Durex Blender Corporation 020

eZine lover (@eZine)

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Durex Blender Corporation

 · 5 years ago

  

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E  ||==//  \\==// ||   \\ ||==|| ||   ||         #020-SE01 -- [07/09/91] 
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                   Sayings and Ancient Truths, gleaned from 
                   Schrodinger's Cat by Robert Anton Wilson 
                   ---------------------------------------- 

Why me, O Lord? 
	- Ancient Primate Question 

My dog understands perfectly everything I say to him. 
I am the one who does not understand. 
	- Furbish Lousewart V, Unsafe Wherever you go 

A man with one watch knows what time it is.  
A man with two watches is never sure. 
	- Segal's Law 

There is no such thing as water, it is merely melted ice. 
	- Furbish Lousewart V, Unsafe Wherever you go 

A  A  A  O O O  O  Z  O  R A  Z  A  Z  
Z A I E O A Z A E I I IO Z A K H O E  
OOOYTHOEAZAEAAOZAKHOZAKHEYTY  
XAAL-ETHYKH  - This is the name which you must  
speak in the interior world. 
	- Jesus, Pistis Sophia 

Let me control a planet's oxygen supply and I don't care who makes the laws. 
	- Great Cthulhu's Starry Wisdom Band 

How many Zen masters toes it take to screw in a light bulb? 
Two: One to screw it in and one not to screw it in. 
	- Private Japes of Mister G. 

Now we've got them just where they want us! 
	- Admiral James Tiberius Kirk 

No Wife, No Horse, No Moustache. 

The mind is Buddha, the mind is not Buddha. 

A Jam Sandwich Using No Peanuts Mayonnaise or Glue. 

What, me infallible? 
	- Pope Stephen  
	  Integritas, Consonantia, Claritas 

That which is forbidden is not allowed. 
	- John Lilly, The Center of the Cyclone 

Qol: Hua Allahu achad; Allahu Assamad; lam yalid  
walam yulad; walam yakun lahu kufwan achad. 
	- The Koran 

Two monks on a journey stopped at Vlad's castle one night and begged shelter from the elements. Vlad set out for them a magnificent banquet and then afterward asked them what the people of Hungary really thought about him. The first monk answered diplomatically and falsely that everybody said Vlad was a stern but just ruler. The second monk boldly told the truth: that everbody said Vlad was a homocidal maniac. Vlad therefore had one of the monks impaled.  
	- The Vlad Enigma 

Take what thou hast and give it to the poor. 
	- Attributed to some longhair Commie freak 

Everyone who is a lawyer must either be mentally defective or be bound to become so in time. 
	- Furbish Lousewart V,Unsafe Wherever You Go 

Gestorben ist nicht, was fur ewig ruht, und mit unbekannten Aonen mag sogar de Tod noch sterben. 
	- Von Junzt 

Overall there is a smell of fried onions. 
	- Eva Gebloomenkraft 

 
     The great Sufi sage Nasrudin once invented a magic wand. Wishing to 
patent such a valuable device, Nasrudin waved the wand and created a oatent 
office, which immediately appeared in 3-D Technicolor. 
     Nasrudin then walked in and told the clerk, "I want to patent a magic 
wand." 
     "You can't do that," said the clerk. "There is no such thing as a magic 
wand." 
     Nasrudin immediately waved his wand again, and the patent office and the 
clerk both disappeared. 

     	- Dr. Horace Naismith 

The Science of Economics: 
1. Find out who profits from it. 
2. Groups never meet together except to conspire against other groups. 
3. Every System evolves and expands until it encroaches upon other systems. 
4. It all returns to equilibrium, eventually 
	- Dr. Rauss Elysium 

Flossing is the Answer. 
	- Markoff Chaney writing as Ezra Pound 

 
All Cretans are Liars. 
	- Empedocles the Cretan 

 
The President of the United States is not a crook. 
	- The President of the United States 

Death to all Fanatics! 
	- Malaclypse the younger 

King Kong died for your sins. 
	- Markoff Chaney writing as Ezra Pound 

One of the causes of cancer is the harmfulness of cooked foods. 
	- Furbish Lousewart V, Unsafe Wherever You Go 

Knee-jerk liberals and all the certified saints of sanctified humanism 
are quick to condemn this great and much-mailigned Transylvanian Statesman. 
    	- William F. Buckley, Jr., The Wit and Wisdom of Vlad the Impaler 

The variables vary too much and the constants aren't as constant as they seem. 
	- Finagle's Fifth Fundamental Finding 

Out of the Mausoleums, into the Streets. 
	- "Figs" Newton, The Necrophile Liberation Front 

Megalithic monuments were certainly not places of worship but places of 
refuge for people fleeing the advance of mud. 
     	- Furbish Lousewart V, Unsafe Wherever You Go 

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