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Capital of Nasty Vol. 02 Issue 22
Capital of Nasty Electronic Magazine
Volume II, Issue 22, Year AD MCMXCVII
Monday, June 2nd, 1997
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"We can do anything we want. We have an artistic... uh... freebie. We
have a license to kill."
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"Violence and technology: they just don't go!"
-- ??, Lost World
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1. Readers' Letters
A. CoP: Capital of Philosophy
2. Anti-Spamming Bills introduced in Congress
3. Jason ruins scientific progress
4. The Duck World: Jurassic Pond
5. 50 movies with goats in them
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This week's Golden Testicle Web Award goes to:
The disfunctional Family Circus
http://www.spinnwebe.com/dfc/
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1. Readers' Letters
A. CoP: Capital of Philosophy
From: anonymous (the author desired to remain unknown)
To: "Leandro Asnaghi-Nicastro" <leandro@capnasty.org>
Subject: CoP?
Date sent: Wed, 28 May 1997 10:23:39 -0400
Leandro,
I thought it was Capital of Nasty, not Capital of Philosophy. I was
looking forward to reading the latest issue of CoN to cheer me up after
battling road hogs on the 401 for forty minutes in a bid to get to work
on time for once. Instead of the usual lighthearted humor I read about
your midlife crisis. Cheer up man, believe me, you don't want a MIDlife
crisis at twenty...unless you're thinking of saying sayanara when you're
forty.
You're right, life seems pretty pointless sometimes but most of the times
it's because for some reason it's easier to dwel on the bad things. We
forget the nice things because we consider that to be the norm.
later
anonymous
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[Editor's Response]
Thank you for your letter. Rest assured that Leandro has received
appropriate treatment for his negative outburst and is heavily
sedated--even as you read this letter.
He required more sedation than the doctors expected. We suspect it's
because you suggested that Capital of Nasty has some philosophical
offerings. We ask that you refrain from this in future correspondence.
Colin Barrett C.C.C.P.
Webmaster & Editor
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2. Anti-Spamming Bills introduced in Congress
courtesy of Olga Altshuler (eugenea@ifront.com)
While the FIREWALLS list is onto e-mail spamming, the following might
be of inteest...
Two bills with vastly different philosophies have been introduced
into Congress to deal with the e-mail spamming issues.
The Senate Bill S.771 authored by Senator Murkowski is rather focused
and gives oversight to the Federal Trade Commission (not the Federal
Communications Commission). (text available at
http://www.senate.gov/~murkowski/commercialemail)
The House Bill (unnumber) authored by Represenatative Smith
(NJ) would just extent the anti-fax-spamming bill to apply to e-mail.
(text available at http://www.cauce.org)
If you have opinions on this subject, you might want to make them
known to your senator or representative.
The Electronic Frontiers Foundation (EFF) and others are against
legal regulation of this type, and prefer to put together a study
group first to develop a best solution.
Apparently, the spammers have irritated enough people that the word
has gotten to Washington. One can only hope we come out with a
sensible solution.
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3. JASON RUINS SCIENTIFIC PROGRESS
by Jason MacIsaac (jason@ifront.com)
Some University of Saskatchewan students, possibly with too much time on
their hands, decided that they would get together and calculate the force
of beauty.
To this end, they needed some kind of standard measurement, like
kilometers, or joules. Such measurements are often named after a
significant scientific historical personalities (as "joules" were), so
they wanted someone beautiful they could name their unit after. Some of
the more literary types suggested Helen of Troy. Helen, after all, was
said to be so beautiful that she had a face that "launched a 1,000 ships."
So, they did a little research, and began to draw computer models of
Greek warships of the period. They then calculated how much force would
be necessary to launch one of them, then a thousand--and named the result
of their calculations "1 Helen." This would be the standard measurement
of beauty.
This was all well and good until I came along. I mentioned that the quote
about Helen of Troy came from the Christopher Marlowe play "Doctor
Faustus." The actual line is "Is this the face that launched a 1,000
ships, AND burnt the topless towers of Ilium?" (all caps mine)
"The topless towers of Ilium" weren't actually topless, they were just
said to be so tall that the human eye could not discern the top of the
towers from the ground. Burning them would be no small accomplishment.
Therefore, the unit "Helen" must be a great deal more powerful than the
energy necessary to launch 1,000 ships.
Strangely enough, I was not thanked for pointing this out. I'm told
they're working on revising their calculations.
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4. The Duck World: Jurassic Pond
Leandro+
For the new movie "The Lost World", an entire web-site was put
online at http://www.lost-world.com. I went to see the site (on the 28th
of May, at around 10:30 AM EST) to find out a little more about this
plotless movie, and instead of the Jurassic logo, a "The Duck World" logo
appeared. Apparently some hackers had managed to change the image. I
tried getting in contact with the webmasters of "lost-world.com" but never
got an answer (as if).
I wonder if the crakers (the electronic community freaks when
you say 'hacker', they prefer cracker. I wonder if Mr. Christie will
complain saying that we are giving a bad image to their cookies) saw the
Lost World movie, and since they were completely blown away by the
incredible story, full of deep emotional feelings, decided to say what
they really thought. Ironically the image is signed by "hackers".
I was told later on that the fact had been mentioned by CNN.
Hey, free advertising...
You can see the hacker's logo (which is incredibly well done) at
this web site: http://www.gamesmania.com/tm/dw-logo.jpg
One cannot help but wonder if it was done on purpose by Universal Studios
to get some free advertising.
Review: The Lost World: Jurassic Park
After seeing "Can't stop the music" (Issue 23 will have two
reviews about this bad movie and the atrocious experience seeing it),
"The Lost World" becomes automatically a good movie, with a plot.
Seriously speaking, "The Lost World" is another one of those movies
where if it wasn't for the amazing special effects, they could've just
as well retitled it "Can't stop the dino".
Since we had not suffered enough from the first "Jurassic Park",
they had to make a sequel to it, and as all sequels go, they tend to
suck (just take a look at "Philadelphia Experiment II").
Poor Jeff Goldbloom tried his best to make this movie a little
more interesting. Unfortunately, other than "The Fly", everything else
he was in blew goats left, right and center. I guess if it wasn't for
him trying to give more life to the movie, I would be still under some
deep mental shock. His part was basically divided between saying witty
stuff in the attempt of being humorous, the usual rantings about mixing
technology and violence, not petting dino-babies and hanging from
a cable for way too long.
THE LOST WORLD: JURASSIC PARK
by Robert Willette (IMPROV) <rrtw27@aol.com>
So I line up at ten in the morning to see the "biggest box office open
ever"...I'm just as excited as the next guy...well maybe not as excited as
him he's a fat comic books store owner whose been masturbating to the thought
of another dinosaur movie scince '94. But nevertheless I'm looking forward
to the blockbuster hit of the summer. Putting aside the fact that I wasn't
too impressed with the first one. I watch the movie with an open
mind...hoping for some shread of a plot...or something to keep me
awake...needless to say I could have been fast asleep by the third scene of
the movie. OOOHHHH the T-rex is after Jeff Goldbloom AGAIN....Big deal...EAT
HIM AND PUT US OUT OF OUR MISERY!!!
As for Spielburg...with the exception of Schindler's List I guess it's
been all downhill scince E.T.!! Why not get a real director like John Woo or
Sam Raimi to direct a multi-million dollar budget movie? Oh well I guess
that's wht I'm not a producer.
IMPROV
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5. 50 MOVIES WITH GOATS IN THEM
by Jason MacIsaac (jason@ifront.com)
1) THE GOATFATHER
2) STRAW GOATS
3) HOW THE GOAT WAS WON
4) THE QUIET GOAT
5) POLTERGOAT
6) A BOY AND HIS GOAT
7) JURASSIC GOATS
8) LITTLE SHOP OF GOATS
9) GOATS OF THE LOST ARK
10) THE GOAT STRIKES BACK
11) NATURAL BORN GOATS
12) GOAT FICTION
13) RESERVOIR GOATS
14) THE OXGOAT INCIDENT
15) THE GOAT, THE BAD, AND THE UGLY
16) GOATY AND MICHELLE'S HIGH SCHOOL REUNION
17) THE GOAT BRIEF (not based on the John Grisham novel)
18) GOATS III: The New Generation
19) THE TEXAS GOATSAW MASSACRE
20) GOAT 9 FROM OUTER SPACE
21) SHOWGOATS
22) 2001: A Goat Odyssey
23) 2010: The Year The Goats Make Contact
24) GOATENSTEIN
25) GOAT 3D (This time, it's personal)
26) CITY OF LOST GOATS
27) THE HUNCHGOAT OF NOTRE DAME
28) ALL THE FINE YOUNG GOATS
29) THE LITTLE GOAT WHO LIVES DOWN THE LANE
30) STAR TREK VI: The Undiscovered Goat
31) FRIDAY THE THIRTEENTH PART SEVEN: The New Goat
32) CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE GOAT KIND
33) GOATBUSTERS
34) ONE OF OUR GOATS IS MISSING
35) GOATFINGER
36) GOAT FLANDERS
37) THE BIG GOAT ONE
38) TAKE THIS GOAT AND SHOVE IT
39) GOAT OF AFRICA
40) GOAT DURHAM
41) HEAVEN'S GOAT
42) DAS GOAT
43) SUPERMAN IV: THE QUEST FOR GOATS
44) D3: THE MIGHTY GOATS
45) ENTER THE GOAT
46) JAMES AND THE GIANT GOAT
47) UNFOGOATEN
48) CONAN THE GOAT
49) A CHORUS GOAT
50) THE GREAT GOAT ROBBERY
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