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Cyber Phuck Magazine 4
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þþþ CYBER_PHUCK MAGAZINE ISSUE FOUR þþþ
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This is issue FOUR of CYBER_PHUCK Magazine. I hope you enjoy it.
1. Zen and The Management of Suburban Dog Shit
2. Lead in Your Drinking Water and How To Protect Yourself
3. Damage Inc Crash Guide To The Internet and Internet Accounts
4. How To Rebuild a Fucking Carburetor. :-)
5. Pasta Pasta Pasta. How To Cook Awesome Pasta. Cool easy recipes.
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Zen And The Management of Suburban Dogshit.
Dog shit stinks. Literally and spiritually. It stinks. It sticks
to your shoes and won't come off. It's nasty it fucking SUCKS. Well
if you're tired of not being able to enjoy your own suburban back yard
for the genuine fear of stepping in dog shit, you should know the
beneficial technique to manage dog shit correctly.
Required Equipment:
1. A hose
Rubber hoses are the best. Don't buy a cheapo hose
at K-mart. It's a waste of money if you get a garden
water hose based solely on price. Buy a good quality
RUBBER hose! A rubber hose will stay flexible when the
weather is cool and will last decades if you don't run
it over with the lawn mower. Rubber hoses are odviously
made of rubber. Cheap bullshit hoses are made out of
vinyl or some shiny brittle shitty material. When dealing
with dog shit, you don't want shitty equipment!
2. A spray attachment WITH TRIGGER!
A spray attachment with trigger is mandatory. One should
get the best attachment they can afford. Ideally, one
that can be adjusted to spray a HARD JET STREAM is the
best for the shitty fun jobs ahead. Spray attachments
made of PVC (poly vinyl chloride) are the best. Do not
buy ones made of regular plastic or the sunlight will
make the plastic brittle and they will break. Avoid ones
with parts made of steel, like steel clips and springs.
Steel RUSTS! Get a good spray attachment made of PVC,
that can shoot a very tight jet stream at high pressure,
and that has some sort of triggering device, to minimize
water waste, and allow the hose to build up pressure
between shots of water.
3. Good water pressure.
Good water pressure helps get the job done well. A good
rubber hose will permit more water flow and better water
pressure build-up and release than a crappy plastic hose.
THE SECRET OF DOG SHIT IN A SUBURBAN ENVIRONMENT
Bone meal is a fertilizer. Dog shit contains bone meal. Well, just
about every ingredient in dog food is also found in fertilizers. But dog
shit kills the grass doesn't it. NOT ANY MORE IT DOESN'T! Prepare to have
the most lush and beautiful back yard in town. WITHOUT chemical sprays or
chemical fertilizers. Tell the chemical lawn spray company to FUCK OFF! :-)
because the secret's out!
What You Do
Each day after work, pour yourself a tall glass of coke, or ice tea
and go into the back yard. Pat the dog on the head and wave and smile at
your neighbor who will try to avoid eye contact with you anyhows. Turn on
the hose and prepare for A Three Minute Dog Shit Country Safari in your own
back yard! (be sure to spray any cats with the hose because the dogs will
really think you're cool if you do that :-) Smoke if you got 'em.
Technique:
Walk slowly into the yard and casually nuke every one of them dog
turds with the hard jet spray of the hose. Let the pressure build up and
build up in the hose between shots of water, as you spy for the Amazing
Crapso's latest masterpiece and then blast it into dogshit oblivion.
Spraying the dog shit every day when the weather is hot, or every
2 days or so when the weather is more pleasant, breaks-down the dog shit
into it's natural elements extremely effectively. DO NOT WAIT FOR THE
dog shit to turn to bricks in the sun, but instead blast it into dog shit
residue every day if possible. Adding water to dog shit before it dries,
encourages micro organisms added by fido's intestional tract to break down
the shit most effectively. Breaking the actual turd apart increases the
amount of oxygen available to each nano-spec of dog shit increasing this
biological breakdown. Spraying the dog turd with the hose is the best
way to deal with dog shit. The turds disappear, the grass is green, and
there's nothing nasty for you to step in (or for the Amazing Crapso to
roll in as well).
If you miss spraying a day or so and the turds turn into petrified
icons of shit, simply wet them down with a wide spray and allow them
ample time to soften up, and then you can blast them into doggy shit dust.
Summary.
Blast the dog turds everyday with the hose where they lie and you'll
have the greenest yard in town!
"Go ahead... make my mother fucking day.. you piece of shit! :-)
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Lead In Drinking Water And How To Protect Yourself!
Most water contains some lead. Some sources are natural sources
as water filters through the ground. Most sources however are man made.
In 1985 Ronald Reagan signed the Clean Water Act that banned
the use of lead solder in plumbing in new construction. Also lead is no
longer used in gasoline or paints which should help a lot too. Lead from
paint chips is bad news too because it floats through the air and lands in
dust that the baby chews up.
Lead gets into drinking water in the following ways.
1. Lead pipes in old homes and very old underground pipes.
(uncommon but VERY serious if they're still there)
2. Lead solder used to bond copper pipes in most homes.
(very common source 80% of homes)
Lead affects you inversely to what you weigh. A baby drinking lead
contaminated water will show much more detrimental effects than a man will.
Lead affects children much more than adults. Lead exposure will make one
stupid, can cause serious physical affects as well if the levels are high
enough. High doses can cause seisures that mimic epileptic seisures. During
the Salem witch trials everybody was incredibly stupid because of lead
exposure in pewter cookwear and food storage etc devices. Children believed
possessed were actually having seisures from lead exposure. Adults were
incredibly stupid from prolonged exposure.
During Roman times, exposure to lead was extremely bad. Early water
supply plumbing was sometimes made entirely of lead. Ceasar suffered
seisures from lead exposure most likely. People were stupid from lead
exposure to the point of the exposure leading to the eventual fall of the
Roman Empire according to some scientists.
Some ceramic cookwear contains high levels of lead from the earth
used it it's manufacture. Beware of cookwear and dishes especially that
have painted designs, especially gold leaf on them. Lead crystal glasswear
should not be used for food storage. Do not keep wine in lead crystal for
prolonged periods. When in doubt, toss it out. Beware of true antique
pewter dishes and cups.
Filters are NOT very effective against lead in water.
Good News!
The older the plumbing, the less lead will leach out of it. Plumbing
gets coated inside with lime and other minerals after a while. Also fluoride
used in water sticks hard against the inside of the pipes locking the lead
in place.
Prevention!
If the water hasn't been run for several hours, let it run until it
is cold to flush the lead laced water out. NEVER use hot water out of the tap
for cooking or drinking EVER! If a plumber does work at your house, be sure
he uses new "lead free" solder. If he uses unmarked solder, or old solder
containing lead, please shoot him in the head because his brain was damaged
by exposure to lead. Mental damage from lead exposure is not reversible.
After the tap water is running cool. You can fill up a glass jar
with cold water and put it aside or in the fridge if you want to drink water
later. Pour it into one of those water filter jugs is a good idea too.
Other wierd sources of lead include
Ceramic dishes
(red clay from Mexico and Asia)
(worse if food is stored in them for prolonged periods)
(especially acidic foods like wine, vinegar, etc)
Pewter Dishes and Cups
Lead was once used in their manufacture.
Old Telephone Trunk Cables
Those big old cables in old towns that are grey in color.
That are extrmely heavy and droop from pole to pole.
Working with lead cables is why some phone company
techs are so fucking stupid :) Cable TV wires are
made of alumium and are also grey though.
Lead Shot from ShotGun Shells
Lead shot has landed in duck ponds for years. This
gets into water and ducks eat them and ingest lots of
lead. Stainless steel shot is the only legal shot
for hunting but you know how people are. If you get
pulled over for speeding in a country town, be carefull
what you say. They may be impaired mentally from lead
shot in their food and water supply.
Lead Crystal glass ware
Do not use for food storage
Paint !
Used to increase the stickiness of paint for years!
Was in use very common through the fifties and into
the sixties. BEWARE WHEN REMOVING OLD PAINT NOT TO
CREATE DUST.
Fishing lures and Tire Weights
are made of lead. Keep away from kids who might chew them.
or chew their fingers after handeling them. Lead sticks
to your fingers really bad. It is a metal softer than most.
Ever handle copper pennies and your hands stink?. well
lead sticks worse than that to your fingers but has no
smell!
Autobody shops
Used to fix cars with lead before they invented
"bondo" fiberglass autobody fillers).
Nuclear weapons plants
Uranium is a highly refined form of lead ore.
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DAMAGE INC CRASH COURSE IN INTERNET FULL ACCESS ACCOUNTS!
Cyber BBS
513-863-0447
This requires understanding of DOS before it means anything.
Never pay more than 20$ a month for full internet access including
FTP (file transfer protocol) and don't get an account that limits
your time you can logon.
ALL COMMANDS ARE IN LOWER CASE. DO NOT USE CAPITAL LETTERS!
joeblow@whatever.com sample address for joe at a commercial site
joeblow@bigstate.edu sample address at a university account site
If you get lost or it freaks out just drop carrier from your comm program.
Use VT102 emulation for most sites.
DO NOT use the backspace key. Use the Delete key instead.
$ the unix prompt
tin -q starts the newsgroup program. This is like 9,000 message areas
there are 9,000 newsgroups or message areas. In your home
directory there is a file called .newsrc you can edit
it to include or exclude specific newsgroups if you
edit .newsrc the ( "!" = ignore) ( ":" = subscribe)
eep a program on some systems to edit your .newsrc file
pico THE unix editor program for editing text files. You can
use the command "edit" on some systems to get this
program up. Use the command "pico" if you're not sure.
pine starts the most popular mail program to send and read mail.
create or edit a file called .signature to have a
unique signature appear on your mail and stuff
who shows who's logged on the system besides yourself
cd change directory like in DOS
cd /home
cd (with nothing after it will take you to your home dir)
/ always use a slash "/" UNIX DOESN'T USE A BACKSLASH EVER!
pwd present working directory shows where you're at /home/joeblow
(works in telnet and ftp too!)
telnet lets you telnet to other sites to look around and do stuff
telnet mit.edu
open if prompt says "telnet > " use this to connect to a site
telnet > open mit.edu
close leave a site connection
close
ftp lets you go to other sites and "get" files
ftp univ.wash.edu
open if prompt says "ftp > " use this command to connect to a site
open univ.virginia.edu
close leave a site
close
get "gets" a file from remote site and sends it to your home dir
on the unix machine you're subscribed to very fast.
get super_cali_fred-igelesticespealadoscious.zip.file.ZIP
get pkunzip.exe
(unix file names can be up to 256 characters long)
WHEN YOU TELNET OR FTP TO A REMOTE SITE
LOGIN AS " anonymous " (tough to spell huh?)
PASSWORD " joeblow@shit.com " give your internet address
sz send files from your unix host to your PC using Zmodem (send Z)
sz whatever.the.file.is (use proper case)
rz send files from your pc to your unix with Zmodem (recieve Z)
rz
and then just send it
close closes stuff
quit quits stuff, logoff
ls -l lists files in a meaningful way
ls -lpm better way to list files
drwxrwxrwx file attributes.
d--------- means a directory listing
rwx means the file owner can read write or execute the file
rwx means anybody with same security can read/write/exec the file
rwx means anybody in the world can read/write/or execute the file
man (followed by any command) gives you help for a command from the manual
man pine (gives you help with pine mail program)
talk joeblow@anyplace.com lets you "chat" with joe anywhere in the world
if it says "chat requested", park the program you're in with
control-z or exit it back to the unix prompt and type "talk"
control-z parks a program
jobs lists programs you parked
%1 restarts parked program 1
%2 restarts parked program 2
control-z doesn't work on some systems.
use ! instead. Just type "!" in FTP and
it will give you a unix prompt. Type exit to return
to active FTP session.
control-c stops many programs including the "talk" (chat) program
Remember to use the delete key instead of the backspace. If you're real wild
you can set your comm program to send a delete when you hit the backspace.
Don't bother with any books on UNIX unless you're forced to program in it.
This little text file and just fucking with unix will make you an expert.
Books and text files on Intenet and Unix For Dummies are for dummies ONLY!
So if you want to learn unix and the internet just jump in in there and
keep this text printed near your computer to remember the commands until
you know them as well as you know DOS.
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HOW TO REBUILD A CARBURETOR
Zen and the Art of CARBURETOR Maintenance.
First, are you sure that the carburetor on your car or truck
actually needs rebuilding. Symptoms of a bad carburetor are,
1. Coughing when accelerating or pulling hills
2. Possible backfire when accelerating or pulling hill
3. Hasn't been rebuilt or replaced in last 20k miles
Carburetors are no longer put on most cars or trucks any more
because fuel injection systems offer a 15% increase in power and economy.
It's a bitch to switch-over from carburetion to fuel-injection and much
cheaper in the short run to just rebuild the carburetor, which isn't all
that complicated, and which doesn't take much more time than replacing
a carburetor which costs TONS more than rebuilding one.
The word "rebuilding" sounds scary but don't let it fool you.
The problem with your carburetor is not in your set. The rubber accelerator
pump is probably worn on from friction of pumping up and down, and from
the alcohol used in gasolines these days.
Lately there has been a sharp increase in the price of carburetor
rebuild kits. This is based on greed, and the fact that carburetors are
getting more and more rare of course. Shop around.
Before trying to purchase a carburetor rebuild kit, you will have
to get the numbers off of the old carburetor. This is important because
you will get dirty looks, and probably the wrong kit if you ask for a
carburetor rebuild kit without actually knowing the carburetor numbers
first.
Some carburetors have a alumminum tag screwed on top of the
carburetor. Most have some sort of number stamped on the side of the
carburetor. Start the engine (so the fumes don't gag you) and do a major
spray down of the carburetor, inside and out) with some good gum-out
carburetor aerosol spray cleaner. When you find the numbers, write them
all down, and take them to the parts store with you.
Don't jump into buying a kit without checking on price first. The
last one I did, I found the prices ranged from 15 $ at one place, up to
30 $ at another. They contained the same stuff. You probably won't need
floats, but get them if necessary, they might cost extra. The most important
things in the kits are
1. Rubber Accelerator Pump
2. Proper Gaskets (don't use gasket sealer on carb gaskets)
3. Little springs and steel balls.
Carefully and slowly pull the carburetor off the car. Remove the
air cleaner, vacuum lines, and linkage levers, label stuff if necessary
so you can get it back on exactly as before. Don't loose any little clips
because that will be the one they didn't put in the kit. Don't discard
any parts for that reason. Be very careful when removing the fuel-input
line. The fitting is made of brass and will strip very easily. Some
have filters built into them.
Some guys soak the things for a while, a few can even rebuild
some (depending on the type of carb) on the car. It's better to take it
off. Slowly disassemble the thing. Check for bend push rods inside the
thing, beware of springs that pop off when you remove a panel etc. Start
from the top of the carburetor and take off one part at a time. Take off
only what is necessary etc. Be carefull. Don't bend flexible metal parts
because their adjustment may be critical.
A kitchen table works good for cleaning a carburetor with lots of
papers and stuff to keep from making a mess etc. When removing a gasket
while removing a part, clean the surfaces clean to remove all gasket
material which may come loose other wise and clog a jet later. Some
carburetors have jets you can replace, others have large bore jets that
you can just push the shit out of with a long pin. Take your time.
Always replace the accelerator pump. It is entirely possible that the
only part that needs replaced is the accelerator pump.
If you take out the floats, don't bend the levers on them. Later
on the kit may tell you to turn the carb upside down and check the distance
the floats hang from the lip of the carb. Don't fuck that up. And if you
don't bend them to start with, they will probably work anyway without
adjustment.
If you want the ultimate rebuild, clean everything until it's spot
less with cleaners etc. The spec of dirt you remove now, might not lodge
in a jet later.
Take your time reassembling the carburetor, be very altert for
little tiny balls like in ball bearings that do something in the carburetor.
To remove one may require turning an assembly upside down. And turning
an assembly upside down without thinking, may let a tiny little ball
fall out and disappear underneath the most nasty place you'll never
find it on the floor or your garage workshop or kitchen, so be careful.
When putting the carb back on the engine, make sure the gasket
surface on the intake manifold is clean and avoid dropping shit down
inside the manifold. If you drop a bolt or screw in there it can cause
major fucking damage. Check the action on the carburetor before hooking
the fuel line back up. When you most the levers you should be able to
hear the accelerator pump forcing air out someplace. Everything should
work perfectly. Use care when putting the fuel input back on because the
brass fitting may strip very easily. There's a lot of pressure in that fuel
line being pumped up from the fuel pump, so don't bugger up the threads.
Good luck. If your car is old (like before the 1970's) if it
knocks during acceleration even after the carb has been rebuild, you should
trying doubling the timing number. If it says 6 degrees to set it, try
setting it to ten or twelve degrees. The fuel today has god knows what in
it. Avoid fuel additives that contain alchol, like fuel anti-freeze because
that's what ruins the accelerator pumps tight fit. The accelrator pump
fit can't really be measured. When you rebuild one, the old one alwasys
looks okay but it isn't believe me.
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PASTA PASTA PASTA
Cool and Excellent, and Easy Pasta Recipes
Cool and Excellent and Easy pasta recipes require 3 main ingredients.
1 Good Italian Olive Oil. Look for the those glass jars of
olive oil that are wide at the base and skinny at the
top. A bottle costs like 5 bucks but it lasts a long
time and is good for your cholesterol. Don't buy clear
oils. The yellow oils are best.
2 Good Pasta. Look for "Vermicelli" its thinner than thin
spaghetti. Takes exactly 6 minutes to cook.
3 Garlic. Get a couple large bulbs of it. Peel it by biting
the end off, peeling off the dry skin, and smashing it with
the flat edge of a big knife or large spoon, then chopping some.
Parmesean Cheese. Don't buy discount brands. Jungle Jims in
Fairfield has the best. Good national brands are okay but
generic brands and discount brands often contain fillers like
sawdust etc.
Spices. Get Parsley (dry in a jar or fresh is even better), Basil
is good too, and Oregano, maybe some black pepper if you have
a pepper mill only. Don't use pre-ground pepper.
Vinegar. Get Italian Balsamic Vinegar. Never use that clear stuff
that comes in a plastic bottle. That's only good for douches and
cleaning the table off with.
Real pasta recipes are insanely simple
Bring water to a hard rolling boil. Add the pasta to the water
and LEAVE THE HEAT ON AS HIGH AS IT WILL GO! If you lower the
temperature ANY during boiling the pasta will stick.
Vermicelli takes exactly 6 minutes too cook. When it doubt,
pasta is ready when one piece, thrown against the wall, sticks
solidly without falling off.
After 6 minutes, strain the Vermicelli. Do not rinse it off. Use
a wire strainer or one of those colliander things.
If you want to use garlic in your pasta, towel out the pot you
boiled the pasta in, and return it to the stove without heat (if
you're using electric) or on low (if you've got a gas stove).
Pour some olive oil covering the bottom of the pan, and dump in
a bunch of smashed garlic. Stir and let it cook without burning for
a very short amount of time, maybe no more than a minute.
Put the pasta in a large bowl. Pour the garlic and oil, or just
regular olive oil over the top of it. Add oregano (a little)
parsley (tons) and some pepper maybe. Stir it up and add more
olive oil if necessary. It should be real oily and wet but not soupy
at all. For extra kick, stir in some balsamic vinegar but only
as an experiment. I love it but some people don't. Mix with a
fork throughly. Add Parmesean cheese LAST because it makes things
clump together. Just sprinkle it on top and don't worry about
mixing it into the pasta like the other stuff.
Adding chopped tomatoes makes it look totally beautiful too.
Serve with red wine, kool aid, or other red juice. And make
a lot of pasta, people tend to eat tons of the stuff. It's a late
night favorite in Italy after a night on the town or after the
opera.
Serve this type of Pasta with an Italian Salad, French bread, and
butterflied Filet Mignon's brushed with wortershire sauce for
a 4 star meal.
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I hope you enjoyed issue four of CYBER_PHUCK Magazine. If you have
questions, comments, suggestions, contributions -monitary or literary-
send 'em to the head chef at tline@iglou.com or call the Cyber BBS
at 513-863-0447.
Tom Line
Head Chef
Damage Inc Ohio
tline@iglou.com
cyber bbs 513-863-0447 USA
