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Dumb Issue 002
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dumb issue number 002.
"my dream date." by, belial
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look; a second issue of dumb. do you want to hear something funny,
i got a 90 on this assignment in my creative writing class. unbelievable.
as if you didn't guess, i don't trust that teacher in giving grades out
anymore. read this, and then say '90'.
belial - icky.
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to begin the evening, i would find the dirtiest, most disgusting
whore in america, and ask her on a date. of course this would cost me a
little but hey, its my dream date.
next i would search far and wide for a fine and _proper_ woman. a
real woman of the 90's. a woman who has high moral values and a keen sense
of herself. a leader of women. mind you, i would make this date on the
same night as my date with the whore.
now the fun begins. i would introduce the two to each other. then i
would let them wrestle, but not wrestle just anywhere. no, they are going
to be wrestling in a special place. a vat of burning oil. when the skin
begins to melt from their bodies, i would jump in the vat myself (in my
profalactic suit of course!). as their cries of terror and enroaching doom
rent the night i would begin beating on them, moshing all over them. all
the while yelling at the top of my lungs.
"can't talk? what's wrong? no teeth. awe, you stupid bitch!"
if either of them made any whimper or sound, i would stomp on their
skulls. laughing, i would raise my hands towards the sky, and watch as
suddenly great strips of gummie worms exploded from my open palms, attaching
to the two women. the women would scream as gummie goodness devoured their
flesh.
"hey sweety." i would laugh, congratulating myself on my great pun.
when all the worms were out i would walk over to the whore and open
my mouth to let a barrage of sour patch kids swarm into her face.
"hahah."
"i am the pumpkin king!"
then i would squat on miss proper's foot and let loose the doodoo of
the earth, orange and complete with seeds.
and this my friends is my dream date.
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