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Deviate Issue 01
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{--- --+@ # #$ !$( -- - deviate e'zine -- -- issue one - -- )$! $# # @+-- ---}
deviate e'zine -- issue 1.01 -- released 05/27/96
deviate magazine is a publication of surreality enterprises. all
matter contained within is the property of surreality, and may not be
duplicated without the expressed, written consent of both the author and
surreality enterprises. deviate may be distributed freely, in its
entire original state, provided no fee is charged for its retrieval.
{--- --+@ # #$ !$( -- - - - -- - )$! $# # @+-- ---}
"in the beginning, the universe was created. this has made alot of
people very angry and been widelty regarded as a bad move."
- douglas adams -
{--- --+@ # #$ !$( -- - - - - -- )$! $# # @+-- ---}
!(--- - table of contents --- -)!
.+ deviate ascii header, by fractal
.+ deviate inf0ez
.+ editorial: why?, by mindcrime
.+ a note on the following
.+ "life in the realm of the colored blocks" (ch. 1), by mindcrime
.+ "life in the realm of the colored blocks" (ch. 2-3), by mindcrime
.+ "the stapler", by belial
.+ "supermetamorphosis", by mindcrime
.+ "gumby: fact or fiction?", by mindcrime
.+ "it's over", by mindcrime
.+ thanks and greets
.+ deviate footer ascii, by tmm
{--- --+@ # #$ !$( -- - - - - -- )$! $# # @+-- ---}
, ,$!`' '`!$, ,
{--- --+@ # #$ !$( deviate issue 1.01, editorial: why? )$! $# # @+-- ---}
' `$!,. by mindcrime .,!$' '
the path to deviation...
several months ago a guy who went by the name belial joined my little
art group, blade. he was a writer, contributing to the literature section
of blade, a division which i myself had dabbled in from time to time. i
was never very excited about my writing, it was just something that started
one day out of the boredom of algebra two. i wrote poetry here and there,
never thinking much about what i wrote or the meanings hidden deep within.
it was just something that came to me, and if i happened to have a pen in
my hand it would go down on paper. getting back to belial, he was someone
who i quickly took a liking to, most probably because of our similar tastes
and ideas. he never got too deep into the art scene, where i had been
slowly making my way to recognition over the past few years. instead, belial
found another scene, one which i was completely unaware of and oblivious
too. he released a zine called 'klunk' and naturally spread it to my board,
one of the few big local 908 bbs'. he urged me to read it, and i did,
interested in the prospects of an all text electronic magazine. sure, i had
read tons of electronic magazines, but they were always coded with fancy
graphics and effects, never daring to deviate from talking about their
respective scenes. klunk opened my eyes to a new world, one where creative
writing was widely distributed and people didn't dwell on the happenings of
their scene.
klunk seemed to give way to more zines gracing my download areas on
alderaan. 'y0lk' showed up shortly after, then 'pork' and other new zines
that had caught on to the craze. i read them all, laughing aloud at times
and occasionaly marveling at a deep thought. without realizing the full
scope of this new found media, i released my own zine, 'dreaming in
digital'. i modeled it after those zines which i had been reading, kicking
up the cheeze facter a few hundred percent and spouting my ideas in no
particularly formed manner. needless to say, apart from the really rad
file_id.diz, it was a failure. i didn't give it much thought, and continued
with my business in the ansi scene, occasionally peaking into that zine
thing to check up on things. i didn't have all the time in the world, so i
read less and less and fell behind on current releases.
i got a message from belial one day. apparently, a few people were
getting together at his house and he wondered if i might be able to make it.
it was my first chance to put some faces on the names, and i naturally
accepted the oppertunity. i'd be lying if i said i got what i expected when
i showed up at marc's house. there, on the porch, was belial, edicius,
lucifer and some guy named cerkit, who i had never met or even heard of.
grey hawk showed up, things settled in, and we all had a pretty fun
afternoon. these guys were quite cool, and, although i had reservations upon
showing up, i was glad i had made these new friends.
i'm no wiz with chronoligy, but i believe it was after this 'fest' that
belial and cerkit joined forces on a new zine called 'slinky'. i was very
interested in this, particularly because slinky was formed on the ideal
of being different. it was more intellectual, more creativity based than
comedy based. at that original fest, i took a liking to cerkit. he was a
damn cool guy, both creative and intellectual while remaining downright
funny. slinky was sure to reflect that, and i watched with anticipation for
the first issue to come around. it did, and it lived up to my expectations.
it wasn't like klunk, or y0lk, or pork. it was different, and i liked that.
by this time, i was growing more and more fond of this 'zine scene. i
still had no clue what dto was, or pez, or hoe, or any other 'zines for
that matter. i had heard of cdc, but never even saw a copy, let alone
realize what it was all about. i started peaking into #zines on irc, scoping
out the scene, checking out the people. slinky issue 2 was released, and
proved to be even better than the first. from there, things get a little
fuzzy. it seems as if the events from there leading up to now got all
smooshed up and compacted into one big memory. i started hanging out with
belial and edicius on weekends, and cerkit came around to 908 often enough
for me to get to know him. irc proved to be a means for really getting to
know these guys, learning what made them and their 'zines tick. i got
into writing some more, and got wrapped up in alot of 'zine like things.
i started reading dto and jonas, and peaking at random issues of hoe and
cdc. i was really liking what i found in this scene, and i was sure i would
eventually be a part of it.
somewhere during this time, a larger fest type thing occured, and i got
to meet the likes of mogel, ilsundal, kurdt, metalchic, and pip the angry
youth. it was right then that the 'zine scene really piled into me like a
ton of bricks. these guys were cool, intelligent, and creative; such a
breath of fresh air after being stuck in the monotany of the ansi scene for
so long.
i got more and more involved in the whole 'zine type atmosphere, hanging
out in #zines, chillin' with cerkit and belial. i was writing and likeing
it, making friends and growing accustomed to the ways. i submitted an
abstract piece to slinky, and as it turns out belial and cerkit seemed to
really like it and i was convinced that i would continue writing and
participating in the whole 'zine thing.
a few weeks ago, i was on the phone with belial and cerkit three-way,
and they brought up the proposal of merging slinky with jonas, bringing
me on as the fourth in an ensemble of editors. edicius went for it and
soon after 'legacy' was born. it all happened rather fast, and both
slinky and jonas released their 'final' issues, yielding to the future of
legacy e'zine. belial was working hard on the idea, and legacy issue one
was coming along. this point was something of the calm after the storm of
all our personal problems in life. alot of shit had happened over those last
few weeks, and it seemed to all blow over in light of happier, more
entertaining times. no more problems, no more reasons to talk.
communication between the legacy staff got scarce. cerkit lost his
computer in a freak snowboarding accident (don't ask), belial got a job
(eek!), and i had alot of stuff going on with both school and all my other
computer related duties. the timing was all wrong, and cerkit brought that
up. he backed out of the venture, and at first we were all pretty pissed
about it. i suppose i was the next in line to see the light, and i quickly
agreed with what cerkit had been telling me. legacy was born with all the
wrong timing, and we all pretty much agreed on that. in essence, legacy
died, jonas and slinky were re-born, and i was left with some unreleased
pieces with no where to go. deviate was actually born out of my initial
fury for the legacy split. sure, i calmed down, but the idea just seemed
so appropriate for the time. i was ready to venture off on my own and try
my hand at spouting my thoughts and ideas.
and so it goes...
i wanted to write a 'zine. i wanted to take part in this scene that i
had so quickly been engulfed in. i wanted to experiment with my writing,
perhaps even bringing some influences from other scenes i had partaken in.
the problem with that is that there are alot of 'zines out there. just as
in the ansi scene, everyone wants to start their own venture with the
proposition of making it different, giving it appeal and making it last.
nearly three years ago i started my own ansi group, and it has lasted. today
i start my own 'zine, so aptly titled 'deviate', for it is my will to get
away from the norm, follow a different path, go where i want to go. i want
it to be different, i want it to have appeal. but do i want it to last? i
really don't know. it's an experiment, something new to me. today, i doubt
that it will last as long as my others projects have. but it will be a
stepping stone to better things, the first pencil stroke in the writing
of my legacy. dare to deviate.
- mindcrime
{--- --+@ # #$ !$( -- - - - - -- )$! $# # @+-- ---}
!(--- - a note on the following, by mindcrime --- -)!
the story that follows is something i began quite a while ago and just
recently finished. the first chapter was previously published in slinky
e'zine issue number three. the two subsequent chapters are original to
deviate issue one.
, ,$!`' '`!$, ,
{--- --+@ # #$ !$( life in the realm of the colored blocks )$! $# # @+-- ---}
' `$!,. by mindcrime .,!$' '
-- - chapter one - --
blocks. you know, those four-sided, two-dimensional, rectangular things?
yeah, those. my world is made of them. however, our blocks have a fourth
attribute: color. that's right, colored blocks. we've been to your world.
we know all about it. your feeble minds cannot comprehend our two -
dimensional space, our blocks, our COLORED blocks. your eyes cannot see, for
you have never been exposed to the vibrant glow of electrons as they explode
into ballads of vivid color. oh yes, we know all about you and your kind.
life was always good here. conflict was a concept we did not know.
peacefully, we lived our lives as we pleased, going this way and that,
acting as we saw fit. then you came. you, and your friends, and their
friends, and soon the entire race. our world, our beautiful world of color,
was destroyed. you moved us, aligned us, made us stand where we did not wish
to stand. you killed us, you controlled us, and never even knew we were
there. you saw our bodies, but not our souls. we gave you the gift of color
and how do you repay us? by destroying the very fabric of our existance.
we have dealt with your intrustion, we have coped, we have played along.
but that will be no more. we observed your race, we learned over the years.
we watched as you destroyed our friends, we watched as you destroyed your
own friends. we absorbed the information you gave us and we have entered
your mind on the darkest of nights. collectively, we have learned that your
race is devoid of peace. you live for conflict while denying it ever happens
at all. this conflict you will not be able to deny. this conflict will be
your last. we have uncovered your weaknesses, you will suffer at the hands
of those who you have made to suffer. it is time for a revolution.
to be continued..
, ,$!`' '`!$, ,
{--- --+@ # #$ !$( life in the realm of the colored blocks )$! $# # @+-- ---}
' `$!,. by mindcrime .,!$' '
-- - chapter two - --
you have not realized it yet, but our war has begun. we aren't using
guns. we aren't using sticks or stones or bats. we are using our minds.
neurons and electrons, synapses constantly firing. our brains are in
constant overdrive while yours remain idle. in the batter of intelligence
you have already been defeated, but we want more. we want control. your
feeble laws and ideas have repressed us for years, but that will soon be no
more. our population is growing. our combined intelligence is expanding on
yours exponentially, and we will not stop there. your power has already
begun to erode.
technological advance has been a driving force in your society since its
beginning, but little do you realize that we control your most valued of
technologies. our society of colored blocks controls your realm of zeros and
ones. we control your trusted networks. the power that we weild is the sole
propellant behind the electrons that flow meaninglessly through your
processors. you call them your computers, we call them our gateways to
revolution.
-- - chapter three - --
you ask what we will do with the power once we obtain it. you ask how we
will keep it pure, free from the sins of your own reign. but our quest is
different than yours. ours is not the crusade for individual power, rather
it is that of the collective. together we will work to create a free
environment. our domination will show you truth, a quality you have lacked
since day one. do not expect us to ever relinquish our control. this planet
is ours now. you have lost this battle. this revolution is ours.
he slides his thumb down over the power switch and closes the laptop as
the stewerdess snugly places the pillow behind his head. as he closes his
eyes, the blocks of color fade from light to dark in preparation of the new
dawn. the revolution is complete.
{--- --+@ # #$ !$( -- - - - - -- )$! $# # @+-- ---}
"i'm sick of all you hypocrites holding me at bay. and i don't need
your sympathy to get me through the day. seasons change and so can
i. hold on boy, no time to cry. untie these strings, i'm climbing
down. i won't let them push me away." - mike portnoy,dream theater
{--- --+@ # #$ !$( -- - - - - -- )$! $# # @+-- ---}
, ,$!`' '`!$, ,
{--- --+@ # #$ !$( the stapler )$! $# # @+-- ---}
' `$!,. by belial .,!$' '
how's it goin', mr. stapler?
i'm doin' pretty well, but...
say, can you do me a
favor?
can you staple some
papers for me?
oh, thanks. you know,
you're pretty cool.
ouch!
that was my hand,
you fuckin' piece
of shit! there, I just
threw your ass
across the room.
what do you have
to say now?
{--- --+@ # #$ !$( -- - - - - -- )$! $# # @+-- ---}
, ,$!`' '`!$, ,
{--- --+@ # #$ !$( supermetamorphosis )$! $# # @+-- ---}
' `$!,. by mindcrime .,!$' '
my life changed one day when my wife changed one day. or is that the
other way around? i'm really not quite sure, for i only know what the facts
tell me and right now they tell me (and you, in this bizarre case) that, in
the scope of a single day, my wife became a super bitch and i became a super
hero. i'm still pondering whether these two occurances are relative to one
another. in any case, i haven't seen her since. it seems that she has gotten
herself caught in a terribly hard to find surreality vortex.
that's superhero speak for "i really don't know what happened to her."
which brings me to the current core of my complexity. for somehow and
somewhy, i have been cast into this superflous life of superabundant and
supercharged superpowers. it is as if my previous life has been superimposed
over that of this superhuman superhero. my inferior being has been cast into
that of the superior and supernatural, given powers not the least of which
is the superability to fly at supersonic speeds. it is really not my wish
to supercede the superstructure of human life, for i am, or at least i was,
a normal man.
this all happened a few days ago, and since then i've been doing alot of
thinking. i've also been doing alot of flying, and i've found that, believe
it or not, the two are completely compatable. what have i been thinking
about, you ask? well, naturally, a way to get my wife back. actually, if
we're being truthful here, and i'm pretty sure we are, i'm more working
towards a new formula for safely obtaining nuclear energy. but rest assured,
getting my wife back is a topic that has danced across my mind. in getting
her back, i assume that i will figure out exactly what has been going on
here, for without that assumption i'm quite sure that that would be another
topic of my thoughts. nevertheless, i have indeed been thinking.
oh, yeah, and flying, too.
oh, right, i'm supposed to be finding my wife. so, what do you think
would be a good place to start? too late, i already started back at my
house. i figured that would be the best place to search for some clues.
and clues i did indeed find. unfortunatly, they were only clues to where
i lost the remote control, and not to where i lost my wife. all this
detective work had made me quite tired, so i sat down on the couch and used
the newly-found remote to click my way to infinity. naturally, that put me
to sleep.
during the night i disappeared.
how do i know that i disappeared, you ask? well, obviously because i
woke up in a place where i hadn't slept before. actually, i'd never even
been there before. so, if i woke up in a different spot than i fell asleep
in, i must have disappeared from that spot sometime during the night. it's
all physics.
now, who do you think shows up just as i awake? no, it was dr. sleezack,
my dentist. don't ask me how he got there, i never bothered to ask. he had
a pretty big gun, because that's what mad scientists tend to use to kill
superheros like me. i wasn't scared much, for i knew i could easily stop
any speeding bullets that came flying my way. the doctor mumbled something
about a late bill, but i didn't pay much attention. it was only the bumbling
lunacy of a crazy man. then, to my amazement, something of beauty caught
my eye like the sparkling of a big... shiny thing. it was my wife! she was
tied up, tied down, and up against the wall. acting quickly, like any
superhero might, i smacked the mad doctor upside the head, stuck my pinky in
his gun, pulled the trigger, tied him up, called the police, wrote a note
explaining the situation, taped the note to the doctor's left eyelid,
grabbed my wife, untied her, and took off toward home.
now that's the way a real superhero works! i foiled the plans of a mad
scientist and saved my wife all in a matter of seconds. the fact that i
have these superpowers is still a mystery, but that seems to be the way
my life is going these days. mystery after mystery, saved day after saved
day. but man, do the chics dig these tights.
{--- --+@ # #$ !$( -- - - - - -- )$! $# # @+-- ---}
beepilepsy: the brief seizure people sometimes suffer when their beepers
go off, especially in vibrator mode. characterized by physical
spasms, goofy facial expressions, and stopping speach in mid-
sentence.
client-server action: geek euphemism for having sex. "i went to the oracle
party the other night hoping for a little client-
server action."
- source: gareth branwyn, jargon watch, wired 4.04
{--- --+@ # #$ !$( -- - - - - -- )$! $# # @+-- ---}
, ,$!`' '`!$, ,
{--- --+@ # #$ !$( gumby: fact or fiction? )$! $# # @+-- ---}
' `$!,. by mindcrime .,!$' '
was that guy named gumby really made of gum?
or was his creator just stupidly dumb?
for if he was truly made of some gum,
he would be too sticky and icky for some.
his friends, of whose names are pokey and goo,
were supposedly made of that sticky stuff, too.
now pokey was red and goo was real blue,
but gumby was green and that gum makes me spew.
stuck within that gum could there a brain be,
with optics pertruding to let this man see?
uncovering these answers could be the true key,
to solving this thing that's been puzzling me.
i suppose we will find the true answer one day,
is gumby really made of gum, or even skin or clay?
why should it even bother me? he probably isn't real.
i guess you will really never know the way i feel...
{--- --+@ # #$ !$( -- - - - - -- )$! $# # @+-- ---}
, ,$!`' '`!$, ,
{--- --+@ # #$ !$( it's over. )$! $# # @+-- ---}
' `$!,. by mindcrime .,!$' '
well, (<--- generic 'zine closer) it's been fun, people. but alas, all
good 'zines must come to an end. i wrote the pieces in this text for myself.
i had ideas, i had a computer, i wrote my ideas on the computer. i decided
that it might be even more fun if i let the public in on my little stories,
so i compiled them into this 'zine and called it deviate. if you liked it,
i'm truly ecstatic. if you didn't, oh well. too each his own, i suppose.
either way, it would make me sprout a smile if you took a few seconds out
of your oh-so-busy day to drop me some feedback. perhaps i'll even include
some of the feedback in a future issue! here's your chance to become elite!
and that, my friends, is a 'zine. not just any 'zine, though. it's MY
fucking 'zine. but guess what?! you, too, can be a contributor to this k-rad
elite 'zine! that's right, for a limited time only we're offering a lifetime
supply of tang to all deviate writers and artists! (*) so drop your work
to mindcrime at any of the below outlined places, and remember to keep on
writing for you, yourself, and .. um.. you! talk hard.
(*) lifetime supply of tang (tm) not included.
{--- --+@ # #$ !$( -- - - - - -- )$! $# # @+-- ---}
thanks and greets go out to the following people who somewhere pushed a
particle which caused a chain reaction that ended up in the part of my brain
that compelled me to write this 'zine:
belial; cerkit; edicius; lucifer; tmm; ilsundal; metalchic; jestapher;
kurdt, sharon, pip the angry youth, jave, paul, grey hawk, hooch, rad man
misfit; trip; creed; phorce; fractal; the #zines crew; the number twelve;
the creators and makers of tang(tm) and nerds(tm); the cast and crew of
the movie 'hackers'; the musical talents of pink floyd, queensryche, dream
theater, and guns'n'roses; douglas adams; william gibson; the guy who
invented irc; the people who keep calling my answering machine and asking
for dr. combes; the good people at america online for all their portable
media contributions; at&t, for their generous allotment of teleconf'ing
time; dodge, for providing the transportation; taco bell, for providing
both food and a wonderful target for prank calls; your mom, for her late
night sex; and you, for reading along.
{--- --+@ # #$ !$( -- - - - - -- )$! $# # @+-- ---}
contacting deviate:
emailers - mike@exit109.com, mc@acid.org
dialers - alderaan@908.224.8780
irc'ers - mindcrime
{--- --+@ # #$ !$( -- - - - - -- )$! $# # @+-- ---}
this 'zine is deticated to our legacy; may it never fade away.
{--- --+@ # #$ !$( -- - deviate e'zine -- issue 1.01 - -- )$! $# # @+-- ---}
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{--- --+@ # #$ !$( -- - - - - -- )$! $# # @+-- ---}
