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Angstmonster 34
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+ / __ \_ | \ /_/ >\__ \| | Y Y \<_> ) | \__ \| |\ ___/| | \/ +
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* 08.25.03 angstmonster issue 34 *
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¡edited (poorly) by gir¡
Homie G Dawg Guy: dude im going to go on a trip to vegas
with a shit load of drugs and shit and write a tfile about it someday
i am not gir: it's called defcon
§+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++¡contents¡++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++§
+ +
+ Brief words from gir +
+ We're here to help! OR tdqsbssdassoe rez +
+ back in the day incedium 02 +
+ Lost thoughts... jynx +
+ THE FIGHT LOGS! +
+ unplaced vorstyles +
+ Thoughts concerning the number three oregano +
+ just because i'm a cat person doesn't mean i can't bark gir +
+ v0rstyles beer bread vorstyles +
+ +
§+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++¡contents¡++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++§
------------------------
: Brief Words from gir :
------------------------
Life has been different since I saw Cat Schwartz's boobies and then I found out
that Wesley Willis died. While I was not a huge Wesley Willis fan, something
about his passing saddens me, as it saddens many aspiring writers and textfile
gods. Many of us don't know how to react or how life will go on now that the
great patron saint of turning anything into a song has stepped into the next
world. So with much respect to him and his fans, here is a little something
special...
CAT SCHWARTZ'S BOOBIES!
ARE ON TECH TV
CAT SCHWARTZ'S BOOBIES!
ARE ON THE INTERNET
BOOBIES BOOBIES BOOBIES
I SAW HER BOOBIES
ON THE INTERNET
CAT SCHWARTZ'S BOOBIES
ARE THE GREATEST THING YET!
CAT SCHWARTZ
DID YOU KNOW YOUR BOOBIES ARE ON THE INTERNET?
CAT SCHWARTZ
I LIKE TO WATCH YOU ON CALL FOR HELP
CAT SCHWARTZ
YOU MAKE ME BLOG IN MY PANTS
CAT SCHWARTZ
CAT SCHWARTZ
COME ON PEOPLE, ROCK OUT OVER CAT SCHWARTZ!
And in memorial of the great Wesley Willis, do not be silent. Continually rock
out regardless of the occasion. If you find yourself in the middle of a really
boring lecture tomorrow stand up and confess that you will not stand to be
taught this or that unless you are allowed the freedom to rock out while doing
so. Demand to rock out if you have to. Tell your teacher that he needs to
throw his chalk down and walk out the door and get some McDonald's. Once he
does that, tell him to come back and teach class while rocking out. At first
your professor might not understand what it all means but after some french
fries it will slowly begin to make sense. Your professor will come to know, as
Wesley Willis did, that the salt on McDonalds fries contains a secret
ingredient that induces rocking out. Once this rocking out starts, it can not
be stopped. Anyone willing to succumb to the powers of McDonald's secret salt
and rocking out, is an ARMY OF ONE that does not believe in war hawk propaganda
or other suck hateful things. ROCKING OUT IS LOVE AND LOVE IS ALL YOU NEED!
BE FREE WILD HIPPIE CHILDREN OF THE MCDONALD'S FRENCH FRY! YOU HAVE A FRIEND
IN THE LATE WESLEY WILLIS!
I hope that when his friends and family hold services proper for Mr. Willis
that there will be much rocking out and many laughs in that longing way that
makes you sappy...
So while you read this installment of angstmonster, we all hope you are rocking
out, because if it wasn't for rocking out there wouldn't be much point to life
now would there? And if anyone asks, be sure to get fries with that.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
: We're to help! :
: OR :
: The direct quantitative similarities betwixt saying something definitive :
: and saying something open ended :
: by rez :
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
An open ended statement, often some particular
question which leaves an answer as a permanent
variable (such as: What is your favorite color?
"Blue!") can be a very confusing thing. Oddly enough
it seems, for some people, it can be a very definitive
and simple thing.
I will say this: I understand questions which leave
answers as a variable. Not in the mathematical sense-
not at all. HAH! I don't really... get... math. I
DIGRESS...
I completely understand the question: "What is art?"
Not simply because I have studied art, I think. Maybe
it is because I have the personality to allow this
'permanent variable' to exist. However, for this
piece, this is rather unimportant. But in the
interest of the angstmonster, I shall leave what I
have written so far and continue on.
Recently, in a thesis on Readership and art,
differentiating the qualities of fine art and graphic
design and comparing them, I proposed that art and
graphic design are one and the same and at the same
time quite different. How you say? Well my idea lies
thusly: Art is not something with a very solid
definition. Not a Webster's definition, art has one
of those- this would be the personal definition. Why
someone could throw shit on a canvas and paint the
Virgin Mary underneath it and call it art and some
others call it just that- shit.
Readership, an idea proposed by graphic designers
working after the rigidity of the Swiss idiom of
design, states that art can mean anything to any
person at any time. The problem with, or perhaps the
solution to the question of what graphic design is
compared to art (and vice versa) is found in the
permanent variable of the personal meaning of art. I
could make a t-shirt that a viewer may find so
impeccable that they drop to their knees and proclaim
it the highest for of art ever seen by human eyes. At
the same time, another person may call it just that-
shit. This person would invariably hold the opinion
that the no eye-browed Mona Lisa is the pinnacle of
all things holy and oil-painted and the highest form
of art in the galaxy. The idea of readership is not
that they are both wrong, but that they are both
right.
A person is a complex thing. Not like a potato, which
is just a spud growing from the ground (very much not
complex thing, a potato...) - it has emotions and
thoughts and urges and human things (the human, not
the potato). It is nigh impossible to quantify human
emotion. Thus, as art fits very closely with emotion,
how is it possible to quantify forms of art? I
propose that it is not. Not one person can have the
same ideas about an image. I have seen this in
critique and in thesis- people simply have different
ideas about the same things. It is unavoidable.
It *should* be unavoidable.
But maybe this is just my opinion. Because maybe
you've read this a little different than someone else.
I mean... this is art, right...?
-------------------
: back in the day :
: by incedium 02 :
-------------------
Do you remember back in the day when you and your other little grade two
buddys would spend hours upon hours chasing each other endlessly through the
various parks and forests in the area. You would give up food, water toys
and video games for a chance to use up your valuable energy on chasing other
boys. These were the days, reminiscing i ponder what exactly was my
favourite way to play tag. So thus was born this t file.
1. Tag
your plain normal average tag, no brains necessary just run like a little
girl laughing and giggling along chasing your little male buddys while they
to giggle and laugh. If your it you run and run and run until you manage to
grab one of your little boy friends from behind and giggle even harder. If
you're not it you run and run and run until your grabbed from behind hearing
a vicious giggle and then scream and scream at the injustice of it all. The
most commonly played tag among little boys.
2. Gang Tag
basically the same as normal tag except that once your grabbed from behind
in a giggling embrace you to join the legions and aim to grab more and more
little boys until every little boy in the park has been grabbed from behind.
This was always one of my favourites i mean what can be better for a young
influential child running around grabbing other boys.
3. The Holding Hand Gang Tag
again basically the same as gang tag only that once your grabbed from behind
you hold hands with the boy that grabbed you and head out on a quest to grab
another boy and make it a threesome. I wasn't to much of a fan of this game
because i always got chased by billy and he had dirty hands.
4. Capture the flag
This game of tag involves hiding from other boys while creeping into their
base and stealing their underwear, this was quite a fun game i must say,
stalking young boys through the woods before creeping into their base and
taking their panties back to yours and becoming so excitied about it.
Magical
5. Brandy
this tag involved running around giggling like little girls while the person
who is it throws his balls at you, should he manage to hit you in the face
with one of his balls, you would generally cry as it isn't really very nice
to get slapped in the head with balls
6. Catch and kiss
this is the game that all little boys played when they spied a little girl.
I mean they couldn't let their little boy friends whom they have frolicked
with and held their hands for so long think that they are queer could they
looking back now I realised, I FUCKING HATED TAG!!! i was always one of the
kinda boys who sat in their room doing less queer things...like playing with
barbie dolls.
--------------------
: Lost thoughts... :
: by jynx :
--------------------
Have you ever wondered where those lost thought patterns go? You know the
ones... when ur doing something monotonous or mentally unstimulating and as
ur mind usually does, it approaches a few random problems... these could be
deep seeded philosophical marvels or something mundane like where your next
meal will come from and what it might be? Then as life does it throws
something totally unexpected at you something idiotic or possibly something
enlightening. All of a sudden that interesting thought pattern is lost and
not for the life of you can you pick up your trail again. You try to back
track and only find that mundane stuff which had been their originally. I
feel unbelievably empty when this happens it seems like just as you had the
key to a subconscious problem that had been plaguing you, you stumble and
lose it back into the dark recesses of your subconscious. Then you spend the
next hour or 2 wondering what that lost thought was which becomes yet
another problem and it stacks and stacks until ur problems are so
problematic the answers to the problem are a problem in them selves. I think
this is the mental equivalent of a hoola hoop ( STUPIDIST TOY AND INVENTION
EVER!!!) (that and the pogo stick). SO yeh basically I had this issue at
work the other day while scrubbing under a large grill which is a permanent
part of the structure, which I found a most pointless exercise. My manager
on the other hand found it unusually amusing, we've had a vindictive bond in
which I make it obvious he has an IQ much less than three figures, his
response is of course to make me do the most humiliatingly pointless and
physically demanding chores that his under-powered brain can dream up.
Charming really... Any way back to the topic there I am scrubbing cement
till 'he can see his face in it' (to which he laughed painfully for an hour,
come to think o fit his head does look like a slab of cement lol) neway yeh
I was sitting there trying to dredge up my lost thought and failed miserably
I think I was thinking about my ex girlfriend and what would have happened
had I said or done something different you know that irritating thing you do
when you wonder what would've happened if you did something different while
reminding yourself you can't change the past ok well now I think about it I
think that was before whatever I was thinking... yeh anyway doing this
while scrubbing I of course do something stupid not watching what I'm doing I
reach to far in and hook the ID bracelet my girl friend gave me on something
under there and the link snaps.. hours later I recover it with a bit of
ingenuity and a wire and remembered I forgot what I was thinking about.
Overall it was a pretty interesting day i broke something irreplaceable,
solved a problem I can't remember and spent a few hours of precious life
doing something absolutely pointless for a few pieces of paper which will
no doubt pay for something even less pointless than the original task. I'll
take solace in knowing I'm not alone in hating my job and my social (but
most definitely not intellectual) superiors. I'M in business communication
technologies... I think I know more about my computer than my lecturer does
how can sumone who knows less than you teach you something.
- The greatest fool can ask more than the wisest man can answer- some
Chinese proverb I think...
-------------------
: THE FIGHT LOGS! :
-------------------
Estell is now known as girbles
<girbles> can i have ops now
>>> You(estell_) are now known as estell
<estell> ahha mabye
oregano2K has joined #angstmonster
<estell> what trickery!!!
<oregano2K> hi, monsters
<oregano2K> and estell
<estell> HI OREGANO!
<girbles> hi oregano
<girbles> hahahahahaha
<estell> girbles smells funny
<estell> and likes to many girls
<oregano2K> hi, gir
<girbles> hi oregano
<girbles> ive decided im gay
<oregano2K> he likes them full-bodied Russian girls
<estell> haha
<oregano2K> with the big butts
<girbles> I would like everyone to know my gayness
<estell> write about it
<estell> in your zine
<estell> girbot!
<oregano2K> yeah, deadline is tomorrow
<oregano2K> "gir goes gay"
<estell> i shall write about
<estell> well i don't know
<girbles> well stellbot! my zine is a travesty
<girbles> it exists no longer
<estell> I SHALL TAKE IT OVER
<estell> THAT'S WHAT WILL HAPPEN
<girbles> ah but i already have
<girbles> dont you see what has happened
<girbles> i am now gir!
<oregano2K> no more angstmonster?
<girbles> nope
<girbles> its finished
<oregano2K> that sucks
<girbles> well life deals us shit hands sometimes
<oregano2K> so I can be an official write for Kids On Bridges now?
<girbles> sure
girbles was kicked off #angstmonster by estell (NOT GIR YOU ARE!)
girbles has joined #angstmonster
<oregano2K> oh, you are cheese-its
<girbles> no iam not
<girbles> wait
<estell> haha
<girbles> hey estell op me please
>>> You(estell) are now known as NOOPS4GIR
<girbles> gir needs ops
<NOOPS4GIR> gir can suck a gay wang
<girbles> i already did
<girbles> it was daves
<NOOPS4GIR> HAWT
<NOOPS4GIR> i want to be there
<girbles> hahaha
<oregano2K> yikes, gir is really estell
<oregano2K> that is freaky
<NOOPS4GIR> hehe
<oregano2K> so angstmonster is not really dead
<girbles> hiss boo
<NOOPS4GIR> oh
<NOOPS4GIR> i just hurt my knee
<girbles> thats what you get
<girbles> for...challenging me to a duel
<oregano2K> you know, why don't you two just get a room, you obviously are hot
for each other?
<girbles> woah
<girbles> gir is gay no girls
<girbles> eh this is getting old i need to go get bunny food
girbles is now known as BUNNYFOOD
----------------
: unplaced :
: by vorstyles :
----------------
when you pack
do you have that last straggler stuff?
the stuff that just doesn't get into a box
its like the kid that comes late to the field trip
and can't find a spot on the bus
i mean stuff that doesn't even get a box
and when everything is packed
you think, "oh... you...get in here..."
but there is no room
soo it goes in a bag
the bag!!!
its the stuff that feels left out
segregated from the other stuff
it has no group, or label
kitchen, front bedroom, or entertainment
then everything is moved...
and they all cheer as they are unpacked
bragging about their new spots
room by room you go,
unloading memories onto shelves
but the stuff in the bag is forgotten
left in the car
or thrown in a corner
until everything has been unpacked
and all the good spots are taken
then when discovered
the bag stuff is tossed around
tucked in nooks and crannys
put in drawers, or in the dreaded
GARAGE
that is the stuff in my desk
the stuff that makes no sense to keep
i can't bring myself to throw this stuff away
because i myself would not want to be discarded
for having no place in the world yet.
----------------------------------------
: Thoughts concerning the number three :
: by oregano :
----------------------------------------
Note, this file is not an official oregano file. This is a bootleg file of
sorts, a placeholder if you will. Picture you have two stacks of CDs and one
is classical music and the other is R&B and you have one artist of each letter
of the alphabet and you always need the two alphabet stacks to line up so you
have a a blank white CD with no CD in it so that when you take a CD from either
stack, you put the blank one in its place, the stacks still line up. That is
this file. Any more explanation and the explanation becomes the file.
Okay, the number three is a cool number. It is just complicated enough of a
number that you never know if something is a multiple of three. Like is 365 a
multiple of 3? I ahve no idea, I will let the math people ponder that one.
See? 2 is easy. so is five and ten. but three? Who knows, too hard. My
head hurts. I hope you all like number three, it is a good number, and part of
my 2nd favorite number which is 359 which is not a multiple of three. How do
I know? I did the math.
------------------------------------------------------------
: just because i am a cat person doesn't mean i can't bark :
: by gir :
------------------------------------------------------------
there's a dog on top of my terminal
someone found him on the floor
maybe he just got lost
or no one wanted him no more
he's been there for a few months now
but he still looks lost
maybe it's because no one's named him
no one's claimed him
i'm not much on dogs
but he's a keeper no doubt
since i've known him, he's barely
been loud or quick to bark
unless of course you consider
that one time
there was an
irate customer!
it drove my canine friend mad
perhaps this is why he got left behind
his owner, clearly and commonly irate
thought it was wise to do away with his
problematic bundle of bark and bite
but he didn't take in to account who
should befriend the dog but a would be
slob of a retail clerk
who much like the dog,
doesn't do business with jerks!
------------------------
: v0rstyles beer bread :
: by vorstyles :
------------------------
v0rstyles at it again, breaking out the cooking stylee. This one goes out to
all you alcoholics, and bread lovers. This recipe was originally one me moms
made when we were kids, but i fixed it, and she says mine is 10x better than
hers. soo without further introduction.
v0rstyles beer bread.
2 cups of self-rising flour
1/2 cup sugar
1 beer ( 12 oz preferably)
1 stick of butter
gets you a big ass bowl, and toss in the flour, and the sugar. find you a
spoon, or a stick or something, and stir as you pour in the beer... it will be
a bit wet, unlike a normal bread dough. take your bread pan, and coat it in
butter, then pour in the bread dough. chop up the butter stick, and throw the
pieces into the bread... feel free to push them in with the stick or spoon.
throw into the oven at 350 degrees, and bake... it will be done when it is
crusty on top, and kinda golden brown. if you take it out, and it doesn't seem
done... throw its sorry ass back in the oven for a bit more.
i've tried different beers, such as apple, and crap. i found the best to be
the negra modelo, which is not too hard to find... but i don't own stock soo i
don't care if you by it.
eat lots of bread, and get a ghetto booty like gir.
æææææææææææææææææææ
æ Æfterthought(s) æ
æææææææææææææææææaæ
I originally planned to celebrate my return to college with partaking in the
joy that is using THE microwave that sits less than twenty feet away from me.
So there I was with my little bag of microwaved popcorn which I eagerly poured
into my awesome giant blue popcorn bowl and I take a bite and the popcorn in
question has the strangest taste to it. IT WAS YUCKY AND I SHOULD'VE STUCK
WITH SUNCHIPS.
However, this catastrophe reminded me that ch33z-1t and I (along with other AM
affiliates) have returned to the belly of the beast that is GMU and it might
not be a pretty semester. Chances are we might encounter a DOUCHE or two and
that means that come the end of the year it'll be time once more for
angstmonster's DOUCHE OF THE YEAR which we ever so gracefully stole from our
favorite show ever. So we're going to do our hardest to interact with some
douchey people just so we can make our contest more fleshed out since no one
really cares. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT ALL YOU PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO DON'T CARE,
YOU'RE FUCKING DOUCHES AND I HATE YOU AND AM TOTALLY GOING TO NOMINATE YOU FOR
A CHANCE TO WIN THE 2003 DOUCHE OF THE YEAR AWARD PRESENTED BY ANGSTMONSTER!
SO WATCH OUT, BECAUSE I RUN THIS SHIT AND CAN TOTALLY RIG THE CONTEST!
AND DON'T THINK I WONT!
_____
/ |\ |\ /\ |\ |
\ | | |/ |/ < > |/ | *
/ |_| | | \/ |\ | *
FRIENDS:
http://www.bubblemonkey.org/cheesencrackers/ !CHEESENCRACKERS!
http://www.addendumtextfiles.org/ ¿ADDENDUM¿
http://www.neo-comintern.com *THE NEO-COMINTERN*
http://www.angstmonster.org/txt/kob |Kids on Bridges|
http://www.textscene.com CURRENT TEXTFILE SCENE
OTHER THINGS WE DO:
http://www.angstmonster.org/txt/turd THE UNDEAD RISE, DAMMIT!
http://www.angstmonster.org/txt/il +iMPULSE LAMEALITY+
?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?
What you have just read was a step into the unknown spontaneous and poorly
edited thoughts for sharing collectively known as "angstmonster." All thoughts
on the matter can be sent to <gir@angstmonster.org> or you can just visit the
site http://www.angstmonster.org and see what you think. Submissions of all
sorts are welcome! Everything from prose and poetry to rants and opinions,
creative text art, recipes for yummy food, reviews of stuff, etc.
If you you are looking to SUBSCRIBE to angstmonster, send an email to
<gir@angstmonster.org> and say "YES YES DO ADD ME TO YOUR WONDERFUL EMAIL LIST
OF HAPPY FUN DOOM SO I CAN GET A COPY OF ANGSTMONSTER DELIVERED TO MY MAILBOX
EVERY OTHER MONDAY!" Remember, if you don't say those exact words, you shan't
get added to the list.
Thanks and enjoy your day...
copy-spwep 2003 issue 34
angstmonster.org 08.25.03
Feel free to redistribute this document, although no fee can be charged and the
content must not be altered or modified in any way. Unauthorized use of any
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