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Angstmonster 11
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* 10.21.02 angstmonster issue 11 *
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¡edited (poorly) by gir¡
"Boobs are overrated. They're really just lumps of fat." -gir
"Yeah, but they're cool lumps of fat." -Kozar
"So am I." -Mr. Jay
§+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++¡contents¡+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++§
+ +
+ Brief Words from gir +
+ A Bite Of Happiness oregano +
+ Theory Of Style vorstyles +
+ My First Burn gir +
+ How To Be Badass koolpeith +
+ Pot: My Favorite Date Rape Drug gir +
+ +
§+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++¡contents¡+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++§
---------------
: Brief Words :
: From gir :
---------------
It's a rainy Sunday afternoon and me and mr. jay are discussing how fun CNN's
speculation concerning the "serial sniper" is. (Every time I heard the phrase
"serial sniper" I think about breakfast and milk and soggy Fruit Loops. I also
think about movies like "Red Dragon" and wonder why the media can't come up with
a better name for the "serial sniper." Maybe they need someone to head up their
"creative naming of serial killers" department. If it pays more than $6/hr, I
will send my application to them!
Otherwise, I've spent the two weeks working, going to hippie camp, and then
coming back to reality with hippie camp having overthrown most of the laziness
that is familiar to me. For example, last night I skated for more than just
half and hour and even though we got a good talking to from a police man
(another gripe with the news as of late, has anyone else noticed people calling
police "cops" in situations where police would be more respectable? Not that
I'm a big old pile of kindness and respect concerning authority... Just an
observation) We were fortunate enough to have the police guy tells us we could
continue skating at the park. (Because it's not like we don't live there.) In
typical suburban fashion, the complaint was called in by someone who didn't want
to be known by us. (I suppose he's afraid that a bunch of skaters will do
something horrible to him.) At least the police guy was understanding and like
most really good skating sessions, it was the fellowship and encouragement all
around that made everything fun. (I also found out that my secret power word
is "lumps of fat.")
So a rainy Sunday afternoon that might slowly turn around into the sunshine...
That's how this issue of angstmonster is looking at the moment. I haven't
gotten a chance to bug a couple of the regulars enough to get results. So if we
lack this time around, oh well. We're really just taking a break from the whole
"bigger, longer, uncut" deal.
By the way, the eels rock. I really need to get a copy of their new album which
I had until my harddrive died the first time around. But I guess that's what I
get for being a music pirate.
--------------
: A Bite Of :
: Happiness :
: by oregano :
--------------
Used to be sprinkles did the trick. Cupcakes with multi-colored sprinkles on
them and all would seem joyous with the world. But as I grew older they lost
their ability to dazzle and the colors of the world ran to grey and hue.
When I was 26 I was living life on auto pilot. I was coding computers 12
hours a day and thinking I had everything right where I wanted it, I did not
notice the stench that I had made of my life. I never let up, on the train home
I worked up new ways to approach algorithms then at home I'd watch a little TV
and then code on my own computer.
One day, a particularly grey November day when the outside was full of barren
trees swept by a cold north wind, Linda brought a treat into the office. Linda
was the receptionist and liked to bake goodies for special occasions. I don't
recall this being a special occasion, though it would later turn out to be.
Linda had baked a happiness cake. A cake full of so much spunk and life that it
had the power to turn lives around.
When she first offered it to me, I turned her down, I pointed to my bag of
pork skins and made a comment of not wanting to mix salt with sweet. People in
the office were cheerier that day, I figured it was payday and that I had
forgotten it was Friday -- I would do that, lose track of days, since I often
came in on the weekends anyway to test out new code. But later I knew it was
the cake.
In the early evening a frozen dinner I had brought from home did not smell
right. I had left it in the fridge to defrost and I might have left it
defrosting for a week. I poked around the office seeing if anyone had
something I could nosh on and I noticed there was one final slice of Linda's
happiness cake. Since I was offered some earlier I took it upon myself to assume
the offer still stood, last slice or not. That decision changed my life.
The cake was moist and rich and flavorful and after I ate it I was a little
dizzy, so I sat down. Soon I was overcome with a feeling of bright lightness
all around me. I went back to my computer to let a little brain work overtake
the unease. A little hard thinking and complicated logic would surely clear
the mind. But the harder I concentrated, the more the work seemed pointless. I
should be out singing the joys of nature and acting for the betterment of
humankind instead of locking myself in a cage of Boolean logic.
In a few months I had left my job, joined the Peace Corps and was digging
wells for underprivileged families on the brink of starvation; I was living
the most fulfilled life imaginable. And then one day when I was teaching
Zumbugli children how to read, a student brought something in called a reality
cake, but that set of changes it its own story.
The End
AUTHOR'S NOTE: the term "happiness cake" was coined by nyarlathotep. This story
was generated from those two words but is wholly the work of the author.
----------------
: Theory of :
: Style :
: by vorstyles :
----------------
Being locked away doesn't detach me from society. It merely gives me time to
ponder secrets of life. So I bring you my multi-part series on style. Read
with and open mind, and remember, style is a projection of one's self.
Part I: Always be prepared.
I've noticed the rise in number of trendy bags (Packs... whatever you want to
call them) Not only are they worn by Potter toting snotty kids, but business
professionals have traded in the patent pleather, artificial scented briefcases
for flashy timberland packs! Looking like a yuppy version of a standard
adventurer is one thing, but bags are more than a trend. Use them to carry
things you may want or need throughout the day. Such as carrying toiletries
and a change of clothes can be handy when the unexpected happens.
For example, my backpack, a five-level timberland is stocked. I carry daily a
laptop, ebook, digital camera, walkman, headphones (2 pair and a "Y") pens,
pencils, colors, paper pads, drawing book, tools (including screwdrivers, a
crimper and heads, misc computer screws, a teaball, forks and spoons, chopstix,
and a battery charger), change of clothes, toiletries, snack foods, tea and
condiments.
Finding the right bad and the proper assortment of contents is a key to
developing your own style.
Part II: Technology
In our childhood we entertained ourselves with wooden sticks and wheels with
holes. Now a days we've become spoiled to technological marvels.
Technology is not bad. Take advantage of this digital world, where everything
is portable.
You can put a library on a cd, store hours of music in a chip smaller than a
matchbox, and take millions of pictures on zero rolls of film all using
technology.
With all this electronic dependency, invest in a batter charger and some nice
rechargeables. (AA's at least) Almost all of your toys will use them, and a
small charger makes for great storage for your loose power rods.
Pda: Three little letters meaning so much. A Personal Data Assistant (Pocket
Secretary to you SR heads) is an absolute must for any techno-plebe.
Information these days is too numerous to remember, with addresses to every
specialty grccery store you haunt, and all the numbers you collected at
Stargate on Tuesday, you'd burn out. A digital notebook, and a calender, is
more than a convenience.
Ebook: For those that haven't started reading and amassing digital books, you've
missed out on pure heaven. I personally carry close to 40 pulp novel length
books in my ebook at a time, saving me from deciding what one or two books to
take out. You can tote a reference library beyond belief with you to scan for
answers on the fly. It's just a great new way to live.
Music: Compressed music isn't our only answer here. Though a great tech-tool,
music itself is the key. Whether you tote and mp3 player with unlimited
memory, or a case of vinyl, music is a party of life. Let your music reflect
your tone and mood. Mad and rash people listening to tranquil music are just
out of place. I personally carry cd's and a player (2 sets of headphones to
share the wealth of music) The dual headphones and a "Y" adapter idea isn't new
but it isn't yet widley practiced by many. Share your music with a friend.
"Music is the glue that binds the soul."
When creating your style, feel free to express yourself. Find the things you
personally like, and remember "To thine own self be true."
Groupie and Cultish styles are a demonstration of the demise of individuality.
-----------------
: My First Burn :
: by gir :
-----------------
The following is a recollection of my experiences at Playa del Fuego. It all
starts Thursday night after work, in the rain. It's raining a lot and decides
to keep raining all the way to Delaware. Driving at night is usually a lot of
fun but the rain it made it a lot of not fun. Once I got a good ways into
Maryland (after getting lost in DC) things weren't too bad. I didn't have to
worry about traffic or anything. After driving passed the place a couple of
times, I pulled up on the Vietnam Veterans Motorcycle Club and it was still
raining. I made my way to the little group of 5 or 6 tents in search of the
only people I'd know who were sleeping. So I waited for the rain to die down
and be just rain that wasn't raining so hard, pitched my tent, got into dry
clothes and then lied awake until four thirty in the morning. I then woke up
around six thirty when I heard everyone else talking. It was still raining and
although my tent stayed dry, a lot of other people got flooded out.
So Friday was spent setting up for the arrival of all the other people. (At the
time it was still raining and we didn't expect anyone to show up at all.) None
the less, the DPW (Department of Public Works) crew took car of marking off a
road and emptying some trash cans, etc. Afterwords, it was into town to find
a dryer for the more damper clothes we had. (I was glad to dry my only jacket
I had brought for the weekend which was fleece. Wet fleece is heavy and at
night just gets cold.) But by the time we were back, the rain was letting up
and more people were pitching tents, arriving, etc. I don't remember much else
from Friday except for a guy in the pavilion with a projector showing weird
Japanese cartoons, like this one about the greatest sex doctor in the world. It
was like Dragonball Z hentai. He also showed some flash animations etc. I
ended up going to bed around 6 or so after hanging out with some people early
morning at the greeter station.
Saturday I was up by seven thirty and it was turning into some what of a nice
day with a couple of light sprinkles of rain. I think Saturday morning was one
of the "holy shit that's a lot of birds flying overhead and they're forming the
PDF symbol!" For some reason there are flocks and flocks of birds of Delaware
the likes of which I have never seen. It was a very cool feeling to look up in
the sky with a gaping wide mouth. (It was a better feeling to not have bird
poop land in your mouth as they passed by.) Saturday's kinda fuzzy too. In
fact, most of the weekend (over a week later) is somewhat fuzzy. With a piss
poor concept of passing time I don't really remember a whole lot of what
happened on what day.
And rather than recollect all of these specifics events and the time they took
place, I'd much rather talk about what makes a burn so fun. Why so many enjoy
burns, why so many can't wait for six months to pass so they can go to the next
PDF, or how people talk of Black Rock as a mecca for all sorts of wanderers.
Playa del Fuego was one of the first places I've ever been where I got a feeling
of really goodness and was able to take it back with me into reality. I'm very
glad I found out about burns and these other events and can't wait until the
next one in May or all I'll do to get out to Burning Man this August.
And of course, in closing, some art. (Cause burns are about the art too!)
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----------------
: How To Be :
: Badass :
: by koolpeith :
----------------
I constantly find myself doing stupid shit to get attention. Have you ever
gone completely out of your way to demonstrate your physical strength for no
apparent reason? I bet you saw someone you were lusting after when you did.
How about sudden attacks of morality and philosophical thought? Yes, for all
the times in middle school I did this myself, I felt like kicking my ass a
million times. If I see someone doing this in front of a girl (or a girl doing
this in front of a guy, for that matter), I want to kick their ass in that
moment. The first thing you need to do if you want to be a badass (especially
if you are in the DC Metro area) is to walk around looking pissed off all the
time. People who think you hate everything will be scared and respectful of
you. If you want to be a badass I suggest you find something that most people
would be embarrassed to make public, and just shove it in front of everyones
zitty, make-up-covered, not-as-badass face. Take this for example: Two
friends are walking toward you, calling some kid a faggot (of course using it
as a vulgarity). Just start telling anyone around you how you went to the club
last night and picked up some hottie, and took him back to your place and had
wild sex. Then yell "AND HE DIDN'T EVEN GET TO CUM! I USED HIM LIKE HE WAS A
PRETTY LITTLE GERMAN BOY WITH AN OPEN MOUTH WITHOUT SEXUAL DESIRE!!!!!!!" One
popular misconception of the badass is the idea that they are arrogant, stuck
up, and big fat jerks. Some popular people are jerks. But these popular
people certainly aren't badasses, otherwise they wouldn't be making jest of gay
people and CERTAINLY wouldn't be ashamed or embarrassed by anything, and if a
TRUE badass saw someone being a jerk they would totally flip shit and kick the
shit out of the jerk with words, being passive, logical, and calm. Onetime I
saw this dude make a Mormon "recruiter" totally pack up his bookbag and stop
harassing everyone on the fucking planet and everyone around was saved from his
tyranny! That man was a badass.
If there was something aside from a badass which I would want to be, it would
probably be an Angstmonster. The cool thing about an Angstmonster is that it
is very smart, incredibly random in its artistic methods, and couldn't care
less if you don't like those methods of artisism. As for myself, I don't think
I could bear to have someone read this poor compilation of nouns, adjectives,
and weak verbs. I don't know if I've even included any adverbs. Adverbs kinda
rule. If I was a badass I would yell a bunch of adverbs at my stupid German
teacher. If I was an Angstmonster, I would print this essay up on 80 point
font and throw it all around my college campus. Unfortunately, I am a Kool
Peith. What a Kool Peith does is try to impersonate a Badass and do what an
Angstmonster would do with EVERYTHING I write, think, say, and feel. The thing
is, I make a jackass out of myself, but I don't feel embarrassed. I think that
even though I am not a badass or an Angstmonster, I enjoy being oblivious to
trivial worrying. Be Kool, d00d.
--------------------
: Pot: My Favorite :
: Date Rape Drug :
: by gir :
--------------------
There's a new public service announcement commercial floating around that
depicts a date rape taking place after a couple smokes a bowl. While I wasn't
paying too much attention to it, you see a shifty eyed hormonal boy look around
to see if anyone is watching and then after putting down his pipe he moves in
for the kill by unbuttoning his female counterpart's blouse shirt thingie. As
the pipe drops to the table a message appears at the bottom of the screen as the
picture fades to black: "Pot can impair your judgment." and the commercial
ends.
To quote Dave Chappelle in reference to the "If you buy drugs, you support
terrorism" ads, "Man don't put that on me" and he's right. Potheads don't need
to be blamed for terrorism and date rape. (But that's not what this is about)
Rather, I'm just amused by the phrase "Pot can impair your judgment" in
reference to being taking advantage of.
I came up with a list of other things that can "impair your judgment." It may
seem ridiculious, but just think about what it means to "impair your judgment."
!!!WARNING!!!
The following is a list of things that can impair your judgement. Please be
warned that interacting, partaking, and dealings with these things may lead to
being taken advantage of and raped. Then again, they might lead to a life
happily ever after... That's not the point though, is it?
!!!WARNING!!!
pot, alcohol, other assorted drugs, friendships, dreams, hopes, aspirations,
greed, power, happiness, smiles, good music, bad music, books, cats, food, being
tired, sleeping too much, not sleeping enough, losing a loved one, killing
someone, dying, getting in a really bad accident, eating too much, not eating
enough, going to school, getting good grades, getting bad grades, believing in
something, not believing in enough, falling in love, not having anyone to love,
making bad decisions, getting in a car wreck, buying a new computer, sex, too
much sex, not enough sex, masturbation, being on medication, selling your
medication to school kids, being told you should be on medication, burning the
roof of your mouth on hot food, being good at something, spending time with the
people you love, not having any friends, too much time in front of a computer,
the internet, the television, summer camp, reading magazines, play video games,
trust, going to church, going to work, dealing with the public, belonging to the
public, traveling in a foreign country, being homeless, being spoiled, knowing
someone out there has something you want, wishing you were someone else, not
acting on impulse, acting on impulse too much, contemplating the meaning of
life, your favorite movie, a stupid joke, family values, political correctness,
a college professor, your favorite teacher in high school, the writings on the
bathroom wall, someone you've never met, having a cell phone, sleeping in your
car, sleeping in someone else's bed, stealing, cheating, being selfless, being
selfish, wants, needs, fear, your parents, your children, war, hunger, dungeons
and dragons, emo kids, cookies, pretentiousness, the mall, clever art, witty
online comics, movie reviews, living, breathing, memories, pictures, fast food,
expressions, your boss, his boss, the ceo, televangelists, responsibility, time,
distance, public television, cable, libraries, pornography, the matrix, cult
films, bumper stickers, your grandparents, old people, local bands, scene kids,
your best friend, the lack of a best friend, sensory deprivation, obscure
references, incoherent rambling, late night recollection, sitcoms, textbooks,
sales clerks, boobs, vengeance, video games, monsters, anger, depression, being
tied up, hate, love, radio, talk shows, cons, hippies, propaganda, nuclear arms
races, hysteria, mob mentalities, inspiration, being surprised, everything,
anything, concentrating, confusion, abusive parents, abusive significant others,
catchy music, annoying customers, friendly people, shiny things, emoticons,
desire, police, having a cold, taking too much cold medicine, being afraid of
someone you've never met, etc.
This list is by no means well rounded or complete. It's just a tiny sample of
all the things that could impair your judgment. It's not fair that pot gets
its very own commercial when there's so much more judgment impairing fodder
out there.
Thanks to everyone who helped add to the above list and provided discussion on
the subject of impairment.
æææææææææææææææææææ
æ Æfterthought(s) æ
æææææææææææææææææææ
My excuse for not releasing this closer to midnight... well there isn't one
really. All those people I thought might have sent things in at the last moment
didn't. So we're just lying low, running zig zag across the information super
highway. After all, the "serial sniper" is closing in on the Angstmonster
compound as he makes he's rounds.
So in two weeks, things should be a lot better, or a lot worse. Perhaps even a
slow in release and stuff. As always, suggestions and submissions are welcome.
?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿
What you have just read was a step into the unknown spontaneous and poorly
edited thoughts for sharing collectively known as "Angstmonster." All thoughts
on the matter can be sent to <gir@angstmonster.org> or you can just visit the
site http://www.angstmonster.org and see what you think. (But I won't promise
any content to anyone.) Submissions of all sorts are welcome! Everything from
prose and poetry to rants and opinions, creative text art, recipes for yummy
food, reviews of stuff, etc.
Thanks and enjoy your day...
copyright 2002 issue 11
angstmonster.org 10.21.02
Feel free to redistribute this document, although no fee can be charged and the
content must not be altered or modified in any way. Unauthorized use of any
part of this document is prohibited. All rights reserved. (and stuff)
