blah-032

eZine lover (@eZine)

Published in 

BLaH

 · 5 years ago

  

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  BLaH          Ý ß    Ý      ÜßÜ    Ý   Ý                                 
  File          ÝßÜ    Ý         Ý   ÝßÝÜÝ         Written Oct. 1st, 1992 
  #032          Ý  Ýig Ýong  Üßß Ýnd Ý   Ýairy   
                Ý  Ý   Ý    Þ    Ý   Ý   Ý        
                ÝÜß    ÝÜÜÝ  ßÜÜßÞ  ÜÝ   ÞÜ      
                 
                         Presents 
                  Ú        ÄÄ        ¿ 
                  "For a Limited Time"   
                  ³        by        ³ 
                       Constantine 
                  À        ÄÄ        Ù 
                                                                 
        Hey!  You, there!  Yes, you, with the dark glasses and the "I Heart 
The Illuminati/I Club Eris" lapel button!  Are you sick of the Kennedy 
assassination yet?  Does your nose curl when someone starts rambling about 
the "magic bullet" theory?  Do you fly into a homicidal rage when some schmuck 
insists on explaining his personal ideas (it was the post office!) for the 
eightieth time? 
        Hang on to your hats, kids!  Here it comes again! 
         
        It's the limited edition Kennedy Assassination Chess Set. 

        For the low-low price of of only $89.99 a month (plus $200/month 
shipping and handling), the Franklin Mint will send you a new piece every 
month until the year 3842.  Each piece comes with a certificate of  
authenticity, signed and numbered by sculptor Fnord William Shea. 
        Just look at these beautiful, hand-painted masterpieces!  The 
spray of pewter blood from J.F.K's demolished skull, the anatomically 
correct splatter of brains on Jackie's pillbox hat, Governor Connoly's pants 
soiled with real barium, and the perfectly reproduced rifles in Oswald's hand 
(with opposite-pointing shadows!) 
        You couldn't possibly find a more tasteful and distinctive addition 
to your home decor, and if you order NOW you'll recieve a handsome Grassy 
Knoll playing board to showcase your pieces.  Just think of what your friends 
will say... 
        "I wish >I< had a Kennedy Assassination Chess Set!" 
        "Teddy Kennedy is a bishop?" 
        "Wow!  Those splattered brains look so REAL!" 
        "The barium is so tasty!" 
        "Is that Ted Nugent over there?" 
        "No, that's Newt Gingrich.. Ted's behind Cthulhu" 

        Order today.  Dial 1-800-JFK-DEAD.  Visa, Mastercharge and 
American Excess accepted, offer void in the event of Bob's second 
coming. 

{---End Of File.. Safe-T-Penis says "3323 bytes total"------------------------} 

why do we care how big the file is? just in case it's infected with the WHORE! 
virus, you'll know.. 

BLaH <sigh>ts 

708-251-5094 § Nun-Beaters Anonymous - BLaH WHQ § [IL] 
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Vote BLaH in '92.. Paula Ferguson for president! It's time to put a woman 
in the white house who isn't afraid to admit that she has no testicles! 

{---FNORDline--Mahabon, Jabulon, Boopsie, etc..-----------------------------}