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Capital of Nasty Vol. 04 Issue 09
Capital of Nasty Electronic Magazine
Volume IV, Issue 9, AD MCMXCIX
Wednesday, May 26, 1999
ISSN 1482-0471
-------------------------------------------
"We did about 30 takes because I wanted to get the tchk-tchk sound
perfectly [...] you have to keep reminding yourself: when it's all over,
a scene like this is going to make kids and adults see it for the next
hundred years."
-- Liam Neeson, playing the part of Qui-Gon Jinn, in regards to a scene
that was less than a second long.
-------------------------------------------
"My favourite `Star Wars' character was Darth Vader. He's evil. He fit
my personality."
-- Jake Llyod as Anakin Skywalker.
-------------------------------------------
1. Editorial
2. Good Seats
3. The Phantom Menace(SPOILERS)
4. Looking for Replacements? (God in the 21st Century)
5. The Real World
6. Striped stockings saved my life!
-------------------------------------------
This week's Golden Testicle awards:
Milk, does the Sith good.
http://tpm.streetpreacher.com/media/posters/sharkeymaulmilk.jpg
Jar Jar Must Die
http://www.jarjarmustdie.com
-------------------------------------------
1. Editorial
By CoN Staff
Welcome to Issue 9 of Capital of Nasty. No, we are not dead as it
probably seemed. We were patiently awaiting for an article in regards
to Star Wars, just to keep the entire issued themed, but since it
never made it to our mailbox, it will just go as is.
Garrett Winters writes in regards to our comment in the Editorial:
>> This issue is secretely dedicated to the folks subscribed to
>> the Def Con 7 mailing list. Be good. Obey street signs. Read
>> CoN.
>
> I do read it, and when I see sly little messages like this one
> I get curious. What exactly is Def Con 7? and why is this
> secretly dedicated to them ( don't you think that by virtue of
> the act of telling us that it would nullify the secrecy of it
> all?) :)
True, but if we did not mention this, we'd never have proof that you
actually had read the issue, right?
Beside, Def Con 7 people know who they are. ;-)
June Donaldson tells us what she thinks of CoN:
> sorry, too boring
This type of comment proves why I need to scan my ass and forward it.
J. Bell from Communist Idaho, comments:
> Nice, very nice. Once again, it's time for me to write a
> response to your previous responses to CoN. I think you guys
> should just let me have a section of CoN every issue where I
> just make the pity fools who write these ignorant replies feel
> even more stupid than they actually are... oh yeah, that's
> already a part of CoN. ;) Anyhow, I just feel the need to drop
> a comment or two.
>
>> Bryan Newman states:
>> Anyone who "eats" at Subway must be Very Stupid.
>
> Well, dammit, I happen to like Subway. Of course, I live in a
> whole different part of the country, in a nice little rural
> town, so there might, or might not, be a reason to differ
> there. But hey, Brian Newman is still an idiot, so it's
> doesn't matter.
>
>> _the_devil_you_know protests:
>>
>> "Brought to you by C.C.C.P. (Collective Communist Computing
>> Proletariat)"
>>
>> What the fuck do you mean by Communist boy? We beat them
>> godless
>
> I do believe the Bolshevics believed in God.
>
>> Bolshevic arseholes into submission.
>
> Then why the hell is there any such thing as "war with a
> Soviet country" if the Bolshevics were beaten into submisison
> by whoever "we" is?
>
>> You better remove that offending word or I'm gonna get all
>> NATO on yer ass.......
>
> Would he be referring to the same NATO that has been bombing
> some 3rd world country for a month just to save some no-name
> minority that has already been pushed into another country?
> The same NATO that is obviously doing minimal damage this 3rd
> world "army"? That "army", by the way, is also a former
> Soviet [Bolshevic] country, who, according to one dumbass, was
> beaten "into submission" already. But, of course, who really
> knows, or cares, what the hell is actually going on over
> there.
>
>> USA: WE ARE THE MIGHTY AMERICANS. WE TAKE SHIT FROM NO-ONE.
>> ESPECIALLY THOSE RED-ASS COMMUNISTS.
>> CHINA: Kiss our asses.
>> USA: Ok! Would that be with tongue or without?
>
> It's sad that the USA probably really is the best nation to
> call your own, isn't it? Well, excluding Canada, who had
> nothing to do with anyone or anything except the NHL ;)
Ben Popken questions the possibility of submissions:
> Am I, as a reader, allowed to submit articles?
While CoN is non-profit and can't (at the moment at least) pay for any
submissions, articles from our readership are welcomed. Nicci's and
Roshni's, for example, are readers turned writers, and their articles
appear in this issue. Authors retain full copyrights over the articles.
Omnicolor, the editor if Digital Darkness, kindly comments:
>> This story appears courtesy of Omnicolour, Editor in Chief of
>> "Digital Darkness" http://digitaldarkness.com
>
> You misspelled my name yet again! Now I'm going to have to
> kill you slowly and painfully...
While we await our slow and painful death, we conclude this
editorial with an e-mail from El Gardo:
>> campus i overhear comments from young girls like "Oh my gawd
>> is it POSSIBLE to look like that?" "I'd kill for a body like
>> hers", etc.
>
> I've been living in North America for three and a half years.
> Of these 3.5 years, I have spend 1.5 years in Atlanta. And I
> have already forgotten what a wonderfully diverse world we
> have. So it felt really good to go to New Zealand for a few
> weeks.
>
> My American friends started talking about how ugly the girls
> were... within a week and a half, they said they had counted
> only four women who looked any good. I was just SCREAMING....
> WHAT!!??!?!??? I was in HEAVEN! And the girls they were
> pointing out were rather dull...
>
> But then it occured to me... back in the US, everybody is
> striving to look exactly the same. So many people have the
> mentality that there are standards for what looks good. And
> that anything that ISN'T within that standard, is ugly. And it
> hit me that, while there are people from all over the world in
> the US, they pretty much look exactly the same! It gets awfully
> boring, believe me! In New Zealand, the vast majority of the
> population is British, but the VARIETY of people, how they
> looked, is just incredible compared to the US.
>
> Perhaps it is just me, but I welcome this variety. I welcome
> the fact that nobody looks like the next person. And I see the
> beauty in all of these people. When I get back to the US, I
> know I'm going back to one of the most boring places in the
> world, where everyone look the same. Even though...
> I know a place up in Roswell, where the Columbian waitresses
> look a little different...
>
>> Every sub, with the one exception of tuna, tastes exactly like
>> every other sub.
>
> Actually, the only reason it tastes the same is that you keep
> ordering the same ones, with the same stuff on them... I can
> walk in and order pizza sub every day for a week, and still
> have them taste different every time, because I change what I
> put in it besides the cheese and salami.
>
>> "I can't help but wonder if Easter has been entirely lost on
>> the human race. I mean, they did it to Christmas. It became
>> less about the birth of Christ, and more about a fat man in a
>
> I can't help but wonder if Yule has been entirely lost on the
> human race.
> I mean... it has become less and less about giving, about
> enjoying the night together as a familiy and care about
> eachother. Instead, these Christians are pushing in, changing
> the name to "Christmas" and start yabbing about this JC Penny
> guy from Israel! I WANT MY YULE BACK!!!
>
>> "My question to you is, where did chocolate bunnies and eggs
>> come in? Did everyone celebrate in his resurrection by biting
>
> My question to you is, where did this Jesus guy come in???!?!
>
>> 3. How May I Help You? Or The Day the Information Booth
>> Exploded
>> By Samantha Stasiuk
>
> Next time, I'd like to see an article about "how to approach,
> pleasanty surprise and sweep the feet off beautiful information
> booth employees". :^)
Our next issue, hopefully publishing in time, will deal with the plague.
Send your bitching to con@capnasty.org or by hitting reply to this issue.
-------------------------------------------
2. Good Seats
By Jeff Wright
Good seats is one of the few good things I can say about my
experience the other night (1:15 a.m. May 19th) watching Star Wars
Episode I: The Phantom Menace. I, along with others, arrived at the
theatre with plenty of time to spare. This is what got us our good
seats. The anticipation that built up during the wait, wasn't that
powerful for my part. I was looking forward to a new Star Wars movie. I
like Star Wars, and I like Empire. Jedi has its moments, but it's a
pretty uneven movie. So here I am, sitting in a theatre; not that big a
fan, but enough to be interested. I had heard bad things, and I had
heard good things, so I wasn't expecting to be blown away. I was sooooo
right.
The first thing I was looking forward to was the trailer to The
Fight Club, the new David Fincher film with Ed Norton and Brad Pitt. I
had heard that it along with the trailers for Anna & The King, and The
Beach were attached to all prints. Sadly this wasn't the case. I must
have looked like quite the fool, after having, every fifteen minutes or
so reminded my peers "The first rule of fight club? You don't talk about
fight club. The second rule of fight club? You don't talk about fight
club". Damn I want to see that flic!!!! So, bad start. I see the
Lucasfilm logo come up and I haven't seen my trailer. I'm pissed. I'm
ready to hate this movie!
The music starts, the Star Wars logo comes onto the screen. I'm
suddenly hyped!!! THIS IS A NEW STAR WARS MOVIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The scroll starts, and I giggle a little bit. Who cares about some
trade embargo. I want some Jedi action. The movie delivers some cool
Jedi action early on. I'm groovin with it, cuz it's pretty neat
(especially one use of a lightsaber to open a door). That sequence is
over, now I'm starting to realize that this is gonna be shit.
Everything's CGI, therefore everything looks pretty fake (save those
robots from the trailers, they look surprisingly realistic). Backgrounds
have been digitally added poorly (you can plainly see that the actor's
were shot in front of a bluescreen). Characters are just plain stupid.
Yes, Jar Jar is one of those stupid characters. Just not as stupid and
annoying as little Ani(kin). Who would have thought that you would have
to listen to a little kid yelling "YIPPEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!" in a Star Wars
movie? A whole lot of this movie relies on attempts to get an audience
reaction. One scene that sticks out terribly is one in which R2D2 has
just done something brave. The Queen asks what his robot number is. Her
guard, slowly walks over, looks at the droid, gets back up, then tells
the queen that his number is R2D2.
I'm not going to go into all that's bad about this movie, because
A) it would require a lot of spoiler information, and B) it would require
me to think back on it, and I really don't want to.
I'll tell you what I did like. I liked the pod racer sequence, and
the big fight between Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, and Darth Maul. Actually, I
liked that fight up until the fake looking end. But to be fair, that
fight is easily the best lightsaber fight in all the Star Wars movies. I
also liked the few occasions where Ewan McGreggor put on his Alec Guiness
impression. Oh, and that cool lightsaber thing I mentioned earlier. But
that's all that I liked. Everything else sent me out of the theatre
angry. Others must have been left unsatisfied as well, because when the
movie started, there was huge applause. When it was over, maybe a third
of the theatre clapped.
Once outside the theatre, I started to spit the bad taste out of my
mouth. This has since become my way of telling people how the movie is.
"Um. Let me find the words. (SPIT) Yeah, that's about it."
I doubt I'll ever watch this movie again, and if I do, it's gonna
be a long time from now. And I'm sure as hell not going to see Episode
II, unless Lucas doesn't direct, and gives it to someone more capable of
making an enjoyable movie.
So, I didn't like it. That's the bottom line I guess. I realize
that most people HAVE to see it, and I understand. But for those of you
who don't really care if you see it or not, save your money. And if
you're really interested in seeing it, here's my script on how to
condense the movie down to about 15 minutes. You'll need a VCR, a
camcorder, a bootleg copy of the movie, and a dog (a big dog works best).
__________________
FADE IN:
SPACE
TITLE: STAR WARS
THE SCROLL: EPISODE I: THE PHANTOM MENACE
Blah, blah, blah about the trading, and the Jedis.
CUT TO:
Your dog licking his dick in your backyard.
CUT TO:
The pod racing scene.
CUT TO:
Your dog sniffing the grass in your backyard.
CUT TO:
The duel of the fates (fight between Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, and Darth Maul).
CUT TO:
Your dog, squatting and shitting in your backyard.
CUT TO:
A still photograph of George Lucas, and his flabby neck.
CUT TO:
A CLOSE UP of your dog's steaming pile.
__________________
Edit that baby together, and give it to all your friends. They may
not appreciate your attempt to save them money and pain right away, but
once the idjits go see the movie, they'll come crawling back to you.
They'll thank you, tell you how good a friend you are, and how they'll
never doubt you again.
-------------------------------------------
3. The Phantom Menace (SPOILERS)
By William Denton
I think it's time the list took on the new Star Wars movie. I bet 4 out
of 5 subscribers would count themselves big Star Wars fans and 2/3 of the
subscribers have seen _The Phantom Menace_. I caught it last night, and
thought it was a letdown. I hadn't let myself in for much hype--I'd
avoided all trailers, teasers, articles, clips, and so on beforehand, and
just had my own anticipation to go on--and I didn't expect the best movie
ever made, but I did hope for more. Here are a few thoughts.
There were a number of things I didn't like. First, needless complicated
piffle like midichlorians, virgin births and prophecies. There's talk in
the newsgroups that the microbes will figure in the upcoming cloning (as
in the Clone Wars), but who cares? A poor rationalization like that is
more suitable for Star Trek. Virgin births? Virgin births! Why toss
something like that in and then forget about it? Surely there are better
ways to account for the lack of a father or lack of knowledge of him.
And this prophecy thing is hokey. Every time I hear about a prophecy now
(except for DS9) I think about David Eddings' two series of stunningly
awful fantasy, and I want to run away.
And then there's Jar Jar Binks, one of the most annoying characters I've
ever seen in a movie. That entire race of his was stupid, and I could
barely understand a word any of them said. The top guy was done by Brian
Blessed, who's a fine actor (he was the ghost in Branagh's _Hamlet_, and
Augustus in that BBC production of _I, Claudius_), but even he was
annoying. Why an entire race of creatures speaks pidgin English, I don't
know. I hope Darth someone blows up their planet real good.
The first thing that clued me in that the movie wouldn't be all I hoped
for was the opening shot of the pan down from the field of stars. In the
previous movies, this is followed by an incredibly immense starship going
by. In _A New Hope_, I remember thinking that this ship was the most
immense thing I had ever seen in my entire life. It went on and on and
on and never seemed to stop. There'd never been an opening shot like it.
In this movie, we get the opening title and the scrolling exposition
(which was great to see) and then some piddly little ship pulling in
around some planet. Big deal.
The thing that disappointed me most, though, was the lack of weight. The
movie didn't have enough depth and power, aside from a few scenes, to
show how immensely powerful and important these people will be. I know
it's just Episode 1, mostly set-up, but even a sketch of future events
that's mostly laying groundwork should be able to get across that these
are giants we're seeing. They should carry the entire weight of the
three middle movies behind them, because while those events haven't
happened yet, we know they will. Perhaps it's better so say they should
be pushing the weight of those events ahead of them as they press forward
into the grim future. I hope that Episode 2 settles into place and the
characters start to come into their own. Having an adult Anakin will be
a big help here.
There were some dumb bits, like Anakin destroying the space station;
anything involving Gungans; and Shmi Skywalker remaining behind so she
can be saved, or found dead, later. There were some good bits, like the
duel between Qui-Gon Jinn, Obi-Wan and Darth Maul (although I must say
I've seen swordfights filmed much better); John Williams' score; the way
all the events were set up by Senator Palpatine so he can become
Chancellor; and the enormous Senate chamber. But the best part of the
whole movie lasted less than ten seconds and was probably missed by most
people: the final sound in the movie, after all the credits have rolled
by, is the sound of Darth Vader breathing in, out, in and out.
Thoughts? Flames? Opinions? Surely there are many Star Wars geeks out
there ready to debate this.
ObSRH: If things go as planned, expect to hear some exciting news in a
little while. *wink*
-------------------------------------------
4. Looking for Replacements?
(God in the 21st Century)
By Roshni Bajaj
"Got enough guilt to start my own religion."
~ Tori Amos in 'Crucify'
In this piece:
Let us start with the basic assumption that majority of the population
believes in a God. Let us assume that he does exist. But not unarguably.
For atheists - there's food for thought, too.
The second assumption being that any pronoun which begins with a capital
letter refers to Him. For political correctness & easier reading.
Forget modern day messiahs, pop icons have an opinion about Him.
Momentous occasions in our lives spin us back to our faith. God, over the
next 100 years, hmmm? With the million agendas, hidden or otherwise -
does the world have the time to think about him? How much credit would
Warren Buffet give to God for sound investments? What about your washer-
lady between feeding her husband and 7th child? And your local political
heavyweight? The liftman - when he between the 4th & 5th floors? The
manager of the textile mill at new Bombay? The Children flying kites on
the terrace?
It's been a rare day. I thought about His existence & purpose. A few
random notes.
The praying reflex It is not because we believe that the Great Guy Up
There is listening and sorting out our problems one by one. He never was
a genie on the run, trying to grant anyone's wishes. Besides no one has
ever conclusively & scientifically proved that he exists.
Most of us pray because - we've got to talk to someone. And by merely
being silent god's the best listener one can imagine. Because we do
imagine that is there.
One-stop-shop
Your arch rival is praying for the same horrid things that you wish him.
He believes you deserve it as much as you think he does. He truly thinks
that of the two - he is more righteous, justified and basically virtuous.
Funny, the same thoughts run through your head. I doubt God runs a
company where Directors are assigned to various species of humans. So
it's the same guy listening to him, to you, to me, and the owner of the
stand where your morning paper was bought. Go figure his priorities.
In time of need
So you prayed when your team was selected. Then again, when you narrowly
made that submission deadline. Once more when your love brought you
unimaginable bliss. Plus when your project ran through with accolades. Or
when your chocolate brownies did not get burnt. When you spent the day
with a school pal after ages. Your boss gave you the new cabin. You
missed getting run over.
Hey, no one does. For if we pray for all the serendipity in our lives, we
won't have the time to really live. God's around the corner when we feel
life falls short of expectations. He is there for the time the brownies
do get burnt and your dog dies and the professor need a little pleading
to get those grace marks and when a raise would be most welcome.
In the next hundred years, God will take less of our time. Like today's
kids - we will expect a superachiever who minds his own business and does
his job well.
God Inc. with sound liquidity & a growth plan.
Artificial Life
Don't know if you missed it last month - but I almost did. A
supersomething scientist in a freaky enormous lab in the developed part
of the world (the papers told me) has synthesized a gene. In extremely
simplistic terms - he has created the basic unit of life from plastic
compounds. He has made life. And all this while the world is under the
assumption that God has monopoly rights on those kind of things.
Fascinated? Frightened? I don't know how to react yet - because this puts
little question marks on things like Karma, re-incarnation, re-birth, the
soul and other such personal faith.
One popular entity
Run a search on your friendly neighbourhood search engine and here are
the stats.
GOD; 21ST CENTURY : 1.5 MILLION HITS
The Internet is the medium with the message for the next century. We see
cultures steeped in rituals, beliefs and traditions. Our holy books tell
us how to live. They are beacons in a fog for some and as important as
the morning cuppa to some.
The Net - rivetted to technology and the mindset of generation to come.
It is also an unbiased transmitter for anyone with a voice. It almost
runs a "situations vacant/wanted" for new faith. For the disillusioned
lot - there is new hope and for the cynical - lots of loyal company.
Chats on the Almighty and sites professing the Second Coming. Got a
religion? Broadcast it.
You don't know what it is (but it makes you comfortable)
That is reason enough to hold your belief in God, in your religion or
your choice to abstain from it. God has been & will be a choice.
That doesn't change.
---
Roshni is a 20 year old student in Bombay, India, studying Ancient
Computer Programming, and loving it all, in a cynical, sadistic sort of
way.
-------------------------------------------
5. Living in the Real World
By Jason MacIsaac
Shortly after Grade 6, all the authority figures in my life became
obsessed with my future. Gosh, it was awfully nice of them. They
worried about it so much that I figured there was plenty to cover
everything, so I didn't do a whole lot of worrying myself.
Though, to hear them tell it, after Grade 6 I was continually on the
verge of some great and savage frontier, where if I didn't smarten up,
I'd be eaten alive. You were probably given many similar speeches. Oh,
they used different terminology I'm sure, but it all amounted to the same
thing. You were about to enter THE REAL WORLD (All caps, underscore,
exclamation). That's probably how you heard it phrased most.
It was such a common phrase when I grew up. How everything was different
in THE REAL WORLD, how I wouldn't get away with that in THE REAL WORLD,
how everything was so much tougher in THE REAL WORLD. Being young and
inexperienced, I did believe things sometimes, but a healthy streak of
skepticism remained in me. This was because I spotted the erroneous
assumption. They all said that THE REAL WORLD was tough, cruel,
unforgiving, assuming that things as they stood now didn't already blow
beyond belief. Which they did.
It also didn't help that they were continually changing their minds about
what THE REAL WORLD actually was. Most times they seemed to be referring
to life after school, when you needed to have a job. But I also heard it
in reference to College/University, and even to high school!
Fortunately, the person who told us that was laughed out of the building.
Unsurprisingly, it was a guidance counselor. Some people like to go and
watch stand-up routines at comedy clubs. Me, I'll take a guidance
counselor over a stand-up comedian any day. I have found memories of
filling out aptitude tests and being told to "fill them out honestly"
then being told writing "This sucks, and I want to see some proof of your
teaching qualifications you quack" on them was not the kind of honesty
they were looking for.
As young and inexperienced as we were, it soon became hopelessly apparent
that whatever THE REAL WORLD was, high school definitely wasn't it. Or
if it was, this was final proof that God didn't exist.
They tried to convince us in elementary school that a) God did exist; and
b) high school was the real world were we would finally be responsible
for ourselves and would sink or swim on our own merits. Well, I'm not
really qualified to discuss a), but I can tell you that b) was something
that you'd spread on your lawn for a thick, green, and healthy growth.
One of the things that they told us is that in high school, nobody would
check our homework, so if we didn't do it, we'd get into lazy habits and
not learn anything. First to this I say, "lazy habits"?! Do you know
how much fucking work there is in not doing your homework? You should
see the brilliant measures I resorted to. I am particularly proud of the
time I copied someone's weather map for Grade 7 science and received a
higher mark than they did. Let me tell you, I learned a hell of a lot
from that incident.
And of course, the whole business about them not checking your homework
is clearly..aha.false. In very few ways does high school encourage any
kind of independence. In fact, it is heartily discouraged. How many
times have you wanted to slightly deviate from an assignment and have
them shoot down your idea? Anyone who's well read in a particular topic
will not be a source of information or insight in a high class
discussion, but a nuisance. This is because they introduce information
that takes the conversation from black and white issues, to greys.
Nowhere is this more apparent than in a Catholic high school, and a moral
issue is raised. The simple fact is that the more you know about
abortion, capital punishment, equal rights for real estate agents, etc.,
the harder it is to have a straight "Yes" or "No" opinion. Trying
explaining that to the teacher.
In high school, the real world became University/College. They were
really going to rip us a new one. Oddly enough, since I was constantly
railing against high school, I found university, which was genuinely more
open and relaxed, I was able to enjoy myself. In fact, I discovered I
finally had the free hand to do what I'd always wanted to do anyway.
That's the great contradiction of high school. They want you to take
responsibility for yourself by conforming to their rules as closely as
possible. This, in preparation for THE REAL WORLD of College/University.
Ah, but there's a snag. I found that the ones who had closely conformed
were the ones least prepared. The ones that had spent every day in high
school in an immaculate, letter of the regulation uniforms and were on
student counsel panicked when their support network was yanked away.
They were the ones who freaked out first. They would quickly shave their
heads and dyed any remaining hair blue or pink or purple. They would sit
in the front row and eat up every word the leftist sociology professor
said (and it was usually stuff about how their life until this point and
everything about it had been a lie). They were also the first ones to
join the cults. The ones that struggled with every rule in high school,
and had even been social outcasts, they fit right in. I admit my
experience might be different, but my University days felt more real than
most times in my life.
It's not that they were cruel either, for the most part. They just let
us make up our own minds. If we didn't come to class, most teachers were
willing to say so what? There were exceptions, but they were easy enough
to ignore. Unlike the tight reigns of high school, they were fewer means
of retaliating against us. What's more, if pushed, we could push back.
They were recourses for disgruntled students, and official channels to
complain to. In my program, every teacher was evaluated by the students
at the end of the year. And yes, they did listen. One teacher of a new
course was not invited back after the first year. Another was
reprimanded for her teaching style, and was apparently a complete nervous
wreck the following year.
Despite how good I felt about my University days, they denied it was THE
REAL WORLD too. That would be after I graduated, and found a job.
I am now employed in a field where one of my responsibilities is playing
computer games, and have been so employed for three years. I employ
other people who do the same thing.
I seem to vaguely remember some of the many speeches I was told about THE
REAL WORLD, and I do remember that computer games were not supposed to
factor into it.
Pretty soon I stopped thinking about it as THE REAL WORLD (All caps,
underscore, exclamation), but as simply "The Real World" and then "the
real world" and finally I couldn't even be bother to spell it right "teh
reel wurld."
Now that I have a job, pay rent, taxes, nobody talks much about teh reel
wurld. It seems to me that what you have right now is THE REAL WORLD,
and it can be as harsh or as kind as you and the others around you make
it.
It's a collaborative process too. Nobody has authority over it, though
they might think they do. So if in your corner of reality, someone is
being a hard ass and saying "that's not what it's like in teh reel wurld,
well, they are right, only because they are defining the rules. So if you
don't like those rules, break them all, and send that twit packing. Or
move to a better reality and leave the bleak reality to those that are
determined to have it.
---
.nosear tnerappa ylidaer on rof sdrawkcab siht nettirw sah caasIcaM nosaJ
-------------------------------------------
6. Striped stockings saved my life!
By Nicci
Striped stockings saved my life!
Today, I ran out of gas on the highway.
Thank god, I dressed appropriately.
Sweater knit tank top,
jean shorts,
thigh-high stockings with black and white horizontal stripes,
and 4 inch heels.
I didn't have my cell phone with me.
Thank god, I dressed appropriately.
It took all of two minutes to flag down a man.
Who stopped because he was a good Samaritan.
Of course.
Of course it was the stockings.
And so, he let me use his cell phone.
And I called the CAA.
And I was very gracious.
To both of them, of course.
And the nice man who stopped
because he was a good Samaritan
put his tongue back into his mouth and got back into his car.
And so I waited for the tow truck.
And waited, and waited.
And then a tow truck came.
But grrrr, it wasn't from the CAA.
And so, he put his tongue back in his mouth and got back into his truck.
He was a disgusting slob of a beast anyway.
And I didn't have any cash. So I waited for the CAA.
And the fuckers didn't come!!!!!
So I got out of my car, looking for the CAA.
And another truck stopped.
It was the stockings.
Of course.
He was a landscape guy.
Landscape guys have lawnmowers in their trucks.
Lawnmowers need gas.
Joy!
The nice lawnmower guy gave me free gas.
It was the stockings.
Of course!
---
When not wearing bizarre clothing to school and abroad Nicci can be found
in front of her computer veraciously typing out reams of HTML script.
Please send marriage proposals, happy meal prizes, and Chapters.ca gift
certificates to Leandro, the editor of this groovy e-mag, because well,
he's lonely, and Nicci has all of her imaginary friends to keep her
company already.
-------------------------------------------
CoN would not be possible without the great help of Scriba Org.
Remember: Vegetarians do not love animals... they hate plants.
-- IMPROV
Capital of Nasty Electronic Magazine "media you can abuse"
In memory of Father Ross "Padre" Legere
Published every second Monday (or when we get around it)
Disclaimer: unintentionally offensive
Comments, queries and submissions are welcome
http://www.capnasty.org ISSN 1482-0471
A bi-weekly electronic journal. Subscriptions available at no cost
electronically.
Available on Usenet newsgroups alt.zines and alt.ezines. This mailing
is sent exclusively to those poor souls who chose to subscribe to the
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Spread the word! If you have friends who would like to receive CoN,
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Brought to you by C.C.C.P. (Collective Communist Computing Proletariat)
Leandro Asnaghi-Nicastro Colin Barrett
<leandro@capnasty.org> <tyrannis@capnasty.org>
ZimID 708EC8D1 1994/09/14 EC B0 97 59 1D FE 7C 32 7E 04 2C 66 47 41 FB 7D
