Copy Link
Add to Bookmark
Report
Angstmonster 27
Æ*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*Æ
* __ __ *
+ _____ ____ ____ ______/ |_____ ____ ___ ______/ |___________ +
* \__ \/ \ / __ \/ ___\ __\ \ _ \/ \/ ___\ __/__ \_ __ \ *
+ / __ \_ | \ /_/ >\__ \| | Y Y \<_> ) | \__ \| |\ ___/| | \/ +
* (____ /_| /___ /____ >|__|__|_| /___/__| /___ >|__| \__ \|__| *
+ \/ \/____/ \/ \/ \/ \/ \/ +
* 05.19.03 angstmonster issue 27 *
Æ*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*Æ
¡edited (poorly) by gir¡
<zhixel> I seriously don't understand that how between gir and I,
I'm somehow the creepy disturbing one
§+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++¡contents¡++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++§
+ +
+ Brief words from gir +
+ Fear and a Life Lived By It jynx +
+ A Metaphor oregano +
+ Fiction is the philosophy of the new age vorstyles +
+ Cats st0vbold +
+ i traded my humanity for pumpkin pie tex +
+ ¥ WINS! gir +
+ Ch33z-1t's Will +
+ Earthbound Ghost zhixel +
+ Rattled off the Tip oregano +
+ Fair Nazi Policy vorstyles +
+ This is your Armageddon people and you are willingly embracing it jynx +
+ Together, gir and estell write well! +
+ +
§+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++¡contents¡++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++§
<zhixel> omg hitler just brainwashed a guy!@#@!
<zhixel> using his PROPGANDA POWERS
SerChiller: argh first contact with some chick on friendster
SerChiller: and she's fucking 15
<xomputer> why are we teaching liberalism and conservatism in schools
<xomputer> THE WORLD IS NOT BLACK AND WHITE YOU STUPID FUCKS
<lb> you can't lie to us because we already decided the truth and
it's beyond your power
zhixel: gay people are the best people
zhixel: on earth
i am not gir: what about gay people who live other places in the universe
zhixel: they all suck
<gir> kelly ousborne called bob dole a twat
<nyar> in that respect
<nyar> i really believe that it takes one to know one
<zhixel> kelly osborne is the penultimate twat
<zhixel> if anyone deserves rape it's her
<gir> NO ONE DESERVES RAPE YOU INSENSITIVE JERK
<nyar> zhixel does
<WARH0REZ> Gir just messaged me privately to inform me he is not black
---------------
: Brief Words :
: from gir :
---------------
Today, I have a song for you.
The rain brings pain, brings pain, brings pain
It makes me not want to sing, sing, sing!
THIS DAY LACKS THE BLING, LACKS THE BLING!
Actually, my bling, it was stolen by a troll who hides under the tree in the
front yard. What he wants with my shiny bling bling, I will never know because
ever time I try and talk to him he scurries away behind the big tree in the
front yard. Any attempts to follow him fail, because he uses the latest in old
tree technology to mask the entrance to his home. So I've decided that in
order to get my bling bling back I will have to set a trap. Of course I'm not
sure what kind of trap will work against a troll. Before this crafty little
guy, I'd never seen a troll before. THEY DIDN'T EXIST TO ME! That's the funny
thing about mythical creatures. Until one steals your bling, you don't think
twice about them.
Then again, if I deny the existence of this troll maybe my bling will return to
me since it can not sustain a proper bling bling life in the hands of a
creature that doesn't really exist. Once I prove this concept in front of a
live audience, I know that I will be able to move on to bigger and better
things but until then, I'm just the editor of an ezine.
This time around though, said ezine would like to dedicate itself to one very
special writer of ours who happens to share a birthday with issue number 27,
good ol giraffe herder estell! Come the time you are reading this, estell will
be reaching into the big 2 0! All sorts of responsibility will gather around
her and the herd of giraffes attempting to weaken their belief that the wobbly
horns are for fighting. The "responsible" people among us would have you
believe otherwise, but don't be fooled! Giraffes in large numbers can be
especially strong and destroy with great wobbly fighting force any sort of
evil of the most responsible nature that gets in there way. What I'm trying to
say is...
/ / / / / |
(___ ___ ___ ___ (___ ___ (___ (___ ___| ___
| )| )| )| )\ ) | )| | )| | )| )| )\ )
| / |__/||__/ |__/ \_/ |__/ | | |__ | / |__/ |__/| \_/
| | / /
/ / /
___ ___ (___ ___ ( (
|___)|___ | |___)| |
|__ __/ |__ |__ | | - - -
If you are anyone you may know is a fan of angstmonster, then take it upon
yourself to message estell (tynbyrdblue on aol) and wish her a happy birthday
because that would be a very nice thing of you to do for someone who uses all
of their power of giraffe herding to keep responsibility evils in check and
making the streets of cyberspace safer for us irresponsible kids to play on!
-------------------
: Fear and a Life :
: Lived By It :
: by jynx :
-------------------
Contrary to common belief fear itself, as an entity, is not some hideous
snarling beast or sum wicked monster lurking in the shadows. It is in fact a
charming seductress of unparalleled beauty of which no woman is equal to. It
is a known fact that people are more inclined to embrace their fears than
confront them head on. Fear is a cushion, a blanket; it keeps you safe and
warm. As result fear is like a drug and is hard to release and soon people
live their lives for fear and because of fear, fearing things they cannot
control and fearing being in control.
Fear is a prison, the exit is plain as day right in front of your face and
its sunny outside but you were born in this prison and it is all you have
ever known, would you walk out the door? Anything restrictive like laws,
rules, regulations and policies can all, in one way or another, be retraced
to fear.
Society has become so dependent on fear that there is a diagnosed condition
that is attributed to a fear of fear. How can you possibly be afraid of being
afraid, would that mean you would have to do extreme acts to not be afraid
or be totally secluded away from anything dangerous? But if your afraid of
being afraid your still afraid, aren't you? Totally mind boggling.
In saying this I cannot say that I am sum fearless being (even zombies are
scared of stuff). I mean look at wombats, their the scariest living things
ever. A little ball of muscle that can run fast and has big claws and sharp
teeth.
(Seriously did you know that if you put your head in their burrow they'll
think its collapsing and push up so hard with their ass that your face will
be crushed along with your skull. Death by ass not pretty.)
Well this is the ramble of a deranged zombified youth and his 3rd person
view of your interesting but unusually stupid world. I'm going back
underground call me when you've got the courage. MUAHAHAHAhHAHAHAHAHAHHA!
*cough cough ahahahahahahhahah *cough awww.
--------------
: A Metaphor :
: by oregano :
--------------
Be sure to tell them that the alligator always eating
the spider is better than both:
having the alligator and the spider
and
and having an alligator that has eaten the spider
I am obsessed with this thing on the cash register in
my local indie music store, it used to be a plastic
alligator and it had a giant black spider in its mouth
and now the spider is gone and the sales guy said the
alligator ate the spider
In a way that is like what life is...
it is neat to have the spider always in the act of
being eaten
If I had just a spider side by side with an alligator
that is nothing special
and an alligator after it ate the spider
is just an alligator
but an alligator forever in the act of eating a giant
spider:
that is a metaphor
------------------
: Fiction is :
: the philosophy :
: of the new age :
: by vorstyles :
------------------
There are no bad stories, just bad readers, poor story tellers, and
inartistic writers. In this world, we have lost sight of gods, not one,
but many... they used to guide, and point the way to enlightenment.
Life is a war, not with the ill-famed 'man' or with society, but with
ones self. Doubt being a disease, loss of hope being ones downfall... a
step back towards childhood. We have turned life into a struggle to
survive, breathe, last through time, but at a cost of life.
When we realize once again, that life is to be lived, and not stored in
jars, then we will attain the lost tradition of happiness.
I have found low, and i have been pushed down every time i rose up in
this new world mindset, but it isn't bad karma, or a punishment... it is
a warning, a sign of a mis-direction.
It is time to live, it is time to cast off the ideas of this world, and
rediscover those of a past. Thoughts pass through time, unharmed,
unscathed, but sometimes forgotten. It is time to find them again.
Learn to read... not letters, not words, but thoughts, ideas, old
philosophies in a new age, will lead us all to a new one. Many times in
history, revolution, reconstruction, rebirth has happened. Society gets
to a lull, and starts to kill itself, with disease and famine... now we
have reached one again. But we must push through, rise up, cast off this
age, and reach for the new plateau.
After every storm, is a sun, that seems brighter than before. Bask in
it, but don't dawdle, it is time to learn. Thought and reason are our
only tools. The artists shall be the survivors this time. They seem
lazy dreamers, but they see something that is coming.
Smile, and embrace the day. Drain it for all its worth. In that, you
shall live forever each passing day.
I embrace this new time coming, and i await... nay, i will help create a
bright new day. Hoping you all will be there to share in the light.
---------------
: Cats :
: by st0vbold :
---------------
Ahh.. the summer is finally here. For now, that is. And that's why I have
decided to take my laptop outside, so I can sit here in a sunny spot in the
garden and write this file. Or whatever it's going to end up as.
I have no idea whatsoever about what I'm going to write about. The weather? The
nature? The mosquito that just bit me? Oh, now I know! I just saw one of my
cats sit be the fish pond cleaning its fur, and that's what this file is going
to be about. The wonderful life of a cat. Just don't expect it to be very deep
or have some kind of point.
We all know that cats are great and individual animals, and that's the reason
why I never bring my cats inside the house. I want them to stay outside and go
about their usual business. Well, that and the fact that they shit all over the
place. In the last couple of hours I have just been sitting here watching them
do absolutely nothing, which is great. Cats are slackers by nature. They don't
have an agenda, a deadline or anything. They just walk around meowing and
occasionally just letting their bodies slam to the ground and sleep for a
couple of minutes, before they start walking around meowing again. Oh, I wish I
were a cat. Not that my current life differs much from that of a cat. I don't
really do anything but sleep and eat. It was great for a while but then things
started to get boring. No changes. Just sleeping.. If I were a cat it would be
excellent, because that really IS their goal in life. To do as little as
possible.
What's happening right now wouldn't bother me, if I were a cat. But I'm not, so
I'm going to move a bit to get away from the ants that just appeared out of
nowhere and started crawling up my legs.
I just stuck a piece of duct tape on the cats tail.
Now a little info. I actually have 4 or 5 cats but that changes along with the
weather and the number of stray cats running around here. Right now there are
three cats just lying in the grass enjoying the sun and the smell of a fresh
mowed lawn. I love living in the countryside. But then again, I don't. There
are no people my age around. No shops or anything besides a bakery. BUT! I
there are like 20 steps to the nearest forest, and then another 20 steps to the
next one. And the sea is only a couple of hundred steps away, so I consider
this my private paradise. With cats! Cats make the world go around, as I see
it. Who else should eat the mice? The leftovers? The grass? Not me. And cats
seem to like licking their own asses. Wouldn't it be great, if we could do the
same? I mean, just licking our asses, if we felt like it in the middle of the
street. But alas, it's unfortunately impossible, becuse we have our ribs the
way we have :( If I someday should have some of my ribs removed, I would be the
first person to just lick my ass in public. Just to get other people's
reaction. Would people actually mind? If I did it here, they would, but if I
did it in Japan, they would probably offer me a role in a million dollar porno
flick, which would be sweet. Making money licking my own ass. Could it be any
easier? You wouldn't need any kind of education at all. You could just start
out licking ass and making big bucks the minute you are able to control your
body, which we are at what? 2-3 months? This would totally destroy the image of
teen idols. How about 2 month old babies licking ass? How is THAT for a role
model?
Ass licking babies doesn't really have anything to do with cats, do they? I
don't really care, because it seems that now I've written a file. Whoowhoo!
------------------------
: i traded my humanity :
: for a pumpkin pie :
: by tex :
------------------------
I would like to relate to you the story of my stroke.
It was the night of my 63rd birthday. My wife Salsarita had been stewing
apples all day for the children and was bone tired from the workout. She
waddled into the kitchen, covered with flour and with her hair mussed all
about her face, and intoned quietly, "Quisiera un resto pequeño, por favor."
I smiled, completely ignorant of the Spanish language after all these years,
and simply gestured back towards the kitchen. She returned the way she had
come with a defeated sigh. I sipped on my iced tea and quietly reflected on
the years just past. So many heartaches and troubles... and yet, so many
victories.
Watching my children graduate from college. Seeing my first grandson born.
Having a chance to finally retire after all the years of hard work.
Indeed, as the sun streamed through the window, casting a fiery glow over
the fields of wheat outside in the warm Connecticut afternoon, it sank into
me why these were called the golden years. Here before me lay all the rest
of my life to achieve the internal peace I had sought so long... it was
truly as the denouement of an epic. This was Ulysses, home at last, with
time to spend tending to his grape orchards and and nurturing Penelope.
So enmeshed was I in personal musings that I scarcely heard the doorbell
ring. Richard Jr., his wife Helena, and my grandson Tyler burst into the
foyer like a kind of human carnival. Helena's warm ebullience never failed
to light up a room. As I took the squirming Tyler into my arms, I called
Salsarita out into the foyer to meet them. She smiled to see them looking
so healthy and hugged both of the kids. We all chuckled wistfully as Tyler
grabbed at a stray wisp of hair dangling past her face.
I walked into the kitchen with the toddler and sat him down in his high
chair. When I turned to grab a bowl of peaches from the counter, a
sensation like God's breath surged through my skull. I stumbled backwards
clumsily. This was the oddest thing I'd ever known. Soon both Salsarita
and the children had heard my choked gurgling and rushed into the kitchen to
help.
Apparently, a blood vessel in my brain had burst, flooding my skull with all
of the vitality this fluttering heart could force past my neck. Them's the
breaks.
The End
----------
: ¥ WINS :
: by gir :
----------
¥¥ ¥¥ As predicted by such great sci-fi classics as Blade
¥ ¥ ¥ ¥ Runner and The Fifth Element, in the future, the
¥ ¥¥ ¥ American economy will be run by the Japanese. Like
¥¥¥¥ their ancestors the ninja and the samurai, this
¥¥¥¥¥¥ attack will be swift and result in many casualties.
¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥ By the time this even takes place, the Japanese
¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥ will have created advanced ninja robots who will
¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥ do their bidding for them. To reinforce their
¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥ success, the Japanese equipped these robots with
¥¥¥¥¥¥ ¥¥ ¥¥¥¥¥¥ various propaganda spreading hats that bear the
¥¥¥¥¥¥ WINS ¥¥¥¥¥¥ phrase "¥ WINS!" While none of the Japanese
¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥ business men will comment on plans to market
¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥ the hat to the public, we think that the
¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥ symbols stand to show the dominance of the small
¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥ penises ones over our children's children. How
¥ ¥ || ¥ ¥ did we obtain this information? We traveled into
¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥ the future hoping to buy the entire collection of
¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥ South Park on DVD. One can imagine how upset we
¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥ were when we got to the future and nobody knew what
¥¥¥¥¥||||||||||¥¥¥¥¥ a DVD was! Our attempts to find records of DVDS
¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥ were unsuccessful as well. In fact, of all the
¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥ things we did in the future, the only thing worth
¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥ mentioning was how we decided to destroy the
¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥ robotic Japanese army! By we, I mean me. No one
¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥ else among the angstmonster crowd decided they
¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥ would travel back in time with me. Before he
¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥ disappeared forever, ch33z-1t told everyone
that I did a really bad job in high school physics and that in order to build a
time machine, I should know my physics. However, I commissioned a friend from
the future to build this time machine for me and in doing so, had nothing to
____________ worry about. I even helped him gather the parts
/ \ from remote locations throughout the world. When
/ \ the machine was finally done, I didn't have much
/ \ time to act. The Japanese Robot Army knew that I
/ /\ \ was in the future and they thought I was sent to
/ / \ / destroy them!
/ \ \__/
/ ¥ WINS! \ "I don't know what you are talking about! I
____/________________\____ came here to get a DVD that's all!"
¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥
¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥ "FOOL! You can not trick us with these made up
¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥ words! OUR INTELLIGENCE IS BEYOND YOUR
¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥ COMPREHENSION!"
¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥
¥ ¥ || ¥ ¥ "If you are so smart, why do you wear such a silly
¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥ hat?"
¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥
¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥ "HOW DARE YOU! TO CALL OUR PROPAGANDA HATS SILLY
¥¥¥¥¥||||||||||¥¥¥¥¥ IS TO INSULT EVERYTHING WE AS A GREAT EMPIRED HAVE
¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥ PROVIDED YOUR PUNY CIVILIZATION WITH!"
¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥
¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥ "BUT DOES YOUR HAT TRAVEL THROUGH TIME?!
¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥
¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥ The robot paused for a moment before he
¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥ answered.
¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥
"No. No it doesn't."
"That's what I thought! Your destruction will be by my hands!"
At that, I destroyed an entire race of Japanese Samurai Robot Ninjas. As a
trophy, I stole one of the ¥ WINS PROPAGANDA HATS and can now be seen in the
present time wearing it wherever I go. It's a reminder that no matter how
much we want it to be so, the future will not have DVDS...
-------------------
: Ch33z-1t's Will :
-------------------
The difference between you and me is that you don't have some psycho always
down your throat when you don't release a file. Text files shouldn't be aboot
pressure, they should be aboot fun and sex. If you can have fun and have sex,
then you should write tfiles. This is my will that I give to the angstmonster
readers.
For my love:
I will have my genitalia cut off of me and then stuffed, while erect, to give
to you. I also leave you my heart, I want that kept in one of those little
jars with windex in it to make it look spooky.
For gir:
I give you the power to not be such an asshole editor. I also grant you the
power of the dumpster gods. I shall speak to them in heaven and have them lay
many redback products in the dumpsters you seek.
For oregano:
I leave you to be the king of the world. You will also be given everything on
your wish list which can be found at:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/registry/2WBVMNM73A4T7/ref=cm_aya_wl_wl/104-74
24049-4400741
Please people donate to the oregano foundation for better reading.
For everyone else:
I have truly enjoyed writing for you all. But the truth of the matter is, if I
ever were to meet most of you, not including the ones listed here, I would
probably hate you even more than I do now. So that is what I really think of
you.
Well now that this is over with I guess it is time to pull the trigger.
Goodbye cruel world.
----------------------------
: Earthbound Ghost :
: A story in many chapters :
: by zhixel :
----------------------------
The day that writing died
was the day that you could write a novel
without ever picking up a pen
or laying finger to a typewriter.
#1 : NUMBERS ------ >>
Martin laid down to bed that night, pulling the halo over his head, full of
dreams eager to be released. Some of his dreams might even become best
sellers as soon as they hit the net the next morning. He hadn't had a story
sell well in six months and could use the credits.
It didn't take talent to write a best selling story these days, just an
idea or a dream. Computers handled all dirty details, like composition and
spelling and prose. Minor nuances that modern creative man had since risen
above. Nobody had actually sat down and written a book in at least fifty
years.
Reflecting on the possibility of his future success, he fell asleep and
dreamt. It was the same dream as every night, until he woke up dreaming
about numbers.
Sweat clung to him like a translucent child to a mother's breast. Drenched
to the bone, he forced himself up, abruptly smashing his head onto the halo
enclosed above his head. His head was exploding with numbers. Ones and twos
at first, but every number exponentially increasing and adding and
multiplying. His brain flooded with googols as the waking world blacked out.
#2 : PENCIL ------- >>
The coffee shop was filled with the sounds of 1930s jazz and swing music.
Duke Ellington and Benny Goodman's orchestra flooded the room as Martin
staggered in. All the patrons sat silently at their tables, eyes hidden from
the real world by reflective goggles, hungrily gathering up information. The
latest stories, who's making waves, the global news. In this day and age,
however, the idea of global was outdated. Everyone was plugged in,
everything was local. You're only a node in a larger network that's called
earth. Your home, and everyone lives in the same house.
Out of the corner of his eye, Martin noticed something was out of place.
There, in the corner, sat a young man. He seemed to be younger than Martin,
and simply dressed. That wasn't the odd thing however. This man wasn't wearing
any view goggles, and what's more, he was actually writing. Physically putting
lead pencil to paper on a roughed up little notebook.
Pencils were a hard thing to come by as nobody manufactured them anymore.
These days the only place you could possibly find one is in an antiques &
oddities store, and even those were worn down to a nub. Yet this scruffy
young man was putting thought to paper with a long, marvelous piece of lead.
Green and full of bite marks from chewing, but hardly worn down at all. The
perfectly sharpened tip spastically jerked over the paper as he quickly
scribbled on the pad.
Martin realized he'd been staring at the man for at least fifteen seconds,
enough to capture anyone's attention, if they'd been watching. Everyone was
buried deep in their world of information, and the young man showed no signs
of knowing he was being watched. Martin quickly made his way to an open
booth, slipped on his goggles and went to work, projecting his thoughts to
electronic words, writing down his experience this morning and the sight
just a minute ago along with notes on turning it into a bona-fide best
selling story.
-----------------------
: Rattled off the Tip :
: a poem :
: by oregano :
-----------------------
Falling down through bands of thunder
Fifty thousand feet
the updraft a ride against gravity
but down, as natural
tumble
three days to reach the top
one to fall
and fall
and then forever add to that
the fall
--------------------
: Fair Nazi Policy :
: by vorstyles :
--------------------
So, At a typical ISP, five percent of the users use ninety percent of the
resources. To me this is called... SATUATION
Hughes Network, the company we've all been stealing DSS from for years,
now offers High Speed Internet, with a catch.
If you use this High Speed bandwidth, you will be punished. Currently
they limit the average user to 168MB in a 4 hour period; roughly 120
kbps. If you hit this limit, you are dropped to less than 56 kbps for
around eight to twelve hours. This is being "Fap'd"
Sounds simple enough, right? Wrong! Technically you are earning your
bandwidth back. It subtracts your throughput during the "Fap" from your
allocated 56k equivalent, and calculates how long it would take you to
replace in the mystical bandwidth bank the 168MB you borrowed. Soo,
after downloading 168MB in 4 hours (ts easier than you'd think... i've
hit over 90MB in an hour... soo an hour later... i doin the Fap), you
might as well disconnect, cause at minimum its gonna take 6-8 hours, but
if you're even viewing webpages at that time, or on irc (yea, you irc
whores), you're only extending your punishment.
Fair Access Policy? Who considers it fair? Not I. Perhaps Dave does.
PS: yes... i know, you're wondering why i use that crap, well... i live
in the Fizzucking b00nies. But still, Hughes should suck me off.
--------------------------------------
: This is your Armageddon people :
: and you are willingly embracing it :
: by jynx :
--------------------------------------
The ultimate question is of course why are we here what is the meaning of
life? Well this is simple to the point of stupidity, we are here in hopes of
furthering our species and our evolution by copulating and producing
offspring, this is why good looking and rich people get the best women or
men. It is shown repeatedly throughout nature that the strongest or most
cunning male will always win the females attention and thus this is
reflected in our own society. So rather than praising creativity and passion
we treasure good looks and physical strength. That is why our civilization
is slowly approaching its end. In this backward society brains rather than
brawn should be treasured because in the end no amount of physical strength
will save our dying society it will instead be the young intellectuals
being ridiculed for being smart. The trouble with that is perhaps, because
of their treatment, these intellectuals will not bail out mankind and
instead will let it come to a painful end like some sick joke of outrageous
proportions. It's all rather Darwinian. Now there is no doubt that this is
bathed in opinionated bias dribble but deep within your digitized minds and
electronic hearts you will realize that this rings true throughout every
segment of your short lives. It is a shame that in your prime your are
discouraged to achieve some sort of intellectual superiority and instead try
to reclaim it when your past your prime. The human life is much like a
match, a spark to begin with then brilliant and warm but slowly receding as
time goes by and your metal fuel runs out. Human civilization may also be
applied to this theory but the question is in what era did it reach its
brightness, or has it yet? we can pray it hasn't. For if it has occurred
then the possibility of homo-sapien graduating to homo-superior is slim,
where it was once considered inevitable. It is sad to know that human beings
are willingly contributing to their own demise.
So I would like you to know that every healthy intellectual you leave behind
for some meat headed muscle bound fool or ditzy busty airhead is another cup
of dirt in the already muddy gene pool. Soon it will dry up all together. Is
it possible to de-evolve? Perhaps we will one day return to the trees? In my
opinion some people probably belong there. So here I am empty with nothing
else to write. I contemplate on this and wonder perhaps I wouldn't be if my
gene pool was populace with intellect rather than muscle and looks. I am not
an anarchist, a go fearer, a cultist, communist, hippy, conformist or
liberal I am simply a disgruntled member of a fading society. I like most of
the world the way it is, why would I wish it to end? I am instead a realist
who has seen the big picture.
I write this in hope that the audience will take this to heart and perhaps
consider aiming lower on the "popularity" scale and embrace a "nerd" rather
than some prissy slut or ape like alpha male. Know that for every one you
impregnate or do impregnate will just accelerate your own demise and darken
the murky gene pool of man.
Note: This was written in angst ( lol how fitting). My long term girlfriend
left me for someone I consider lower on the evolutionary chain because of
his muscle and looks. Though I still believe my point is justified even
though bias.
MUAHAHA! Not that it matters for zombies are already dead and your failing
society does not harm us. You again a have my third person perspective..
hopefully ill have another chance to give it to you. Ohh yeah I miss
ch33z-it's writing!
------------------
: Together, :
: gir and estell :
: write well :
------------------
Did you know, ladies and gentlemen, that mips in addition to loving their
mops, love to eat paper?
Paper you say? I think that is completely false. I heard they only ate moths,
and even then only on Sunday afternoon.
Moths are considered one of the really special meals the mips have. When they
aren't mopping, they are hunting moths for these feasts. But in the event that
there are no moths to be found, a steady diet of paper will sustain even the
hungriest mip!
Oh for shame. Did you not know that any animal that eats paper is cursed to
anorexia in the next life? I think we should deny the mips their mops for 5
years until they learn the consequences of such ghastly measures
The mips belief structure is one where there is no next life, there is only
this life. In this life you make the best of what your mop brings you and
enjoy ever delicious moth that you might.
That is truly unfortunate for the mips then. Because not believing in the next
life doesn't stop it from coming. Maybe we should provide the mips extra mops
and an alternate to paper in the event that the moths should disappear.
As long as we have lights, moths will never dissapear. It's not like people
are making too many moth balls
Well then I suppose the mips are safe and we don't need to do anythin.
But i think that people would like to know more about the mips, that is if we
have anything more to say.
Well did you know that the mip is a direct cousin of the gip that lives just
south of Peru?
I seem to remember reading something about that but I've never been south of
Peru, so I wouldn't know
Gips are friends with the northern llamas which are considered gods. Did you
know that llamas are considered gods in Peru?
No because in addition to have never been south of Peru, I've never been IN
Peru!
Well friend you're missing out.
Have YOU been to Peru?
Er.....yes.....twice on tour
TOUR!?!
Yes on tour.
What tour?
My being in Peru is of no importance.
YES IT IS! YOU NEVER TOLD ME ABOUT THIS!!
Ok fine! I was in Iron Maiden and we went on tour in Peru. That's all, nothing
big to tell. I met a llama. It thought it was a god because all the Peruvians
worshiped it. It had a big ego though so i wasn't too fond of it. That''s all
there is to it.
Yeah... big ego... I'm sure you liked THAT!
Blink!
æææææææææææææææææææ
æ Æfterthought(s) æ
æææææææææææææææææaæ
Angstmonster fights the good fight, we soar to new heights, fuck yeah we always
do it right until the last second, no one's ever hesitant before their favorite
text editor telling the whole world that it's ok to be a little something out
of the ordinary.
So what if we ain't packing the heat and our bling got stolen by a tree troll?
We still now how to roll into a spot and make things "hot" with a cool crisp
touch of sarcastic wit and a smooth layer of fresh bullshit, we're always down
for turning frowns into sounds of howling laughter.
the end.
As the 27th issue of angstmonster comes to a close, remember that in three
issues, the greatest angstmonster ever will be released... That's right,
HAMSTERS AND LASERS ARE COMING! HOW CAN YOUR PREPARE? WRITE SOMETHING FOR
ANGSTMONSTER ABOUT ONE OR THE OTHER (OR BOTH) AND SEE HOW IT GOES!
_____
/ |\ |\ /\ |\ |
\ | | |/ |/ < > |/ | *
/ |_| | | \/ |\ | *
FRIENDS:
http://www.bubblemonkey.org/cheesencrackers/ !CHEESENCRACKERS!
http://www.neo-comintern.com *THE NEO-COMINTERN*
http://www.textscene.com CURRENT TEXTFILE SCENE
OTHER THINGS WE DO:
http://www.angstmonster.org/txt/turd THE UNDEAD RISE, DAMMIT!
http://www.angstmonster.org/txt/il +iMPULSE LAMEALITY+
?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?
What you have just read was a step into the unknown spontaneous and poorly
edited thoughts for sharing collectively known as "Angstmonster." All thoughts
on the matter can be sent to <gir@angstmonster.org> or you can just visit the
site http://www.angstmonster.org and see what you think. Submissions of all
sorts are welcome! Everything from prose and poetry to rants and opinions,
creative text art, recipes for yummy food, reviews of stuff, etc.
Thanks and enjoy your day...
copy-spwep 2003 issue 27
angstmonster.org 05.19.03
Feel free to redistribute this document, although no fee can be charged and the
content must not be altered or modified in any way. Unauthorized use of any
part of this document is prohibited. All rights reserved. (and stuff)
