blah-023

eZine lover (@eZine)

Published in 

BLaH

 · 5 years ago

  

              Ü ÜßÝ   Ü             Ü   Ü  
               ßÝ ßÝ   Ý             Ý   Ý 
                Ý  Û   Ý             Ý   Ý 
    BLaH        Ý ß    Ý      ÜßÜ    Ý   Ý 
    File        ÝßÜ    Ý        ÜÝ   ÝßÝÜÝ        Written August 12th, 1992 
    #023        Ý  Ýig Ýong  ÜßÝ Ýnd Ý   Ýairy 
                Ý  Ý   Ý    Þ    Ý   Ý   Ý 
                ÝÜß    ÝÜÜÝ  ßÜÜßÞ  ÜÝ   ÞÜ 
                 
                         Presents 
               Ú            ÄÄ             ¿           <\ 
         "Why Christian Fundementalists are Pussies"   <\ 
               ³            by             ³           <- Con, what the hell? 
                        Constantine                    </       - GS 
               À            ÄÄ             Ù           </ 

        After the astounding reception for my first file in this series, 
"Why Satanists are Pussies", I knew I was on to something big.  I mean, 
when you have four animal sacrifices dumped on your lawn in two weeks' 
time, you have to be doing SOMETHING right.  Thanks for the free steaks, 
fellas.  Now, in the interest of equal time, I bring you the top ten  
reasons why Christian Fundementalists are pussies. 

10:  The BEST thing about their religion is that, if you follow them, 
   you don't have to burn in hell for all eternity.  Talk about low 
   standards. 

9:  C.F.s insist that they are directly descended from Eve and Adam's 
  family-- who else would be PROUD of four thousand years of inbreeding? 

8:  Many C.F.s come from deep-south families, where the inbreeding practice 
  continues to this day.. 

7:  The C.F. idea of heaven is a place where you worship and praise 
  God, day in and day out, for all eternity.  Low standards strike again. 

6:  Attending a C.F. church service is like being in the front row of the 
  Morton Downey Jr. show, but without the entertainment value. 

5:  Republican Party membership is mandatory for all C.F.s, so they can 
  be bigots AND assholes.  Double your pleasure, double your fun. 

4:  No pleasure and no fun.  Unless you're a televangelist. 

3:  Southern C.F.s are racing satanists for championship in the Farm 
  Animal Abuse Sweepstakes. 

2:  Not everybody looks good in white robes and hoods. 

And, the number one reason... 

1:  PTL.  Enough said. 

        Well, that's this week's Fun List.  Join us again next time for 
a look at "Why Environmentalist Extremists are Pussies".  Or don't.  It's 
your choice, and CHOICE, after all, is what certain elements in our society 
(cough, cough) are trying to stamp out. 
        It's worth thinking about. 

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Then again, what isn't worth thinking about that is BLaH? 

BLaH <sigh>ts 

Nun-Beaters Anonymous [ <708>251-5094 ] 110/16.8k 
Carbon Nation         [ <708>965-8965 ] 9600/16.8k 
The Insane Asylum     [ <305>927-3028 ] 2400/16.8k 
The Realm Of Death    [ <419>475-3089 ] 2400/16.8k 

This file goes out to con's girlfriend, cause she's so damn cool. 

{---Tan Line... brown and white, it's a race thing...-----------------------}