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Capital of Nasty Vol. 02 Issue 24
Capital of Nasty Electronic Magazine
Volume II, Issue 24, Year AD MCMXCVII
Monday, June 16th, 1997
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Happy Birthday Capital of Nasty
Monday, June 17th, 1996 - Tuesday, June 17th, 1997
One year of faithful service.
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"Define irony. An airplane full of idiots dancing to a song
written by a band who died in an airplane crash"
-- Garland Green, pretending to be a patron of CoN on Con Air.
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1. Readers' Letters
2. Where We Really Stand
3. Con Air review
4. Editorial Rambling
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This week's Golden Testicle Web Award goes to:
The Unofficial Village People Homepage
http://www.gryphon.com/village-people/index.html
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1. Readers' Letters
Date sent: Mon, 9 Jun 1997 00:57:53 -0400
From: Carl Ma
To: CoN Editorial <con@capnasty.org>
Subject: Re: Capital of Nasty Electronic Magazine II.23
On Sun, 8 Jun 1997, Leandro Asnaghi-Nicastro wrote:
> expression. An expression which he called art. If it had not been for
> him, I would've been probably kicked out of the school (nice try Ms.
> O'Brien, you still have a fat ass).
Leandro:
How come I am getting 2 copies of CoN?! Did you subscribe me twice?
Oh Man, You didn't call Ms O'Brien fat ass, did you?! If you did, I really
think you deserved to be kicked out of st pats!!! How could you do that?
She is such a nice person!!!
Later guy. Shame on you.
--
CM
--[ Editor's Response ]--
Hello Carl Ma.
Ms. O'Brien still remains the lesbo-nazi-bitch we all learned to love in
our drama class. I'm surprised she wasn't at the reunion, unless she
finally went through with that operation in Casablanca, and I didn't
recognize her because of the beard. Do you know if she has an internet
e-mail address? Perhaps I should subscribe her to CoN.
As for the two copies of CoN, some people call it spamming, I call it
fucking things up. My fault, my apologies to all those that realized
that in their mailbox they got two copies instead of one.
Best,
Leandro+
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2. Where We Really Stand
by Lilith DemHareIs
I was watching one of those day talk shows (ah, the joys of being
unemployed <ick>) the other day, and it makes me really sick to realize
how low humans can sink.
The subject of the show was women who thought they were so hot they could
get anything they wanted, especially from men. Their mothers and sisters
were on there as well, complaining about the attitudes of these women.
(Strangely enough, none of the others were friends. In fact, one of them
remarked that her ego-besotted sister didn't have any friends anymore.
I'm not shocked.)
Anyhow, the most disgusting thing about these women was their statements.
"I'm hot, and you're not. You're just jealous because I'm pretty and
you're not." That bothered me. I'm not ugly (proof available upon
request), nor was I in the studio audience. I was offended just the
same. Who were these women to come on this show, and tell the rest of us
that we were ugly, that we were jealous, and that all we wanted in life
was to be like themselves?
It's one thing to recognize that you are a beauty. But it is completely
another to say that you're THE standard for beauty, and everyone else
pales in comparison.
Truth is, these women were not beautiful at all. In fact, they weren't
even pretty. They all were dressed like sluts--literally. They all wore
short-short skirts and no nylons. That is the height of tacky. Whores
don't wear nylons because they just can't last the night. They all had
these ugly chunky shoes--you know the ones. They're popular right now,
though I don't know why. They make feet look awkward. There is no grace
or style to them. One chick's makeup could have rivaled Tammy Faye's.
She was a sallow girl, at best, and she insisted on wearing winter
colours. Sicko!
She looked like a Goth with the flu. She would have looked better with
some warmer colours, and not so much makeup. A warm red lipstick would
have done her better. Maybe soften the lines of her hair with a bit of
body, stick her in a pumpkin-coloured turtleneck sweater, and she could
look as good as she claims.
The worst part of the show was that these women were users. They'd use
their looks to charm men into buying things for them. Then, when they
were finished with the man, or had no more use for him, they'd dump him.
And they admitted it freely. They openly claimed that men were there
for their pleasure, and to buy them things. They didn't see men as
sentinet beings. They saw them as slaves, or machines.
These women were used to getting their way. They had the rudest manners.
They kept interrupting the host, and the studio audience. Nobody but
them could get a word in edgewise. It eventually got so bad that two of
them were literally screaming at each other, and would have torn each
other's hair out, if security hadn't pulled them apart. They kept
screaming "You're just jealous! You can't handle it."
I may not be an oil painting, but I was so ready to stand up, screaming,
"Oh yeah? If you think you're so hot, let's you and me go out for an
hour and see who can have the most money stuffed down their bra!!"
(Only one was wearing a bra, though.) Chances are, I could do it too.
After all, I've belly-danced before. I know how to capture a man's
attention, and make him feel like he's somebody. But if I was there, I
probably wouldn't have issued the challenge. Perhaps I'm afraid I'd
lose.
And then, I realized where these women really stood. They were so
concerned not so much with their own beauty, but the putting down of
others. I realized that they were too busy making sure everybody "knew
their place," and would not challenge the pecking order. They've got to
keep it that way.
For maybe someday, someone will stand up, and point out what hideous
beasts these women truly are, and everyone else will believe them, and
the women will realize that they don't have any power after all, and
their lives will be over.
Not that that changes anything. I still want to beat in the faces of
these women, not so much because they're "hotter" [sic] than me, but
because their attitude towards other women very much like myself is
insulting.
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3. CoN's Con Air Review
by Peter Fung
The movie CoN Air..I mean CON Air! It was a good movie. Decent acting on
the part of Nicholas Cage and special mention for Steve Buscemi. It is
definitely a gazillion times better than, "Can't stop the music." You will
leave the theater knowing how the world works: There IS a God. Only cops and
crooks die. If you're the hero, bullets miss you, or graze you and you don't
feel it 'till later. The family unit is important. Civilians don't die even
if a transport plane crash lands through:
A) a busy main street full of people;
B) several buildings apparently full of people;
C) a casino full of people.
Oh yes, if someone asks you to put the bunny back in the box, you'd better
listen or else!
The story...a decorated soldier returning home to his wife, accidentally
kills a drunken fart in self defense during a brawl and is sent to the big
house for several years. Several years later, our hero is a free man,
coming home to see his little girl on a plane happening to be transporting
dangerous convicts. He should've chose the bus! The plane is then
conveniently hijacked, and it's up to the hero to save hostages and prevent
the plane from being blown up by a gung-ho law enforcement officer sore
about getting his car trashed and see his loved ones within the time span of
1hr 23mins (not including all preview trailers, and that stupid in-theater
trivia contest before the movie).
Action: Lot's of guns! Guns Guns Guns!
Effects: Definitely NOT StarWars of the 90's but decent.
Memorable scenes: Steve Buscemi, as the mass murderer Garven Greene
Memorable song: "He's got the whole world in his hands."
Thank you for flying CoN Air, although we lost one wing, out of fuel and
about to crash into a densely populated area, killing everybody on board.
Our captain says, "Don't worry about it!"
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4. Editorial Rambling
by Leandro+
As usual I am late sending out this magazine. Another Tuesday. All
the contributors wrote in time, but the Editor was too tired to even bother
turning on the computer. Colin did a good thing in changing the signature
file to reflect that Tuesday has gained more popularity in distribution than
a Monday.
Some poor guy I work with, Hammed Malik (you might remember him from
the letters he sends in to CoN) told me two cute stories. One about this
old guy with a not-so-bad looking girl by his side that almost knocked him
out. The other story is about George Bush who wants to skydive inside a
stadium on the Fourth of July. Afraid that he might forget, he found his
mailbox full of "friendly" reminders to write the two articles that were
sent every two minutes.
He said something along the lines of "cease or die" and started growling and
breaking things. How odd.
Bad news as well for this exciting week, readers are dropping life
flies. Either accounts are disappearing or they are unsubscribing. I guess
this is the effect of summer. Uncle CoN needs you! Send CoN to your
friends and family and invite them to subscribe to us. After all, what's
the point of having a zine, if no one bothers to read what you write?
Also, apologies for last week. We were supposed to finally go
online with CoN's new pages, but the server was down. Actually, to be
correct, the server was up, but thanks to a new router poorly programmed by
ICAN.NET (The people that bought Internex Online) it was impossible to
access it. If you wrote e-mail to us, we probably did not get it. As for
our website, we'll have to find another day when we are not busy and we can
upload the whole thing.
Here is to the end of another issue, but before I leave you with
some exciting news (relatively old but still interesting) about Bill Gates,
click on reply and let us know what you think of CoN and what you'll like to
see in the future. Not that anybody is going to do that anyway.
Gates Stalker Captured
A man who threatened Microsoft Chair Bill Gates via snail mail has been
arrested by the FBI.
Adam Quinn Pletcher, 21, of Chicago, Illinois, attempted to extort $5
million from Gates, threatening to kill Gates and his wife Melinda if he was
not paid.
Microsoft Security contacted the FBI, who then posed as Gates on "NetGirl,"
a dating service on America-Online. The exchange of money was supposed to be
arranged through the service. The FBI soon tracked down Pletcher after he
mailed Microsoft a disk containing information that Gates was meant to use
to further contact the stalker.
This is not Pletcher's first brush with the law--the Illinois Attorney
General's Office alleges he also ran a bogus auto brokerage business via the
Internet.
The FBI says that Gates was never in any serious danger, and that Pletcher
was carrying out a "fantasy." Pletcher now faces a variety of felony charges.
-- the above piece of news was stolen from the Gamesmania's archives.
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In memory of Father Ross "Padre" Legere.
Capital of Nasty Electronic Magazine "media you can abuse"
Published every monday (or Tuesday)
Disclaimer: unintentionally offensive.
Comments and Queries welcomed.
http://www.capnasty.org
Brought to you by C.C.C.P. (Collective Communist Computing Proletariat)
Leandro Asnaghi-Nicastro Colin Barrett
<leandro@capnasty.org> <tyrannis@capnasty.org>
ZimID 708EC8D1 1994/09/14 EC B0 97 59 1D FE 7C 32 7E 04 2C 66 47 41 FB 7D
