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Capital of Nasty Vol. 02 Issue 02
Capital of Nasty Electronic Magazine
Volume II, Issue 2, Year AD MCMXCVII
Monday, January 13th, 1997
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"I went to see my grandmother to say to her
'See ya next year'" -December 31st, 1996
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This issue of CoN is dedicated to the hard
working men and women of "no frills" that are faced
everyday with the challenges posed by mentally disturbed
customers, faulty equipment, incompetent staff and those
dangerous flying Brussells sprouts.
"No doubt, it's a sprout" Organic Wars Week
Monday, January 13th - Sunday, January 19th
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1. The Electronic Media Competition
2. Paper, Prophets and Propaganda
3. Pick up lines.
4. MAKE MONEY FAST!
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1. The Electronic Media Competition
by Leandro (ordnael@freenet.hut.fi)
With the beginning of 1997, we started questioning the quality
and originality of CoN. To get an idea of what to change, or how to
improve our material I went to alt.ezines, a Usenet group dedicated
to the proliferation of this strange type of media. I began reading
other electronic magazines that, just like us, publish in text and
distribute via e-mail. This allowed me to see other formats that
people use, ideas and how they are developed, and most of all, what is
the principal topic that drives their existence. In the mean time,
while I was looking at CoN with a doubtful eye, I received a few
letters (one via snail mail) which complimented our weekly efforts.
All I can say is thanks. Perhaps it's true that the hardest critic
is always the artist himself.
Other Zines available on the Net. Remember that these are MY opinions.
"Computer Underground Digest" http://www.soci.niu.edu/~cudigest
Published by: Jim Thomas, Editor (cudigest@sun.soci.niu.edu)
As the name itself says, this magazine deals with all sorts
of underground events in the computer world. It is very interesting
and well done. The material is well presented and professionally
written, and the content tends to be a satire against the government
and electronic institutions (AOL is an example).
subs: e-mail editor and ask for subscription
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"Fuck Decency" http://members.aol.com/nnd6/fuckdecency.html
Published by: ROLLER666@aol.com
When I first read the name of the magazine I thought that it
was mostly against society's expectations and rules. Some sort of a
sarcastical opinion of the way we live today. Au contrair, except
for a few funny extracts, this magazine has stories cut into episodes
about young teenage girls involved in sado-maso sex. This isn't
exactly what I look for in an e-zine. I don't know about you, but
I don't like to be whipped.
subs: mail "roller666@aol.com" and ask for subscription
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"COCKROACH" http://www.kmf.org/malecki/
Published by: Robery Malecki (malecki@algonet.se)
The first thing you'll see when reading Cockroach is the
words "a zine for the poor and working class people". Once you'll
read it you'll be bombarded with words like "communism", "guerrilla",
"Trotskyite", and least we forget "Marxism's"? Yes, comrades: if you
cherish the actions of the commando that took over the Japanese
embassy in Peru`, you will certainly like Cockroach. Now, where is
my insecticide?
Subs: e-mail editor and ask for subscription
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"BLAST.famy" http://www.shmooze.net/blastfamy
Published by: P. W. Casual (pwcasual@shmooze.net)
This magazine is pretty cool. It's probably the most original
I've seen out there so far, and Eventhough some of the stuff it
contains is humorous and sarcastic, it puts truth in the limelight.
Many of the articles aren't those typical "read between the lines"
ones, but come out at you and say exactly what they mean. One thing
is certain: at BLAST.famy, they like stupid people as much as we do.
subs: E-mail pwcasual@shmooze.net and in the message: "Sign Me Up"
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"inklings" http://www.inkspot.com/~ohi/ink/inklings.html
Published by: Debbie Ridpath Ohi (editor@inklings.com)
Inklings is a free newsletter for writers on the net, published
every 2 weeks. It provides all sort of information on how to get
started, where to find sites for help, and it allows an exchange of
information between different writers. Articles are welcomed, and
even books will be advertised to promote new writers.
subs: Send e-mail to majordomo@samurai.com with "subscribe inklings"
in the message body.
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"Ooze" http://www.io.com/~ooze
Published by: It's hard to tell who the publisher is.
It's either drbubonic@aol.com or Eddie Schmidt (caligula@aol.com)
This magazine has potential, and good writers, but to my
personal opinion, they lack quality. Their material for as funny as
it might seem, is completely useless and the humor comes from making
fun of others. Not that we don't do that here at CoN, but at least
we do it with a reason. Maybe I am being too harsh on my judgment
since I only have found one issue of Ooze, but here on CoN we try to
keep a variety that ranges from humorous to serious.
subs: I emailed both asking for one, and never got an answer...
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"Project McLuhan" http://www.magic.ca/mcl-prj/
Published by: Center for Media Sciences
Very interested magazine which deals mostly towards the
political/scientific world, and other events that are occurring
around us which I would call "alt.big.brother". Very professionally
written and serious. Don't expect this to be a place to find
a joke column, but drops of sarcasm never lack.
subs: write to mclr@astral.magic.ca and ask for subscription
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"CompuNotes" http://users.aol.com/CompNote/
Published by: Patrick Grote (pgrote@inlink.com)
I thought they dealt with computers in a hacker's way. Instead
they are nothing more then a poorly done computer magazine. They take
software and review it, and examine sites on the WWW. I lost all
respect for them when I read their review on "Bruce Jenner's World
Class Decathlon", which they described it as a wonderful tactical
challenge. For those that don't know what this is all about, let me
warn you. It is supposed to be a game, and in the end it can't even
stand as a tutorial on Jenner's hair. Watch out in future issues for my
review on Bruce Jenner's game.
subs: Write to the editor and ask for a subscription.
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"The last word(s)"
This is the biggest mess I've seen. There are two magazines
with the same name, and two editors (with different names) that hog
alt.ezines in their constant childish fighting over who actually
owns the name "The Last Word". I find both magazines quite useless
and annoying, since one believes the world is turning socialist and
that we must all fight against it, and the other seems like a
version of "CompuNotes" for beer drinkin' metallers.
subs: I was refused a subscription
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"Spontaneously Combusted Literature" http://www.scriba.org/
Published by: Gard E Abrahamsen (cg841@freenet.toronto.on.ca)
I found this website while netcruising without any purpose.
I subscribed and since then I've found his issues in my mailbox.
SLC is probably the closest to CoN that I've seen. It's serious,
funny, sarcastic and tries to cover several points, getting your feet
wet but not drowining you in opinions like other magazines do. We
even had the honor to meet Gard, the Editor himself.
subs: either e-mail the author or go to the website
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"Capital of Nasty" http://www.ifront.com/capnasty
Published by: Colin Barrett & Leandro Asnaghi-Nicastro
Sure, why not? From what I see out there, we are definately
not the best. We are not the worse either, considering that some of
those other e-zines are 3 to 5 years old already. CoN is very young,
just starting now into Volume II, and from how it all started, I think
we went a long way. Who knows where we'll be in a few years. At
the moment, this is what we can provide. We hope you enjoy the ride.
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2. Paper, Prophets and Propaganda
by Colin Barrett (blonde@io.org)
They're seen just about everywhere, but they are often ignored--posters,
pamphlets or scraps of paper from some religious or political group that
forecasts the end of the world or pleads for your sympathy towards some
political movement. In this new section, we intend to reproduce the
manifestoes of the revolutionary and the religious rantings of preacher.
We invite our readership to contribute to this section. Submissions
shouldn't be too long or explicitly copyrighted (most of the time, the
organisation distributing this stuff did not write it), and they should
be printed works and not electronic texts. If you have access to a
scanner and OCR software, save yourself some time and digitise the
text rather than typing it. Always proofread carefully. Please feel
free to write any personal commentary.
This four page pamphlet was found in College Street subway station in
Toronto, Canada on New Year's Eve, 1996.
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The Pope's Blessing
A Curse
History is full to overflowing of instances of disasters which have
fallen upon both individuals and nations who have been foolish enough
to seek or to accept the Pope's blessings. Here are just a few:--
1851 -- Pope Pius IX sent the Golden Rose to the King of the Two Sicilies.
In a short time he lost both his crown and his kingdom.
1866 -- This same Pope sent his blessing to the Austrian Emperor who a
year later lost the province of Venetia, and was defeated at the Battle
of Sadowa. His son committed suicide, his estranged wife Elizabeth was
assassinated and the murder of his heir at Sarajevo in 1914 led to the
outbreak of World War I and the collapse of the Hapsburg Empire.
1867 -- The Pope blessed Emperor Maximillian of Mexico -- he was
dethroned and shot, whilst his wife Carlotta died insane in exile.
1868 -- This same Pope sent the Golden Rose to Queen Isabella of Spain;
within three years she lost her throne and died in exile.
1895 -- Pope Leo sent the Apostolic Blessing to the fleets and armies of
Spain, within a few years they were defeated by U.S.A. and Spain lost
Cuba and the Phillipines.
1906 -- British Princess Ena (Queen Eugene) renounced her Protestant
faith to marry King Alphonso of Spain. At her wedding some thirteen
people died and almost one hundred were injured by an anarchist bomb,
her wedding dress was stained in blood. Subsequently awarded the Golden
Rose by the Pope, she and her husband were driven from the throne of
Spain in 1931 to die exile.
1924 -- The Pope blessed the "Italia" airship and gave it a cross to
place at the North Pole. It broke in half in mid-air killing half
the crew.
1936 -- The Pope blessed the forces of Mussolini who used planes to drop
mustard gas on the helpless Ethiopians. The Italians were ignominiously
defeated in World War II, Mussolini being shot and hung upside down with
his mistress.
1964 -- Pope Paul VI paid a historic visit to Palestine and the
Middle East
-- since then there have been two major wars, terrorism, the Lebanese
conflict and the Palestinian uprising.
1980's -- Have been the decade of Papal globe trotting by Pope John Paul
II who has made a habit of kissing the ground upon disembarking from his
aircraft. His visits to Mexico City and San Francisco were both followed
by earthquakes.
The Curse on Britain
1982 -- To our shame Protestant Britain including the Queen, Prince of
Wales, Prime Minister and Archbishop of Canterbury welcomed the Pope to
our island home, and the blasphemous mass was offered up in our major
cities. The Pope's kiss of blessing to the soil of Britain has resulted
in the following disasters:-
1985 -- 55 passengers killed as fire sweeps a British Airways jet at
Manchester Airport.
1986 -- 45 die in the Chinook helicopter crash in Shetland.
1987 -- 193 killed in the Zeebrugge Ferry disaster.
1987 -- 31 die in King's Cross Underground disaster.
1988 -- 167 perish in Piper Alpha North Sea Oil platform fire.
1988 -- 35 die in Clapham rail crash.
1988 -- 270 killed in Lockerbie disaster.
1989 -- 46 die in British Midland M1 air crash.
1989 -- 95 die in Hillsborough Stadium disaster.
In addition to these open disasters, Britain's economy is in ruins,
whilst personal scandals have touched various members of the Royal Family.
GOD ALWAYS CURSES WHAT THE POPE BLESSES
"If ye will not hear and if ye will not lay it to heart to give glory
unto my name . . . I will curse your blessings." -- Malachi 2:2
The only true source of blessing is Almighty God who promises the
individual:-
"A fruitful man shall abound with blessings." -- Proverbs 29:20
and to the nation:-
"All these blessings shall come on thee and overtake thee if thou shalt
harken unto the voice of the Lord thy God." -- Deuteronomy 28:2
OPEN BIBLE MINISTRIES -- P.O. Box 92
Belfast, N. Ireland
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3. Pick up lines
by Sandra M. Pereira (sandrap@ifront.com)
Pick-up lines heard round the world and what you could say back to them...
I know how to please a woman.
Then please leave me alone.
I want to give myself to you.
Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.
May I see you pretty soon?
Don't you think I'm pretty now?
Your hair color is fabulous.
Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store.
You look like a dream.
Go back to sleep.
I can tell that you want me.
Yes, I want you... to leave!
Hey, baby, what's your sign?
Do not enter.
or
Stop.
I'd go through anything for you.
Let's start with your bank account.
May I have the last dance?
You've just had it.
I would go to the end of the world for you.
Yes, but would you stay there?
Your place or mine?
Both. You go to your place, and I'll go to mine.
Your body is like a temple.
Sorry, there are no services today.
Is this seat empty?
Yes, and this one (pointing to your own) will be too if you sit down.
What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?
What's it like being the biggest liar in the world?
Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.
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4. MAKE MONEY FAST!
[ Every Monday I post CoN in alt.ezines, in the hopes to get
a larger coverage and to gain more readers. Sometimes it works. I
noticed lately that there has been an increase in those annoying MMF
posts that are spamming almost every newsgroup out there. For those
that don't know MMF simply claims that by sending a dollar to the five
users mentioned on the list, removing the name at the bottom and
reposting it several billion times (1,000 million for UK readers)
on every newsgroup, you can make up to $50,000. You have to be an
idiot to believe this. However, I already ran into this type of
messages several hundred times. I found this message on alt.ezines,
and asked the author if I could use it. If you'd like to read one of
those MMF messages, load your newsbrowser, pick a group, any group,
and just look for messages that say 'Make Money Fast!'.. you can't
miss them, trust me. --Leandro ]
"J. McGuire" (jmcguire@wtsoft.com) wrote on alt.ezines:
Just for entertainment value, I might as well reply to this latest
instance of this wretched spam for once. Who knows...maybe there's some
newbie out there who might see it and be discouraged from perpetuating
this endless thing. Let's take a few choice bits of this apart....
JoeSchmoe@jomama.com [Josh Ganger, on clarityconnect.com] wrote:
> Just look at the facts and consider your options
A good place to look at those facts and options is:
http://www.usps.gov/websites/depart/inspect/chainlet.htm
Okay, so that's a bit dull and boring. After all, the US Post Office
wrote it... so try http://www.clark.net/pub/rolf/mmf/ instead.
> fact 1) The Internet is growing at a rate that makes it DOUBLE in size
> in about every 4 months.
> fact 2) There are 40+ million people with Internet accrss.
Amusingly enough, both of those two "facts" have been posted as part of
this particular scam for the past year or so. I don't see the 320
million users we would have if it was 40 million and growing 8X annually
a year ago, but if the 40 million is the current size, and only the 4
month figure was accurate back then, there would have been just 5
million users a year ago...and AOL alone had almost that many. Nice
numbers, but nothing but hot air. (hot bits?)
> fact 3) If the following system didn't work, why doesn't anyone post
> that it is a failure. In fact there are hundreds of posts stating that
> it works and works well.
Because the people who post these stupid things generally get their net
accounts yanked so fast that they can't post anything at all any more,
especially how stupid they feel and how much trouble they're in now.
Actually, I happen to have been in contact with one such person who was
lucky enough not to get his account terminated by his ISP. Wanna know
how well this scam works? In a spammer's own words....
> If you have to know, I got a reaming out by my ISP. And no I didn't
> recieve letter one in the mail.
> fact 4) It is legal since you are paying for a service....
And exactly what service are you paying for, again? Someone posts this
MMF spam. You send them money. And they do -- what? Post it again on
your behalf? 50,000 times for the 50,000 people who send them all this
money? Not hardly. You're not paying for a bloody thing. The person you
send the money to never does *anything*. YOU do the re-posting, with
THEIR name on the list.
> What investment you ask?......Well around 7 dollars and a couple hours
> of your time....Thats all you are risking....
Unless you count risking some rather hefty fines, a couple of years of
federal prison time in the US, rather more than that if you live in
Canada, and one sort or another of really nasty governmental type stuff
in an awful lot of other places.
> "Please put me on your Mailing List"(Thats what I mean about a service)
And what mailing list is this again? What service?
Of course, posting one of these MMF (Make Money Fast) scams *will* get
your name on a bunch of mailing lists...but do you really want to be on
a list of people who are both greedy enough to fall for something like
this and stupid enough to post your name and address to millions of
people who might not like you? Do you want to get on a list of people to
be audited by your country's tax agency, who probably takes a dim view
of $50,000 of undeclared income? Do you want to get on a list of people
to be investigated by the US Postal Inspection Service or your local
equivalent?
> There are at least 19000+ active ones at anyone time so there are
> plenty to go around. The more groups you post to the more people
> who will respond....
Oooh, is this ever true. I saw one where a very small ISP pleaded with
net posters not to send them any more complaints, their mail system had
been overloaded by the thousands they'd already received about a MMF
scam posted from their site.
You, too, can totally piss off thousands of people. And then you give
them your name and address. Smart.
As for the great mathematical "proof" of how much money you get,
consider this: Let's say the first guy who posted this thing really got
50,000 people to send him $1 each. For each of *those* 50,000 people to
make their own $50,000 it would require 2,500,000,000 -- that's 2.5
*BILLION* people (2,500 million for UK readers) sending those dollar
bills all over the world.
2.5 billion people is half the population of the planet...and MANY times
the population (let alone the sucker population) of the Internet. And
remember, that's just for the first 50,000 people who sent $1 to the guy
who invented this to get their own $50,000 payoff.
[followups set to alt.dev.null to avoid endless re-spamming]
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