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Demented Anarchists and Malicious Malignant Inventors of Terror Issue 8
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º Demented Anarchists & Malicious Malignant Inventors of Terror º
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º Date O' Release: [08/07/92] Issue #8 º
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º Captain Expendible #'s 1-3 By: Sir Robin & Madcap º
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Captain Expendable
Vol. 1 No. 1
By: Sir Robin & Madcap
(NOTE: This is, agin, something I wrote just last month, and decided to
publish here. I'm adding on a third episode, tho, for you kiddies.)
This is a tale of the many faced SuperHero known as Captain Expendable. This
is for all of you who are tired of seeing Wolverine or The Punisher go through
Hundreds of fights, and survive. Yes, Kids, the bad guys DO win sometimes.
The Tale Starts in a top secret CIA installation in a remote are of Colorado.
In this building, known to the press as "An Independent research company Doing
work for Uncle Sam", a strange CIA project is going on...
"The Captain Expendable Program is our only hope of control in foreign
countries," Colonel David Jacobs said. He was talking to his new boss, a
General Cabol. Jacobs, a young man with jet black hair, and wearing an
expensive suit, was walking down a well lit hallway explaining the
installation to Cabol, the older, stockier man with spare White hair.. Jacobs
describes some other Nerve Gas and weapon projects and they walk up to a
heavily secured Steel door. with no windows, and 2 Security guards.
Jacobs Continued "This building is a marvel of technology. There is a whole
other building on the other side of the compound, and that is what the press
thinks we are part of... We call it the press side..." A grunt was his reply
from the General.
"Ah, here we are," Jacobs said, as he flashed his id, and paused a minute for
the retina scan. "Never can be too careful, General!" Jacobs pondered,
considering that General Cabol hasn't spoken a word since they met, this
morning! The general had just nodded. Hm.
The two men walked into a control room, with all sorts of computer equipment
and technicians. there was a thick, thick plate of fiberglass separating the
control room, and a giant auditorium sized room, with many gate size doors in
it. "General, this is the Captain expendable training room. That man in there
is Jake Hobart, Master Cia agent." The general stared in awe, seeing the man
flying around the training room, in a funny looking suit.
"As you see, Mr. Hobart can fly. All part of the Captain Expendable Serum.
Designed by our best lab guys, it does many things. First, and foremost, it
will transform anyone, from a baby to an old man, into a 6 foot 250 pound
bemoth. Also, it usually gives the recipient a super power. It varies with
certain people, but we've concluded that two close relatives, or siblings,
will have basically the same power. We have some twins lined up to take the
serum, but not for a while yet. The serum has given Agent Hobart The power to
fly, and super strength, which is rare, as most Patients Only receive one
power. We are still figuring that out. And, The serum gives the patient a
great case of patriotism. The Captain Expendable will be willing to die for
his country in a snap. However, we cannot get a Captain expendable to kill
himself just yet.... Well, Howard, let's surprise Jake with a monster robot!"
"Fuckin Impressive!" The General said. His first words, in oh, 8 hours.
A Technician, a Studious looking kid with brown curly hair and horn rimmed
glasses pushed a button, and a giant robot flew threw an Equally giant door,
straight at Agent Hobart. The agent charged head on at the killer robot....
And busted right through!
A gaping hole now rested in the middle of the robot, which looked like a
Version of Rodan, from those bad Japanese movies. A warning sign began to
appear on one of the computer screens, and Agent hobart stared at the broken
robot in confusion. The Robot fell down, and started beeping.
"Great!" Screamed Col. Jacobs!
"Great Gobs of Fuckin' Goose Shit!" Yelled Gen. Cabol!
"Oh Shit!" Screamed all the Technician in Unison!
"ARRRRRRRRGH!" Screamed Agent Jake Hobart as the Killer robot exploded,
Killing the agent, and making a big mess all over the training room.
"FUCK!" Yelled the General.
That about summed it up, doesn't it kiddies?
"Don't worry," Jacobs said to the General as some worker drones carried away
the ripped apart remains of Agent Hobart. "We have many more suits, and each
suit has some hidden secrets, it depends on the mission. Some have guns built
in, some are suits of Armor, some will allow the wearer to travel underwater
easily, some have guns built in, all that. And, we have almost 40 People
injected with the Captain Expendable serum."
"Yeah, Sure, Fuckin-a, but how do we know that they won't fuck up? Which ones
are Fucking trained enough to remember to shoot at the enemy?" The General
Demanded.
Jacobs opened a file folder and pulled a file marked "So Top secret if you
read this, we'll tell your mom!", and said "Here are our Five top Captain
Expendibles. The operative numbers are the ranking of skill, as based on the
opinions of myself and my assistants. Usually, the top ranked operative, the
one with the lowest number, will be the one heading out on the mission. As of
yet, we haven't sent a Captain Expendable int the field, but soon...." The
General Scanned the list.
Name: Jack Hobart
Status: Alive (As the General was reading it, Howard, the tech guy stamped
"Deceased" over Hobart's file)
Rank: Agent, CIA
Powers: Flight, Super Strength.
Operative number: 1
Age: 28
Ht: 6'3"
Wt. 245lbs.
And a picture showing the man whom's death we've all just witnessed.
"Too bad about Hobart," Jacobs Commented "He was our best."
Name: John Mason
Status: Injured (Dismembered Right Hand, and arm, Cutting accident :SEE
POWERS:)
Rank: Staff Sgt. Army
Powers: Ability to turn hands (The s in hands was crossed out) into a blade.
Works well with human skin.
Operative Number: 2
Age: 32
Ht: 6'6"
Wt: 261lbs.
And a Picture showing a Tall Muscular Black man with a big bandage where his
right arm should be.
"Poor guy," Jacobs Said, "He was hit with a lazer blast and was clutching his
right arm, when the technicians told him to concentrate and bring his power
out. It sure did come out. Ouch! Once he recovers, we'll build him a better
arm... We have the technology!"
Name: Frank Johnsen
Status: Alive
Rank: French Mercenary, Detained by CIA, Pardoned, First to take serum
Powers: Super Speed
Operative Number: 3
Age: 35
Ht: 5'8"
Wt. 123 Lbs.
Also, a Picture of a Lean Battle Aged Frenchman with Long Black hair in a
streamlined Captain Expendable suit
Jacobs Piped up "It's strange. All other Patients were transformed into big
guys, but Frank is a Small guy.. Also, the first time he tested his power, it
grafted the Expendable suit to his skin, but he was going so quick, it was
painless. You can see the costume covers only the parts that are supposed to
be covered... It's strange." The General continued..
Name: Clyde Obier
Status: Alive
Rank: None
Powers: Energy blasts from Hands
Operative Number: 4
Age: 16
Ht. 6'3"
Wt. 234 Lbs.
A Picture of a tall White man with long, blond hair, and red eyes.
"Apparently," Colonel Jacobs said, "Clyde was a student on a class field trip
through the press part of the building, strayed away, and found a dropped
needle of serum. the aide who dropped it, was too, dropped. Clyde, thinking it
was heroin, injected himself. He killed two secuirty guards before we knocked
him out. He had a choice. Have us fake his death and work for us, or, He'll
die, but it won't be the aide's body in that car wreck, it'll be his. Guess
which he chose." The General grunted, and read on...
Name: Calvin Langston
Status: Alive
Rank: Ex-Seal, CIA Agent
Powers: Gills, Steel Fists
Operative number: 5
Age: 37
Ht. 6'7"
Wt. 304lbs.
A picture of a HUGE, Blue skinned man with gills, and hands that have been
transformed into steel blocks.
Jacobs again "Calvin is our biggest Captain, Nicknamed "Shark". He can convert
his hands into steel blocks, and swim underwater indefinitely... Our
Underwater man, for sure."
"Well," The General said, "We'd Better Fuckin Get a new guy in this folder,
and take that Fucked up Dead Fuckin' CIA guy out...."
So concludes the first episode! Like it, ay? MUCH more to come from me!
Episode 2 (oooo, 2 for the price of one, nifty, eh?)
Frank Johnsen sat on the plane, and waited for the little light to go on so he
could parachute into enemy territory. The plane, a small, commercial looking
aircraft, was going to fly over a small seemingly deserted island.. but the
CIA knew better. several third world countries had stolen funds, and were
researching nuclear projects on the island. Johnsen's job was to parachute
down there and take it all out. He smiled. The glory of America at work! He
started humming America the Beautiful.
On the ground, a radar device picked up the plane, and a defense system was
readied. A quick lock on the small plane, and...
BLAM! Johnsen awoke from his daydream of destroying America's enemies with a
start, as he saw the entire front of the small jet was missing. he was not too
gently sucked] out of the plane, and into freefall. Pulling his ripcord after
a while, he landed in the ocean... "Crap," He muttered, "If I'd known this
would happen, we'd have sent Shark, oh well." He quickly swam to shore, and
checked out his costume.
Everything worked. His costume WAS his skin, you see. So the gun built into
the right arm could be shot off without the trigger, but by thought. Pretty
neat.
He heard footsteps, and using his superspeed, rushed towards them, Knife
seeming to appear in his hand. He cut through the team of soldiers that were
advancing forward to find out who parachuted into the ocean. He sliced a
throat, gouged out some intestines, a head or two, and stopped quick - Too
quick. He tumbled over in a heap, throwing the knife so he wouldn't fall on
it. The knife flew through the bushes, and hit a sniper. "What luck!" Johnsen
thought with a smile. the snipers body tumbled out of the bushes, and he had
six bodies in front of him.
Admiring his handiwork, and cleaning all the blood and organs off his knife,
he started to whistle. He suddenly felt a sharp pain in his left shoulder, and
he dropped his knife. A moment later, he heard the crack! Sniper! He'd been
shot! Taking off at superspeed, he charged for cover, firing with his built in
gun... A fire fight erupted as well trained mercenaries lept from the bushes!
Johnsen was caught in a amsush, but he was much quicker than any of
them.fleeing the gunfire, he ran faster, and faster, until a Tremendous boom
sounded! He'd broken the sound barrier! Windows all over the island shattered,
and Johnsen sped toward the buildings.
Meanwhile, at the Top Secret CIA installation in Colorado....
Jacobs and the General were monitoring Expendable progress, through I
miniature camera in his suit, and his Suit's sensors. "Well, he seems to be
okay, somewhat," Jacobs Said, "He survived when the bastards blew up the
plane, and isn't hurt too bad in the arm. What he doesn't know is that he's
gonna have to destroy everything on the island before we send another plane...
Basically, we sent him in to wreak as much havoc as possible, so re-
inforcements would come from another island where similar experiments were
being held, so we can send an invasion force. He's a diversion."
"Wait," The General piped up, "We sent him in, to get fuckin killed?"
"No, to do as much damage as possible, then get killed. He knows the damage,
but not the get killed part. see?"
Back at the island, Johnsen was racing towards the sound of windows
breaking.... He ran up a wall, into the second story of a building, hidden by
trees & such from above, so satellites couldn't see it. Two
engineers, were totally surprised by his appearance, and got two bullets in
the chest each. They went down with a yelp.More soldiers appeared at the door,
and Johnsen looked around. He was in a computer room, with monitors and
keyboards lining the walls. The grabbed a monitor, threw it at the door, and
in 10 seconds flat, he'd thrown 11 monitors. SuperSpeed isn't bad. The
soldiers had backed off, and expendable could see two soldiers lying
unconscious on thee ground, hit by a monitor or two. They received bullets as
well. He ran into the hallway - Or should I say, his BODY ran into a hallway.
The soldiers had set up a trip wire, neck length for him, Piano Wire, a
garrote of some sort, in the doorway. His head was taken clean off. Ouch.
In Colorado, The general Screamed "FUCK!" and threw a chair.
On the island, a strange thing happened. Johnsen Melted. an Agent in the
expendible serum would destroy the cells within a body, when they stooped
receiving oxygen for a certain time. This triggered a mechanism inside the
suit, which caused it to explode.... Nasty. No real evidence. Clean cut.
Hope you liked that, and sorry if I borrowed an Idea from a comic book. Sue
me. Well, Some more stories soon, as soon as I can dish em out.
(Like Mayhaps Now)
Episode 3:
Jacobs and the General were, again, at the monitor, watching the newest
Expendible in action... His name was Private Jason Gravil, and he could lift
30 tons before breakfast. He was a tall, hulking, imposing figure... and he was
about to die.
No doubt about it.
A new addition to the Expendible suit, which held twin mini-cannons for the
Private, held a mini Hydrogen Bomb, the latest in CIA technology. But First,
Let's retrace Private Gravil's mission:
He was being sent to the very same island that Johnsen perished in... His
mission basically the same. Infiltrate and Terminate. God Bless the USA.
He leaped out of the plane, and opened his parachute, dreaming of conquest
while floating on air to his doom. There seemd to be swarms of evil troops
below him. No matter. His miniguns kicked to life as soon as he was within
range.
In actuallity, there were 24 troops on the beach, looking for some sort of
invasion. 5 were cut down by Gravil's guns, and 3 were wounded...
Gravil landed, taking two rounds in his left arm and shoulder, rendering it
useless. He continued on...
10 more troops fell, under a terrific onslaught. Gravis would pick up a tree
or boulder and toos it casually at an enemy.. Bye-Bye.
From behind, he heard a sound. Turing, and firing, he saw a man, clad in all
black, leap over his fire. the man pulled out a Mini-Uzi and fired.
Both men took some rounds.
The Man clad in Black took a round in the leg, and another in the abdomen,
nad he leaped away, towards an underground shelter. Reaching the shelter, and
racing down an upward slope to a hidden helicopter, he pushed himsel faster.
He had wasted the US puke.
His files told him what was about to happen... his assistant helped him board
the helicopter.
Private Jason Gravil was dying, no doubt. He had taken Six rounds, Three to
the chest, two in the right leg, and one in the right arm. He slumped to the
ground..... and died. A minute later - He disappeared. Another minute:
The island blew up. The device had worked. Jacobs had set it to full blast,
which was 10. 1 would destroy 10 feet, 10 would destory 5-10 MILES. The
island, and everything on it, was destroyed.
No one noticed the small Helicopter flying away from the ruins, with one pilot,
and one wounded passenger.
So, that's episode 3. Who's the man in Black? How'd he know about the bomb?
Why was he here? Why did I make up a new guy, just to kill him off?
What do they put in Spam? Why should I ask? How muchj is it to Jersey?
Do you care?
Maybe ye'll find out.... Next time.
Welp, that's it... DAMMiT #8 is a wrap. Nifty.
Well, more DAMMiT News... Now that we have a fourth site, Seven Seconds has
Been named WHQ. So, that's the pace that will get the DAMMiT Files the FIRST..
But you can still get em all, or anything, on our other sites.
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