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Angstmonster Special Release 03
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! a n g s t m o n s t e r ! r e t s n o m t s g n a !
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ANGSTMONSTER SPECIAL RELEASE #3
Writing Your Very First Tfile
______ "Hi, I'm a sp00ky gh0st angstmonster! (but you probably already knew
/ \ that.) And today, I am here to help you figure out what to write
| x x | about when you decide to start making your own tfiles! A time honored
| | tradition that started in the days of the BBS. (For more on the topic
| O | of BBS/tfile history, consult http://www.textfiles.com) So without
\/\/\/\/ making you wait any longer, some tips on making tfiles."
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!0ne: Tfiles do not require topics :en0!
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______ "That's right, when writing a tfile, it doesn't have to have a topic.
/ \ Even though most tfiles have a topic or name, they usually have
| x x | very little to do with the topic. Sometimes if it's an instructional
| | tfile the case will be different. But you can never be sure. While
| O | writing your own tfiles, don't let a lack of topic stop you!! Plenty
\/\/\/\/ of tfiles are pure nonsense. (much like this one!)"
______ "Sometimes writers of tfiles will come up with topics before they have
/ \ anything to say. (Don't ask me why it happens, but it seems to be
| x x | that way. Usually it'll be because they want to write something and
| | think of a cool title but have nothing to say. That's when the stuff
| 0 | just starts spewing out of their fingers and it ends up in ASCII."
\/\/\/\/
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!tw0: Find someone to write for :0wt!
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______ "Even though it's really cool to start your own tfile group. (See the
/ \ tfile from BLaH entitled "The Basics of Tfile Groups" for more info)
| x x | But there are plenty of people out there already who already do the
| | hard part in releasing tfiles and they are always looking for some
| O | one to write for them. Don't be afraid to send these people your
\/\/\/\/ tfiles!"
______ "The way it works is that most people who start up neat little tfile
/ \ groups will kick and scream a lot until all their friends decide to
| x x | write a few tfiles. But in rare instances, these people don't have
| | any friends and need people like you to write for them! So stop
| 0 | dicking around and write a tfile!"
\/\/\/\/
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!thr33: When in doubt, make it funny :33rht!
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______ "Sometimes tfiles can be really serious and really emotional and sound
/ \ like there's some really cool truth in whatever the person is saying.
| x x | But when you don't feel like that, go ahead and write about something
| | funny. If you know some dirty jokes, tell them or make up a new urban
| 0 | legend. Humor is one of our most neat gifts we have been given so why
\/\/\/\/ not use it while you still think you're funny?"
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!f0ur: Write it all in one sitting :ru0f!
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______ "A lot of tfiles have the feel of something that was written quickly
/ \ without hesitation and until the author was done with what he had to
| x x | say. This is the best method to writing tfiles. It's an immediate
| | deadline and a way to compact all of what you are saying into one txt
| 0 | file. Of course, it also gages what you had to say. Don't ramble on
\/\/\/\/ because it's not long enough. Ramble on cause it's hecka fun!"
______ "It's ok if you take 'long pauses*' during the one sitting because
/ \ there is always something more interesting than writing a tfile to be
| x x | done (the stuff distracting you may not be interesting, but at least
| | it's keeping you in front of the computer so you can finish the tfile
| 0 | you were writing. Writing it in one sitting also gives that really
\/\/\/\/ cool 'Kerouacian' feel of mad spontaneity in your tfile."
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!fiv3: Finish before you go to bed :3vif!
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______ "Along similar lines with the 'write it all in one sitting' tip. It
/ \ puts a good feeling in your tummy when you fall asleep after writing
| x x | what is probably the most random thing you've ever written. And it
| | doesn't matter how bad you think it is, because you are about to go to
| 0 | sleep and when you sleep you're a viking. (but don't let the simpsons
\/\/\/\/ reference get you down!) Just finish before bed!"
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!s1x: Cookies are cool :x1s!
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______ "I'm not sure what it is about cookies but there just really good. It
/ \ seems like everyone here at angstmonster really likes cookies. And as
| x x | far as our research shows, those who eat cookies write much better.
| | So, when you really hung up on a cool tfile with a kick ass title and
| 0 | no content, eating a cookie may be the only thing you can do to save
\/\/\/\/ yourself (and your tfile) from lacking."
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!s3v3n: Copy someone else :n3v3s!
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______ "There's a whole site dedicated to archiving tfiles! (I've mentioned
/ \ it once already so why not go there and copy someone else's idea.
| x x | When a new tfile group forms, it's usually because someone else saw
| | their tfiles, thought they were cool and then decided to write their
| 0 | own tfiles in hopes that they could be like said original tfile group.
\/\/\/\/ Hell, just copy one of these groups files and change the wording!"
______ "And even if you aren't knowingly copying someone else's tfiles, there
/ \ is probably a tfile that exists already that covers similar topics.
| x x | You can't avoid the fact that someone else has written the same thing.
| | Just make your tfile not suck as much as theirs did. That's all you
| 0 | can do, pray to the gods of tfiles not to suck."
\/\/\/\/
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!All d0ne!
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______ "Now that I've giving you some tips on writing tfiles, go out there
/ \ and write a couple. Just keep in mind that it's not hard as long as
| x x | you spend all of your sleepless nights focusing on tfiles. Tfiles
| | will get you through the night like the comfort of a warm kitty cat
| 0 | and the best chocolate chip cookies you've ever eaten."
\/\/\/\/
______ "But wait? That's it? No suggestions on what to write about? Were
/ \ you hoping that maybe I'd give you an idea of some of the coolest
| x x | tfiles in existence and tell you which ones everyone should read and
| | cool it'd be if more people wrote like that? Well, I didn't. It's
| 0 | not like that. It's not even about releasing tfiles (except that it
\/\/\/\/ gives us something to do and something to read)
______
/ \ "So what's it about? I don't really know yet. I'm just a sp00ky
| x x | gh0st who likes tfiles. And sometimes people act like it's a bad
| | things to like tfiles, to enjoy the fact that a sleepless night is
| 0 | spent on some ascii art and misguided rants. It's not like
\/\/\/\/ masturbation is a better option, especially in a gh0st's case."
______ "But you probably didn't even consider that a gh0st was into tfiles.
/ \ Shame on you! Shame on you indeed! In fact, shame on you for still
| x x | reading this! You should be writing a tfile by now or something
| | because I've just become another one of those late night misguided
| 0 | rants!!! Just remember, wondering around long enough means you'll
\/\/\/\/ find cohesion again."
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!THE END!
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*going to waffle house for food and fellowship is considered an acceptable form
of long pause. breaks for food and interaction are quite alright, as long as
you are awake the whole time before the completion of the tfile and only sleep
afterwords.
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! http://scene.textfiles.com !
! !
! FREE ANGST FOR ALL: !
! http://www.angstmonster.org !
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