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Capital of Nasty Vol. 01 Issue 23
Capital of Nasty Electronic Magazine
Volume I, Issue XXIII, Year AD MCMXCVI
Monday, November 25th, 1996
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1. Readers' Letters
2. Thank God for Microsoft
3. It's one of those stories
4. Snow.
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1. Readers' Letters
To: leandro@ifront.com
From: rava@jb.com (Melissa)
> This could be dubbed the TV generation, and I'd go
>further into it, except that psych major would probably chew me out
>in the next issue for not giving a good definition of "our" generation.
All I wanna know is...WHICH psych major is this?!?!?
P.S.
>* hot sweats
>* cold sweats
>* nausea
>* shaking
>* difficulty sleeping
>* unexplained euphoria or depression
>* inability to construct coherent sentences
>* distraction or preoccupation due to constant thinking about her
>* biting of the tongue or lower lip to prevent blurting the
> words, "I love you!" in casual conversations with her
I have had NUMEROUS male friends, yet I have not yet had a single one
who would admit to having had a single one of the above reactions.
Are American men liars? Defective? Should I move? Or is this all a
romantic myth?
Hmmmmmmmmm
P.P.S Just for the record...I STILL think Jason MacIsaac is funny :)
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2. Microsoft Humor
A pilot is flying a small, single-engine, charter plane with a couple of
really important execs on board into Seattle airport. There is fog so thick
that visibility is 40 feet, and his instruments are out. He circles looking
for a landmark and after an hour, he is low on fuel and his passengers are
very nervous. At last, through a small opening in the fog he sees a tall
building with one guy working alone on the fifth floor.
Circling, the pilot banks and shouts through his open window:
"Hi, where am I?"
The solitary office worker replies: "You're in an airplane." The
pilot executes a swift 275 degree turn and executes a perfect blind landing
on the airport's runway five miles away. Just as the plane stops, the
engines cough and die from lack of fuel. The stunned passengers ask the
pilot how he did it.
"Simple," replies the pilot, "I asked the guy in that
building a simple question. The answer he gave me was 100% correct but
absolutely useless; therefore, that must be Microsoft's support office
and from there the airport is three minutes away on a course of 87
degrees."
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3. It's one of those stories
Once upon a time there lived a beautiful young woman,
who loved a young man. She belonged to a rich and powerful
family, unlike him who was the son of a poor farmer. Even if
their union would've been impossible, their love saw no
limits.
Her parents refused this love, and ordered her to
never see him again. But the two of them kept on seeing
each other, for their love was stronger then any order.
One day her parents took the young man and chained
him on the side of one of the streets. If she didn't stop
loving him, they would kill him. Reluctantly, the daughter
accept her parent's conditions. The young man was left
chained by the street for one more week as of punishment,
so that everyone that walked by had the chance to grab
rocks and toss them at him. Never did he let go of a
sound or allowed a tear to fall from his face.
One day, before his release, she walked by him,
and tossed a flower at him. He suddenly began to cry.
When asked why he had cried at a flower, and never at
the rocks he answered: "All the people that threw rocks at me
meant nothing to me. But she is all I live for, and even a
flower hurts more then a thousand rocks".
Story by Neetu Gandhi.
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4. Snow.
Today it snowed, but unlike all the other times, this
time the snow decided to stay on the ground, and build up a
thick blanket, turning this gray city into a sudden burst of
white.
CoN made it to issue 23rd. Wow, I must admit I am
pretty impressed. I'd like to thank all those that have helped
us so far. It seems easy at times to publish something as
small and silly as this, but it's a pain to find things to
put in it. This issue is the proof: it really sucks.
I'm tired. I had to deal with the new shopping
carts at work which require more then the basic thinking technique,
and an IQ of above 72. Every customer needed an introduction
course on where to place the quarter to free the cart. Thank god
they know how to wheel it around.
I'll leave you to something to ponder about children's programs.
Goodnight.
Barney Devil Proof
Here's an exercise in logic. It goes to prove education goes a long way.
Given: Barney is a CUTE PURPLE DINOSAUR
Prove: Barney is satanic
The Romans had no letter 'U', and used 'V' instead for
printing, meaning the Roman representation would for
Barney would be: CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR
CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR
Extracting the Roman numerals, we have:
CV V L DI V
And their decimal equivalents are:
100 5 5 50 500 1 5
Adding those numbers produces: 666.
666 is the number of the Beast.
Proved: BARNEY IS SATAN!
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