Copy Link
Add to Bookmark
Report
Damned Fucking Shit Issue 28
DDDDD FFFFFFFFF SSSSSS
D D FF S
D D FFFFF S
D D FF SSSSSS
D D FF S
DDDDD FFFF SSSSSSS
(ASCii By AD!)
Damned Fucking Shit
Issue #28
Title: The 2600 Meeting
Date: 6/7/94
By: Access Denied
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The 2600 Meeting
[Editor's note: Well some people have been wondering how the new 414 2600
meetings have been going. This is about how they usually go.]
[Location: AD's room. Day before 2600 meeting.]
AD: [To self] Hmm.. let's call Incarnate.
AD's phone: beep beep beep, beep beep beep beep [random DTMF tones]
Telco op: Sir, sir.... you can't use those tones...
AD: FUCK OFF BITCH!!!
AD's phone: [more DTMF tones.. correct ones this time]
ring... ring... ring...
Voice: Hello??... Hello??? What the fuck are those monks chanting for???
AD: Hey Inc.
Inc: Oh.. it's you. Just a sec. [click] ok Dementia Praecox is here.
DP: Once, there was this boy who
Got into an accident and..
AD: Blah. Shut up... So Inc, do you still need a ride to the meeting?
[Fearing that his line is tapped...] NOT THE 2600 MEETING. IT'S NOT BEING
HELD AT MAYFAIR MALL. IT'S AT THE CORNER OF 23RD AND CENTER [a ghetto for you
non-414's] ON THE 18TH OF JUNE, 1998! LET'S GO NOW INCARNATE. Er.. anyway.
Inc: Like I can get there on my own. Gimme a fucking ride!!!!!!! And you have
to give DP a ride too!
AD: Fuck off. He lives 20 miles from me.
Ahh.. fuck this.. who cares about a lame conversation.. well the FBI for one..
but that's irrelevant.
Anyway.. so I actually go and pick up these two l4m3rZzz. I fuq'n got lost.
Shit fucks. So we finally get the the 26oo meeting. NO ONE IS FUQ'N THERE!
So much for planning ahead.
Inc: Hey. Since no one's here, let's go cause random anarchy in the mall!!!
DP: Whee!!!
AD: You nut fuck! I still have to eat dinner.
So they went off and beat off in the corner while I hardened my arteries eating
some McDoodles crap.
"BANG BANG... YOU FUCKING MORONS! GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE!!!!!!!"
Oh.. just Incarnate and DP fooling around with some cops. Shit, serves them
right for carrying live ammo.
So I'm eating my cholesteral and who walks by? Some fat ass lady with droopy
TiTzzzZZ in spandex... er.. some other haqr/phreqr d00dzz I mean. It was none
other than Lexicon Devil <LexicnDvl for you iRC f00lZ>, The Shadow, Entropy,
and Necronomicon.
AD: ARGH!!!!!!!!!!
Inc: Why are you hiding under the table AD???
AD: Er.. I umm... dropped a french fry.. yeah.. french fry.
Shadow: So where the FUCK have you been???!?!
[Yeah yeah.. so we were two hours late.. who gives a fuck?]
Shadow: You missed all the fun! See that fat ass lady in the spandex?
AD: You mean the one with the dr00py TiTzZZ??
Shadow: Yeah! We raped her!!!
AD: And you didn't fucking save any for me??!?!? p3n1s!
Shadow: Go get her AD!!!!!
AD: Ohh.. ohh..
Whoops... wrong story. Getting back to the topic..
AD: Well were all here now!
Lex: No. You missed Cade. He was here already but got shot in the leg by a
fuq'n cop.
DP: YOU MOTHER FUCKING COPS!!!!!!! DIE ASS HOLES!!!!!
AD: Well everyone else is here!
Inc: I love you, you love me, were one great big family.. URK.. hey quit
hitting me with the salt shaker DP!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!
[Incarnate is now under the table with AD.. that's sick. Incarnate is now
under the table by himself, scoping out the fat lady in the spandex. (Her name
is Buelah).]
So Lex pulls out his new Radio Shaq tone dialer!
AD: MUTHER FUQR!!! Where'd you get that?!?!?
Lex: Er.. Radio Shack.. where else?
AD: I knew that...
So anyway, I go running over to Radio Shack... my last tone dialer.. er..
anyway. The fuq'rs are out of them. So I robbed the place and set fire to the
mall and that's the end of the story... or something.
AD [returning to table, sobbing]: Th.. th.. they didn't ha.. ha.. have one!!!
[AD is consoled by others in the group.]
AD: Get yur FUQ'N hands off me FAGS!!!
Entropy: Yeah but I got this c00l fone to be converted into a beige box!
AD: YOU FUCK HEAD!!!!! Where'd you get it?!?#@&*^@&*(
Entropy: [Smug grin] Radio Shack.
It's at this point that I killed Entropy. So I ran over to Radio Shack again.
Shit, that was more exercise then I'd had in months.
AD to Radio Shack employee: Where's [pant pant] the.. [pant] fone [argh pant].
I need [pant] the FONE!!!!!!###&*!@%($&*^$I ARGH!JJL!!!!!!!!:KUJ [AD starts
spasming on the floor]
Employee: We're out.
AD: ARGHHH!*@#&&
So who knows how I made it back to the food court. But I got back and sat down
and went and raped Buelah.
Nec: Well guyz.. I gotta go. I promised my gril friend I'd go fuq her tonight.
Gotta go!
DP: You mean girl friend right?
Nec: Hey.. some people like girls.. I prefer... other things. Now.. bye!
All: We LUV you NEC!!!
Nec: ARGH!!!!!
[Necronomicon goes jumping off a balcony to his death, his brains splattering
like a water balloon all over the tiled floor below us. A dog trots over and
begins licking them up. An old lady with a walker slips on them and falls and
breaks her neck. A cop shoots her to put her out of her misery. The bullet
ricochets off of the tile floor and blows the cops head off too. Everyone at
the 26oo meeting laughs.]
Lex: Well that was cool.
Shadow: [Holding up a plastic box] Now this will be put on your houses quite
soon by the telco. They'll say it's for the new fiber, but really it's a bomb.
Don't worry, it will kill you.
All except Shadow: Uh.. yeah.. we have to go now...
Lex: Well I'm going to build a red box.
AD: Hurrah!!!
Lex: I have the dialer... now all I need is a crystal...
Entropy: Oh here.. I have one in my pocket... five bucks please.
Lex: Blah.. oh well.. fine. [Gives him five dollars.]
Ok.. now let's go grab a soldering iron from Radio Shit... and some
solder, and a screwdriver set and some wire and a few batteries.. let's
see..... it should cost us... FREE!!!
[So we rob Radio Shack.]
[Now we're back at the food place.]
Inc: Quick, plug the soldering iron in and let's get this shit going!
DP: Fire!!! Fire!!! Huh... huh huh... huh...
[AD proceeds to slap DP]
Er anyway.. so we waste a few hours and build a red box that never works that
night. Ugh.. anyway... ahh... then we get arrested for prowling and kill ten
police with our Glock-7's and our 9mm Beretta's but who cares about all that?
Killing cops is part of life. So that's a regular 2600 meeting I guess...
pretty c00l eh? Ahh fuck me or something.
Find DFS On These Fine Systems
==========================================================================
| Paradise Lost +1.414.476.3181 DFS World HQ |
| Temporary Insanity +1.ITS.NOW.DOWN DFS Affiliate HQ |
| Plan 9 Information Archives +1.716.881.FONE (3663) DFS Southern HQ |
| Under World Element +1.203.740.9571 DFS Eastern HQ |
| 7th Heaven +1.216.464.6789 DFS Affiliate |
| Twilight Of The Idols +1.613.226.3386 DFS Canada HQ |
| |
| AE - Plan 9 Information Archives - Login: DFS |
| FTP - etext.archive.umich.edu - /pub/Zines/DFS |
| IRC - #DFS (Whenever Access Denied or Incarnate is on) |
| |
| To submit, call Paradise Lost and log on as DFS. The password is: |
| JINGLE JINGLE |
==========================================================================
