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Damned Fucking Shit Issue 51
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D a m n e d F u c k i n g S h i t
- Presents -
Issue #51
Date: 4/23/95
Title: Concordant Opposition's Rumors
Author: Callers Of Concordant Opposition
Concordant Opposition's Rumors
"I was looking at her tan line"
Post or you will cease to exist.
Press [R] to enter a /<-k00lie rumour! [its tradition!]
it's okay to eat fish cause they don't have any feelings
Meet James Ensor: Belgium's Famous Painter
Concordant Opposition: So powerful it could liquify a bass!
What manner of man are you, who can summon up fire without flint nor tinder?
He wants a shoehorn, the kind with teeth.
I promise not to kill you.
What a cute parana. Is he friendly?
Hookt an foniks wurkt for mi.
Always look on the bright side of death..
How can you just sit there and masturbate when theres work to be done!@?#!@?
What is that?... I thought you were asexual!
Howling at the moon!!
She's a sad tomato..
If a tree falls in the forest and no one's around, will it still be on the test
I can't think of anything short enough to fit in here. @#@$!
Nothing on the top but a bucket and a mop and an illustrated book about birds
What if hypothetical situations didn't exist?
DAVEDAVEDAVEDAVEDAVEDAVEDAVEDAVEDAVEDAVEDAVEDAVEDAVE smokes crack
Everybody wants prosthetic foreheads on their real heads.
I rock ruff and tuff with my afro puffs
Magic man, egocentric plastic man..
I want to tell you something, but noone ever told me how to type..
I'm the boss.. this is champange.. merry christmas
Access Denied blows goats.
What's left when you've misplaced half of nothing?
Did you ever wonder where those little styrofoam peanuts come from?
If you don't know, I'm sure as hell not going to tell you.
Promise me something, never breed.
Mindless violence is my forte.
Destuction of the innocents is necessary for Utopia, we don't need them here.
WHy the hell would you name a bus company "Lamers"?
Fuck the symbolism, I'm going home.
It begins to rain fish.
If you're happy and you know it, slap a fish.
All you need is love, but money, that's what I want.
Sensory Overload sux. DFS can kick SO's ass ANYtime.
I wish I was an oscar myer weiner
How much catsup would it take to sink a battleship
DP you will die for spreading such blasphemy about SO!!()*&$@()*&#()*&$#
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
I'm still trying to get out of THIS virtual reality...
Do not adjust your mind Ä- the fault is with reality.
Despite the cost of living, it still remains popular.
It's the poor tool that blames its workman.
The Universe is not limited by your perception of it.
The earth is 98% full. Please delete anyone you can.
Reality is a constant intrusion on my dreams.
"Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do."
You can't have everything ... Where would you put it?
A man without god is like a fish without a bicycle
KEVORKIAN VIRUS: Helps your computer shut down whenever it wants to.
The Earth is like a tiny grain of sand, only heavier.
What has four legs and an arm? A happy pitbull!
Save trees! Eat beavers!!
Men in masks are not to be trusted.
(((YOU)))(((ARE)))(((FEELING)))(((SLEEPY)))
Don't sweat the petty things, pet the sweaty things.
He who laughs first generally gets shot.
Its ok to prick your finger, but not to...
Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffin' glue!
Never, never, NEVER moon a werewolf!!
NueroToxin Lite: Great taste, less drooling.
Psychology: The art of turning stupidity into illness.
Rap is to music as Etch-a-Sketch is to art.
Sects! Sects! Sects! Is that all monks think about???
Tuna doesn't taste right without the dolphin.
These cookies don't taste anything like girlscouts!!
In this world man must either be hammer or anvil.
I am NOT an animal!! I am... well, not an animal!
Keebler Elves are real!
Where are those flashbacks they promised me?
The early bird catches the worm, the early worm gets eaten.
Is it progress if a cannibal uses a knife and a fork?
When in doubt, run in circles and scream.
If pro is the opposite of con, the progress is the opposite of...
76.4% of all statistics are meaningless.
I have the heart of a boy in a jar on my desk.
Gays, ewww.... Not that there is anything wrong with that - Seinfeld
Programming is like sex... one mistake and your supporting it for life.
Life is like a spoon: Nourish the world or poke your eye out with it.
WORK HARDER!... Millions on welfare depend on YOU!!!
Radioactive halibut will make fission chips.
Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant!
Where am I going? And, WHY AM I IN THIS HANDBASKET?????
Politics defined: Poli=many tics=blood suckers
Never send a monster to do the work of an evil scientist.
Error: Computer Possesed. Load EXOR.SYS? [Y/N]
Quick!!! Act as if nothing had happened!
Software: Fast, Cheap, Good. ... Choose any two.
Bit - The increment by which programmers slowly go mad.
Overflow on null device; please empty the bit bucket.
You are in a twisty maze of little passages, all alike...
WORKERS OF THE WORLD... UNITE!!!
Sleep is a totally inadequate substitute for caffeine....
"She turned me into a newt!" - "A newt?" - "Well, I got better."
"Didn't mean to?! You put your sword right through his head!"
I'd change the world, but I can't find the source code.
A KGB keyboard has no <ESC> key!
Are we saved by the words of bastard saints? Do we live in fear or faith?
Let him who is stoned cast the first sin.
I'll have what the guy on the floor is having.
Who you callin' "argumentative", Bucko?
If at first you don't succeed - Suck Suck again!
Beauty is in the hand of the beer holder.
You're only young once. You're immature forever.
Jesus loves you. But then again, so does Barney.
Wanted: Guillotine operator...good chance to get ahead!
Unzip, Expand, Explode... who's the pervert behind this?!
Grow your own dope; Plant a politician.
Facts are nothing but barriers to liberals.
Been there, seen it, done it.......got six months :-(
So, you have kleptomania. Take something for it.
Never screw your legs into you arm sockets, It don`t look good!!!!
ORG.ASM not found. Girlfriend not happy...
The polls show 8 out of 5 schizophrenics agree.
Everybody's got something to hide, except me and my monkey...
I wanna wrap it up and swim in it until I drown...
Turn off your mind, relax and float downstream...
In the .EXEs of Life, he had more NOPs than most.
if(!strcmp(tagline,"humorous")) steal(); else next_msg();
Athiests are thinkers, not believers!
I didn't make it, I just live in it.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
What's worse than a man with a gun? A man with a bible and a gun.
Pretend to spank me - I'm a Psuedo-Masochist
Jet engine theory: Suck, Squeeze, Bang, Blow...
Whats a dead boys best friend? A dead puppy, of course!
... ... ... ... Excuse me, I'm having my period ... ... ... ... ...
Kill a Feminist Today!
Go to work, go to sleep and get shot in the head. What a day :(
Why do dead women taste like veal? :7
If Dot is cute, and Yakko yacks. The shouldn't Wakko WACK?!?
A blonde counts to two by taking off her shirt.
The chief cause of solutions is problems.
!sdohtem noitpyrcne devorppa-tnemnrevog troppus I
If there IS a god, he screwed up the Plattipus pretty bad!
I don't talk to strangers... unless they have candy.
Do you like candy? Do you have any?
Jane says, "Have you seen my wig around? I feel naked without it."
Life is like......an analogy.
I used to be an atheist until I realized I was God.
Mexico's Largest Export - Their Population
Hey Santa, how much for your list of naughty girls?
She was unhappy just as you were.
If you call Dead fans Dead heads, what do you call Dick Tracy Fans?
On the other hand....There are five fingers also!
"Hey, baby, ya wanna struggle with my oppressed mass?" - Karl Marx
He's dead, Jim...kick him if you don't believe me.
A cynic is an optimist that got a faceful of reality
Never knock on Death's door. Ring the bell and run! Death hates that.
Very funny, Scotty... Now beam down my clothes!
When going for a job interview, be sure to ask if they press charges.
If Hellen Keller fell down in a forest, would she make a noise?
Don't be homophobic. Fags hate it.
Jesus saves! He passes to Moses! He shoots.. HE SCORES!!!
If you're an example of civilized man, I'll stay a primate, thanks.
Life is a short warm moment. Death is a long cold rest.
No shirt, No shoes, No dice!
You have a great face for radio.
Please return stewardess to original upright position.
Programmer infected with virus.
Prophet? Profit? Hmmm...
A penny saved is a Congressional error
"Uhh, huh huh 2400 baud connects suck!" -- V.Bis & Baudhead
Axe: Best way to stop a baby from crying.
Whats 12", stiff and makes a woman scream? - Crib death
It takes 5 babies to make just one bottle of baby oil.
Whats pink and spits? - A baby in a frying pan.
69 + 69 = a meal for four.
Update! Fag fired from spermbank! Caught drinking on job!
Beer: Gods way of getting fat girls laid.
Nightcrawler: A hooker with no legs.
Trip Trip to a dream dragon, Hide your wings in a ghost tower....
Eagles may fly, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
You never give me your money, you only give me your funny favors...
Does a radioactive cat have 18 half-lives?
The Hubble works fine, all the stuff IS blurry.
After we pull the pin, Mr. Grenade is NOT our friend!
"Safe Sex" used to mean "Ask them for their name first".
Help! I've fallen and can't get ... Hey, nice carpet!
He's not dead, Jim, he's just metabolically challenged.
God created Heavan and Earth, the Dutch created Holland.
666A, 666B - Tenants of the Beast
Do unto others before they can do unto you.
Sometimes the truth is the worst horror.
Why is "little" twice as big as "big"?
I'm looking through my unique blue tube watching everything you do.
Trust me, I'm a doctor. Now take your clothes off.
As Tchaikovsky once said, " !"
If you strangle a Smurf, what color does it turn?
Arkansas Foreplay - You awake, sis?
Prevent noise polution: Shoot a rapper!
Confucius say: He who stand on toilet, high on pot.
First we rape, THEN we pillage, THEN we burn. Get it right this time.
Handcuffs... for a truly binding relationship
I'm not tense, just terribly alert.
Six million sperm, and *YOU* were the fastest???
Transistor: A nun after a sex change.
The Bible for Blondes: "Oral Sex Techniques" by N. Onegulp
Home Safety Tip for Men #1: Don't iron when naked.
I just tested out my pit bull. Ever heard a mime scream?
Actually, there IS a banana in my pocket.
I've gotta slip into another state of mind to let you know that I am real.
Why can't women remember to put the seat back up?
I came real close to seeing Elvis, but my shovel broke.
Only the mediocre are always at their best.
Math problems? Call 1-800-2x[3y+a]sin/(5x)
As long as you don't scream, Darling, you'll be fine.
Nail [nayl] : Cure for a headache
"If I give you three nails, will you put me up for the night?" - Jesus
Do Unto Others... repeatly
Hoard your bread, you may not walk this way again.
Don't be snotty, have a tissue...
A freak a day.. would keep ME away!
The Godfather Virus: Makes you a buffer you cant reuse.
Math is the square root of all evil.
Gee officer, the icepick just FLEW out of my hands.. 17 times.
All I ask is to prove that money can't make me happy.
A hippie leaves no turn unstoned.
Bad command. Bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay...
meow
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the rumors work again! post rumors!
Find DFS On These Fine Systems (When they're up...)
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| Paradise Lost +1.414.476.3181 DFS World HQ |
| Temporary Insanity +1.414.666.WHEE DFS Affiliate HQ |
| Arcane Asylum +1.414.PSY.CHOS DFS Thingy HQ |
| Plan 9 Information Archives +1.716.STILL.UP? DFS Southern HQ |
| Arrested Development +31.77.547477 DFS European HQ |
| Under World Element +1.203.STILL.UP? DFS Eastern HQ |
| Shattered Attic +1.216.STILL.UP? DFS Ohio HQ |
| Lucifer's Exile +1.513.ITS.DOWN DFS Midwest HQ |
| Twilight Of The Idols +1.613.STILL.UP? DFS Canada HQ |
| |
| ASCII Art by Incarnate |
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| AE - Plan 9 Information Archives - Login: DFS (If it's still up...) |
| FTP - etext.archive.umich.edu - /pub/Zines/DFS |
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| To submit, call Paradise Lost and log on as DFS. The password is: |
| JINGLE JINGLE |
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