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blah-044
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BLaH Ý ß Ý ÜßÜ Ý Ý
File ÝßÜ Ý ÜÝ ÝßÝÜÝ Written March 20, 1994
#044 Ý Ýig Ýong ÜßÝ Ýnd Ý Ýairy
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Presents
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"So You Wanna Be Goth..."
³ by ³
Guido Sanchez
À ÄÄ Ù
::::::
Goth- how very
::::::
OFFICIAL BLaH HAND-E-Z-REFERENCE CZECHLIST for those who truly lust
for Attaining that Most Noble of G0alzz... being Goth
Are you really Goth enough? score each answer 1 for yes, 0 for no, and 2
if you couldn't read the question through the tears brimming in your
eyes at the mere mention of Morrisey
1. Are you British?
2. Do you lust after/aspire to be like Winona Ryder? <pick one depending
on sexual preference ... double points for both>
3. Does the Cure make you Cry?
4. Is your last name Eldritch?
5. Can you complete this sentence : "Hey Now, Hey Now Now Now..."
6. Are you into Sandman?
7. Does your skin blind you?
8. Do you wear sunglasses at night?
9. Assign 1 point for each pentagram or other mystical symbol you're
wearing right now <clothing counts>.
10. Are you pagan?
11. Peter Murphy is to Bauhaus as Morrisey is to ....
12. Assign 1 point for each blatantly blasphemous <by christian
standards> piece of modern art you have in or around your house <double
if the floor layout of your house matches a gothic cathedral>
13. Do you own a pipe organ?
14. Do you listen to Depress Mode?
15. 2 points for each scar on your wrists <double if the cause was
robert smith>
16. Do you know Morrisey's first name?
17. 1 point for each time you've seen Rocky Horror Picture Show.
18. 1 point for each version of Dracula you've seen/read.
19. Do you wear all black?
20. 1 point for each coffeehouse you frequent that has a French-sounding
name.
21. Do you just generally suck?
22. 1 point if you swallow.
23. 1 point for each word/phrase you use often in your vocabulary :
macabre depressing gothic ennui
decrepit sad vampiric blase
ghastly woe gaunt c'est la vie
morose sigh crypt passe
24. Damnit, won't you just leave me the fuck alone? Isn't there
something better you could be doing than reading this shit? Shouldn't
you be at Cafe Ennui crying or something? Maybe lusting over a picture
of James Dean or something? FUCK AWAY ALREADY YOU LITTLE POSER PIECE OF
SHIT. Here's Robert Smith's Phone Number. +44, 788 522 142. Go stalk him
or something you pathetic pseudo-intellectual. You're certainly dressed
for it you fucking morbid freak. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SO DEPRESSED
ABOUT? Stop being so gloomy. Go outside, pick a flower, try not to mourn
the end of its natural life, and sniff it. Find something happy and
obsess over it. Otherwise you'll end up a bitter old shell such as
myself, on medication in a home and too chicken-shit to pull the plug
because you thrive on depression. Maybe at least then you'll stop
wearing black. There's this new invention, it's called COLOR. Look into
it.
The only reason I write this shit is because I see Goth going the way of
the cyberpunk.. that is, people are ashamed to be associated with the
group due to the relatively recent influx of posers.. unfortunately with
the Goth movement, "posers" are the ones who've made it what it is today..
<--Propaganda and shit---------------------------------------------->
bah.. I'm going to bed now
Wanna join BLaH? Then you're even stupider than you look. Get over it.
No matter how much the promise of such glory empties you, no matter how
much each new issue resembles your pathetic scribblings, you will never
be me. I'm high on myself and the glory that IS blah.. couple more hours
of this and I get the tattoo..
BLaH <sigh>TzZZzz
Nun-Beaters Anonymous <708> 251-5094
The Obloid Sphere <708> 965-3098
I'm so high, I swear I could fly..
<---Did i mention that I'm british?--------------------------------->
