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anus 04
The Complete Rooftop File
an ANUS production
In our many dealings with Houston's sysops in the past,
we have rarely encountered individuals as paranoid and as
hypocritical as those indigenous to the haven for those
ubiquitous and aggravating users who are either supercilious
or unintelligent to an exceedingly irritating degree, the
Rooftop Hide-Away.
The Rooftop Hide-Away is a bulletin board system run
for those with a Mack truck perenially up their asses
sideways. Its basic tenets are a standard, boring but
grammatically correct message base, hundreds of users who
call once a month, skip the quickscan and log off, with a
few fools who call up often and post strings of meaningless
meandering messages. Basically, it's a magnet for people we
want off of any other board, especially if it represents at
least one intelligent person.
When Royal Flush and I started TURD, we posted the
number on a few local boards, including the Rooftop.
Naturally, we kept the message on Rooftop pretty clean,
although it was of dubious intelligence to call in the first
place. Anyway, about thirty minutes later, the Raven went
on the warpath and deleted the message. We left a note
saying we abhorred the censorship but didn't really care and
would let the ruling stand, and posted a new, cleaned-up
version of the message.
Steve Ragsdale had a cow overnight, and called up
Flush's parents. The story he told them was, for the most
part, and outright fabrication. He made allegations that he
could not prove, and capitalized on the fact that Flush's
parents are totally ignorant of computers in general.
Needless to say, they panicked, and had Flush move the
board. And so, to protect the board, we simply moved it to
another location and forwarded the number. Ragsdale
couldn't hack this either, so he freaked out and called
again, finally, to try and put to rest the last bastion of
free speech in Houston. We moved TURD again, this time to
yet another location and a new number. Steve still couldn't
take it, and finally got my number off of a two-year-old
userlist on his board and called up my parents. He pulled
the same trick as he did last time, and they birthed
multiple cows. This time, Steve-0 was threatening empty
legal action from a month-old joke in one of our log ons
promising a bag of jellybeans to anyone pulling anything on
Steve-0 or his co-sysop from the Montrose, Dan Perez, aka
The Raven. Of course, Steve has kept me down, as you can
see.
At this point, I'd like to extend an open invitation to
him to moisten my penis with his holy saliva, and give it a
good suck. Since his board sucks, I figure he probably
knows his way around that sort of thing better than I do.
At this time, Steve is guilty of laughably blatant
hypocrisy. The word he objected to, TURD, was posted later
close to four times in his logon message, describing how he
thought we were munchies and how superior Rooftop
intelligence and maturity would keep their board happily
munching away into the 25th century.
We at ANUS really don't care about Steve-0, but since
he's decided to play "tough guy" and call our parents
without even notifying us that there was a problem, an
undoubtedly pusillanimous action in any circumstance, and
since he obviously can't bear the thought of talking to us
directly like a mature individual, we figure that maybe you,
the reader of this text file, would like to get in touch
with Steve. Here's his address for some fun -
Steve-0 Ragsdale
646 Overbluff
Channelview, Texas 77530
(713) 452-4939
Captain Crapp
ANUS
09/04/89
