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Doomed to Obscurity Issue 02
+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+
+ doomed to obscurity + issue two + september 10th, 1995 +
.s sS$
"$$$" . "
S$ $ s .s s" ""$s
"$ $ .ss$S "$ $$
"$$$$Sss $ss$S"""$ s: $:
"$s "" s"$" $ S. $ Yb s
.$s "$ S. Ys S :$ "
. " $. Ys :$ : .
"$ :$ $ s 33
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+ "i want to be different - just like everyone else" - king missle +
+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+
+ one gunshot
+ submitted by - gumby
painful thoughts dance in my head.
maybe i should go ance with the dead.
many people have taken this path.
some more famous than others.
a few rock stars, a son, a daughter,
or maybe even your mother.
this choice solves nothing.
it has nothing to prove.
it's a big cry for attention when
you are in a bad mood.
everyone thinks that this is the
answer.
but, when you lie awake in your bed
asking yourself if a gum to your head
will make you feel good again.
shrug it off and get some much needed
rest.
- sam griga 8-4-95
+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+
+ kixorin' bran' gnu flava in yah ear
+ by - black francis
*** bF (francis@netaxs.com) has joined channel #ansi
*** users on #ansi: bF m0rph^_ @bignig @kingnig imanig negro dewdlenig
<negro> dewd, dat dto numbah one wuz rilly gewd excep' foh dat intro dat bF
did, dewd. it had too much attitude, niggah. i ain't lyin'. he'z
a cocky sunuvabe-yatch. dewd, didn't bF drop outta dah scene,
anywho? pass me dem awps, niggah.
<dewdlenig> dewd, he'z a lamer, mah nig dewd nig. pass dem awps.
<m0rph^_> dcc me satan
*** bF has been kicked out of channel #ansi by kingnig (dewd, yer a lamer)
*** bF (francis@netaxs.com) has joined channel #zines
*** users on #zines: bF fatslayer @rattle @tut
*** mode change "+o bF" on channel #zines by rattle
<rattle> dewd, where'z dto #2?
<rattle> dewd, oh yeah, dewd. dat intro yew did in dto #1 had too much
attitude, dewd. people think yer a lamer & stuph. dewd. yeah.
<rattle> so, where'z dto #2, dewd?
*** signoff bF (shut up)
(everyone begin reading)
it's like there's a party in my pants - & everyone's invited!
well, welcome back. if you are coming back, that is. this could
very well be the first issue of _doomed to obscurity_ that you've ever read.
most likely it's not, though. i mean, this is only the second issue. but
see, chances are that you've read issue one.
"shut up, lamer."
anywho, let me remind you kids of something before i begin - _doomed
to obscurity_ is a _monthly_ 'zine. you know, like, every 29-31 days.
yeah, monthly. now, if i'm going to release it early (which, i assure you,
will not happen often if it does at all), i'm going to release it at my own
leisure.
what am i getting at? i will say this once & only once - DON'T BUG
ME FOR THE LATEST ISSUE. THIS MEANS _YOU_.
ok. now that i've got _that_ out of my system.
oh yeah. important news here : um. ok, i've decided that i really
don't like running a board. yeah. took me a while to figure that one out,
i guess. so, basically, what this means is : no tacoland. no tacoland
means, bing, no _doomed to obscurity_ whq.
eek.
now, somewhere along the line, i was stuck with the task of finding a
new whq. the very first idea to pop into my little mind was to make dto
totally internet oriented. kill the middleman & not even use a whq. then i
realized that there are still some deprived folk out there who don't have
internet access.
shit. ok ..
next, i searched high & low for someone who ran a board (preferably
a 'zine board) & had actually heard of _doomed to obscurity_ (finding
someone who _liked_ it was a whole other story). much to my surprise, i had
no luck. no luck, whatsoever.
double shit. alright ..
now i began to panic. i began looking for a half-way decent board in
_my_ area code that had even a _hint_ of 'zines online. then, amazingly
enough, i get some e-mail :
+-----+
doomed to obscurity or whatever... no need to upload it, I already got it on
irc..... the board it said to call (i forget it) but the nup was dreams are
free... well that board hasn't been pickin up for.. like... 3 days since i
tried callin it.... I'd just like to say black francis you are like god and
stuff.... um.. if you'd be so cool, call my board or zip up all the red's
and pez's and give 'em to me... I think I got up to reading red #8... right
after the interview with you and somebody....
"is that a banana in your pocket or you just happy to see me"
"oh this? that's a banana"
call my board paste!
215.862.5894
by the way were you the dood that was obsessed with
woodchucks? If you are I suggest special help
heh heh but it was pretty cool
d a r k a n g e l
+-----+
this kids timing was uncanny. it amazed me. so, anywho, i asked the
dewd, like, "dewd!@ do yew wanna be, like, dto whq?" & being the smart
fellow he is, he accepted.
so, after delaying the release of this issue a tad & getting some
things straight, paste is officially crowed _doomed to obscurity_ whq.
man, that's a load off my back.
(_doomed to obscurity_ writers & hopefuls continue reading.
everyone else - leave the room)
now, you may or may not be wondering, "dewd, what da phunk am i gonna
do about mah submissions & them pesky ell-dee billz?"
well, there's not much _you_ can do. once again, here are your
options :
1) upload all submissions to _doomed to obscurity_ whq - paste (the
number is listed at the bottom of this file & in the dto informational
file).
you can either setup your own account there or use the dto guest
account, "snuffkins". the password is "snoopy" (don't ask me - i don't run
the place). this gives you access to all of the dto restricted areas & will
help you avoid the trouble of creating an account & waiting for access.
_or_
2) mail all of your submissions to dto@lavadome.jetbbs.com.
(everyone begin reading again)
anywho, the whole crew did a super-bang-up job with this issue. i
sincerely hope you enjoy it, fuck-face.
+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+
____
___| |_ _
___| | _______
| | | |
+---------------------------- | | | | | | ----------------------------+
| | | | | |
doomed to obscurity two | | | | | | and all contents therein ..
| | | | | |
+---------------------------- | | | | | | ----------------------------+
|_____| |_____|
|___ _
1 - one gunshot
by - gumby
2 - kixorin' bran' gnu flava in yah ear
by - black francis
3 - doomed to obscurity & all contents therein ..
by - black francis
4 - the most elite bbs in the world
by - murmur
5 - frannie's anarchy corner
by - black francis
6 - dweebs on tv
by - mogel
7 - hiroshima revisited
by - shadow tao
8 - barium enema
by - eightball
9 - logic schmogic
by - mogel
10 - insert witty title here
by - mogel
11 - world wide waste
by - im2k
12 - so hard to be punk
by - eerie
13 - mr. corporate gets wired
by - shadow tao
14 - why lollapalooza sucks
by - fake scorpion
15 - how to be an ansi phag!
by - morpheus
16 - elevator
by - shadow tao
+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+
+ the most elite bbs in the world
+ submitted by - murmur
edgar had grown quite disgusted with the warez scene. he'd been a
warez trader since the ripe age of 13 (first he had been an annoying little
geek on chat boards). edgar became widely known and regarded in warez
circles as having the fastest and best warez. but, edgar was 18 now, and
was growing tired of exchanging copyrighted software. sure, he was on top
of the game, but he'd come to realize his associates were morons. still,
he liked getting the games first, and he didn't want to completely blow it
off.
edgar ran a rather well-known elite warez board in the 414 area code.
414 wasn't the most widely known area on the map, but it wasn't a slouch
either. people from coast to coast knew that when they dealt with edgar
(glassshard to his warez buddies) they were dealing with an important
individual, and they all went out of their way to butter him up.
this all ended when a new influx of youngsters eager for the latest
doom wads and simulators plowed into the scene with a complete lack of
respect. people called edgar's board and leeched it dry as best they
could. edgar got pissed and cut off all leeches and trimmed down his user
list but the trend swept across the scene and suddenly no one was uploading
but everyone was downloading.
finally, edgar had had enough. he decided his days as warez courier
were over. he was discussing his decision with one of his friends, ray
(airraid) when edgar said, 'hell, ray, if i'm going to run another board,
i'm going to run a board you can only log onto locally, just to keep the
fuckin' lame-ass 12-year-olds away.'
ray thought the idea was brilliant. 'edgar, that's it. you'll have
the most elite bbs in the whole damn country. you work on a new board,
i'll go out and spread the word. a local-logon-only board. then, after
time, when a couple of us real people have come over, logged on, we can
drop the whole warez bit, and run a *real* fucking bbs. if you *ever* want
access, you have to log on locally *first*.'
edgar thought ray had lost his mind, but he agreed. edgar said he'd
have his new board ready at 7 a.m. monday, and he would keep it open during
specified hours during the week for local visitors. he thought maybe,
maybe ray and frank and charlie would show up, maybe some adventurous warez
kiddie if ray bothered to get the word out.
at the very least, edgar decided to impress ray by setting up one
hell of an amazing board. using *sophisticated* techniques edgar
personalized his creation, no outlet, into one of the best set-up boards
the area had ever seen. it would be a waste, he thought, when only four
people got a chance to see it.
among other things, he altered the upload and download commands so
that instead of initiating protocols downloads would be to the 3.5" a:
drive, uploads from. edgar imagined some dipshit coming with 27 disks to
"download" windows 95 from him. the whole idea seemed rather novel, and,
at the very least, it would get old timers in the scene talking about what
was wrong with things again.
come 4 p.m. monday, ray and charlie had paid a visit to edgar. ray
was amazed at the setup. 'shit, man, you should put that up for everyone!'
but edgar was firm. charlie said he'd never seen another bbs set up so
well and if he had to log on locally, he would, at least once a week.
edgar laughed at them both.
by tuesday night frank had stopped by, drew had stopped by, and ray
came back with some kid named joe. everyone was raving about the setup.
edgar called a local message board on wednesday and found out quite a
discussion was being whipped up about no outlet. by thursday night alan
and ralph had come by, and a couple little warez kiddies had too. edgar
had more users on no outlet in four days than some boards had gotten in a
month, and they all had to log on locally!
the warez kiddies were so impressed they kept coming back, armed with
their tdks, 3ms, and basfs. edgar decided to go ahead and add active
message bases if people were going to *use* the system. they did. and,
even more impressive, they posted. they brought warez *with* them. edgar
was stunned as his user base hit 50 and his message bases displayed more
activity than any other board in town.
within a month no outlet was the hottest commodity of all. at least
ten people would visit daily, sometimes arriving in such bunches edgar
couldn't accommodate them all well, so he started charging them for snacks.
and they paid. in fact, people started hanging out in front of edgar's
house. ray and charlie and frank were almost always there; they had all
met new girlfriends, stolen from little warez kiddies who brought their
'cool gurlz' with them.
edgar was going insane. the number of visitors a day was reaching
the hundreds. people were fighting for the computer. edgar could only
either shut the computer down or open it up for calls, hoping people would
go away.
at first he tried letting calls come in. but the people kept on
coming. people that didn't know the first thing about computers were
coming for edgar's bologna sandwiches. he grew angry and frustrated, as
now his warez were of no use to him. his computer was completely occupied,
24 hours a day.
finally, over three months after no outlet opened, a freak hard drive
crash silenced the board. when the board itself died, some people still
came, but in smaller and smaller numbers. suddenly even the bologna lovers
went away, and edgar was by himself. ray came by one day that week with his
latest score, a 14 year-old redhead. 'too bad about no outlet, man.' but
edgar wasn't so disappointed. 'man, it was driving me wild. lemme tell you
what i learned from this mess.' and thus he proceeded:
'i always thought, you know, talking to people over a computer, that
was kind of weird. then no outlet happened, and look. all these computer
people start talking to each other in person, having a hell of a lot more
fun than they would at home, typing away. but they're all here, primarily,
to type away to get my warez. it's so weird. and then people show up,
people without computers, because they're such fucking losers. ray, all
these people were losers. we're losers. but it's done now, and i'm out,
and i realize, hell, i'm going out and living. somehow no outlet proved
that it's more fun with a whole shitload of people.. although it was a pain
in the ass for me, keeping my eye on the grubby little thieves.'
'my warez days are over, old man. i'm getting rid of it. i've got
my windows95, my word, my pinball, my qedit registered, what else the hell
do i need, eh? heh. i need to get out, away from the fuckin' computer.
the computer, that one computer it seems, brought all these weirdos here,
here, my house, to do god knows what, with their warez, and then all these
extra weirdos, and they were all here for no good reason, and when that
reason died, it took forever to get rid of them. these people have no
damn minds, they just keep coming back to the same old cheap shit. enough.
i'm movin' on.'
ray found edgar's words moving, moving indeed. 'that's great, edgar,
that's abso-fucking-rific. but, what are you going to do with yourself
now?'
'i'm starting a text file group, ray.'
+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+
+ frannie's anarchy corner
+ submitted by - black francis
this article was written for informational purposes only. i, black
francis, do not take any responsibility for any actions taken by readers of
this text.
+-----+
anytime is the right time for anarchy! what a better way to enjoy
your day than toppling the government & liberating the opressed!
+-----+
now, see, i am anarchy _incarnate_. when people think of anarchy -
they automatically think of me. well, nine times out of ten they do, at
least.
anywho, whenever someone has an anarchy related question, who do they
turn to? me, of course! 90% of the time, i'm asked the same thing :
"frannie, how can i sock it to the man with minimal effort &
thought?"
why, that's an easy one! i have enough simple do-it-yourself anarchy
tips to fill a book, and, since i enjoy helping out my fellow freedom
fighter oh-so-much, i'm going to share one with you today!
for informational purposes only, of course!
here's what you do, find someone you wish to inflict anarchy upon
(ie - a police officer piggy ham sandwich oink-oink motherfucker!) &
approach them. try not to look suspicious & most importantly - stay calm.
they'll know something's up if you're sweating like roger ebert.
tell them to repeat the following phrase three times fast :
"one smart fellow. he felt smart."
then, the unsuspecting victim will attempt to repeat the phrase as
told, eventually slipping-up and saying :
"one fart smellow. he smelt fart."
then, quickly, run away shouting something along the lines of, "down
with oppression! anarchists of the world - unite!" so that you may take
your anarchy elsewhere without being supressed by the man!
congratulations - you have just inflicted anarchy!
+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+
+ frannie's joke corner
+ submitted by - black francis
horse walks into a bar. bartender says, "hey there, pal. why the
long face?"
the horse says, "because i'm a fucking horse! i was born like this,
you insensitive motherfucker!" & kicks him in the chest killing him
instantly.
ha ha funny!
+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+
+ dweebs on teevee
+ submitted by - mogel
this was nabbed all sneaky-sneaky like from the cbs mailing list.
i guess the boys at cbs are wondering about the opinion of what
people want to be called that actually give a rat's ass about cbs.
if you're real bored, send your love to owner-cbs@cbs.com.
+-- dto --+
return-path: owner-cbs@www.cbs.com
from: owner-cbs@www.cbs.com
date: fri, 11 aug 1995 16:30:14 -0400
apparently-to: cbs-outgoing
dear eye on club members:
sender: owner-cbs@www.cbs.com
precedence: bulk
we need your help!
one of the new shows on cbs's fall lineup is dweebs, described as
being "set in the world of computer dweebs who are more comfortable in
cyberspace than with real life." take our word for it -- the show's funny.
but not everyone finds humor in the word "dweebs." what's your reaction?
have any bright ideas about other names for the show?
+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+
+ hiroshima revisted
+ submitted by - shadow tao
i figured because of the anniversary of the bombing of hiroshima and
all, that i should write an article about it. i just wanted to let you all
know how i see things.
i live in a retirement community. i don't live in an area populated
by a huge percentage of senior citizens. i don't live in an area that is
surrounded by retirement communities. i live _on_ the grounds of a
retirement community. my father's job requires it. anyway, this means that
i am forced to interact with a greater percentage of wwii vets than, say,
your common 19 year old. these people who live around me say that the
current view of the bombing of hiroshima is a disgrace. they say it is a
disgrace to the memory of the people who died fighting wwii. they see it
from the point of view that is shared by a majority of their peers.
"america the good and just," they say with a glimmer of patriotism in
their eye.
the japanese, understandably, don't share that view. every time pbs
runs a documentary about hiroshima, they always show a child. a child,
through the repercussions of the atomic bomb, that has lost all hope of a
normal life. a child that grows into a scarred adult, who ages into a
deformed senior. through the horrible and awesome power of the atom, these
children have been destroyed.
unfortunately, like a lot of things, both of these views are right.
but, in the very fact that they *are* points of view, they are blind to the
greater truth of the atrocities of war.
almost every wwii age vet views his actions through the lens of 50's
american propaganda. everyone knew what hitler was doing to the jews.
everyone knew the evil actions of the japanese military. what everyone
didn't know was that even though these countries had to be stopped, it still
didn't make the war just. we were not "god's army" marching off into hell.
we were not "the forces of justice" liberating the oppressed masses. we
committed the same acts and did the same evil. we crusaded and killed
innocents. we conquered other lands. we oppressed people.
the returning soldiers and generals came home to a grand welcome.
there were treated as heros and role models. somehow, during all this
flag-waving and kafuffle, the warriors somehow attached the acts that they
did to the cause they fought for. the bombing of cities and industries in
foreign lands no longer stained their minds. the burning of the jews
somehow began to outweigh the 50,000 people that had been vaporized only
weeks before in a manner so horrible that even hitler himself could not pull
off. the horrible torture and experimentation was somehow more painful,
even more so than the thousands in japan whose skin began to fall off from
flash burns. the bombing of london was somehow more sinful, more sinful
than even the incendiary carpetbombing of major japanese cities. the threat
of the nazi empire was the greatest threat to democracy the world had ever
known. it somehow even overshadowed the empire of fear brought by the atom
bomb, the greatest threat to human life that the world had ever known.
the japanese have felt the sting of the american military. the great
atom bomb dropped onto their peaceful city, vaporizing thousands of peaceful
civilians. thousands of children were killed instantly. thousands of
children, who spent considerable amounts of time stabbing straw dummies made
like soldiers. we were to believe that we had killed the innocent children.
in this war, there were no innocents.
the japanese had become the greatest military power in all of the
pacific. they had conquered great portions of china and the philippines, as
well as innumerable islands. they had conquered and murdered, tortured and
destroyed in ways that are almost too gruesome to think. they had done so
through the efforts of a thoroughly militaristic populace. even the
americans paled at the comparison of the cause within the japanese empire.
the citizenry supported the war. yet they were "innocent civilians."
my point is this:
there was no "right" cause or "right" side to be on. we all became
murderous barbarians. it was clear that we had to stop hitler. it was
clear that we had to do _something_. what wasn't clear, apparently, is that
the ways is just as important as the means. we oppressed to stop the
oppressors. we murdered to stop the murderers. we bombed the shit out of
german cities, killing hundreds of thousands, only to overrun the city with
tanks, claiming to have 'liberated the people.' we fought a war against a
madman burning jews, only to end it by incinerating the japanese.
we became the very thing we fought against, and somehow, gained a
sense of righteousness in the process. there was no winners, no victors, no
world-wide happiness. war is pointless and idiotic, and the faster we come
to realizing that fact, the faster we can work towards a true and lasting
peace.
+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+
+ barium enema
+ submitted by - eightball
interesting title, you may notice. well, if you've ever had one, i'm
sure you're cringing right now. enema: (n) when some man you don't know
decides to infiltrate your anus with a tube. barium: yummy unidentifiable
white "stuff". together, they cause hundreds of americans yearly extreme
pain and discomfort.
picture yourself entering a hospital. your general practitioner (or
pediatrician for you kiddies) told you that the procedures today would be
necessary to figure out what exactly is wrong with your digestive tract. you
complained about acid indigestion, heartburn, reflux, etc. he suggested
this rather inexpensive procedure. so here you are...
you arrive in a waiting room, where a female (its always a member of
the opposite sex who comes to make sure everything's ok) nurse escorts you
to the changing room, so you can slap on your rad hospital threads. she
then tells you to drink whats contained within a sealed bottle. upon
opening the bottle, you discover that this mysterious substance is some
sort of carbonated pink juice. ..oh, and it smells horrible. but, you have
to drink this, so you might as well get started. you shudder as wave after
wave of disgust roll over your body. but hey - a chick gave it to you!
anyway... so after about, say, 20 minutes, she comes back and takes
you to an examining room. now, i don't know about you, but when a 20-some
year old girl asks you to lift your cheeks (by the way, you're not wearing
any underwear, so you're not sure exactly what she can see), it's not a
typical day.
now... let's assess the situation here. you're lying down, in some
strange hospital, with a young woman who's applying lubricant to your
sphincter. embarrassing? no way! you're too elite for that. so after 5
minutes of easing this gel into your asshole, a thoroughly humiliating
experience, the doctor finally comes in. he explains a little more about
what's going to happen. you do not like what you hear. he flips a screen on
next to you, and proceeds to insert a long tube into your behind. first
feeling: discomfort. hell, that's being light - all out fucking pain,
man. suddenly, your bowels are suddenly feeling quite bloated. yes, he's
turned the tube on, and you're feeling barium entering your lower digestive
system. he tells you you can watch your intestines expand on the viewer
adjacent your bed. damn, there's nothing like having gallons of a foreign
substance travelling the opposite way through your body.
after 10 minutes, you feel as if you've eaten out burger king four
days in a row without going to the bathroom. finally, he extracts the tube,
but maintains that you have to continue to clench your sphincter so no
liquid will escape. now, you're still watching your intestines on this
screen (how the hell are they monitoring the insides of you, anyway?!?!?),
and you're practically in tears, begging to be let to go to the restroom.
at last, you're permitted to run (and i mean run!) to the bathrooms
(which, of course, are on the other side of the hospital), and let it all
out. but man, you've never shit like this before... its like pissing
liquid from the wrong hole. and when you go to wipe, you can't even tell if
there's any barium to collect, because its white!
on your way out, the nurse smiles at you, and leans over to you,
whispering, "don't worry, i didn't look."
- yeah right -
+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+
+ logic shmogic
+ submitted by - mogel
arlen spector is my hero.
i sit here everyday thinking about my confused past life. you know,
the one i used to have before i was wiped clean. sometimes i really wonder
if i was crazy. i had a million thoughts everyday from the simple to the
complex - all intertwining, multiplying, splitting, shitting, and merging.
it's all a big blur to me now. life is just a big blur. i forgot why i was
even put on this earth. there's no irony here. don't look for it.
people always are asking what their purpose in life was..."who am i?
why am i here?" they would always wine like little nitwits from the
generation of the 24th letter in the alphabet. i just snickered and sat
quietly arrogant to myself - for i could honestly say at one time, i knew
the answers to life.
well, that was until i forgot it.
i remember little peices of what once once my purpose in life. some
insignifgant ramblings i used to have about not wanting to be labeled as
anything. but that couldn't have been it. i certainly could not have
thought so illogically!
yes, my life was a shit hole of stupidity until i found logic.
sometimes i even wonder if i found logic or if logic found me. it doesn't
matter anymore, however, since i had grasped the force that was to be my
entrance and escape from the world at the same time. logic was an amazing
force - it was like discovering one day you have super powers. like one
day getting blasted with gamma-rays and gaining a new un-human ability.
people don't understand logic the way i do, but i use that to my advantage.
i used to be one of them. one of the sheep.
how could i have missed such an easy paradox? the mere fact of not
wanting to be labeled is a label! how stupid. everyone knows that the
world is finite. there's just so much you can do and that's it. no more.
it's pathetic and pointless to fight logic, isn't it? i mean, logic tells
us we cannot say things like "the are no absolutes." of coarse, we all know
that that statement is an absolute - creating a paradox that we just
couldn't deal with in a logical society.
fortunatly, whatever past life and past thoughts i had were just
that. the past. i have learned through a good solid college education,
law school, and grasping the full force of logic how many things in life
actually pointless!
for example, i have learned that hope is one major thing that is
totally pointless and a waste of time. it's all an illusion to care about
what's going to happen, since obviously whatever is going to happen to one
will happen anyway, whether they dream about it or not. it's just a waste
of precious energy.
love is also a waste of time. people that marry out of love are
illogical and stupid. after all, we all know that the logical purpose of
marriage and relationships are to create a family that will benefit society
as a whole. what does love have to do with that?! the answer is obvious:
nothing. love, like hope, is a waste of time as is just another human
behavior that is a socially patterned defect that we need to systematically
erase.
and the most common and equally stupid illogical human behavior is
compassion. this is something that simply cripples progress. any
intelligent or successful business, person, or organization will tell you
that when you spend your time piddling around for the benefit of others, it
only makes you weaker. logic tells us that only the strong will survive,
so fuck everyone else but yourself.
the day i was finally bathed in the light of logic ans wisdom, i was
granted serveral insites about my ignorant, moronic past life. after
further pondering i then discovered the whole idea of having a "purpose in
life" was a completly illogical idea, since there is obviously never a way
that any human could actually figure out what their "reason for living" was,
unless, of coarse they were about to die.
what could i have possibly been thinking?! didn't i know these
things? logic is so basic, so obvious. logic makes everything total
perfectly senseable. yellow is not the color yellow because mr. john yellow
said it was. yellow is yellow because it is truth. logic is all truth.
and we all know there is no hiding from the truth, no matter how scary.
thankfully, through the glorious higher education that was logic, i
have learned that my former life was just a waste of hoping flesh. i can
hardly even conceive of the disgusting things i used to do. i used to have
dreams, thoughts, feelings, and (get this) - i used to write about my
feelings. what an ilogical, wasteful loser i was! everyone knows that all
modern writing is complelely stolen from other writers of the past. why
must we slow down progress by just repeating the old?
my entire past life has been joyfully washed away. i can now sit
back in my roofless bmw by the beach. it's great to have the weekend off
from washington. yes, i know that taking a vacation slows down the progress
of my job a bit, but i feel in the long term it is more logical to relax.
for then i will be more regenerated for work! yes, logic is wonderful.
whoever said logic takes you places you don't want to go was full of shit.
logic is a great tool that makes everything have a meaningless meaning. i
fuck myself daily with logic and smile.
+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+
+ insert witty title here
+ submitted by - mogel
date: 2:19 pm wed aug 16, 1995 number : 1 of 5
from: dark phiber base : private mail
to : mogel refer #: none
subj: h3lp! replies: none
stat: normal origin : local
dear mogel,
i think i have taken a lethal dose of dto. i called up the posion
control center and ask 'what should i do? i think i had too much dto.'
they told me to read the label, but i couldn't find one. then they said to
call the manufacturer, and i told them i didn't have his number. they
couldn't help. isn't this drug approved by the food & drug administraion?
that's exactly what it is, a drug. i want more and more but there is only a
limited supply. can you help? i search out 0-day all day long. when i am
not looking for 0-day i have this urge for pork products and little candies.
i tried to substitute dto with other t-files, but i am overwhelmed with
naseau and vomit. nothing compares to dto. i want more. i need more.
tell me how i may help my problem!
+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+
+ dto spotlight on - im2k
im2k; writer - currently serving a four-year sentance at san diego
university, im2k has been around the internet scene for about ten
years and has been know by over twenty psydeonyms. his articles
often revolve around stupid people and how they react in today's
world to the onslaught of information brought in more and more by the
technology, the media, and of course the inpho-sewper-dewper-highway.
im2k's favorite past time is finding very stupid high school girls
with large breasts and taking _complete_ advantage of them simply
because they actually think that older men are more mature. fnord.
+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+
+ world wide waste
+ submitted by - im2k
"biff! quick - get on aol! we need to surf the net!"
"yeah! we're _cyberpunks_!"
<sigh>
i've arrived upon the conclusion recently that everything that was
golden and wonderful in the past of the internet is basically lost forever.
i suppose i'm a pretty stubborn guy, but i had this dwindling hope that
somehow the "stupid" of the internet would just be ignored. unfortuntly,
as more and more people jump onto the "information i-want-my-mtv-freeway"
cyberspaceical nonsense, i feel it's utterly hopeless at this point.
bandwidth hurts. it weems! eventually prodigy and aol and a
thousand other slave services will have full internet access. it's really
only a matter of time. things can only get worse.
"what exactly is the problem?" many people ask. the problem is that
the internet's foundation was based on the exchange of "valued" information
and communication. now the word i used there, "valued," i suppose might
lead the clever devil's advocate to point out the subjective nature of the
word. i suppose you're right. what is defined as "important" and not is
quite hard to define. however, i think there comes a point where the
obvious nature of stupidity comes in. there must be some slap-in-the-face
truth.
i guess that the internet's current direction of massive
commercialisation and political attention can only increase almost
exponentially. very soon it's estimated that 10% of america will have an
internet e-mail address _at least_. that means _one out of ten people_
in this entire country can be reached by computer.
is this good or is this bad? it's again, multi-sided issue. it _is_
a good thing that technology is going to be linking everyone in the world
together ultimately (well, anyone that can get to a computer. i seriously
doubt i'm going to engange in any philiosophical discussions from a starving
ethiopian any time soon). however, taking in everyone in the world
basically means taking in people all the way from rocket scientists to
the fuctionally moronic. and, sadly, this destroys the very fabric of what
the internet was meant to be.
i remember a time when i could get on usenet and read hundreds of
grand messages filled with insightful conversation and debate (okay, well,
*many* of the newsgroups were at least..heh). now i can't even stand to
read them at all anymore. every time i get on, i see more and more posts
consisting of:
+-- dto --+
from: findline@aol.com (jeremy s. finkelstien)
newsgroups: alt.grunge
subject: re: fuck you!!!!
date: 11 aug 1995 13:24:22 gmt
organization: america online
lines: 13
> all you guyz dont nwo shit!!
> n-e-1 else thinkz filter kix azz?!
>
> - ralph
i love dem!!! me too!!!!
_________________________________________________________________________
| this world hasn't given me jack shit!! |
| "i am the voice !!!!!!! __ __ !!!!!!! "take everything, |
| inside your !!666!! \\____// !!666!! i dare you to!" |
| head." -nin !!!!!!! ( 0 0 ) !!!!!!! -hole |
|___________i_am_the_devil______ \ /\ / _______findline@aol.com___________|
`-||-'
+-- dto --+
ultimatly, the people that _are_ doing something productive and
meaningful on the internet will be pushed out.
especially with such stupid, lame things coming into popularity, like
iphone. jesus.
"it's just like irc except there's voices."
do we really need _another_ irc? irc is already the epidome of
stupid.
*slick* r u female?
*milt0n* got the squeaky 800#?
*janes* lamer!
*pinkman* you're in #hack? how do you hack prodigy???!
do people really make these things for the purpose of entertaining
bored little computer geek kids? please tell me no. if it's a yes, then
shoot me now.
and of course, we come to the big mother of glowing mass-appeal - the
world wide web. someone find me my prosac. quick!
the world wide web is what really becons the people. it gathers the
most attention. "mosaic" (with it's little globe for that oh-so-cyberspace
affect), "netscape", and other web browsers (prodigy, aol, and other slave
services have versions, too! joy!) give people a typical wind0ze
"point-and-click" visual "user-friendly" fighting chance at boucing around
visually through the www. i suppose the visual vs. text based debate
has been a constant for quite a white in the computer world, however, as
people like bill gate's scramble to make even _more_ money, i can only see
much more of this.
the problem with the world wide web is that's it's ultimatly a big,
slow waste. it attracts the same basic simple-minded crowd that aol and
prodigy does in essense. there are exceptions, but i've heard the
expression "well guys, i'm off to surf the net!" one to many times to take
this lightly. user friendly is _not_ good if it's limited, and most of the
time, that's what the case is. www included.
and just take a look at the www. what is it really? every joe-bob
moron loser get's a chance to set up infinate homepages till the cow's come
home. "come visit my home page, man!" gee, i can't want to see a thousand
_more_ stupid large gifs and redundant links to yet another web page full of
a thousand redundant more "kewl links" that go back to the same 15 pages.
ya gotta love it. may the force be with you, future html writers.
let's just also make this clear - you can do whatever you want on the
internet _without_ the www. ever hear of gopher?
"but i like pretty pictures!"
i ache. ultimately, in the end you realize that all this is going to
happen anyway, so you just lose hope. the internet hype will explode a
jillion times more than it is today, even more people will hop on "the net."
we'll see a whole slew of commercialisation, legal battles, and media
stories. we can only pray that ultimatly, after all this change has taken
place that will happen over the next ten years and onward, that the internet
will still be relativly "free." i imagine i'll still be along for the ride,
as depressing as it is.
+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+
+ so hard to be punk
+ submitted by - eerie
1987
----
"YOU ARE ALL MAINSTREAM MUFUQAS(*&/!$ BE PUNK(*&$"/ US PUNKS LISTEN
TO GOOD MUSIC$)(*/")(* MTV SUQZ(*&"$/(&* WE ARE OPEN-MINDED UNLIKE
YOU(*&$/(*& STOP LISTENING TO THAT U2 SHITNIZ(*&)$"(*& PUNK WILL RULE THE
UNIVERSE SOON(*&$/" PREPARE TO FACE THE WRATH(*&$/"(*"
1989
----
"what did that guy just say?"
"i dunno. hey look, i got myself this metallica tape.. it's awesome."
1991
----
"YOU ARE ALL MAINSTREAM MUFUQAS(*&/!$ BE PUNK(*&$"/ US PUNKS LISTEN
TO GOOD MUSIC$)(*/")(* MTV SUQZ(*&"$/(&* WE ARE OPEN-MINDED UNLIKE
YOU(*&$/(*& STOP LISTENING TO THAT METALLICA SHITNIZ(*&)$"(*& PUNK WILL RULE
THE UNIVERSE SOON(*&$/" PREPARE TO FACE THE WRATH(*&$/"(*"
1993
----
"hey, maybe he's right."
"yea, that sounds okay.. i'm kind of tired of heavy metal."
"let's buy a PUNK record!"
"dunno if my mom will let me.."
"yeah. she dont like it when i buy records with explicit lyrics
stickers."
"whatever. the punks dont care about this."
"you're right."
"i heard some offspring man.. it RULES!!!!!/$&*"
1995
----
"YOU ARE ALL MAINSTREAM MUFUQAS(*&/!$ BE PUNK(*&$"/ US PUNKS LISTEN
TO GOOD MUSIC$)(*/")(* MTV SUQZ(*&"$/(&* WE ARE OPEN-MINDED UNLIKE
YOU(*&$/(*& STOP LISTENING TO THAT OFFSPRING SHITNIZ(*&)$"(*& PUNK WILL RULE
THE UNIVERSE SOON(*&$/" PREPARE TO FACE THE WRATH(*&$/"(*"
1997
----
"you heard that? that offspring greatest hits compilation is #1 on
the billboard chart."
"they're sellouts dude.. listen to this cd.. gimp vomit, by the
fertilizers.. h4rdk0r3 man!*&($(*&$%"
"what label are they on?"
"zit juice records."
"wow.. ain't that so fucking underground!!!"
"that's right. we're punks, don't forget it."
"i won't."
1999
----
"YOU ARE ALL MAINSTREAM MUFUQAS(*&/!$ BE PUNK(*&$"/ US PUNKS LISTEN
TO GOOD MUSIC$)(*/")(* MTV SUQZ(*&"$/(&* WE ARE OPEN-MINDED UNLIKE
YOU(*&$/(*& STOP LISTENING TO THAT FERTILIZERS SHITNIZ(*&)$"(*& PUNK WILL
RULE THE UNIVERSE SOON(*&$/" PREPARE TO FACE THE WRATH(*&$/"(*"
2001
----
" .. and the winner for best pop/rock album of the year is .. "
<tearing enveloppe>
"oh, i can't wait to see this!"
"OFFSPRING!"
<applause>
"well, i'd like to thank all our fans, the guys at epitaph, mtv and
all the radios that played us.. and of course a big, big smoochy thank to my
wife, courtney love!"
" .. and, uh, the only thing we want to tell us is simple: BE PUNK!
GET HIP TO OUR ANARCHY!"
<applause>
" .. and now let's go with a live performance from the fertilizers!"
+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+
+ mr. corporate gets wired
+ submitted by - shadow tao
i was paging through the latest issue of wired the other day. as i
did, it seemed if something was coming to me. the ads were becoming more
asinine as the page-flipping continued. the bright mtv-ish style of print
was getting to be a little annoying. then it came.
"adults are just big, stupid children."
well, anyway, back to page flipping through this *ahem* magazine.
if you ever feel like flushing 5 bucks down the toilet, contact the
people at wired.com and they'll make sure that you do it in the ugliest
possible way. if they have something to say, can they just write it? no.
let's make it bright orange on a blue gradient background. then, cover it
with little netscape icons and put an irrelevant little quote on it.
preferably by some scientist/surfer/philosopher who is also a cyber-jock.
bleecch. <shiver>
here's a great example of a typical ad:
+-- dto --+
+ stupid icon +
the world's first multimedia food bar!
"where local digerati go to meet and greet" -newsweek
"exceptional dishes!" -sf chronicle ***
pictures of people eating and web browsing. men and women clicking
and drinking. "ooh! lets go to the microsoft homepage!" as they eat their
merde frommage. pictures of elegant cuisine with diskettes stuck in them.
+-- dto --+
first of all, how do you eat multimedia food? (is it windows '95
compatible?)
here's another typical ad excerpt:
+-- dto --+
+ the art institutes international +
you're a _little_ different. you surf the net without a board. you
daydream in paisley. you're a member of the bill gates fan club.
+-- dto --+
stop@#!@#!
here is yet another example of adults with money, adults with ideas,
and adults without a clue. yes, it's sad. yes, it's pathetic. and damn,
yes, it's annoying.
1st. i'm not a _little_ different. i'm a _lot_ different. i've got
horns, two skulls, and a little man in my bellybutton.
2nd. who is a fan of bill gates? he has his own _island_ fer
gawdsakes. the man is satan with a briefcase.
here's a good example article:
+-- dto --+
+ the helsinki killer ball +
when finnish sculptor markus copper was a child, he enjoyed playing
videogames and watching movies like blade runner and alien. now, at 26,
he's making his own monsters. copper's most terrifying kinetic sculpture is
juggernaut, an enormous steel ball that weighs as much as two cars. it has
a motor, motion sensors, a juicy battery, and the mind of a psycho killer.
### ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ kind of like the republican
### party.
it hunts you. if you don't jump aside, you'll be trampled under it. and it
won't stop until the battery is dead.
### ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ it _is_ the republican party!
copper says he's not concerned about injuring people. accidents can
happen, but folks know what they're about to face. juggernaut is stored
behind a steel fence in helsinki, and anybody who wants to play with the
killer ball must unleash it first. the message is obvious: this experience
might just take your life. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ howbout: everybody! let's play with the steel ball of death!
copper's next project? "bombs. i want to make bombs."
+-- dto --+
well. i think this just about typifies the common wired article.
idiotic, yet curiously interesting enough to read.
when the business world began to take notice of the internet and
communications technology, it seemed as if a horrible revolution had begun.
this revolution promised sales and markets at a stunning rate; something
that the regular media could no longer provide. soon after, internet
services grew around the country, bringing all of this bit-stream world to
our backdoor.
then marketing came into play.
people began to realize the potential of the net as an advertising
media. every small company with time to spare set up a homepage on the web.
corporations began to investigate the inet in attempts to keep up with the
times. eventually, a media niche occurred and investors saw dollar signs;
"wired" was born. the computer world did a purple-on-green shudder.
wired was something of a techno-culture phenomenon. it presented
itself to readers as the definitive product of the internet sub-culture. it
tried to educate others as to what direction our little world was heading.
it brought to the world bright pictures of techno-innovation. it attempted
to draw pictures of internet cultures for the rest of the world. but in
doing so, it had ignored one of the real purposes of the internet and
corrupted itself in the process.
wired attempted to bring old-school thinking into new-world
applications. it brought the capitalistic ways of subscriptions and
promotions to a new realm of possibilities. this bastardized form contained
the news of the net, accompanied by marketing for official "wired" gear, a
pay-per-play music preview system, and literally thousands of ads. this
magazine is now the perfect picture of hypocrisy: it sells you information
from the internet; a network that is practically designed around the freedom
of information.
in a move to capture new yuppie-users, the 'zine has decided to go
mainstream and leave the techno-nerds behind. subscribers who had
previously ignored the magazines information marketing for the issues it
addressed were slowly alienated by the newer target audience. wired, with
every passing issue, became less and less 'cutting-edge cyber-culture' and
more and more 'mr. smith gets aol.' this corruption became unforgivable as
this move invaded every section in the magazine. "jargon watch" no longer
was purely "net"; it now included industries that weren't even within the
realm of internet. articles became little more than staff-written ads for
products. "street cred" was, itself, no longer credible. everyone within
the mag helped to promote the idea of 'conservative-business-techno-chic.'
somewhere in the background, what the adults had labled
'techno-geeks' were laughing quietly. middle-age men who would not know
linux from doom ii danced across the pages; each presenting himself as
'cyber-cool.'
this whole "hey-everybody-i'm-trendy-cuz-i-surf-the-net" craze
appears to be an idea concocted by a story-hungry media. this modem-powered
bandwagon has taken off in ways that even ms-bill ("i'm everywhere!") could
never have imagined. every soundbyte and feature clip on computers was
pulled from file. local computer experts are featured constantly on the
evening news:
"is _your_ computer hacker safe?"
"how to protect your children from perversion on the internet."
"how to make sure you don't actually have to watch your own kids and
still be able to let the computer do it for you."
(okay, okay, i made that one up, but it fits the idea.)
my point is this:
our precious little world is changing. it is being changed by
parents who cannot begin to comprehend the world of the internet. it is
being changed by congressmen who want to satisfy angry legislation-happy
constituents. it is being changed by politicians like big booby dole, who
don't even have experience with the things they want to constrict and bind
with law. it is being changed by magazines like wired, who try to apply
their greed to the internet. it is being mainstreamed; it is being boxed,
shipped, advertised and sold.
we cannot feed the hypocrisy of magazines like wired. they preach
the rights and freedom of the internet, and out of the other side of their
mouth, they help to build the very concepts that take away those rights.
they claim to support the freedom of information and speech, but they
promote family activities within the net; an area not meant for the
babysitting of small children. they have become the ultimate symbol of the
90's computer industry: a view of both sides of an issue, favoring the
oppressed _and_ the oppressor.
+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+
+ why lollapalooza sucks
+ submitted by - fake scorpion
i don't know exactly why i'm writing this, considering a few of my
favorite musicians are going to be at this year's lollapalooza. i'm a bit
saddened by them giving into this institution of mtv, but hey... if i was
offered a couple million, i'm sure i'd do it too.
actually, lollapalooza does present a day of fun. i went last year,
and i'll be going this year as well. so what's so bad about it? to put it
bluntly, the people. lollapalooza = fashionable/trendy to most of the mtv
generation.
the reasons i attend lollapalooza differ from many other's reasons
for going. and anyone who differs from me is a prick, right? i'm sure
that's how i'm coming across, but i do have a point, just listen.
before school ended this year, a couple of people who knew me only as
"weird" asked if i was going to attend this year's lollapalooza. i told
them i was. i asked if they were, and they said definitely, they told me
that they had already bought tickets. i was cool with that until they asked
me who was going to be playing. they didn't have a clue.
i go to these festivals because of the bands, not because it's the
cool thing to do. most of the people that attend lollapalooza are just
there because it's fashionable. they are there to buy the t-shirts to brag
to all their friends about being at the cool event of the summer.
i heard that the first lollapalooza wasn't like that. it figures
though... people are afraid to try anything that isn't accepted by everyone
else. i dislike not lollapalooza, but what it stands for. i don't really
blame perry farrell for this, i blame god, err whoops i mean mtv.
lollapalooza has become an institution of the majority.
+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+
+ how to be an ansi phag!
+ submitted by - morpheus
ansiansiansiansiansiansiansiansiansiansiansiansiansiansiansiansiansiansi
n!^#$*^%#!%#$#@!&(*&%&@$@$#!@#%@!#$(*&%)&*@^$#$@~#~$^(*&()*&^@%$@#!$&*!a
s$ansiansiansiansiansiansiansiansiansiansiansiansiansiansiansiansiansi@n
i%n .-----. a^s
a*s finally explained! how tew be an ansi phag! v0 0v n*i
n!i here is a list ov the the basic steps tew being \x/ s@a
s$a an ansiphag!!@#!@# the dewmed i!n
i(n ansipup! a*s
a)s 1.] put up a bbs! yeah it shure sounds easy but there lots of n(i
n!i stuff involved! remember you need a modem (28.8 only!#@!) s$a
s#a and a computer@#! (i phorgot that one!#@ no wonder nobody i%n
i%n ever kalled it up!@#@!!) now here's yer k-rad checklist : a#s
a^s n!i
n&i a. does yer bbs have 0-day ansipacks!? [ ] s(a
s!a at least have acid and ice and cia d00d! i)n
i#n b. does yer bbs have a nup? [ ] a)s
a%s c. how about a nuv system!?!@?#! [ ] n#i
n~i d. how about a sekret k0d3 dialin suffix!?@@!# [ ] s&a
s e. does yer bbs have an elite three letter acro!? [ ] i@n
i 1.] if not here's an easy way tew make sum d00d#@! s
a. use words phrum real life@!#@!# i
b. make up sum new words#@!#@!
c. remember only tree digits#@!(or fiyve?@#!)
d. here are some nifty ideas tew steal offa me!#@
skool!, rad!, warez!, doh!, dcc!, satan!, kradd!
make shure to give me kredit d00ds!
f. does yer bbs have elite krad affils?#@!#@! [ ]
1.] if not here's an easy way tew get some@!#
a. use really elite ansi groops (phake it!)
ie: d00d call "phat whackd reflectionzz bbs"!#@!
acid whq , ice courier whq, cia whq t0o#!@
b. make sum elite groops up#@!
ie: d00derz kall dis phunky donkey bbs place#@!
kraft whq , lumpy ewhq , phatie whq , dood whq@!#
d00derz dah nup is "fuck youo00oooo00o!" nuv t0o!#@
c. get 0-day warez in there@#! ansigroops dig warez#@!
d. make ur own elite ansi groop#@!
ie: d0oo00oood kall here plz! "bo0bies" is lookin phor
phresh new talented members!$@# must brind 0-day@!
g. does yer bbs have krad warez affils#@!?@# [ ]
1.] if not email: eagle_1@wood.com and request some#!@
h. does yer bbs have s00per d00per p1mp1m ads?! [ ]
1.] if not here is an example i just made@#!
_________________________________________________________
rad!@^-> [d00dz!d00d3r!do0d3!d0od1e!d00dl3z!d00d^2!dood3r!do0dliez!]
t0o l33t-> [ call unseen warez ansi -=elite=- bbs ]
wh0a!#@ -> [*n0d3#1:private n0d3#2:(713)t0o-krad n0d3#3:(713)t0o-l33t]
l0ok owt-> [acid whq! ice whq! cia whq! toa whq! hoe whq! 0-day #@!! ]
kiqass!$-> [butt is looking for new skilld membahz call and apply!@!#]
[-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-]
2.] now ur bbs (uwa) is ready phor action@!$#@!$#
2.] advertise yer bbs on irc (internet relay chat) you must do this
to become truely elite and this is a great source of the 0-day!
a. first you must get a www browser + winslip acct [ ]
b. surf the net on the www phirst#@! here are some krad
ansi only sites tew visit@!#
1.] www.acid.extern.uscd.edu
- acid - need i say more?!#@
2.] www.ice.org
- cia - w3rd leet ascii!#@
3.] www.8lgm.org
- 0-day ice warez#@! -
4.] www.wood.com/~eagle_1
- various krad groops#@!
5.] www.???.x?x?xx?x?
- k0uld be y0o@#!
c. now it's time phor irc (yay!) zip up yer packs! [ ]
d. go on irc with an elite version of ur nick! see: [ ]
1.] black francis -> bF (krad!#@)
2.] eerie -> e3ri3 (i think@!>?)
3.] morph -> m0rph^_ (t0o krad phor me@!#)
4.] spiff -> _spiff (wh0a@#!)
5.] mogel -> mogel (3y3 ph34r#@!)
e. mass dcc everyone on irc and do it twice! [ ]
f. sit in the elite chanlz to become elite!#@! [ ]
1.] these channels include only:
#ansi ##ansi #scene #ice #acid #cia #phreak
#warez5,7,6,3,2,4,1,0,13,69,666,10,9,~elite
#warez~sites,-sites,_sitez,#traders,#dod,#razor
#pain,#nin,#zillions,#warez-chimps
g. now beg phor ops you must do this to be elite!@ [ ]
1.] try these catchy phrases! one might be ur lucky
ops getting phrase!@!
- "op me!"
- "op me d00d(z)!"
- "opz"
- "pass the ops!"
- "dcc me saten!"
- "+o?"
- "3y3 n33d 0hz!"
- "dcc m3 s4t3n n0w!"
- "ru opped? op me!"
- "how do i op myself?"
- "opz!"
h. ok now you got ops: kick some lamers#@!#@! [ ]
1.] note: anyone not opped and not begging phor ops
is a complete lamer#!@ kick them a lot!#@
2.] banning ppl is optional!
i. when krad d00dler enter the channel you msg them [ ]
1.] here are some elite msgs i advise yew to use#@!
- "can you draw me an ansi?"
- "can i be in ur groop?"
- "wanna join my elite (always say dat!) groop?"
- "ru female? then ur an awful gay guy."
- "can u dcc me saten?"
- "u want ops?"
here are some nifty followups after opping him/her:
- "can u draw me an ansi?"
- "can i be in ur groop?"
- "wanna join my elite (always say dat!) groop?"
- "ru female? then ur an awful gay guy."
- "can u dcc me saten?"
- "op me!"
k. lern how tew flash, n00k, flood and takeover! [ ]
1.] check out www.wood.com/~eagle_1
3.] u r now elite! you have many options now, some of them are:
join a krad groop! make ur own really elite groop! hang around
on irc all the time! get a life! it's up tew yew now@!#!@#
4.] ok you're elite and have been for awhile... you will soon find
the sekret underground werld of ansiconfs@#! (yay!) here is a
survival tip checklist (d00d u will def'ly need this!)
a. before yew get on any conf yew need a few things! [ ]
1.] a s00per d00per rizzo (the jerky boys) voice,
this will make you s00per krad elite on confs
that ansi d00ds are on!
2.] three way?!#@ you'll need tree way@!# (yea on ur phone!)
call up yer bell office and get sum d00d!
kard it!@##@!
3.] oncor's #? ok u'll def'ly be the life uv the conf wiff
the oncor action lamo line # close at hand@#!
4.] sum 911 backdoors?#@! yea! they exist d00d! get sum#!@
5.] touchtone (phor dialin' and tonin' lamers#@!)
a. did you get the conference number and k0d3? [ ]
b. is it time tew call up the conf? (call early!) [ ]
c. pick up the phone and type in the k0d3z!!@#! [ ]
d. people will be on there talking [ ]
1.] tone phirst talk never#@!#@!
e. begin toning@!# [ ]
f. talk like a jerky boy@#!#@! [ ]
g. ok play rap music real loud rite now#@! [ ]
h. tree way oncor#@! (yea boyyyyyy!#@) [ ]
---------- ur now 100% bonafide ansiphag! yay! -----------
www www eeeeeeeeee
www www www ee
www wwwww www eeeeeeee .we are dewmed bbs.
wwwww wwwww ee (215) yur-m4m4!
www www eeeeeeeeee (215) y0r-mam4!
.-----. / h4lp i'm dewmed@#!
aaa rrrrrrrr eeeeeeeee v0 0v
aaaaa rrr rrr ee /\x/\ kall wad tod4y hom1e@!#
aaa aaa rrr rrr eeeeee | ||| | acid whq ice whq cia whq
aaaa aaaa rrrrrrrr ee | ||| | butt whq whq whq
aaaaaaaaaaa rrr rrr ee '~^^^~` 0-day 28.8 +++ only#@!
aaaa aaaa rrr rrr eeeeeeeee (215) fuq-yo00!
(215) dewm-ed2!
dddddddddd eeeeeeeeeeee www www mmm mmm eeeee dddddddd
ddd ddd ee www www www mmmmm mmmmm ee dd ddd
ddd ddd eeeeeeeee www wwwww www mmm mmmmm mmm eeee dd ddd
ddd ddd ee wwwww wwwww mmm mmm mmm ee dd ddd
dddddddddd eeeeeeeeeeee www www mmm mmm eeeee dddddddd
d00d ur dewmed t00 s0 k4ll rite n0w!
+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+
+ elevator
+ submitted by - shadow tao
the elevator
i am afraid of the elevator.
it could go up.
it could go down.
splat!
vile betrayor!
your shiny buttons tempt me so!
let me rub you with love
rub, rub.
+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+
doomed to obscurity issue two has been brought to you by the letters p, q,
and the number five.
for the latest in dto propaganda, call dto whq - paste - @ 215-862-5894
all correspondence should be directed towards - dto@lavadome.jetbbs.com
d2o two / all rights reserved - 1995 - doomed to obscurity press
+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+
