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Capital of Nasty Vol. 02 Issue 09
Capital of Nasty Electronic Magazine
Volume II, Issue 9, Year AD MCMXCVII
Monday, March 3rd, 1997
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This Issue of CoN is dedicated to the surviving passing
members of the Problem Solving OAC course. Three years ago, these
brave students managed to pass the course without being affected
to the fullest by the Divine Intervenction of DiPede, in all his
dundruff and glory (or viceversa), of the color purple, and most
of all, the coke cans used to fix motorcycles as greatly explained
in "Zen and the art of motorcycle repair".
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I want to die like grandfather did. Peacefully, in my sleep.
Not screaming, like the other passengers in his car.
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1. Reader's Letters
A. Nit-pickingly yours,
B. haha, I must say that
2. Rough day at no frills.
3. Socialism & Communism
4. Men's 41 rules for women
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1. Reader's Letters
A. Nit-pickingly yours,
Date: Mon, 24 Feb 1997 15:45:27 -0800
To: Colin Barrett <tyrannis@capnasty.org>
From: jburr@dnai.com
Subject: Re: Capital of Nasty Electronic Magazine II.08
Leo, Colin,
I found the Rugby players' exam this issue to be very amusing, however the
poor jocks may still have gotten some of the questions wrong, even with the
clues supplied, particularly in the questions about the USA. Imagine my
shock at discovering several errors in the questions, including the
following:
>Which part of America produces the most oranges?
>(a) New York
>(b) California
>(c) Canada
>(d) Wisconsin
Er....(e), None of the above? Florida is legendary as the largest orange
producing area in the US, a fact most famously celebrated by Florida Citrus
Growers Association Spokesperson Anita Bryant, the homophobic ex-Miss
America who self-destructed after running for political office on a far
right platform that mainly consisted of gay-bashing and Vitamin C. In San
Francisco, in fact, Anita Bryant-bashing became commonplace, including
boycotts on oranges and orange juice, and you could often see I Hate Anita
T-Shirts on sale right next to the leather pants in shop windows along
Castro Street.
>What does NBC (National Broadcasting Corp.) stand for?
The athletes may have guessed this one on their own, however the clue might
lead them astray in one small detail, it's the National Broadcasting
Company.
>What are people in America's far north called?
>(a) Westerners
>(b) Southerners
>(c) Northerners
>(d) Canadians
Hmm, this again may be a small point, but the strange fact is that
residents of such far northern areas as Maine, Wisconsin, and Washington
state aren't reffered to as "Northerners" particularly, at least not in
this country. Each instead has its own name, ie: people in Maine are called
either "Yankees" or "New Englanders", Wisconsonites fall under the general
"Midwesterner" designation, and people in Seattle are of course refered to
as "Bill Gates' Serfs". And of course, Alaskans are simply Alaksans.The
term Northerner is generally used only by Southerners, and then to refer to
the entire North, meaning anything north of Kentucky, and for the most part
only when the Civil War was still in progress. Although I must admit I
don't get down there much, so I could be wrong about this last part. I
recently heard from a cousin who now lives in Atlanta, Georgia, and
apparently spends weekends re-enacting the famous battles of the Civil War,
complete with uniforms and muskets firing blanks and so on. You always
wonder if the idea, down there, is to keep doing it until it comes out
differently. Having a cousin so into this sort of thing strikes me as
reminiscent of the "brother against brother" flavor of the Civil War
itself. Talk about having taken different paths in life, sheesh. I'll have
to invite him to San Francisco someday for a glass of orange juice and a
T-shirt.
Nit-pickingly yours,
-Kaliostro
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
B. haha, I must say that
Date: Mon, 24 Feb 1997 18:26:04 -0500 (EST)
From: Litlitlitlitlittle fluffy clouds <alexis.roettinger@yale.edu>
To: Colin Barrett <tyrannis@capnasty.org>
Subject: Re: Capital of Nasty Electronic Magazine II.08
haha, I must say that
sorry, I want to cancel this message, but for some unknown reason can't
from this computer. I hit ^c, and it put my name. bizarre. anyway, i only
hit reply by accident.
Alessia
- - -
Dear Alessia,
it's a shame you replied only by accident.
CoN always looks forward to your mail.
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2. Rough day at no frills.
by Leandro (ordnael@freenet.hut.fi)
My wounds are still hurting from today. It was a rough day at
work, especially considering we were selling 24 rolls of toilet paper
for $1.99, and the store was packed. Even worse, there were just two
grocery clerks in total, one of them being me, and the other being Rob.
The store was crowded to the point that moving around in front of the
cash meant getting stuck between too many customers, and for sure
someone would've stopped us to ask some dumb question (ie. "do you
work here?").
I found myself helping this blind customer, when suddenly
I heard a scream at the front of the store. Rob and myself dashed
to where the sound was coming from and we saw a commando from the IGA
supermarket that had taken control of the cash section. One of the enemy
clerks was holding a gun against the head of a cashier on cash 6, standing
there crying while the IGA clerk was yelling his demands. The customers
were all frozen in fear, and being moved to the side by another two
members of the IGA militia.
With our red no frills shirt we stood out in the crowd, and two of
the IGA clerks began firing their weapons at us. Rob and I managed
a daring escape in the produce backroom using customers as shields.
Covered in blood, we managed to resist by throwing rotten tomatoes
at the invading forces. We were outnumbered! 2 clerks versus the
5 that had taken control of the store.
"What are we going to do Rob?" I asked, in panic.
"Quick" he yelled "set your case-cutters from stun, to kill!"
We pulled out our knifes and extended the blade to their maximum
lenght.
"They might overload!" I pointed out.
"Yes" answered calmly Rob "but we can't let them take over the
store and put prices higher!". He had a point there.
"But there are five of them! We are outnumbered!" I cried.
"What's wrong with you, clerk?" Rob screamed "did you think
that joining the no frillian academy was a piece of cake?"
I was about to reply when a voice boomed on the store's PA.
"no frill clerks! Surrender now and you will not be harmed!
You are outnumbered and we control most of the store!"
"NEVER!" screamed back Rob over the PA, then he looked at me
"Today Leo, it's a Goudas day to die".
We quickly grabbed a few of the remaining tomatoes, the produce
knife and with our case-cutters in hand we dashed outside.
The first two IGA clerks were not expecting us to come
out from the produce and attack them. With a swift throw,
we neautralized them with the bacteriological lifeforms that were
growing on the tomatoes' surface. I never thought I'd use one
of no frill's secret weapons, and for a minute I was amazed at
their destructive power as the IGA clerks' heads exploded.
The other two IGA clerks seeing us began firing. We crawled beside
the shelving, feeling the dried peas and beans hitting the cans of
Goudas products all around us.
"Let's split!" ordered Rob "you go through the creamery support room,
while I'll cut by the bread section. They will not expect something
like this".
"You can count on me!" I yelled, and dashed for the creamery.
Unfortunately the IGA clerks had the same idea, and without me
realizing it, I was attacked from behind by one of them. I fired
my case-cutter at him, but unfortunately my blade was dull and
caused minimal damange. Lucky for me he was out of dried beans,
and as he tossed his pea-gun aside, he jumped me, pounding his fist
against my head.
I was nailed on the floor trying to get his hands off my neck.
"That's it" I thought "this is the end" when my hand felt a tub
of sour cream. I opened it and with all the force I had left,
I pushed it against the IGA clerk's face. He quickly let go
of my neck and he started holding his face screaming, but it was
too late. The sour cream had expired in '96, thus increasing
it's devastating effect. The clerk kept on screaming until his
jaw fell off. After that he fell to the ground, dead, the sour
cream having burnt his brain.
In pain, but still determined to free the store from the enemy,
I grabbed an half eaten apple that had been sitting on top of the
shelf for quite sometime. It was soft and moldy. The perfect weapon!
I dashed to the front, avoiding the bodies of the fallen customers,
when I saw the last IGA clerk still holding the gun at cashier
number 6 and telling us to surrender or she would've been beaned.
Rob seeing me smiled and yelled back from behind a counter
"your clerks are all dead! Surrender now or you will die an horrible
death in the meat room!"
"Never!" yelled the IGA clerk.
Rob stood up and with an elegant movement of his arm, launched the
produce knife. The IGA clerk's eyes widened in surprise when the
knife sank deeply in the cashier. He watched her silently drop to
the floor. Oh well, cashier number six had never been good anyway.
With a banzai scream, I launched my rotten apple, which disintegrated
itself against his head. He looked at me in surprise before the
fumes knocked him out. We grabbed him, and tied him in the meat
backroom for our interrogation purposes.
Once again we had saved the store from the cheap attemps
of our adversaries to take over our sector. Captured by an
incredible happyness Rob and I began dancing on top of the Pasta
aisle, singing the no frill's anthem of victory.
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3. Socialism & Communism
To: "Leandro Asnaghi-Nicastro" <leandro@ifront.com>
From: malecki@algonet.se (Robert Malecki)
Subject: Re: COCKROACH! #41
Date sent: Sun, 2 Mar 1997 13:10:47 -0500
>Hi Robert.
>
> I write a magazine called Capital of Nasty. Don't be discouraged
>by the name, for we cover all sorts of topics. I especially like
>your magazine, and I've been reading it for a while. Would it be
>asking too much if you could write for us, something small (like a
>screen full) of your views, and how you stand with socialism and
>communism? Could you compare the two? I hope I am not asking too
>much.
Hi,
Here is something that might due! And as far as the difference between
"Socialism and Communism" it is for me the following. Socialism in a sense
will be those transitional societies set up when the workers take power in
their own name and take the long road to build a communist society..I will
put you on the Cockroach list..
Bob Malecki
THE TRANSTIONAL PROGRAM..
After Hugh's post on the transitional program i felt almost forced to do
a close reading of it once again. it has been awhile since the last time.
What is so incredible is how relative it is to today,s situation. As a
working class kid it was the Transitional program which first attracted
me to the Trotskyists. It was the answer i needed after being raised in
a ghetto with working class parents. I was raised on picket lines and
the McCarthy era. Later on used a a piece of meat in imperialist colonial
warfare both in Cuba and Vietnam. When I first began to wake up it was
hardly the Trotskyists i turned too, but direct action, some very adventurist
action, directed at taking on imperialism single handidly! Well, it did not
work and i wound up in exile first in Europe and later Scandinavia. Here I
came into contact with the Transitional Program. A little book (60 pages)
which for the first time showed me a way out of the dead end.
Only to find out through futher studies the Stalinists had sabotaged any
kind of Bolshevik politics in the workers movement over a whole historical
period leading up to today. But i knew that if there was a way out this
was it. Unfortunately at this time there were very few workers at least
in Europe who adhered to any kind of Trotskyism. In fact it was mostly
students and intellectualls in the post war revival around Vietnam and
May of 68. Naturally this unbalance has caused a lot of problems and
splits in the Trotskist movement. It is much easier for a student to
theorize and split here and then there then for a working class kid.
In fact it has been very difficult trying to find a way through the maze
of intellectuals claiming the banner. But what kept me hanging on was
that little book the Transitional Program and Trotskys and Lenins writtings..
In fact if all of those who claim the Trotskyist mantel were to take
this document (The transitional Program) as a starting point for and
International regroupment it would be a great leap forward in preparation
for come what must!
The post war Trotskyists groups have also been effected by much of what
has happened. There has been some pretty horrible opportunism, out right
betrayal, splits and all the rest. One of the main reasons I believe is
the tremendous pressure put on these groups both by events, but also the
domination of the Social Democrats and the Stalinists in the Labor
movement. And not in the least the physical liqidation of Trotskyist
cadre during this historical period.
Many still are sitting in their trenches, others who make the claim of
being Trotskyist and who are opportunist to the core and even others
who have become old and inbittered or just given up.No group or
individual has been left unscarred by all of this.
Therefore i claim that no group or tendency can claim the mantel without
a serious International conference taking place for a discussion of the very
basics.
In the Trotskyist world there is also a tendency of not seeing what the
enormous events in the past years really mean. A tendency of despair, a
tendency of trying to find new slick formulas and a tendency to completely
disregard events that open up a real opportunity for the future. The
most vital is the complete disintegration of the Stalinists and the
jump by the Social Democracy in to the camp of the bourgeoisie!
Naturally we have left overs from the Stalinist parties, not in the
least the maoists of the ultra left period, but also of the right period.
However without state power and Moscow or Peking to hold them up they
are dead in the workers movement. There ideas stem from many of the
dead end tactics of the now dead Stalinism.
All the various groups and tendencies of Stalinism are in a shambles.
The Euro-Communists are becoming Social Democrats. The State Capitalists
are trying to reorientate their fundemental counter revolutionary
betrayal of any kind of Bolshevik politics. The Anarchists are in a
shambles. The Social Democrats are leaping into the arms of the bourgeois.
Today more then ever in the Transitional program and the basic documents
of the of the Trotskyist left opposition up until its founding lie the
seed of a revolutionary regroupment Internationally under the banner of
a reforged Communist International.
All of the present tendencies and groups who do not take this opportunity
to go back to the very basics and founding documents of the Fourth
International, but continue on their merry way as if nothing has
happened the last few years in regards to the Stalinist and Social
Democratic traitors of the International Proletariat and do not
realize that The transitional program (in its entirety) makes a good
ground for an International regroupment of forces claiming the
Trotskyist banner would be criminal. In fact more than criminal, a
direct betrayal of those in back of us who fought and died for these
documents in one of the blackist periods of history.But also a direct
betrayal of the International Proletariat that has been beheaded of
its Social Democratic and Stalinists leadership in later years and a
Revolutionary leadership far longer!
The International Proletariat has no leadership today! Into this space
that has opened up would be a good place for a reforged International
leadership of Trotskist forces based on the fundemental documents of
the movement we derived from!
But it should be based on those documents in their entirety and a
leadership and a cadre who are prepared to fight for that program in
forming a mass revolutionary vanguard. It can not be a halfway house
for those who advocate just parts of the Transitional Program, nor ultra
leftists who deny that the program does not go far enough! But a cadre
who are prepared to move forward on the concrete basics and the
Transitional program in its ENTIRETY. That i,m afraid is the only
road forward! That i am prepared to work for. All else is just bullshit!
For the first time since the consolidation of the Stalinists as a
counter revolutionary force in the Labor movement, their power is
broken! Smashed and disintegrated by its own rotten politics and
imperialist pressure. The Social Democrats after this Spectacular
event have taken gigantic leaps into the arms of the bougeoisie both
on the National level and International level.
For the first time the path is layed wide open for the intervention
of the basic politics of the Fourth International. If we miss this
chance we are heading for a new and unpresidented period of barbary!
But this time we can not blame the Stalinists and the Social Democrats.
The blame must be put squarely on the shoulders of those who claim the
mantel of Trotskyism!
Finally without a serious International Conference an attempt of
regroupment by all parties and groups on the basic fundementals and
Transitional Program of Trotsky and the Left Opposition the Proletariat
should turn their backs to all of those claiming the mantle, because
none of you deserve the right of their history. Besides it is only
these documents that can lay a basis for real unity and possibility
of moving Forward to the reforging of the Fourth International.
Bob Malecki
==================================================
Check Out My HomePage where you can,
Read the book! Ha Ha Ha McNamara,
Vietnam-My Bellybutton is my Crystalball!
Or Get The Latest Issue of,
COCKROACH, a zine for poor and workingclass people
http://www.algonet.se/~malecki
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4. Men's 41 rules for women
by WAYNE WILLIAM SMITH <ws96ac@badger.ac.BrockU.CA>
Love Court
MEN'S 41 RULES FOR WOMEN
1. It is only common courtesy that you should leave the seat on the
toilet UP when you are done.
2. If you are cooking a special dinner for a man, be sure to include
something from each of the four major male food groups:
Meat, Fried, Beer, and Red.
3. Don't make him hold your purse in the mall.
4. Despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary in many of the
fine bars and fraternities throughout the country, not all men
are cretins deserving your contempt.
5. Shopping is not fascinating.
6. When he asks for a threesome with you and your best friend, he is
only joking.
7. Unless the answer is yes.
8. In which case, can he videotape it?
9. If you REALLY want a nice guy, stop dating good-looking assholes.
10. The man is ALWAYS in charge of poking the campfire with a stick
and/or tending the grill.
11. Trying to provoke a large, dangerous-looking felon from across
the room is not funny.
12. Money does not equate love. Not even in Nevada.
13. Any attempt by a man to prepare food, no matter how feeble (ie
Microwaving a burrito, fixing Spaghetti, etc) should be met
with roughly the same degree of praise a parent might shower upon
their infant when it walks for the first time.
14. Those male models with perfect bodies are all gay. Accept it.
15. He heard you the first time.
16. You know, YOU can ask HIM out too... Let's spread the rejection
around a little.
17. If you truly want honesty, don't ask questions you don't really
want the answer to.
18. Of COURSE he wants another beer.
19. The guy doesn't ALWAYS have to sleep on the wet spot.
20. Dogs good. Cats bad.
21. Any sort of injury involving the testicles is not funny.
22. If he has to sit through "Legends of the Fall", you have to sit
through "Showgirls".
23. "Fine." is not an acceptible way to end an argument.
24. Do not question a man's innate navigational abilities by
suggesting he stop for directions.
25. He was not looking at that other girl.
26. Well, okay... maybe a little.
27. Okay, so what! He was looking at her. Big deal. Like you never
looked at another guy...
28. He is the funniest, strongest, best-looking, most successful man
you have ever met.
29. And all your friends think so too. Especially the cute ones.
30. Your (select appropriate item:) butt/boobs/hair/makeup/legs look
fine. As a matter of fact, it/they look damn good. Stop asking.
31. If you want a satisfying sex life, you will NEVER fake an orgasm.
32. It is not necessary to discuss the heaviness of your menstrual
flow with him.
33. Remember: that Nair bottle looks an awful lot like shampoo if
left in the shower.
34. Dirty laundry comes in several categories: Looks fine/smells
fine, Looks fine/smells bad, Looks dirty/smells fine. Unless you
intend to wash it, do not try to disrupt piles organized in this
manner.
35. Yes, Sharon Stone/Pamela Anderson/Cindy Crawford is prettier
than you. Just like Brad Pitt/Antonio Banderas/Keanu Reeves is better
looking than him. But since neither one of you is going to be dating
any of these people, love the one you're with.
36. Of course size matters, and boy does he have the grandaddy of
them all.
37. His (fill in appropriate selections:) bald spot/beer
gut/impossibly thick glasses/impotency/scabby rash) is cute.
38. Don't hog the covers.
39. Watching football is a major turn-on for you. But please wait
until the halftime show to act upon that...
40. He does not just want to be friends.
41. A successful date always starts with the woman uttering the
sentence: "You know, why don't we just skip the expensive dinner
and stay here having freaky circus sex all night?"
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