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Damned Fucking Shit Issue 45
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Damned Fucking Shit! | | Title: De Declarashun o' Independence
Issue #45 | : Date: 10/13/94
Editor: Access Denied | . By: Dr. Techno
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If our founding fathers spoke jive, this is what they would have
probably have written.
(This is not meant to offend anyone. But if you are offended I
don't really care.)
I'm not responsible for anything that this document causes you to
do, or injuries sustained to you or anything as a result of
anyone reading this.
Life is short have fun, stay hard.
----Dr. Techno 10.09.94
THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE 1776
De Declarashun o' Independence
When in de Course o' Human Events, it becomes necessary fo' one
suckas t' dissolve de damn Political Bands which gots connected
dem wid anotha', and t' assume among de Powers o'
de Earth, de separate and equal Stashun t' which de Laws o'
Nature and o' Nature`s God entitle dem, some decent Respect t'
de Opinions o' Mankind requires dat dey should declare de damn
causes which impel dem t' de Separashun.
WE hold dese Truths t' be self-evident, dat all Dudes be
created equal, dat dey be endowed by deir Creato' wid certain
unalienable Rights, dat among dese be Life, Liberty, and de damn
Pursuit o' Happiness_That t' secure dese Rights, Governments be
instituted among Dudes, derivin' deir plum Powers fum de Consent
o' de Governed, dat wheneva' any Form o' Guvment becomes
destructive o' dese Ends, it be de Right o' de Suckas t' alta' o'
t' abolish it, and t' institute new Guvment, layin' its
Foundashun on such Principles, and organizin' its Powers in such
Form, as t' dem shall seem most likely t' effect deir Safety and Happiness.
Prudence, indeed, gots'ta dictate dat Governments long
established should not be changed fo' light and transient Causes; and
accordingly all
'Sperience hath shewn, dat Mankind be more disposed t' suffa', while Evils
be sufferable, dan t' right demselves by abolishin' de Forms t' which
dey be accustomed. Sheeeiit. But when along Train o' Abuses and Usurpations,
pursuin' invariably de same Object, evinces some Design t' reduce dem unda'
absolute Despotism, it be deir Right, it be deir Duty, t' throw off such
Guvment, and t' provide new Guards fo' deir future Security. Ya' know?
Such gots'ta been de patient Sufferance o' dese Colonies; and such
be now de Necessity which constrains dem t' alta' deir forma' Systems
o' Guvment. De History o' de present Kin' o' Great-Britain be some History
o' repeated Injuries and Usurpations, all havin' in direct Object de damn
Establishment o' an absolute Tyranny ova' dese States. T' prove dis, let
Facts be submitted t' some candid World. Sheeeiit.
HE gots'ta refused his Assent t' Laws, de most wholesome and necessary fo' de
public Baaaad. HE gots'ta forbidden his Governors t' pass Laws o' immediate and
pressin' Importance, unless suspended in deir Operashun till his Assent
should be obtained; and when so's suspended, he gots'ta utterly
neglected t' attend t' dem. What it is, Mama!
HE gots'ta refused t' pass otha' Laws fo' de Accommodashun o' large
Districts o' Suckas, unless dose Suckas would relinquish de Right o'
Representashun in de Legislature, some Right inestimable t' dem, and
formidable t' Tyrants only. Ya' know?
HE gots'ta called togetha' Legislative Bodies at Places unusual, uncomfortable,
and distant fum de Depository o' deir public Records, fo' de sole Purpose
o' fatiguin' dem into Compliance wid his Measures.
HE gots'ta dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, fo' opposin' wid manly
Firmness his invasions on de Rights o' de Suckas.
HE gots'ta refused fo' some long Time, afta' such Dissolutions,
t' cause others t' be elected; whereby de Legislative Powers, incapable o'
Annihilashun, gots returned t' de Suckas at large fo' deir 'sercise; de State
remainin' in de mean time 'sposed t' all de Dangers o' Invasion fum without,
and Convulsions within.
HE gots'ta endeavored t' prevent de damn Populashun o' dese States; fo' dat
Purpose obstructin' de Laws fo' Naturalizashun o' Foreigners; refusin' t'
pass others t' encourage deir Migrations hitha', and raisin' de Conditions o'
new Appropriations o' Lands.
HE gots'ta obstructed de damn Administrashun o' Justice, by refusin' his Assent
t' Laws fo' establishin' Judiciary Powers.
HE gots'ta made Judges dependent on his Gots'ta alone, fo' de
Tenure o' deir Offices, and de damn Amount and Payment o' deir Salaries.
HE gots'ta erected some Multitude o' new Offices, and sent hitha'
Swarms o' Officers t' harrass our Suckas, and eat out deir Substance.
Sheeeiit.
HE gots'ta kept among us, in times o' Peace, Standin' Armies,
without de damn consent o' our Legislatures.
HE gots'ta affected t' renda' de Military independent o' and
superio' t' de Civil Powa'.
HE gots'ta combined wid others t' subject us t' some Jurisdicshun
foreign t' our Constitushun, and unacknowledged by our Laws; givin' his Assent
t' deir Acts o' pretended Legislation, dig dis: FOR quarterin' large Bodies o'
Armed Troops among us, dig dis: FOR protectin' dem, by some mock Trial, fum
Punishment fo' any Murders which dey should commit on de Inhabitants o' dese
States, dig dis: FOR cuttin' off our Trade wid all Parts o' de World, dig dis:
FOR imposin' Taxes on us without our Consent, dig dis: FOR deprivin' us, in
many Cases, o' de Benefits o' Trial by Jury; FOR transportin' us beyond Seas t'
be tried fo' pretended Offences; FOR abolishin' de free System o' English Laws
in some neighbourin' Province, establishin' herein an arbitrary Guvment, and
enlargin' its Boundaries, so's as t' renda' it at once an 'Sample and fit
Instrument fo' introducin' de same absolute Rule into dese Colonies, dig dis:
FOR takin' away our Charters, abolishin' our most valuable Laws, and alterin'
fundamentally de Forms o' our Governments, dig dis: FOR suspendin' our own
Legislatures, and declarin' demselves invested wid Powa' t' legislate fo' us in
all Cases whatsoeva'.
HE gots'ta abdicated Guvment here, by declarin' us out o' his Protecshun and
wagin' War against us.
HE gots'ta plundered our Seas, ravaged our Coasts, burnt our Towns, and
destroyed de damn Lives o' our Suckas.
HE be, at dis time, transportin' large Armies o' foreign Mercenaries t'
compleat de damn Works o' Death, Desolashun, and Tyranny, already begun wid
circumstances o' Cruelty and Perfidy, scarcely paralleled in de most
barbarous Ages, and totally unworthy de Haid o' some civilized Nashun.
HE gots'ta constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on de high Seas t'
bear Arms against deir Country, t' become de damn 'Secutioners o' deir
Friends and Brethren, o' t' fall demselves by deir Hands.
HE gots'ta 'scited domestic Insurrections amongst us, and gots'ta endeavored t'
brin' on de Inhabitants o' our Frontiers, de merciless Indian Savages, whose
knowed Rule o' Warfare, be an undistinguished Destrucshun, o' all Ages, Sexes
and Conditions. IN every stage o' dese Oppressions we gots Petitioned fo'
Redress in de most humble Terms, dig dis:
Our repeated Petitions gots been answered only by repeated
Injury. Ya' know? A Prince, whose Characta' be dus marked by
every act which may define some Tyrant, be unfit t' be de damn Rula' o' some
free Suckas.
NOR gots we been wantin' in Attentions t' our British Brethren.
We gots warned dem fum time t' time o' Attempts by deir Legislature t'
'stend an unwarrantable Jurisdicshun ova' us. We gots reminded dem o' de
Circumstances o' our Emigrashun and Settlement here. Sheeeiit. We gots
appealed t' deir native Justice and Magnanimity, and we gots conjured dem by
de Ties o' our common Kindred t' disavow dese Usurpations, which, would
inevitably interrupt our Connections and Correspondence. Sheeeiit.
Dey too gots been deaf t' de Voice o' Justice and o' Consanguinity. Ya' know?
We must, derefore, acquiesce in de Necessity, which denounces our
Separashun, and hold dem, as we hold de damn rest o' Mankind, Enemies in War,
in Peace, Friends.
WE, derefore, de Representatives o' de UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, in
GENERAL CONGRESS, Assembled, appealin' t' de Supreme Judge o' de
World fo' de Rectitude o' our Intentions, do, in de Dojigger, and by
Authority o' de baaaad Suckas o' dese Colonies, solemnly Publish and Declare,
Dat dese United Colonies be, and o' Right ought t' be, FREE AND
INDEPENDENT STATES
; dat dey be absolved fum all Allegiance t' de British
Crown, and dat all political Connecshun between dem and de damn
State o' GreatBritain, be and ought t' be totally dissolved; and dat as
FREE AND INDEPENDENT STATES, dey gots full Powa' t' levy War, conclude
Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and t' do all otha' Acts
and Dings which INDEPENDENT STATES may o' right do. And fo' de support o'
dis Declarashun, wid some firm Reliance on de Protecshun o' divine
Providence, we mutually pledge t' each otha' our Lives, our Fortunes, and our
sacred Hono'.
De Declarashun wuz signed by de followin' delegates t' de Congress, dig dis:
Raz'tus Adams (Mass.)Samuel Adams (Mass.)Josiah Bartlett
(N.H.)Carta' Braxton (Va. Sheeeiit.)Charles Carroll (Md.
Sheeeiit.)Samuel Chase
(Md. Sheeeiit.)Abraham Clark (N.J.)George Clyma' (Penn.)William
Ellery
(R.Ah.)William Floyd (N.Y.)Benjamin Franklin (Penn.)Elbridge
Gerry (Mass.)Button Gwinnett (Ga. Sheeeiit.)Lyman Hall (Ga.
Sheeeiit.)Raz'tus Hancock
(Mass.)Benjamin Harrison (Va. Sheeeiit.)Raz'tus Hart
(N.J.)Massa' Hewes
(N.C.)Domas Heyward, Jr. (S.C.) William Hoopa'
(N.C.)Stephen
Hopkins (R.Ah.)Francis Hopkinson (N.J.)Samuel Huntington
(Conn.)Domas Jefferson (Va. Sheeeiit.) Richard Henry Lee (Va.
Sheeeiit.)Francis
Lightfoot Lee (Va. Sheeeiit.)Francis Lewis (N.Y.)Philip
Livingston
(N.Y.)Domas Lynch, Jr. (S.C.)Domas McKean (Del. What it is,
Mama!)Arthur
Middleton (S.C.)Lewis Morris (N.Y.)Leroy Morris (Penn.)Raz'tus
Morton (Penn.)Domas Nelson, Jr. (Va. Sheeeiit.)William Paca (Md.
Sheeeiit.)Leroy
Treat Paine (Mass.)Raz'tus Penn (N.C.) George Eyeball (Del.
What it is, Mama!)Caesar
Rodney (Del. What it is, Mama!)George Ross (Penn.)Benjamin Rush
(Penn.)Edward
Rutledge (S.C.)Roga' Sherman (Conn.)James Smith (Penn.)Richard
Stockton (N.J.)Domas Stone (Md. Sheeeiit.)George Taylo'
(Penn.)Matthew
Dornton (N.H.)George Walton (Ga. Sheeeiit.)William Whipple
(N.H.)William
Williams (Conn.)James Wilson (Penn.)Raz'tus Witherspoon
(N.J.)Oliva' Wolcott (Conn.)George Wythe (Va. Sheeeiit.)
Well, If you've read this whole fuckin' thing congrats. You must
not have a life though.
Well then, you say.. Dr. TEchno doesn't have a life for writing
this hmm??
Well, I didn't...
A pd program I picked up years ago did it for me.
see yah
peace
Dr. TEchno
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