Damned Fucking Shit Issue 17

eZine lover (@eZine)

Published in 

Damned Fucking Shit

 · 5 years ago

  

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                    Damned       Fucking        Shit 
                        Edited by Access Denied 

                              Issue #17 
                      Title: 50 Things To Do With Those Nasty 
                             Holiday Leftovers 
                      Date: 1/8/94 
                      By: Blurr 
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯ 

 
50 things to do with those nasty holiday leftovers.. 
by Blurr [ATOMiC] 

- Eat them.. 

- Sell them to a local High School for mystery-meat day.. 

- Patch cement.. 

- Put them in your 5¬ drive.. (What else do you need it for?!) 

- Attatch a FILE_ID.DIZ to them and upload for lots of creditz.. 

- Throw in some Forum source code and develop a new BBS software.. 

- Place them in the Ponderosa buffet bar (to improve taste).. 

- Attatch a stolen font and advertise for your board.. 

- Send them to SiN for speedy cracking.. 

- Jam them in your teacher's muffler.. 

- Give them to president Clinton so he will inhale them.. 

- Let them rot.. inhale the fumes.. and go on a shooting rampage.. 

- Compare the color scheme to that of a default PC-Board.. 

- Abuse them so they run away on their own.. 

- Put it in the back of Jeffrey Dahmer's fridge to accompany that eyeball 
  they never scraped out.. 

- Feed them to blind people and say it's fine cuisine.. 

- Sell them to CBS for next year's prime time line-up.. 

- Sell them to FOX so they can base a new hit show on them.. 

- Attatch a wig and date them.. 

- Greet them in your next 200 line ANSi.. 

- Use them in your nifty macros.. 

- Submit them to DFS.. who knows.. they might just be in the next mag! 

- Freeze-dry them for the next earthquake.. 

- Put them in your food dehydrator and make some form of jerky.. 

- Give them a phone and let them be a Psychic Friend.. 

- Use them when you run out of Soylent Green.. 

- Give them to UCLA as a second place trophy <go badgers!> 

- Give them to a police officer next time you get pulled over.. he may just 
  let you off a bit easier!.. 

- Let them be your Co-Sysop.. 

- Let Michael Jackson baby-sit them.. 

- Give them to Michael Jackson's lawyer so he doesn't sue me for writing that 
  last use for holiday leftovers.. 

- Use them as covers for your expansion slots when you lose them.. 

- Taunt them.. 

- Donate them to Goodwill.. 

- Use them as a lifesaving device.. 

- Form a /<-Rad group and distribute them around your area code.. 

- Use them as seat covers.. 

- Feed them to your pets and watch them as they grow extra appendages.. 

- Put them out of their misery.. 

- Eat them.. digest them.. shit them.. and then inspect them.. 

- Give them to your girlfriend because you forgot it was her birthday.. 

- Feed them to Oprah.. 

- Make an ashtray.. 

- Develop a revolutionary new compression system with them.. (remember .OWS?) 

- Send them to US Robotics for an upgrade to next year's leftovers.. 

- Throw them onto a dog track and watch them fight over it.. 

- Assassinate Barney (the dinosaur) with them.. 

- Replace controversial evidence in your next phreaking trial with them.. 

- Convert it to ANSi for your new logon screen.. 

- love it.. touch it.. call it George.. 
_____________________________________________________________________________ 
  This file is for information purposes only.. it is not recommended that 
any of you actually KEEP your holiday leftovers.. to those i have offended, 
life sucks.. get a helmet.. 
----------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

 Compiled by:  (( Blurr )) - [ATOMiC] 
               Sysop - Blurred Vision 

 
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