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Damned Fucking Shit Issue 16
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Damned Fucking Shit
Edited by Access Denied
Issue #16
Title: How To Be Polite
Date: 1/6/94
By: Access Denied
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How To Be Polite
So you want to be polite to people? Ok. Well this issue of
DFS will tell you how to be polite in certain situations.
Q: What if I'm walking down the street and some people are walking
in front of me at a slower pace? What should I do????
A: Forget about them. Who needs them? If they're moving to slow
for you, just push your way past them. If they complain, shoot
them.
Q: What if I'm driving down the street and there's a huge traffic
jam?
A: Just plow through all the cars. No one cares about them. If
the drivers complain, shoot them.
Q: What if I'm at a store and I don't like the price of something
I want to buy?
A: Who cares? Steal it. And if the owner or guy who works there
says something, shoot him.
Q: What if I'm at school and the teacher starts yelling at me for
smoking my weed?
A: Finish smoking it. If the teacher complains, shoot her.
Q: What if I'm hacking into NORAD and the police break down my door
and try to arrest me?
A: They don't know shit. Tell them you're just calling up the
military to complain about some hackers. If they don't believe
you, shoot them. (Note: You may need something a little more
powerful unless you are a very fast and accurate shot.)
Q: What if I'm walking down the street naked and someone tries to
rape me?
A: Let them. If you're reading this magazine you probably have no
life and are butt-ugly and deserve to be raped. Then shoot them.
Q: What if I'm blue boxing to Andorra and the fucking intercept
operator breaks in on me?
A: Why the HELL are you blue boxing to Andorra in the FIRST
place?!?!? There's nothing there!!! Well if this happens, tell
the operator she's a bitch. Then go over to your CO and shoot
someone.
Q: What if I'm breaking into someone's house and they wake up/come
home and see me?
A: Shoot them.
Q: What if I'm in my favorite porno movie theater and I can't hear
the movie because of all the moaning from the audience?
A: Tell them to shut up or you'll whack off what they're whacking
off with your knife. If they don't stop, shoot them.
Q: What if I'm at school and some ugly shit-fuck girl asks me to
the next dance?
A: Tell her to fuck off. If she keeps bothering you, shoot her.
Q: What if I'm walking down the street and a monkey tries to rape
me?
A: Tell it to fuck off. If it keeps bothering you, shoot it. Then
eat its heart.
Q: What if I'm in a church and the minister starts yelling at me
for chanting Satanic stuff?
A: Draw a big pentagram out of blood on the floor of the church.
Then shoot the minister.
Q: What if I'm in a church and a monkey tries to rape me?
A: Give it to the minister. Then shoot them both.
Q: What if I'm in a church and the minister tries to rape me?
A: Give him to the monkey. Then shoot them both.
Q: What if I'm dancing with German men in my underwear?
A: Shoot yourself.
Q: What if I'm playing my favorite ]<-RaD PiRaTeD WaReZzzZZZz GaMe
called CaStLe WoLFeNstIEn at school and some dicklick tries to kick
me off the computer because he has to "word process"?
A: Tell him to lick himself. Then take his "floppy" and shove it
up his ass. Then give him to the monkey. Then shoot him.
Q: What if I'm sitting on my lawn and I realize that the world is
out to get me and that no one is my friend?
A: Shoot everyone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well FoLKs!!1`11111!!!1 Now you know how to be polite!!!!!11111
I suggest you go practice somewhere!!!!!11!!!!!!!~`11! LaTeRZZz!!!
[Editor's Note: The last issue of DFS titled "AT&T Access Numbers"
was noted as being written by Wonko The Sane of 414. He totally
denies writing this. Well some shitweed is being a nutfuck. I
don't mind publishing AnOnYmOuS crap but if you say you are someone
else, FUCK OFF. The validity of those numbers given cannot be
certified by DFS or its editorial staff etc. So if they don't work
for you, TOO BAD SCHMUCK! Oh, and say hi to the guyz in
PyroTechnikS or whatever the fuck name they have now. Ye Gads...
they should either quit or try to join ACiD... and the guys who I'm
talking about know which they should do. Any way L8Rz M0n!!!!!]
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