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Damned Fucking Shit Issue 57
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D a m n e d F u c k i n g S h i t
- Presents -
Issue #57
Date: 5/30/96
Title: The Adventures of Spudboy
Author: Cerebral Neurosis
-= The Adventures Of Spudboy =-
by cerebral neurosis
name: spudboy
occupation: defender of the zer0-d4y
age:unknown
sex:yes
height:3"
weight:hey.. thats personal
spudboy comes to town
long long ago, in a galaxy far, far, far, far, far, FAR away, was
the planet R4Z0R 9ii... Unbeknownst to most earth peoples, this was the
home of the incredible potatoesach race. These beings were highly intelligent
and were very loving. one day, while listening to their favorite radio
station, K-R4D, the picked up some interplanetary linenoise. "Help."
"our zer0 d4y w4r3zZz are becoming old and maggot infested. help". Spudboy,
upon hearing this, lept to his feet.
"Have no fear, Spudboy, defender of the zer0 d4y will rescue those"
and this is how Spudboy got here to earth...
upon arriving on earth, spudboy raced out and bought a brandspanking new
laptop and a nifty 28.8k z00m modem.. he immediatly called the k-radest
0day board in the U.S. and engaged in a chat with the mighty sysop.
SB: what seems to be your problem
Mr. 0d4y: it seems we have run out of zer0d4y w4r3zZZzZz.. we all have
nothing to do.. <sob>
SB: oh.. well.. where do you get your zer0d4y w4r3ZzzZz from?
Mr. 0d4y: from a group called Midnite Mastrubators. they used to give us
the most zer0d4y w4r3zZzz in the w0rld.. now all we get is a
FILE_ID.DiZ stating that there will be no more 0d4y forever!
please find out why.
SB: yessireediddlydoo! right away..
Mr. 0d4y: oh thank you.. here.. take this 1043208day-old-rewritten-43 times
tfile on how to make a spudgun. you'll need it, i think.. you
never know..
<XMODEM transfer begins>
SB: thankyou... laters! and may your warez never grow old#@
Mr. 0d4y: ..i don't HAVE any warez.. that's why we called YOU!
SB: oh.. yea.. well, fuck you then..
Mr. 0d4y: l8z
<click>
NO CARRIER
so our hero reads the gnewest t-file on how to make a spudgun..
"says here, i should take this nastatechysaurusayterthing and stick in
the potatoes and - WHAT?!? i'm not doing that! That is known to make me have a
terrible case of ga-" a suden burst of gas shoots out of spudboy's rear side.
unfortunalty, our hero was standing next to a running blowtorch!
"YEOW*@&&^#*@" spudboy exclaimed as his fart turned into a gigantic
blue flame extending from the center of his butt. Even more unfortunatly,
spudboys butt was right above a big bottle of nitroglycerin, which he had
planned to use with his spudgun. Spudboy looks and sees all too late the
horrible event that will transform his body into new and exciting shapes!
"uh oh.." spudboy groans..
<B00M!!!>
our hero is blasted off into the sky.. all the way to.. Cloud 9!! oh my!
our hero has certainly taken a turn for the worse.. or has he? Stay tuned
for further episodes on the next "Spudboy: Protector of the ZeroDay"
scene from the next "Spudboy" ________
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____________________ __________ | \
|this looks odd.. i | | 0 day | | |\
______ |better check it out | | wares | | | \
\|/ / 00 |\|/ \__________________/ | storage | | | |
\| o /_/ __/ |__________| | O | |
|\ < | | | |
| | | | | O |
....\_____/...oooOO00oOOo........o0o0......oOOo.......|>ioU>O......o.| | |
/__ \/ . : \ | |
ooo ;: : :: \| |
: : \ |
\|
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