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Doomed to Obscurity Issue 05
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doomed to obscurity issue five - unleashed on 12/19/95 at 11:30 pm
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(1) "ice cream truck"
by - fake scorpion
ding dong
the ice cream truck flies by
not stopping for the kids
who begin to cry.
the truck continues onward
until it hits a wall
the driver drunk, blood oozing from his mouth
tons of scary nightmare dreams
yum yum! free ice cream!
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doomed to obscurity five | | | | | | & all contents therein ..
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1 - "ice cream truck"
by - fake scorpion
2 - "doomed to obscurity four & all contents therein .. "
by - black francis
3 - "black francis quits"
by - mogel
4 - "white lumps : egg's poo"
by - dead cheese
5 - "dear moggie ; a guide to modern love on the information superhighway"
by - mogel
6 - "it's not that hard, really"
by - murmur
7 - "statistics"
by - fake scorpion
8 - "the amazing story of processed apple strudel"
by - neko
9 - "respect & tolerance ; my own private anarchy"
by - eerie
10 - "my fate - your doom"
by - fake scorpion
11 - "fat niggaz step to ma skillz"
by - dead cheese
12 - "i don't know what, but something's wrong"
by - sed
13 - "suck a tomato"
by - juke
14 - " .. & silently, he died"
by - shadow tao
15 - "tee-fuckin'-hee"
by - kojak
16 - "sage - condiments ; chapter 175"
by - murmur
17 - "ascii toons"
by - black francis
18 - "contemptible breakfast"
by - shadow tao
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(3) "black francis quits"
by - mogel
boy, life sure sucks!
last night i got a copy of dto #5 from black francis. it was
different than the copy you're getting now. basically, bF put a bunch of
"fuck you"s all over the thing, and his "editorial" consisted of:
FFFF U U CCCC K K Y Y OOOO U U Y Y OOOO U U
F U U C K K Y Y O O U U Y Y O O U U
FFFF U U C KK Y O O U U Y O O U U
F U U C K K Y O O U U Y O O U U
F UUUU CCCC K K Y OOOO UUUU , Y OOOO UUUU
FFFF AAAA CCCC I SSSS TTTTT BBBB AAAA SSSS TTTTT AAAA RRRR DDDD
F A A C I S T B B A A S T A A R R D D
FFFF AAAA C I SSSS T BBBB AAAA SSSS T AAAA RRRR D D
F A A C I S T B B A A S T A A R R D D
F A A CCCC I SSSS T BBBB A A SSSS T A A R R DDDD .
I QQQQ U U I TTTTT !! !!
I Q Q U U I T !! !!
I Q Q U U I T !! !!
I Q Q U U I T
I QQQQ UUUU I T !! !!
Q
"ha ha."
see, although i know for a fact frannie was pretty annoyed with all
the constant online-nagging for new dto releases and the fact that he felt
like he had "no good ideas left to write about." (both of which hold a fair
level of bullshit). whatever. for lack of communication, and the almost
self-humiliating remote chance that frannie was joking, i held off the
issue to talk to him. check it out ;
(phone call at 10:34am this morning)
bF: "hello?"
m0g: <gratuitous 'happy guy' voice> "HEY JUSTIN."
bF: <obvoiously annoyed> "what do _you_ want?"
m0g: <pause> "uh, so, you're quiting???"
bF: "uh, yeah."
m0g: "out of everything totally?"
bF: "yeah."
m0g: "any particular reason?"
bF: "none that i can think of off the top of my head."
m0g: <pause of obvious shock> "uh, okay. bye i guess."
bF: "bye."
so _dispite_ the fact that i imagined frannie to be both my friend
and someone interested in dto, i'm pretty much at a loss here. i don't have
a great desire to be the head editor of dto. however, sadly, i guess i have
to be now.
this is not to make people say "guh. frannie - what an asshole!@#"
this is, instead, the real situation here.
in other bad news, prism.net crashed last month and i keep getting
"it'll go up soon"s from teletype, so i'm sorry for any lost mail that has
happened. until then, i'll haveta find a new permanent ftp site for us.
anyway, dto has a new _permanent_ forever e-mail address.
doomed@voicenet.com. write me there.
also, good ol' neko has been "busted" for various charges of computer
crime. it's a real ugly situation that i don't feel i should go into the
full details of right now. i'll let neko give you the whole story when this
whole mess is over with.
well, the whole new format, ascii, and editing of this issue is
almost totally frannie. i added in some stupid ascii toons thing that bF
did at the bottom. perhaps it's the last thing you'll ever see from him.
who the hell knows. he's "quit" before, after all.
so, please, enjoy the fucking issue.
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(4) "white lumps : egg's poo"
by - dead cheese
he wasn't the brightest egg in the world. he wasn't the fastest. he
wasn't the strongest. he was, however, an egg of a very different nature.
you see, this egg was egg.
"i like to pee," said egg.
"i think i want to hug some vermin!" squealed egg.
"mommy has a penis," explained egg.
egg liked to dance in the morning dew. egg liked his fuzzy, felt
hat. egg got good grades in school & when the teacher called on him, he'd
say, "teacher! teacher! look at my fuzzy, felt hat & see how it sparkles!"
egg could count to ten & sing folk songs at the same time. egg liked
to bask in the light of an open flame with his hand on his head. egg was a
good egg.
that is, until he he made a poo.
what a glorious, wonderful poo egg had made! it was soft & wet! it
was stinky & free! egg looked at his poo & rejoiced, for this was the poo
of egg! it was egg's poo! what must egg do with such a poo? egg must show
his poo to others! egg must make others delight in the happiness & warmth
of such a poo!
"see my poo? it is soft!" delighted egg.
"look! it is my poo! it is a good poo, is it not?" asked egg.
"look upon my poo & rejoice, sad stranger! all is well!" cheered
egg.
they took egg that day. they made him ride in a van & they took his
poo from him. they took his beautiful poo & threw it away like so much
garbage.
egg's poo .. a good poo.
egg would not poo such as that forever more. egg's poo was lost in
the raunchy of societal waste.
poor egg in a padded room.
poor, unhappy egg.
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(5) "dear moggie ; a guide to modern love on the information superhighway"
by - mogel the cuteboy (tm)
"like the warez on the hard drive, so are the 0-days of our
lives .. "
- the guiding 'leet
- -- ---]
got a relationship problem? sure, we all do! well, don't hurry your
pretty little head none, honey, good ol' love daddy moggums is here to help
you out - answering ALL of your CYBER-L0VE questions!
got a CYBER-P0NQ question? of course you do. you're a pathetic
idiot! ha ha!
i know everything. really. i swear i do.
- -- ---]
q : dear moggie ;
how can i get some play on the INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY?
a : the following are some of the most successful pick-up lines for irc :
<juliet> i'm female.
<erikb> are there any women out there who like a guy like me? my favorite
sexual act is going oral on a woman for as long & as many orgasms as
possible!
<mogel> any females interested in having netsex with a computer geek that
hides behind his computer masturbating to text conversation?
<y> Any women interested in having sex with a legendary member of the
computer underground?
<m0rph^_> dcc me saten!
<rattle> sorry to interrupt this file with an unrelated message, but i'd
like to say that i'm very mad about my cameo in the last issue of
dto. mogel misquoted me. it should have read "i REALLY love
bubbles & i REALLY phear mogel." sorry for the mix up.
<mercuri> m/sg trixie my ten-inch penis is so clumsy & annoying! grr! i
wish i could find a girl that would appreciate it!
<mercuri> 00PZ!@
<bF> hi.
<edi> i always feel closer to you when we use the same server, baby!
<spiff> i talk to mogel.
<socs> p.i.s.s. issue two - coming tomorrow!
- -- ---]
q : dear moggie ;
what channel will i find a good lover?
a : "it is fairly easy to score with a #hack chick, but you'd probably
wind up getting better head in #twilight_zone." - creep
- -- ---]
q : dear moggie ;
i met a really nice girl on the INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY. she says
she's soft & cuddly. what should i do?
a : it's not worth the bus ticket to go meet her - she's fat.
here's an example of what to look out for :
"ok, here's the info for bubble butt ..
real name : n/a sex : n age : 40+
aliases : none
city/state : out there ----->
voice phone# : unlisted
physical description : well i am a soft warm cuddly teddy bear with an
attitude.
comp. phone# : unlisted bbs : none
favorite movie : barbarella favorite tv show : red shoe diaries
favorite music : big bands instrument played : trumpet
favorite foods: junk food
favorite sport: SEX
other hobbies/interests : computers, SEX, computers, SEX, computers
general info : not that i can think of.
nope.
summary : fun loving teddy bear that nibbles."
(shudder)
- -- ---]
q : dear moggie ;
you're just an egotistical, superficial asshole, aren't you (eye
still phear you@!^)?
a : yes, i am (yew betta!@#).
- -- ---]
q : dear moggie ;
after reading your articles in dto #1 & #4 i think i have fallen in
love with you. what should i do?
a : i only love girls that write for dto (as you can see my selection is
pretty limited).
that's the first step to my heart, ladies!#@
- -- ---]
q : dear moggie ;
i'm an fbi agent & i've been doing undercover research pretending to
be a dto groupie. all i've really discovered is that morpheus likes
his blowjobs with teeth. can you help me out a tad & hook me up with
some sekret dto inphoz?
pretty please with sugar on top?
a : very well.
dto actually stands for daraa-torelei-organa, a libyan terrorist
group. my nick, mogel, is actually a variant of 'mohammad el kadaffi.'
black francis (he prefers african american francis) obviously has
connections to the black muslims. he prides himself on being the next
incarnation of malcolm x.
murmur = rum-rum backwards .. a smuggler! .. & who smuggled booze
like a madman before? none other than al capone!
eerie operates from an outpost in quebec, canada. .. & we all know
what comes from canada, right?
shadow tao has obvious allegiances with the far east forces of
communist china. .. & of course, that links to the former soviet union.
doomed to obscurity = kadahffi, malcolm x, al capone, & the commies
in one convenient package! phear dat!@#
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(6) "it's not that hard, really"
by - murmur
the apostrophe. '.
quite possibly the most misused li'l piece of punctuation there is.
why is this?
how fucking hard can it be to use the apostrophe correctly? it's a
really SIMPLE piece of punctuation. there's tricky things that can get
flubbed up, fine. but the following sentence is an example of typical
travesty :
- the boy's basketball team won it's game yesterday.
two apostrophe problems in one sentence. why? why do people use
fucking apostrophes if they don't understand them? let's look at the first
mistake : "boy's". this should be "boys'". why? because "boy's" implies
possession or description of nature, but of only one boy. to say "boy's
basketball" really means "a basketball belonging to a boy". now, "boys'
basketball", that can mean "a basketball belonging to boys". since in
actuality "boys'" is a descriptive word here not necessarily implying
possession, the definitions become ("boy's") "a basketball team of boy" or
("boys'") "a basketball team of boys". which one looks right? i wonder.
the second mistake, of course, is "it's". "it's" is a contraction
& means one thing and one thing only : "it is". "its", apostrophe free, is
a descriptive possessive pronoun. "its game" means "game of it". "it's
game" literally means "it is game" which is absurd, to say the least.
but we learned this in fucking grade school, & then again in junior
high, & then again in high school. we do it on a paper, we get it
corrected. so why do people persist in ignorantly adding a ' when it's not
supposed to be there? what the fuck is wrong with these people?
perhaps even worse are mistakes like these :
- sams mother gave me same cheerio's.
well, clearly "sams" should be "sam's". but what's more ridiculous
is the second mistake in this sentence : "cheerio's". what#@?? what the
fuck is going on here? the box clearly says CHEERIOS. that's the *plural*
form here. you know what? you don't use apostrophes for plurals!
surprised? shouldn't be. apostrophes are used when something like "k's" or
"q's" comes up, inferring "the number of times the k comes up" or some such
thing ; this is because "k" isn't really a noun, it's a letter. when we
type "k's" what we really mean is "k"'s ; the "k" is what there are multiple
of, in a sense. the apostrophe is necessary there because ks is
meaningless, but k's is clarifying. but that's not an everyday occurrence
anyways.
as a direct extension of the apostrophe problem comes :
- give me you're money. they gave me their's.
YOUR. not YOU'RE. same thing in reverse for
- your such a stud. wow.
get a clue, you fucking morons. for some eight fucking consecutive
years we're forced to learn these things over & over again because you fools
never pick it up, because you're so lazy & stupid. well, fucking STOP IT!
we're sick & tired of catering to your trite stupidity.
oh, & if you want to harp about my period placement around quotation
marks (i've got those "heeby-jeebies".), don't. the reason i leave my
periods outside my quotation marks is because the period doesn't belong
inside of them, because the thought inside the quotes is not in itself
needing punctuation while the sentence is. for
- he said, "i went to the store."
it's a bit different. "i went to the store" is a completed independent
thought that itself requires punctuation.
anyways. learn how to use your fucking apostrophes, or go to hell#!
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(7) "statistics"
by - fake scorpion
america is fattening up more because it's lighting up less. the
weight gain that usually happens when people quit smoking is partly
responsible for a 9% increase in the prevalence of obesity among americans
from 1978 to '90, a study shows.
so, light up.
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(8) "the amazing story of processed apple strudel"
by - dat nigga neko
one day, in the land of discontentment, lived a young man named
biztil. .. but i digress. how he came to be known as biztil is a long &
interesting story. actually, it isn't. one day biztil called a 900 number.
he was only 12, so he had to lie & say he was 18. he was afraid that
someone might find out who he was if he said his name was toby rakin, so he
said his name was biztil instead.
on another day, biztil was calling the 900 number again. but he
misdialed by one number & got a message that said, "the number you have
reached is not in service. please check the number & dial again." biztil
took this as a sign & never called another 900 number again.
biztil needed something new in his life, what with his phone sex days
being over. or so he thought. one day, he was looking at his daddy's
penthouse magazines & he saw an ad that was a 800 number. he rejoiced &
called it, knowing it was free. but they asked him for a credit card. so
he went out on the street & picked up a hooker, beat her up & stole her
credit card. this started biztil on a life of crime, but that, my friend,
is another, more exciting, story. also, i didn't have enough money to
purchase the rights for it.
after he reached the hooker's credit limit in phone sex calls, biztil
masturbated 'til the cows came home. he lived on a farm in new york city.
then he had an idea. but he forgot it before it could blossom. biztil did
not let this bother him, however. so, he turned on mtv. they were playing
a tlc video.
"freeeek, yeaaahhh," sang biztil, along with his magical box. then
it happened. tv played the greenday "when i come around" video & biztil
lost it. he jumped around the magical box shouting, "sellouts! sellouts!"
just like he'd heard the other kids say. then, as if to finish his
obligatory statement, he collapsed.
as you can see, biztil leads an exciting life. looking at the
ceiling fan, chords from "when i come around" playing through his head, the
word "sell-out" being shouted in his mind, the only thing biztil could focus
on was the fact that he hadn't called a phone sex line for two hours. he
needed a new way to do it. but he couldn't think of any. so he prayed to
god. prayed that god would tell him a new way to get phone sex. biztil had
a revelation. phone sex was bad. especially when one was under 18. he had
lied so many times, god told him he would go to hell unless he repented. so
biztil went back to being called toby & being 12. eventually he died. an
old, decrepit, sexless frame of a man.
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(9) "respect, tolerance ; my own private anarchy"
by - eerie
"i'm not perfect
but there's one thing i can't take
you're so into your schtik
you're so into your schtik
you're so into your schtik
fuck you, you make me sick"
- mudhoney
intolerance has to stop.
"oooohhh fuck. another politically correct jerk telling us to stop
beating up niggers." not exactly. call me a pc if you want, but i don't
know. i don't feel like doing what i do so i could please people,
politically speaking.
besides, people who are "politically correct" normally do it for the
image. maybe i'll talk about this on another day.
being intolerant goes further than just being racist, sexist,
homophobic, etc. intolerance can be the high school principal forbidding
students to wear a nirvana t-shirt. intolerance can be "uh-huh, look,
he's listening to country music. what a lamer."
basically, intolerance - anything that divides people into groups -
is bad. very bad.
ever hear something like "divide to reign"? machiavelli said it.
when people belong to a group, they think as a member of the group. their
philosophy is modelled on the group's philosophy. so, instead of having
thousands of different ideas, you have to deal with a couple ones. way
easier for the government to "take care" of it, do you not agree? (as
thurston moore would put it.)
why are people divided? why are they intolerant to people different
from them? there is only one answer : because they belong to one or more
groups. the ONLY solution (& don't say there's anything else to do 'cause
you'd be wrong <g>) is to have the person be _his/her own group_. (notice :
i'm saying "be your group", not "be IN your own group!") john lennon wasn't
a fool when he wrote almost exactly what i just wrote in his song "imagine".
(1) no one took him seriously because he was an artist who used drugs ;
who'd trust a druggie?
then, what happens? people think by themselves. they're forced to.
they figure out what to do so they can survive. no one's gonna back them,
this time - they're alone. their label is not "american right-winged
christian" anymore - it's "joe smith".
well, tough shit.
of course, it'd be an uncomfortable life. the weak would probably
die & the others would simply consider respect & love as the only solution
for survival. .. or just maybe everyone would die. that'd mean that
there's nothing to do with this world anyway, & that wouldn't be that bad.
what's wrong with saying that the human race failed in its evolution? many
races failed before, & many will in the future. we aren't "the only one.",
as some would like to believe. maybe in a couple million years, another
intelligent race will appear on earth, & they will be clever enough. one
could wonder. however, what's true is that we can't FAKE evolution anymore.
okay, enough babbling. what to do for now?
a) respect - the government wants you to hate the people that are
different from you.
don't.
give me ONE good reason to hate someone you don't know, never met, &
never will. come one now .. gimme. because that's what intolerance is all
about - labelling & generalizing. just because one of them did something
you don't like doesn't mean they're ALL bastards. what if they say you're
just a fucking american jerk? it's as wrong as you hating them for their
religion, location, sex, etc.
b) difference for the sake of difference - the government is very
happy that you have the same tastes as millions of young americans, because
then you are easier to control .. but, if you're different, they can't fit
you anywhere. (2)
c) philosophy - think. it hurts, but it's not like you have the
choice .. & besides, the government don't want you to think .. they'd
rather think for you.
i don't see myself as a propagandist. my goal is not to spread my
ideas, because i have the firm opinion that everyone should make their own
mind about the world. all i want is to express my point of view. i'm an
anarchist & that's it. just a lowly anarchist.
"against all forms of government."
i don't believe power helps those who have none. i think power
WILL corrupt you if you have it, no matter how hard you try. capitalism was
good .. when it started. now, it's rotting. its structure preventing its
otherwise premature death. i'm actually expecting a civil war to take place
anytime soon in oh-so-peaceful america. the same thing goes for communism,
excepted it died faster, which only means it had greater holes opened for
revolution to take place. there were great IDEAS, but once they let power
be involved in it, they deserve to be eliminated.
sure, i'm not perfect. i have a lot of things to de-learn, yet i do
strive for better understanding, love, respect .. & i sure won't be able
to do anything alone. if you think like me, if you truly believe that this
is the solution, try doing something for a change. i know we'll never reach
it, but doing it is the only way to, at least, never be yet another
motherfucking shiny-teeth hypocrite.
do what you like - enjoy yourself.
notes :
(1) by the way, ever wondered that john lennon might not have been
killed by a crazy fan, but instead by the cia? .. & what about all those
dead rock stars of the seventies? .. & what about kurt cobain, now? what
if they were killed because their ideas were going against the
government's? what if the intelligence agencies simulated overdoses so
the mindless population could make the equation : "drug = bad ; rock
star = druggie ; rock star's ideas = bad." what if drugs WEREN'T bad?
think about it twice. there's a lot of things we just take as truth,
yet they really are questionable. there is a concept i call "de-learn" ;
it's exactly what i'm getting through. getting the real information, the
real facts. for example, i remember using "yeah, but they don't have the
choice" as an argument for use of animals in research. i sincerely thought
that it was right until i discovered that :
1) animals are unuseful in scientific testing of products used
by humans ; their physical constitution is different, therefore the results
are bound to be wrong - did you know an aspirin could kill a cat?
2) scientists KNOW that fact, but they use the tests as a way
to protect themselves against possible prosecution. i'm talking rotten
system here .. but i digress. maybe i'll talk about this subject in
another article.
(2) the difference issue is a tough one. some people think they
are anarchists or "punks" or whatever they like to call themselves
because they focus on hating everything that the mainstream market want
them to like. this is an easy way to be fooled. by doing this, you
automatically get into a group of people, those who "disagree". the
media made sure that there's only one border left between "mainstream"
& "alternative". like i stated before, it's a way to control, generalize,
& label. the way to eliminate this border would be to eliminate the
media .. you can figure how much of a revolution i'm talking about here &
why it can't take place as easily as it should.
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(10) "my fate - your doom"
by - fake scorpion
"i fear that i am ordinary just like everyone." - b. corgan
whoo whoo.
yeah, that's right. my school doesn't have a ring-ring bell, it has
an electric whistle. my school is run by 1970's computers that breakdown
every other day.
that doesn't matter though. what matters is the whistle.
whoo whoo.
you see, it controls my pathetic life.
between third & fourth periods today, i just stood there when the
whistle went off. my peers all started to move, reminding me of the way
pigs might move to receive food from farmer john, & for some reason it
disgusted me. i became physically sick, so sick that i had to run to the
bathroom. my stomach was going into convulsions & a migraine was quickly
forming.
whoo whoo.
when i entered the halls again, they were empty. i walked to my
fourth period class, feeling pretty good because i was the only one in the
hall. i entered & was counted tardy. the teacher asked where i had been,
i told her i was sick, & she explained that that wasn't an adequate excuse.
i wondered whether throwing up in her face would be an adequate excuse. i
didn't say anything in fear that i would be punished. saturday detention
would really knock everything in my life out of balance, you know?
i'm mount saint helens seconds before the eruption. i'm an erect
penis right before ejaculation. can i hold it in or should i just explode?
my parents held it in ; my grandparents held it in - maybe that's why they're
all so full of bullshit. i always wonder what would happen if i just became
unleashed.
scary to think about. can't do it though. too scared.
chickenshit.
whoo whoo, man. whoo whoo.
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(11) "fat niggaz step to ma skillz"
by - dead cheese
i wuz walkin' through ma hood wit' my boyz & dey's wuz nuttin' but
fucked up. i mean dey had some shit in dem i ain't dreamed a doin' cuz i's
like the watchdog 'n i gots ta keep straight for my homeyz, ya dig? so i
only had a couple a roaches ta keep ma head clear.
me 'n my boyz, we wuz chillin' & shit. we had our meat & dat's all dat
mattered. we wudn't botherin' nobody. den some fat azz mutha fucka come
swishin' his big azz along & we'z like, "yo, fat azz. why you all fat?"
nigga sez, "leave me alone."
i'z like, "damn, boy. you wanna hit the shit, mutha fucka?"
bubba sez, "i'm in no mood for your shenanigans." or some stupid shit
like dat. i figure dis lumpy assed mutha wantz his fat azz beat down.
i walkz over to his shit & sez, "look here, ya al roker lookin' mutha
fucka. you don't step to my shit or i beat your shit into da ground. i
ain't sit for none a dat shiznit whens you gots your shit floppin' all over.
yo momma so fat i's all over her black ass 24/7. haha. sheeeit."
punk azz sez, "that's not funny. you've never met my mother. why don't
you go bother someone else?"
i's thinkin' this bitch gots a big ballzac on his shit fo' him to be
frontin' his shit like dat. i sez, "fuck, bitch! i'ma be all over your
black ass in a second'f you don't slap my azz some o' dem dead white men you
got in yo' pocket, fat boy."
"i have no money on me."
nigga'z try'n ta front my ass! i rips out my nine & knocks his ass out
cold wit' some cereal pellets. i rubz my handz on his ass. shit, nigga was
tellin' some truth. bitch ain't got no green on hiz ass 'cept for dat funky
mold dat wuz growin' on his ugly mug.
i walkz back to my boyz 'n sez, "we gots to hit da black'f we don't wanna
havta put down some pigs." so we all ride the seven to my lair, 'n chill
fo' da res' a da night. since i wuz back at my pad, i's like, "fuck dat
shit. pass some a dat brain sugar." awww yeah. it's all good now.
- riboflava
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(12) "i don't know what, but something's wrong"
by - sed
look at yourself .. good. now, look at your wallet .. good. now,
open it up & see what's inside. probably, if your anything like me, a few
dollars, some change, & various identification cards that show you're worthy
of something such as a credit record, school attendance, or something to
that effect. let's go back to the dollars. what does money do? money gets
you goods & services through trading a green piece of paper or letting
someone swipe a plastic card or you writing your signature on a piece of
paper. woo-hoo. i'm not going to discuss my feelings on money (that
deserves another file altogether), but i'm going to give you a breakdown on
how there's a invisible little siphon in your wallet that makes your money
slowly disappear.
k-rad kewl example #1 :
i live in new york - a great place to live. but, being new york,
things tend to get kind of expensive. on a weekend (i have free passes to
get to school, provided by the ever trusty mta <mta = metropolitan transit
authority, the agency that runs nyc area transportation>), it costs me $6.50
simply to commute to manhattan. living in staten island, kind of the
outskirts of the city, i have to pay $3.00 worth of bus, $3.00 worth of
subway passes round trip in order to enter the city & then fifty cents for a
ferry. until recently, one-ways on the subway & bus were $1.25, a quarter
less then they are now. perhaps if there were some service increases, maybe
round the clock bus service (believe me, walking three miles to your house
from the nearest twenty-four-hour bus line at four in the morning can become
annoying after a while) i might support the fare increase. but noooooooooo,
service is being reduced to boot. in fact, the one bus line that could take
me home after midnight is being reduced to stopping at 11:30 also. which
means i will have to walk more or less four miles thru a forest if i want to
hang out with my friends. .. & what am i paying for?
transportation. the right to get from here to there. considering
the rudeness & inefficiency of the service, i would pay 75 cents - top.
sheesh.
what caused the fare increases, you might ask? its basically a
schoolyard fight gone mad, with mr. & mrs. working class receiving all of
the blows. new york is a big city of 8 million people. schenactady is a
smaller city, of give or take 500,000 people. yet new york's transportation
allotment of the budget is only twice that of schenactady's. why? because
new york's mayor, rudy guiliani, a fellow republikkkan supported former
incumbent governor mario cuomo. .. & new governor george pataki didn't like
that one bit. so to show his displeasure at the party traitorship, new york
shitty was given the figurative cold shoulder when it came time to make the
budget. in short, because of a war of words between two politicians, people
who can't really afford it have hundreds of extra dollars robbed from their
pockets. .. & what is the chairman of the mta doing about it? arguably,
not much. he rides chauffeured limousines all day long. not one to worry
about the subway.
several months ago, i went to a small protest meeting. it was at mta
headquarters. i heard stories from other people their that made mine pale
in comparison. the poor having more money robbed from their pockets, money
they don't have to feed some ego war. meanwhile, where were the mta
leaders, the creme de la creme who keep the wheels rolling? gone.
attendance was optional. they were off doing what leaders do, partying the
night away while we try to live our lives. .. & the two members of the
advisory board who did attend? one of them fell asleep during the meeting.
that says it all. they don't care about us, why should i care about them?
the only answer to this seems a bit extreme, but its the only way.
if the mta leaders ignore us, we can't ignore them. imagine what happens
when mr. mta president finds someone has strangely put sugar in his engine.
or when some computer error mysteriously shuts down heating to mta
headquarters in the dead of winter. or when internal mta pbxes find all
outgoing calls rerouted to a phone sex line. monkey wrenching. we're the
generation with the answers, & all it needs is a little militancy. keep
that in mind when we go thru the rest of the corporate exploitation
examples. even if you can find nothing better to do then jump a turnstile -
go for it. the last thing the government needs is your money.
k-rad kewl example #2 :
i wear contact lenses. so do many other americans. they're not
much. they are flimsy pieces of cellophane. yet they cost 90$ each with
insurance, & i shudder to think what it costs for those who don't have
insurance. how much do they cost to make? i'm sure at the very least,
$2.00 & at the most $10.00 .. i have truly fucked up eyes, & as a
consequence i need "custom lenses". for 90$ custom made i expect it made
from 24 karat gold by a elderly swiss contact lens maker whose family legacy
is making contacts in a lonely alp chalet. but, nooo .. this custom comes
down to a few dials being adjusted on a mass production machine. i pay 3
times as much for a few dials to be twitched.
why are they this much? exclusivity. i don't know too many people
who happen to like wearing glasses. in most cases, they are rather bulky
& ugly. contacts are great. they remove most of the clutter. .. & they
are extremely cheap to make. but, if it were cheap with a respectable
margin of profit, the glasses market would disappear. .. & most companies
that make contact lenses make glasses lenses & vicey versa. .. & that would
kill off the profits of these companies. so they jack it up in a half assed
attempt to protect & increase profits at the same time. long live
capitalism. only in america (& canada, western europe & australia), can one
pay 100$ for a 1/2" wide circle of plastic.
k-rad kewl example #3 :
punk rock. woohoo. to me, punk is a major part of my existence.
its more then just a musical preference, its also a political outlook, a way
of relating to people, & a sense of fashion. punk fashion. yeah, bondage
pants, spikey leather jackets & lots of neato shredded up stuff. what a
sham. punk came into existence as a reaction to the boring, cut & paste
government n corporation rule of life, a look at early bands such as angelic
upstarts, crass, & possibly even the sex pistols, and especially more so in
the 2nd generation of britpunk, conflict, discharge, etc. .. yet, it
costs too much to be a punk.
its just k-rad kool example #2 extrapolated. there is a demand & a
supply, & some people are milking the demand for all they can. bondage
pants are 70$. spiking a leather jacket can run into the 200$ range
including the jacket. boots that wont fall apart on you are $100. those
spiked wristbands can be 10-20$ each. the next time you see some squatter
begging for money, be warned, they aren't begging for drug money, they're
begging for fashion money. sheesh.
what can we do about it? well, simply dress for yourself. contrary
to what is believed, punk is not a mass-conformist movement of spiky hair,
spiky jackets & clunky boots, but being yourself .. & if you must dress
punk, learning how to sew will save you hundreds of bucks. make your own
clothes. depending on the exploitative fashion boutiques will only make you
poor. self reliance & self-sufficiency - this is the only way.
note : this applies to any other subculture also. or just to plain
ol' normals. don't pay extra just to look different. your money is just
proving there are suckers who will pay 75$ for bondage pants that have no
extra features then a 25$ pair of jeans, or $100 for spikes that cost $6 to
make. long live self-sufficiency.
endnotes :
i don't really know what i'm implying here. all i'm really trying to
show, government, big business & small business with big business ambitions
all have their fingers in your pocket. its up to you to pry their fingers
off. .. & then to help your friends free their wallets. it may be hard, it
may not be fun, but you'll find that freedom over your money is something
worth it.
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(13) "suck a tomato"
by - juke
my mind looks upon you and laughs. you don't try, don't care. i
want to be smarter than you, better than you. i don't want to beat you at
anything, i just want to be able to get everything i want, need. i used to
be like you. i used not to care. now i sit by myself and laugh, laughing
at what i have and you don't. i have a mind, you don't. intellect is my
name, educating myself is my game, and i win.
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(14) " .. & silently, he died"
by - shadow tao
go - not knowing where.
bring - not knowing what.
the path is long,
the way unknown.
- russian fairy tale
- -- ---]
the mountains stood encompassing them, forcing their minds to
humility. the car & bags forgotten, they slowly moved across the rest stop,
viewing their environment with awe.
"this is so BEAUTIFUL."
"yeah. it's, like, UNTOUCHED."
"WOW."
the situation had taken them by surprise. jennifer anderin had slept
most of the way. eric & aaron had been awake, but they had grown accustomed
to the scenery & had taken their leave to pee on some various flora.
"let's get on the road. my ass hurts, but i want to make it before
tonight."
"but eric, look at this .. "
"the car has windows jen. get in. we have to go."
"AARON! MAN! LET'S GO!"
with a post-pee shiver, aaron made his way across the road, & into
the car.
somewhere, far off, a hawk screamed for lack of prey.
"drive, b.a.!"
the lake was a peaceful as a mirror, the sky wandering by in it's
casual surface.
"i hate the a-team."
the hawk dove to surface, talons breaking the calmness of the water
to snag a small fish.
"just drive. come on."
"who has the game boy?"
- -- ---]
the camp had been empty when they arrived. the main hall had been
locked up & so had the office, but the cabins were open. unpacking was
boring, up until the point where eric insisted that he sleep with the girls.
the girls had taken a while to kick him out. for a short moment, there had
been a serious doubt in the girls' minds that they should kick him out at
all. eric had definitely the better physique of most of the guys they new.
they knew for sure, though, that if aaron had tried that, he would have not
gotten nearly as warm a reception.
"where the hell is the staff?"
"i don't know. let's see if we can break into any of the
buildings."
"eric. we're not breaking into anything."
"well. I'm not going to sit here."
% plot centering off
% reality emulation denied
"oh shit."
"what was that?!"
"who was that voice?!"
"he turned off the plot centering. the story is losing touch with
reality."
"aaron, who is 'he'!@#?"
"the author, dumbass."
"what the hell are you talking about?!@#%"
suddenly, the earth shifted. a giant face appeared on the horizon.
"the story has been taken over by the author's lack of seriousness,"
said the giant that holds up the earth.
"umm. okay."
"since we're probably going to die in really odd ways in just a
matter of minutes, let's have an orgy."
"okay."
so they did.
.. & were then smooshed by a large boysenberry, & it made a strange
noise when it flattened them, like a whoopee cushion being used by people
with asses the density of molybdenum.
the end.
you may have no more.
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(15) "tee-fuckin'-hee"
by - kojak
i found myself in the strangest of places. the mall. why i was
there, i don't know. perhaps i'll never find out. but while i was there at
the mall, on that one early-summer day, i learned more about myself than any
other day in my life. i learned what i was all about.
it was just like any other early summer day that i had .. i woke up
at about 11, took a shower, ate some food, & went somewhere. today, it
happened to be the mall.
i showed up at the mall & started wandering about. i went to visit
my friend who works at the museum store. went to visit my friend at the
baskin-robbins ice cream shoppe (k-rad old english spelling!) .. & then i
saw her.
her name was courtney, & she was the most beautiful girl in school.
she was a junior, just like me, & we had a class or two together. never had
i spoken to her, but many a math class had been spent thinking of what it'd
be like. she was perfect. i'd heard from other guys that she was very
nice, & very friendly. maybe today i'd push my luck.
i slowly began to head in her direction, kind of pursuing her at a
distance. my palms began to get clammy. what would i say to her? would
she even recognize me? if she did talk to me, what would we talk about?
what if she liked me? i knew for a fact that i liked her.
i mentally slapped myself for being so superficial. "stop following
her. it'll do you no good. women never do you any good", i say to myself.
but yet i continue on. forward, yet keeping my distance. she walks into
the bookstore. "hey, that's a bonus," i think to myself. i walk in to the
bookstore myself. take a quick peek around.
i walk over to the periodical shelf & pick up the newest issue of
spin. damn, green day's on the cover. "what else is new?", i lament. i
look around. still no courtney. so i wander towards the back of the store.
slowly.
.. & there she is, in the comedy aisle. "this is looking better
every second," i say to myself. but wait a second, i'm just a geek. i
write 'zines & listen to punkrock. why would a girl like this even glance
in my direction?
i clear my throat. she doesn't look up. "hi courtney," i say. my
voice cracks a little, reminding me of the 8th grade one-day-long courtships
that i had with girls back then.
she looks up. a glint of recognition finds its way to her eye. "hi
brian", she says. smacking her gum. "what are you doing here?"
"oh, just wandering around. whatcha reading?"
"the newest garfield! i just love garfield!"
<SLAP!@#>
the back of my hand hits the side of her face. "dumb bitch," i
mutter to myself. why can't they all be smart like me?
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(16) "sage - condiments ; chapter 175"
by - murmur
sally-girl was a bright girl, although a bit on the daft, even
scattered side. like most slightly scattered bright girls, sally-girl has
several bizarre little fetishes, not the least of which was her propensity
for occasional but thorough drunkenness. one night, in the midst of an
exhibition of carrying out her particular propensity aforementioned,
sally-girl found herself quite drunk & in a rather strange place.
surrounded only by corn & quite without clothing sans pink striped pajamas,
sally-girl crawled over vaguely insecticide-saturated ground to find herself
at a highway, an unknown highway. looking up she saw a vaguely greenish
sign proclaiming SHABBONA population : 417. knowing nothing of this
mysterious SHABBONA, sally-girl, still quite drunk, crawled into the very
depths of this mystery zone & found herself at an intersection. the four
corresponding corners of the intersection revealed : a SKI machine, baa baa
black sheep, heidi fleiss, & the clandestine 'duck'. although the SKI
machine appealed to her greatly, sally-girl decided to veer towards the
mysterious, indefatigable 'duck'. as her destination was reached, a still
well-plastered sally-girl found herself encountered by a tall, murmuring
enigma of an individual. identifying himself as only tex, he led sally-girl
into 'duck' & proceeded to throw yellow sponges at her. she panicked,
bolted out the door, & found herself outside, out back of 'duck', where
the trees fell & the sandanistas finally won.
moral : oh lord, please don't take me back to shabbona.
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(17) "ascii-toons"
by - black francis
___________________________________________________________________________
| | |
| example one - a dewdle boy | example two - a warez dood |
|____________________________________|____________________________________|
| _____________________ | _________________ |
| | | | | | |
| | i luv lord jazz!@ | | | i luv warez!@ | |
| |___________________| | |_______________| |
| \ ####### _________ | _________ ####### / |
| \ | . . | || | | | || | . . | / |
| |. o o| || | | | || |o o .| |
| | . * | || | | | || | * . | |
| |_____| ||_______| | |_______|| |_____| |
| ___|_ ____||___ | ___||____ _|___ |
| | | \ |_______|]____|____[|_______| / | | |
| | | \ \ /| | |\ / / | | |
| | |__\_\/ | | | \/_/__| | |
| | |_____| | | | |_____| | |
| | _____ | | | | | _____ | |
|____________| |___| |_|_____________|_____________|_| | | |____________|
| |_| |_|__ | __|_| |_| |
|____________________________________|____________________________________|
| |
| example three - a doomed to obscurity writer |
|_________________________________________________________________________|
| ( ) ( ) ( ) | | ( ) ( ) |
| |( )| | i luv girlz!@ | \ / |( )||
| | | /\/\ |_______________| - ( ) - | ||
| | | $$$$$$$ |~~~~~/ $$$$$$$ / \ | ||
| | | $$ _ _ $$| o o |$$ _ _ $$ | ||
|\/\ | | $| * |$| * |$| * |$ /\/\ | ||
| | | $| \_/ |$| \_/ |$| \_/ |$ | ||
| | | $|_____|$|_____|$|_____|$ | ||
| | | $$o|_______|_______|o$$ | ||
| | | /| |\ | | /| |\ | ||
| | | (.) (.) | | (.) (.) /\/\ | ||
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | ||
| | | \| |/ |_| \| |/ | ||
| | | (|_|) |_| (|_|) | ||
|/\/\| |\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/|/|/\/\/|/|/\/\/|/|/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\| ||
|____| |__________________|_|_____|_|_____|_|______________________| ||
|. . | | . . . . . . . . _|_|_ . _|_|_ . _|_|_ . . . . . . . . . .| ||
|_________________________________________________________________________|
| |
| this could be yew!@ write fer dto today!@ |
|_________________________________________________________________________|
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(18) "contemptible breakfast"
by - shadow tao
i pour the milk unto my
prey.
filling the bowl with the
milk's black soul.
the froot loops dance around.
their minds consumed by the
2% anarchy.
i sprinkle the sugars
of insanity.
i incite them to a
cacophony of
froot loop screams
'die!'
crunchy-crunch
i show them my hate
smackity-crunch
i gnash their bright souls
smooshy-munch
their meaning made void by
my dark-consuming dark-badness
dark dark dark is me
i am evil - hear me smack my lips.
i hate the froot loops
i hate the froot loops
i hate the froot loops.
thank you.
____
___| |_ _
___| | _______
| | | |
| | | | | |
----------------------------- | | | | | | -----------------------------
----------------------------- | | | | | | -----------------------------
| | | | | |
| | | | | |
|_____| |_____|
|___ _
please direct ALL dto correspondence towards - doomed@voicenet.com
(c) copyright 1995 doomed to obscurity press - all rights reserved
"better living through sheer idiocy & a whole lot of free time."
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