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Capital of Nasty Vol. 04 Issue 12
Capital of Nasty Electronic Magazine
Volume IV, Issue 12, AD MCMXCIX
Monday, August 17, 1999
ISSN 1482-0471
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`Yeah, but everyone has a bad issue.
However, I picked up a new dictionary today and under FECES, it said
"noun, 1. the last issue of CoN"'
-- Jeff Wright
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"I've been eating shrimp and now I have an itch down there."
"I don't think the itch is a matter of diet but a matter of hygiene."
-------------------------------------------
1. Editorial
2. Vandalism by the Book
3. Welcome to College (or "Higher Education, my arse")
4. CoN at the movies
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This week's Golden Testicle awards:
Britney Spears Breast Pump
http://www.z100.com/source/hpsn/britney/index.html
Does your dog look like Hirohito?
http://www.homeroom1.com/history.html
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1. E d i t o r i a l
By CoN Staff
ALL IT TAKES these days to register a domain is 70 dollars, a server
and some minor HTML skills. And this is why, beside a ton of porn
sites and lame-ass webpages, people are able to create sites such as
http://www.totalobscurity.com/.
Being the poor bloke that I am, I was surfing the net looking for
Blair Witch Project related pages to find some more information on the
movie. One of the links had "Blair Witch Nose Cam". Perhaps a parody
site? Unfortunately I wasn't so lucky.
"Total Obscurity" is the paradise of the luser of the net. A
collection of meaningless information that, beside having it seen over
and over to ad-nauseum in my mailbox, can be found on just any other
page on Geocities. Interested in reading about spam? Well, our buddy
here keeps a healthy collection of it, because it's just so damn
funny. And of course, useful items like "TV Sucks!", or the ever-
famous forward "Redneck's driving licence" or "Do you know Jack
Schitt?". I didn't laugh the first time I got it, I wasn't laughing
when I saw it there either.
But it doesn't end here. How did a search on "Blair Witch" get me
here? Well, it's a page containing our hero, with a burnt nose,
looking really close at his webcam. Too bad it wasn't two black eyes
and a broken jaw.
The horror continues from the gratifying useless images on the main
page, to the lovely HA-HA-HA funny images of cactus with an erection,
to all the glory about himself and his fucking web-cam. And of
course, the so-hilarious "I don't follow the masses" type of Poll in
making fun of idols and bands, that last I checked, were followed and
liked only by 16 years olds.
And lets not forget the amazing "People I Could Do Without: Are you on
this list?". No, but I wish I was. Reading through that list, hoping
to find my name and hence, giving me an excuse to burn his website
down, you have to endure things like:
> Guys who get chatty with me while I'm standing at a urinal. Why do
> some people feel the need to strike up a conversation while they
> shake the lizard?
Shake the lizard?
David Holt, after reading my comment in my last issue, sent the
following message:
> Subject: unsurbcribe
>
> You promised that if I spelled unsubscribe incorrectly I would
> never be deleted from the mailing list. This is my attempt to
> participate in the eternal subscription program.
The smart-ass that Dave his, he used an address other than the one he
is subscribed to CoN with. Unfortunately for him, he will now be
receiving two copies of this issue, one to the alternate address he
picked and which he will never be able to unsubscribe from.
Among the many other things that arrived in my box, was spam. With
the risk of turning this Editorial into something remotely similar to
Total Obscurity, I insist you visit the following:
> In August of 1999, three gorgeous models
> disappeared in the woods while making
> a documentary.
>
> Their footage was never found.
> Would you help us look for it?
>
> THE BARE TITS PROJECT
>
> Please help us find out what happened
> to Julia, Nikki and Becky. Solve the mystery...
> only at Danni's Hard Drive. For details, go to:
>
> http://www.danni.com/danni/scrapbook/baretits/index.html
I'll leave you with a comment from BJ Sutton, in regards to our last
Editorial. Enjoy this issue, delayed and short as it is.
> le petit Gregoire in the last issue of CoN was correct: BJ Sutton
> is not a french name. I'm originally from Detroit, the true
> Capital of Nasty.
>
> And, just to banish any lingering images of me, dramatically
> silhouetted against the Arc de Triomphe at sunset (breathing in the
> heady fumes of thousands of rusty and inefficient french cars), I
> don't live in Paris. I live in the southwest of France, near the
> spanish border. It's a lot warmer here, for one thing, and I've
> pretty much exhausted everything a city has to offer. I don't like
> theater, films tend to repeat themselves, I cook better than most
> restaurants, tv rules the urban conversation, and people are so
> hellbent on keeping up with the "latest" shit they turn into
> totally unoriginal bores, should I go on? Here they just make
> wine, and when the day is done they drink it. It's easy. Quiet.
>
> For awhile I had the only computer in the region and was a minor
> celebrity. The bank in the next village used to use my fax machine
> because they didn't have one. This is all very cute until you need
> tech support.
>
> So there we are for now. And, ho ho, Mr Bell was spluttering in
> his moustache, wasn't he? Touchy, touchy. Mr Smartypants Sutton
> got UP HIS NOSE.
-------------------------------------------
2. Vandalism by the Book
By Jason MacIsaac
"Vandalism: Involves the destruction or damage of property for no
apparent reason." -Canada's Century
As I've mentioned before in "Reading the (Obscene) Handwriting on the
Wall" (see CoN #****), I'm a great lover of graffiti and print
vandalism. I don't agree with the comment "Man's ambition must be
small, to write his wit on shithouse wall." I find clever vandalism to
be wonderfully rebellious and witty. The really good stuff makes me
snicker and giggle, making the guy in the stall next to me wonder just
what the hell I'm doing.
Although school, bar and restaurant janitors don't like it, it's more
or less expected to see some nasty or scatological remark scrawled on
the door of a bathroom stall. You aren't too likely to get caught
doing it, so to some it might seem cowardly. Some find it more daring
and still more rebellious to vandalize school textbooks.
I'm an admirer of this too. By this I mean going beyond the simple
drawing of moustaches on Queen Victoria, or even the classic stuff
like "Turn to page 43! Right now." Remember that? The vandal would
keep doing this for pages and pages (turn to 107, turn 56, etc),
usually adding a new insult on each page, until the final shaggy dog
joke "You've made it to the end--you're nosy!" or "You're a loser with
too much time on your hands!"
No, I like it when somebody finds a picture of a politician in a
textbook and draws in the perfect item or witty comment that lampoons
what that politician is doing. Even if the vandalism is stupid and
juvenile, I like it if it succeeds in being brilliantly stupid and
juvenile.
I have a textbook that I used in Grade 10 History. It's called
"Canada's Century." I had the course in 1987, and the book was dated
even then (published in 1978). Now of course, it's just silly. It
has a chart of the Top 30 songs of the day. Artists on the list
include Shaun Cassidy, April Wine, Styx, Theme from Close Encounters
of the Third Kind, and Andy Gibb (the number one song is "Stayin'
Alive"). What makes it even sillier is that one of the former users
of the book took to vandalizing it.
The former owner had a thing about sex. A lithograph of Halifax being
constructed shows the governor pointing out something to a flunky.
"Fuck him and him!" is his instructions, according to my Vandal Wit.
A photo of prospectors forming one long line between a mountain pass
has one prospector singing "Hi ho! Hi ho! It's off to fuck we go!"
A soldier looking at a mate climbing a trench ladder says "Nice ass!"
Doctors in a field hospital remark of a patient "This one's fucked
Doc!" The doctor concurs "His balls are healthy and hard." An
erection is helpfully drawn on the patient.
Uh, perhaps I should clarify at this point that this wouldn't be one
of the more mature pieces I've written.
Another picture shows a cop making an arrest. The suspect has his
hands against the wall, bent forward. The cop is right behind him.
"Push it ahh! Push it real good!" says the suspect. Another picture,
showing the site of an FLQ bombing shows one cop kneeling in front of
another. The standing cop is shown to be saying "Suck harder!"
Scatology is a subtheme. Prime Minister Mackenzie King is featured,
walking his dog. Turds have been drawn in. "Oh shit! You fucken
dog!" exclaims King. The dog retorts "Shut your face fucken asshole!
I have to go!" For some reason, King is also sporting an erection
that looks much like a pencil tip.
Judge Rosalie Abella, the youngest judge appointed in Ontario, is
labelled "Geek!" A lawyer addressing another courtroom observes "These
microphones look like dicks." One of the jurors on a picture of
courtroom looks at the judge and says "What a fucken boring asshole."
I wonder if he was really referring to the judge, or his teacher.
The crowning moment though is a picture of Prime Minister Pierre
Elliot Trudeau, a man I have a tremendous amount of respect for, since
he actually made politics entertaining (unless you were a Separatist).
The picture shows Trudeau, hand raised and cupped a little ways away
from his chest. Someone wrote in "Her tits felt like..." I giggle
looking at that picture even now. It's what made me steal the
textbook at the end of the year. The only lowpoint is that my usually
brilliant scribe stooped to drawing a beard and moustache on Anne
Murray.
Teachers told us that they checked books when you turned them in at
the end of the year for damage, and would bill anyone for any artistic
enhancements we had made. In most cases, this wasn't true. I know
this because even a cursory glance at my Grade 11 American History
textbook would have resulted in a fine. The larger, more expensive
texts such as Physics did get checked, however anyone taking physics
isn't generally a hellraiser who will be drawing penises on Sir Isaac
Newton. If anything, the odd bit of highlighting or circled words
would be in there. That didn't stop the extremely anal physics
teacher from turning each page of every book. He also wore a lab coat
at all times, to give you an idea of his lack of personality.
But I digress.
Sadly, I do not have my American History textbook with me to document
what I did (I lost my chance to steal it), so I will have to work from
memory. If anybody out there reading this miraculously has the book I
used, I will quite seriously buy it from you.
The kind of humour is very distinct. I didn't usually draw, just
wrote word balloons or silly labels. I am quite proud of those
captions. The one that comes to mind is a photo of General Custer. I
wrote in a word balloon saying "It seemed like a good idea at the
time."
You see, this demonstrates applied knowledge. You have to know about
Little Big Horn in order to get the joke. It's not only funny, it's
educational!
Well, admittedly not everything I wrote was of that calibre.
Sometimes I went for just the straight shock--profanity and plenty of
it. I remember what appeared to be a statue of a girl yelling, a
stick in her raised hand. She was on top of a horse. The horse
looked like it was in torment, moving at top speed. I wrote in some
dialogue for the horse "If this bitch hits me with that goddam stick I
will throw her and stomp her fucking head in, so help me God."
For people looking at the camera, I occasionally added the timeless
"What the fuck are you looking at?" That's a great one, and
applicable to just about any photo where someone is looking at the
camera and is doing anything but smiling. Try it sometime.
And most of all, you may have noticed that photos of people from the
past are quite funny looking. They've always got some weird hairstyle
or making some insane gesture, or glance. I'm quite proud of a
caption I assigned to a picture of Thomas Edison behind his movie
camera. Edison has a maniacal gleam in his eye, so I wrote "The
filming of the first pornographic movie" under the photo. I also
pointed out that some guy who's name I can't remember had a hairdo
exactly like the space shuttle. Impressive since it must have been
taken at least 70 years before space flight.
Although I stand by the juvenile stuff I wrote, I must say that some
of the things I wrote are an embarrassment to my progressive views.
Feminist pioneer Betty Friedan was in the book, and she happened to
photographed holding her thumb and forefinger an inch apart. I wrote
"His buns were just so firm and tight I had to take a pinch." Oh
well. At least I didn't make some snotty remark about penis size. It
was probably unnecessary to label her "Parrot face" in the same photo.
Well, Friedan has a bit of a honker on her, and at the angle the
picture caught her.you get the picture. I think I did stop short of
writing "Betty Friedan want a cracker? Rawk!"
I have since repented though. I've read the Beauty Myth and the War
Against Women. My favorite title in the feminist literature library
is "Men Are Not Cost Effective." I have never once made fun of Naomi
Wolf, Germaine Greer or Marilyn French. Though I must admit, I am
tempted to take a potshot at Camille Paglia.
Please don't show me any of her books with photos of her on the cover.
---
Jason MacIsaac also speaks of the pompitous of love, and has nothing
to lose but his chains. In his spare time he enjoys slouching towards
Bethlehem.
-------------------------------------------
3. Welcome to College
(or "Higher Education, my arse")
By Goat "I'm not bitter" boy.
Special thanks to the many that contributed to this.
During high school, we'd get people from various colleges and
universities to drop by our school and do presentations on how great
they were. At the time I saw this as a great service. People cared
about our future! They wanted us to get real jobs, and have a decent
living. And so I'd sit there listening to all the great possibilities
that awaited us once we escaped the dark dungeons of learning.
Even our Guidance Counselors, the most useless fucks in the entire
school, would work hard at making sure that we'd get into college.
I'm just wondering, for every student that applied, how much did he
get back in commission?
The sad reality is that it was nothing more than a marketing scam,
driving you to spend all your heard earned dollars (or to drown in
debt) to take courses that were to make you more intelligent.
Counselors would tell us that without university we'd never get to be
astronauts or scientists. Like shit I am going to be. Of all the
people I know from school, not one is an astronaut or some wacko
scientist. In fact a few of them are in jail for drug trafficking or
for beating up their girlfriends. But the point was, high school was
a starting point to mold our brain and get us ready for this tough,
demanding and affordable higher education that awaited us at the end
of Grade 13.
Teachers in high school would often talk about the difference between
high school and university. Apparently we couldn't fuck around
anymore. Cheating would be impossible, writing book reviews based
only on the little blurb on the back cover would no longer work, and
any excuse we gave would easily be shot down by the professors who
could figure out if we were telling a lie or the truth. Thinking
about it afterwards, to me it sounded more like the teachers were
insulting themselves. "Is this why you are an high school teacher?
Because you can't tell if I am bullshitting you when I am writing this
book report?" Which basically said either high school teachers didn't
give a shit or they were half-assed morons.
In high school you didn't have to pay for books. That meant that not
only could you vandalize them in any possible way, but that for sure,
you were going to use them. I don't recall a single book in high
school that we were not forced to drag around. High school books
usually weigh a ton and are huge (minus the religion books. No, those
books had enough pages to maybe allow you to wipe your ass once, twice
if you were lucky). And boy, did we use our books. Every single
book, as old as it was (my history book dated back to 1972) got plenty
of use. Sure, the diagrams are off by 27 years and the population now
counts ten more million people, but that's beside the point. Not one
person remembers anything they learned in high school now, much less
five minutes after class was over. So 1972 or 1992, it didn't really
matter.
But college or university is different (College in my case). While at
first you are mesmerized by the pretty look of the entire
infrastructure, you start to soon realize that it's all a cover-up to
the shit that's waiting to explode underneath. Starting from the
office, you'll be faced with the biggest bunch of morons ever. Beside
the fact that not one of them seems to know anything, they are the
rudest assholes ever. Okay, I can understand that you are forced to
put up with us, snotty little ungrateful bastards that we are, but how
about showing some decency when facing us from behind the counter? We
are after all spending a quazillion dollars to learn things by
ourselves here, and we are the same snotty ungrateful bastards that
pay for your salary.
And how about some decent equipment? Is it possible that there is not
enough money running around to buy real computers to do our work on?
My pre-Paleozoic computer sitting at home can do a better job running
the same programs that apparent "state of the art" top-of-the-line Mac
has a hard time chewing on. I'm not sure here who I am to blame.
Maybe it's really Apple's fault their computers never have enough RAM
to run a single program or that they crash each time you hit save. Or
maybe it's the system administrators that do diddly-squat in their
offices all day. And of course, any mention of these problems, the
stock answer "new equipment is on their way" is what you generally
hear back. Where I am going, some stuff has been "on it's way" for
two years.
And let's not forget the people that teach the course. I could call
them professors, but it seems to me that `instructors' describes them
better. While there is the occasional understanding soul that sees
effort and progress in a student, others just seem to enjoy the
gigantic schlong between their legs that their position seems to
create. Remember how in high school we'd be told "Life is not fair?".
Here it's "It's the real world".
So here are my top 11 survival tips for College/University:
1) Don't buy the books. Besides costing more than a week's worth of
your salary (you are usually paying 10% for the book and 90% for the
copyright), they are damn useless. A professor will tell you over and
over how crucial it is to have this book for the period of the
semester. (This is called "marketing". One has to wonder if they get
a cut of every book sold in their class). You will never use this
book. Even if you are warned that you will be tested on some chapter,
don't bother. Beside being boring and not having enough photographs
that one can alter or write comments on, the material on which the
paper is printed on isn't even good enough for a good wipe in case of
emergencies. And usually, by next class, which is a week away, the
professor will have forgotten that his course even included a book,
much less reading Chapter 4.
2) Reduce, Reuse, Recycle. Who ever said that such wonderful rules do
not apply in other fields, in the real world? Same with College. If
an assignment is due, check what you have done already. Chances are,
all you have to do is rub off the date and hand it in with a big
smile.
3) Let minimal requirements be your best friend: if the assignment
calls for just a few specific things, and nothing more, just do those
few, specific things. That's all that the instructor will look for,
after having gone through a zillion identical assignments. It doesn't
matter how pretty and shiny the whole thing is. This ain't
kindergarten and you don't get a stamp with a smile that says "good
work".
4) Make assignments as painless as possible, not just for you, but
also for the instructor. They will be grateful. Show them in their
face what your assignment is supposed to do or have. Don't let them
have to waste time looking for it. This ensures that the instructor
will find it, mark it, and go to the next one, without spending too
much time wondering how you did it or why you did it, ensuring you a
good mark. Any difficulty that causes them to start thinking will be
an automatic mark deduction.
5) Don't complain. Nobody will listen to your complaining, unless the
whole school goes into a revolt, burns the building down and hangs
instructors by their testicles off a wooden pole in the courtyard.
And even then they will argue against what you have to say. Besides,
what you are complaining about will only affect the students of the
semester that will follow. So why die bravely for a cause you will
never see the light of and of which you will never gain any benefits
other than a low mark and the reputaiton of a shit-disturber?
Instead, in that useless class where the curriculum has yet to be
touched (while the semester is almost over), use it as a chance to
surf for porn, check your mail, or sleep.
6) If you are doing an indipendent project and halfway through it you
find yourself making a drastic change, don't tell anyone, even if you
are required to do so. Instead, create the project with the change
you saw fit, and when the time to present/hand it in arrives, don't
say anything. There is a good chance nobody will notice that it's not
what you were originally doing. If they do, just explain how "it
evolved", "it's visual rappresentation in a different perspective",
and other big words, sprinkled with a healthy dosage of bullshit. If
you are in scientific courses, where the above may not be appropriate,
kindly explain how in your research you found how much _that
something_ affects what you originally were doing and it could not
have been left unmentioned. Unless you get a really anally retentive
professor, chances are, you'll get away with it, since any argument
will delay the other 500 students waiting in line to present/hand
in/talk about their project.
7) If something has to be handed in, and you haven't done it, hand
something in. Something, anything. It doesn't matter. For as bad as
yours can be, someone else out there has done it worse, or not done it
at all. You still get a passing grade and never the reputation of
"doesn't do his assignments". It will help you pass if your mark is
below passing grade when the instructor checks back to see if you at
least put some effort into the class and notices that you never missed
an assignment.
8) Try skipping a different class everytime. Since many instructors
manage to fail to follow their curriculum at all, by the end of the
year they have only one thing to calculate your mark on: attendance.
So skip MacroBiology today and next time skip Marketing. This way you
still get your day off, and of course, your marks.
Observing other people skipping is also a good way to determine how
good or bad a class is, permitting more than one average skip. If
there are four students in Poetry Writing, but everyone shows up for
Marketing, you know that for as swell the latter is, the former must
be plenty worse and a few more skips will go by unnoticed. If
everyone is doing it, is it really skipping?
9) Make friends. Another crucial survival tip, which ties back in
with #8 may be to make friends (preferably lots of them). You'll be
surprised at the generosity of your classmates when your ass is on the
line. On your first day of class (if you don't know anyone), make it
a point to get to know the people sitting around you. They also come
in handy for when you skip class and need notes, or to form study
groups, etc...
10) When doing a project, make sure that you use equipment at school,
even if the one you have at home is 100% better. This will ensure
that your project will work during your presentation, even if only for
that particular machine on that particular day. Considering how
everything will be blamed on you (it doesn't matter if the machine at
school crashes every 5 seconds and can't run more than two
applications at a time, if your life depended on it), it will always
be your fault.
11) Course Kits: another shameless way to make money. Courses kits
are nothing more than photocopied pages of "selected" text, bound
together, that the co-ordinator of the course "seems" to believe are
"appropriate" for your growing education. Purchasing them has only
one advantage: the paper is not glossy and hence, ensures that a good,
healthy, wiping can be accomplished without the mess that a regular
book will do. The disadvantage is that, beside never using this, it
can't even be sold to next semester students once you are done with
it, since their version has already changed enough to make yours
obsolete 10 minutes after you bought it.
So for now I'll just swallow my pride, finish the course to get my
money's worth, and just hope on the idea that the diploma will look
impressive to anyone who doesn't know about the course the day I go
looking for a job.
---
"Men are born ignorant, not stupid. They are made stupid by
education."
-Bertrand Russel
-------------------------------------------
4. CoN at the movies.
By Jeff Wright
I've got a lot of stuff to cover this issue.
EYES WIDE SHUT
THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT
INSPECTOR GADGET
DEEP BLUE SEA
When I saw EYES WIDE SHUT, I was the happiest person on the
planet. I was watching NEW KUBRICK!!!!!! The corners of my mouth
were seemingly attached to my ears. It was the first show of opening
day, and I was first in the theater, therefore getting the best seat
in the house. This was gonna be perfect. I would have kicked someone
out of that seat if I hadn't been there first. I hadn't slept all
night out of anticipation that at 12 noon the next day I was going to
be seeing a new masterwork.
The movie starts, and the first scene is projected at 2.35:1 for
some reason. I thought that it might have been shot that way (I
couldn't see why it would have been, but it might have been) because
it looked perfectly framed. Then they opened up to 1.85:1. Oh fuck!
Are they gonna screw this up?!?! (There weren't anymore projection
problems thankfully) I digged the hell out of the first hour and a
half or so of the film. There are moments of genius in it, and the
orgy sequence is one of Kubrick's best ever. But then the film falls
apart for me. Too much unimportant information given. If the movie
had had about forty minutes cut from it, I would have adored it.
However, the stuff that I didn't like at the end was enough to make
this the first Kubrick film I haven't liked.
I've only seen it once, and I guess I'll see it again soon,
because supposedly it's better on repeat viewings. I have to give it
a second chance I suppose. Kubrick was everything a filmmaker should
strive to be. He made perfect films, that were intelligent,
beautifully crafted, and straight forward. I still miss him.
On to happier thoughts. THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT. Well,
actually I guess this isn't happy, but it's better than thinking about
there being no Kubrick in the world. The actors opperated the camera
in this film, and it's pretty evident. The camera shakes around
wildly for almost every frame (or field I suppose) of the film. I
wasn't watching much of it after half. I was motion sick, as were a
lot of other people. I was looking into my hat, at my feet, and just
flat out closing my eyes to keep from throwing up (a.k.a. Pulling a
Gus. Inside joke, sorry). I ended up leaving before the end so I
could watch it on video and not know the ending. The impression of
the film that I left the theater with was that the acting was
spectacular and very real. Other than that I wasn't that impressed.
It was okay, but I think that alienating part of your audience by
making them sick is retarded.
I just finished watching a video copy of the movie, and I wasn't
terribly impressed. The ending begins to build tension (the first
tension in the film for me) but then just falls flat and doesn't have
any payoff. So I'm still impressed by how much money this movie's
made, and by the actors, but other than that, I don't think it's a re-
invention of the horror genre, or anything spectacular.
Dute, do, dute, do, dute, INSPECTOR GADGET. Dute, do, dute, do,
dute, do, woo, woo. I don't have much to say about this other than
it's really, really bad. It's an interesting failure, but not
interesting enough for me to recommend it to anyone. It's pretty
painful to watch for the most part. Catch it when it's on tv.
Here we go! DEEP BLUE SEA!!!!!!!! How bad does this movie
look? Really bad!!!!!!! Well, that's partially true, but only the
first half hour or so is bad, and it's got a lot of problems (the
score, L.L.Cool J, the dialogue, etc). The rest of the movie however,
KICKS FUCKING AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!! Now I'm not
saying that it's a genius film. No, all it is, is a kick ass ride.
It's a fun, fun movie. I haven't enjoyed a movie of this kind in
ages. If you liked ANACONDA you should like this even more. Even if
you didn't, you should like this. As long as you're able to sit
through the first half hour, you should like this. The reason being
that you build up hate for the characters during the terrible first
act. Then the sharks start killing them off.
Renny Harlin (Who I didn't have an ounce of respect for before
this. Okay, he banged Geena Davis. Props for that), can't direct
character driven scenes for his life, but his ability to direct action
is displayed in lights in this movie. This flic is all about what
would really happen. How are eggheads gonna survive against giant
fucking sharks!?!??! They're not!!! When a shark sees a main
character, "FUCK YOU!!!!!! I'M GONNA KILL YOU NOW!!!!!!" Fun stuff.
All I can say is "Go see this movie!!!". Even if you don't
think it's as good as I do (REALLY, REALLY GOOD) you should at least
feel that you got your money's worth, because there's one scene in the
flic that if you don't laugh at, you have no soul. No fucking soul at
all!!! You'll know the scene when you see it. It's one of the
funniest things I'VE EVER SEEN!!!
Looking over this, I've come to realize that I'm not that subtle
a writer. I'm using caps and exclamation marks all over the place.
So to make up for my agressive approach, I'll end with a terrible
piece of poetry.
That's it for me
The movie to see
is DEEP BLUE SEA
Thank you.
---
Last week, Jeff left for L.A. When asked the reason for the trip, he
answered in six words, then walked out the door. "The KKK took my
baby away."
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ZimID 708EC8D1 1994/09/14 EC B0 97 59 1D FE 7C 32 7E 04 2C 66 47 41 FB 7D
