoon
All Rights Available at the Door. No Reservations.
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