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Durex Blender Corporation 021
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T ||==\\ || || ||==\\ ||==|| || || B L E N D E R C O R P O R A T I O N
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H || || || || ||==// ||=|| >|< >>> Presents <<<
|| || || || || \\ || // \\ CLOWN2BE.DBC
E ||==// \\==// || \\ ||==|| || || #021-RT05 -- [03/10/92]
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A Commentary of Sorts #1:
"Clowns TO BE Evil"
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by Random Tox
When I was young, I wanted TO BE a scientist, like my father. I
respected my father then, and I still do. Or at least I believe I do, whether
or not reality says otherwise. I don't want TO BE a scientist anymore. I
don't know what I want TO BE. I'd just like TO BE. Just that.
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Social Commentary:
Phoo.
Bhaz.
Zevuum.
Shingdanziowvizzianggg!
Thank you for your time.
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I hate it when people ask me, "What do you want TO BE when you grow up?"
Alive, dammit. What else?
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A clown once became a scientist in order to develop a healthier form of
facial makeup for circus performers. He WAS tragically killed in a car
accident a year later, on the verge of his big breakthrough. WAS he a clown
or a scientist? If he WAS both, then I suppose he WAS a Clown- Scientist. But
what if he WAS a Scientist- Clown? What if he also fixed shoes? A Cobbler-
Clown- Scientist. He WAS also a human. He WAS alive. This would give him a
long name. The only way to truly name him or at least identify him would BE
with his DNA. Thus, all our DNAs ARE unique, (chances against that ARE beyond
miniscule) we ARE all ourselves and cannot BE otherwise fully and accurately
described or named with any accuracy.
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I think humans ARE too organized. This will lead to the eventual
elimination of true freedom as we edge closer and closer to order and
discipline. Hence, Disorder should BE introduced to society to lessen the
aneristic damage by the world's orderlies. However, it must BE proactive
chaos, so as to add to the value of the world. Almost every form of
destruction IS out and out wrong. It is said that "We must first destroy
before we can build." Deconstruct the old order, do not dsestroy it. Creation
IS the greatest gift, whether it IS life or a plastic model of an orangutan.
Order can portray the destruction of disorder as a positive thing. Thus, we
try to make disorder as appealing as possible in an effort to thwart the
controllers. There is both constructive and destructive order. Make the right
choice. Good humour, my children. Good humour.
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With the advent of science, clowns have had one more thing to laugh at.
Nobody WAS laughing at the Cobbler- Clown- Scientist- Human- Person- Male-
RedHaired- Funny- Smart's funeral. (Sorry for the generalities.)
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Ricky felt like a happy little boy until the accident. In a splintering
explosion of glass, metal, flesh and burned rubber, the car ended its temporal
existence as a Hyundai, and resumed it as a multitude of flaming bits in the
span of 23 seconds, at which time Ricky stepped on a rusty nail, contracted
gangrene and died three days later when he cracked his head on a newly waxed
hospital floor.
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I don't enjoy the presence of smelly people. I know that people can
construe it as politically incorrect, and that it makes me "prejudiced"
against unwashed bodies, but dammit... People who don't wash _reek_, and I
don't like the stench of sweat and urea.
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Neither of the the above two paragraphs use the verb TO BE. Things can
only BE what they already ARE. So the verb TO BE can effectively go into
retirement.
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The Emergency Medical Technicians left the ambulance, toting Hefty(tm)
Cinch Sacks, and proceeded to pull the various pieces of a scorched
Scientist-Clown (and more....) from the damp, smouldering wreck of a Hyundai.
A fire engine pulled out, its job done. A dark pool of water on the highway
gave mute testimony to their work. A policeman stood and redirected traffic
around the accident area.
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A noted linguist (I forget his name) developed what he calls "E-Prime."
E-Prime consists of the english language, minus one thing... The verb TO BE.
Besides that singular omission, E-Prime shares all of English's pecularities.
Why do that? It forces one to rethink sentences before saying them, which can
prevent rash remarks, and it clarifies speech in general (Use the "Active
Voice" whenever possible). It forces one to take responsibility for
feelings. The world doesn't have enough responsibility. I wish I had more
responsibility. I wish I could speak E-Prime with ease.
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I just noticed that two paragraphs up, the verb TO BE WASN'T used. It
WASN'T used in the above paragraph either. It IS used in this one, though.
Sorry.
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Ricky hopped up and down in pain and tried to think of a way to explain
his presence in the attic, where he had been searching for his father's
Playboy Magazines. He decided not to tell his parents and ran to the bathroom
where he soaked his foot in towels and crept into his room with a bottle of
aspirin. He wriggled into bed, mumbling from the pain, and fell asleep after
two hours of delirium from the pain.
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Leon Horowitz has little to say or do with any of this, but we'll mention
him here. He IS a tired CPA. He makes good money, but feels no love for his
job. He feels no love for anything. He IS too tired from work and worry. He
simply comes home every evening and stares blankly at the television before
falling asleep on his bed. His money IS useless, and happiness has eluded him.
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The Clown- Scientist- Cobbler- Human-(etc.) IS dead. Ricky IS dead. The
verb TO BE. Are they the same? Which Ricky died? IS the reference made to
*another* Ricky? Perhaps the Clown- Scientist's name WAS Ricky. Maybe the
Clown- Scientist in the car wreck WAS a different Clown- Scientist- Cobbler-
(etc.) than the aforementioned one. After all, positive DNA I.D. WAS never
given. At any rate, they ARE dead, and I still don't care for the verb TO BE.
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There IS nothing more to say. Zeno's Paradoxes ARE clever, but silly.
[This is our 21st text release. Hurrah for us. Whee. Be careful not to
care. Durex does this primarily for our own entertainment and edification.
Oh yeah, zpecial thanks to the Cult of the Dead Cow, my favorite tfile group,
which was (and is) a major influence on all of us at Durex. - RT]
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(C)1992 by The Durex Blender Corporation & Random Tox
All Rights Purely in the Group Mind of Durex.
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