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Angstmonster 05
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* 8.13.02 angstmonster issue 5 *
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¡written and edited (poorly) by gir¡
Cause at Night, All the Chicks Read Faulkner
¡contents¡
Dude You Have No Idea What That Means To Me
For The Love Of Fresh Cookies
Last Resort: A Spoof For Splooge
We've Got The Beat And Are Willing To Share
####################
# Dude You Have No #
# Idea What That #
# Means To Me #
####################
After coming home from seeing the movie "Signs" I did the normal check my email
and check message on my computer sorta thing, seeing if I missed anything while
in meatspace. And to my surprise and giddy as a school girl delight, I had an
email from bmc in response to my submission of this zine to
http://scene.textfiles.com and it was now listed there as a new zine! So it's
and official nod to me that I should probably keep up with all this as passing
time goes on and what not. While it seems like no big deal, it means something
cool. If nothing more than to have lots of people email me and tell me how
much I suck, I still appreciate the fact that what I did was decent enough to
be considered and such.
That said, it'd be hecka cool to find people to contribute stuff. There's no
special requirement for contributions, I just want it to be varied. A broad
base of all sorts of neat things that can be shared as far as the Internet and
other forms of electronic communication reach. It sounds a lil to cheesy and
hopeful, but let it. That sort of feeling is what pushes all the good stuff
out and about into the world. A full out article and detail isn't required.
It'd be cool to have people send it thoughts and ideas they'd like to see
covered or interpreted in future issues. I've always enjoyed how sam from
explodingdog.com draws all his pictures from things that are mostly sent in by
fans. Interpreting the responses of the people who appreciate your creation
is an excellent way to spawn more. Making a zine a collaborative effort
between the reader and writer seems to be an interesting (and important) idea
to me. Like remixing a song or bits of music, it'd be easy to see readers take
the ideas of a writer as their own and morph the text into something else with
bits and pieces of their flavor. It's just an idea I had, invoking cut-ups and
other influential creative things I dig.
But by contributing, all I want is a response. Response is what makes the
world go 'round. It's not about manners and being sure to say "thank you" as
a result of being polite. To thank someone is to respond to them. Like an
experiment in finding out what makes people tick, to force a "hello" out of
someone is to make them think (if only for an instant) about who you are, why
you said hello, how much of an impact it'll make on them, etc. It's not a
process promised in every response we make, but once in the habit we will begin
to notice more people responding to us and forcing us to think about those
responses. (Which will warrant another response and another and another...)
We'll build ourselves a network of response, a resurgence of people genuinely
interested in one another, in listening to 1000 words for every picture in
every frame that makes up someone's memory. Things like the movie "Waking
Life" come to mind. We can pass one another by like drones or we can stop and
chat about all sorts of things that float around in between our ears, rattling
the gray matter that fires off all sorts of potency in every thought.
Those of us fighting a war against apathy need a campaign slogan, something
dainty and chocked full of rhyme like "Who's the boss ? Response at any cost!"
(And let me insert a small explanation of this witty lil slogan... The idea of
decentralized points for creative output is really cool. Sort of a cheesy
"Fight Club" -esque, there is no leader ruling over you, let the people run
things. There shouldn't be a point in creation and art when someone else tells
you what to do or how to do it. Let the feeling that inspires you deep down
inside rule creation. It can be best expressed in the ideas presented by South
Park tonight, "When an artist creates something, it belongs to society." Art
and creation shouldn't have to be about who owns what and how much of a royalty
can be charged as a result. Art is about responding to the world around you,
about responding to the art that is a response to the world around the artist.
It's a knitting of community and shared access to shared ideas. But back to
slogan campaigns...) Imagine the stickers and buttons to be made and the great
thing is, that anyone with a bit of imagination can do just that. In fact,
it'd be really cool to see more of that. I really dig neat stickers to put all
over the place. If I had more money, I'd probably make em. The whole diy
ethic in the Internet, in making a site and self promoting all of it. I wanna
promote something, just so I can have neat stickers to make. (If anyone likes
making stickers and has the resources to do so, let me know! I have plenty of
stickers I'd like to make! Better yet, if anyone making stickers wants to send
them to me! That'd be just as neat! Everyone loves stickers! The perfect
meme propagator. Heh, I never thought I'd catch myself using the word "meme"
but there I go again. Fucking viruses...)
In short, I'd like to see some readers of this text step forward with ideas and
suggestions for me, and of course submissions of all sorts! If I'm to keep up
with all the nonsense, having the occasional idea from the peanut gallery helps
a lot. Just another way to share thoughts with people you'd like to connect
with even if you've never met them....
Besides, none of my ranting about sharing will sound very successful unless
someone really dug the idea and decided to share a few of their thoughts.
All the same, thanks (as always) for struggling through the read.
################
# For The Love #
# Of Fresh #
# Cookies #
################
Bent over a cooling cup of coffee Stan couldn't believe what he was hearing. A
couple from down the street had been sitting at the table behing him all night
arguing about anything and everything they could think to argue about. Their
conversation had started a few hours earlier discussing the movie that had just
seen. She had ordered a cookie and he ordered what seemed to be his normal
double shot of some expensive blend or another with cream and way more sugar
than anyone in their right mind could stomach and their pleasant evening out
turned into another vicious round of why the relationship was doomed from the
start.
It's not like this was a rare thing for the couple. Not long after Stan started
visiting the coffee shop, the girl had started bringing her boyfriend here. She
said they made the best cookies and she always had to have one. So after most
of their dates, the couple would end up here for an evening of cookies and
arguments. Although he had never talked to her, Stan felt like she knew this
girl, like an old ex or something. Her name was Judy, she lived on the opposite
side of the coffee shop than Stan, was halfway through school, an art student
that studied in the city, like romantic comedies, had a thing for guys who
liked to pretend they were sensitive even though they weren't, and adopted stray
animals that ate out of her trash can. She had been dating this guy (Mike was
his name as far as Stan remembered) for just about as long as they'd been coming
to the coffee shop. Fitting Judy's taste in guys, he liked to think he was
really swell and sensitive but somehow Stan didn't see it.
"Dammit Judy! Why do eat so many fucking cookies? Don't you like anything else
here?"
"Matt" (His name was Matt.) "You know that this is the only place I eat cookies.
They are really good ones, just leave me alone."
He chokes down some of his sugar with coffee.
"I don't get you sometimes Judy. Like tonight, that movie we were watching.
The whole time you said you couldn't stand it and now all you're talking about
is how cool it was."
"I'm not saying that, it's just that the ending was really cute. All picture
perfect."
"Well life isn't like that. No one believes it is anyways."
"I know, I'm just saying I liked it. I mean, wouldn't it be cool if like life
could be the movies? Everyone would have someone to love and we could all live
happily ever after. Matt, are you evening listening to me?"
Matt wasn't listening to her. He was to busy staring at the ass of one of the
waitresses helping out an elderly couple in the corner. Stan figured from the
way she treated Matt that they were getting it on behind Judy's back...
The voice trailed off and started calling Stan back to reality...
"Stan, are you ok? I mean I know you've had a hard time writing lately but
where did the whole 'watching a cookie eater argue with her jerkoff boyfriend'
thing come from? People like that don't actually come in here do they?"
Stan's still not paying attention, he's admiring the waitress serving coffee
at the counter. Her names Andrea (he thinks) He hasn't really paid attention
to much to the details of her life, just spending all of his time making up his
own. Of course the hand waving in front of him brings things back into focus.
"Umm, Huh?"
"Damn Stan, I think you need to get out of this place. The city is full of
things to do and you want to spend all your time at this dump. I mean the
coffee isn't too bad, but great writers don't spend all their time in coffee
joints. They go out and experience stuff. That's what makes writing so cool.
It's the retelling of the writer's adventures. And the adventures of Judy and
Matt just aren't cutting it for me."
"Yeah, yeah. You're right. I just need to get out of here."
###############
# Last Resort #
# A Spoof #
# For Splooge #
###############
(to the tune of Papa Roach's "Last Resort")
when the booty call ceases
this is my last resort
masturabtion
heavy breathing
don't give a fuck if my arm's tiring
this is my last resort
when my girl's got diseases
i've reached my last resort
masturbation
heavy breathing
don't give a fuck if my arm's tiring
do you care if i die a virgin?
what if i was hung?
would that be alright?
if i jerk it again tonight
chances are that i might
get the porn outta site
my hormones'll win the fight
cuz i'm losing my sight
running outta time
won't stop before i go blind!
losing my sight
running outta time
won't stop until i go blind!
my late night fun is just masturbatin
till it gets too late
and my sight's gone
horny
queued on ftps
here we go again
download surplus where do i begin
it all started when i popped a chub
self loving myself
and no one to give it a rub
searching to find quality porn online
find nothing but adult check and paysites
cuz i'm losing my sight
running outta time
won't stop before i go blind!
losing my sight
running outta time
won't stop until i go blind!
fucking paysites
nothing is free
i'm jerking and i'm cumming
i'm cumming
i'm cumming
i'm cumming
i'm cumming
i can't wear these pants again
when the tittie bar closes
this is my last resort
masturbation
heavy breathing
don't give a fuck if my arm's tiring
do you care if i die a virgin?
what if i was hung?
would that be alright?
if i jerk it a second time tonight
chances are that i might
get the porn outta site
my hormones'll win the fight
cuz i'm losing my sight
running outta time
won't stop before i go blind!
losing my sight
running outta time
won't stop until i go blind!
fucking paysites
nothing is free
i'm jerking and i'm cumming
i can't go on without some porn
can't go on
without some porn
fucking paysites
####################
# We've Got The #
# Beat And Are #
# Willing to Share #
####################
Do you have a drum machine sitting by your bed? Have you recently obtained a
warezed copy of Fruity Loops? Are you a white boy looking to put some groove
into that freestyle you thought up the other day? Does banging on metal pots
and pans appeal to you now as much as it did when you were three? If so, then
the follow (a brief tutorial on the theory of making looped based drum beats)
is for you!!! (And if you just wanna know some generic fool proof patterns for
easily categorizing someone else's shitty music, well that'll be here too.)
In order to explain the layout of a drum beat, I will be using the typical 16
step pattern like the old Roland TR drum machines were laid out. (For anyone
using Fruity Loops it's the same look.) Basically, ever step in the pattern
represents a sixteenth note. (It's possible depending on your sequencer or
program to have more than sixteenth notes, but to keep things simple, I'll just
deal with sixteenth notes.) So imagine a set of sixteenth notes steps for each
different sound in the drum kit you are using that runs horizontal across the
drum machine/sequencer you are using. It'll look something like this...
snd0 xxxx xxxx xxxx xxxx
snd1 xxxx xxxx xxxx xxxx
snd2 xxxx xxxx xxxx xxxx
snd3 xxxx xxxx xxxx xxxx
snd4 xxxx xxxx xxxx xxxx
Most drum pattern notation that I've seen is set up like that. It'll have a
binary approach to showing rests or notes. While it's a lil more tedious to
write out, the overall look is much cleaner than just writing down the number
of the step you wish to put a note on. So on with the show...
(Note: If your a music person and used to any sort of counting, think of each
sixteenth note in the pattern like counting 1 e + a, 2 e + a, 3 e + a, 4 e + a)
The first pattern I'm going to show off is a staple in generic electronic music
that is meant to be played in clubs. As you can see the kick drum is on a
1, 2, 3 4, kinda thing with the snare on 2 and 4, with closed hi hat sixteenth
notes.
k oxxx oxxx oxxx oxxx x = rest k = kick/bass drum
s xxxx oxxx xxxx oxxx o = note s = snare
hc oooo oooo oooo oooo hc = hi hat closed
ho xxxx xxxx xxxx xxxx ho = hi hat opened
c xxxx xxxx xxxx xxxx c = clap
A variation of this involves an open hi hat on the the + of each beat and is
where everyone gets the "untsss, untsss, untsss, untsss" noise from in making
their own techno song. In a beat like this, the clap can replace the snare and
the closed hi hat sound can be places on the 1, 2, 3, 4 of a beat to add more
of a driving feel to the pattern
k oxxx oxxx oxxx oxxx k oxxx oxxx oxxx oxxx
s xxxx oxxx xxxx oxxx s xxxx xxxx xxxx xxxx
hc xxxx xxxx xxxx xxxx hc oxxx oxxx oxxx oxxx
ho xxox xxox xxox xxox ho xxox xxox xxox xxox
c xxxx xxxx xxxx xxxx c xxxx oxxx xxxx oxxx
In most electronic dance music, as long as there is a kick on 1, 2, 3, and 4
you can have a loop. (Granted it's really boring and generic, but it'd make
for a decent song to dance to.) Putting snares on 2 and 4 never hurt either.
It's a matter of taste and how well everything blends with the mood and other
sounds present in the song.
If you want to add a little more funk or groove to the beat, it's not hard. A
couple of kicks on eighth notes and your set to go...
k oxox xxxx xxox xxxx k oxxx xxxx oxox xxox k oxox xxox oxoo xxox
s xxxx oxxx xxxx oxxx s xxxx oxxx xxxx oxxx s xxxx oxxx xxxx oxxx
hc oooo oooo oooo oooo hc ooox ooox ooox ooox c oxox oxox oxox oxox
ho xxxx xxxx xxxx xxxx ho xxxo xxxo xxxo xxxo ho xxxx xxxx xxxx xxxx
c xxxx xxxx xxxx xxxx c xxxx xxxx xxxx xxxx c xxxx xxxx xxxx xxxx
(In writing this lil article I realized there is only so much a person can show
in the way of complex drum beats. The idea is that the kick and snare are the
backbone of any good composition. Of course an entire composition may be
percussion or lack percussion. It's up to YOU!)
Some things to keep in mind when making drum beats:
The BPM (Beats Per Minute) that your 16 note pattern is based on will affect
how the over all loop sounds. 120 bpms is usually a good place to start with
making generic electronic/techno/dance beats. If you want something faster,
160 bpms is probably pushing the top and sounding more like drum and base. On
the other side, slowing beats down to 70 is pretty good for the more hip hop
and jazzy flavors of music. Of course this all depends on your preference and
what not. There is no set BPM for any genre, so let your creative "oomph" be
the ruling factor here.
While most drum machines and programs have a set idea as to what is and is not
a kick drum or a snare, don't be afraid to play with the sounds you are using
in creating patterns. Switching around a couple of sounds in a really generic
pattern can make the mood change dramaticlly. Non drum sounds are ok too!
Starting out with sounds that come packaged as "drum kits" are a good idea for
the beginning loop maker, but after you feel comfortable with the art of the
beat, learn the art of tweaking noises. Using effects to accent the certain
feel of a drum never hurt either. Adding reverb can tighten snares and kick
drums, distortion can make a bigger bang if that's what you are looking for.
Delay can also give a bit a more driven feel and move the song along more
effectively. Like experimenting with the BPM, the creative presence in the
music is your only limiting factor. The reason so many people can say formulas
exist in beat making is because the difference in sound is what makes the loops
unique.
ææææææææææææææææ
æ Æfterthought æ
ææææææææææææææææ
It really sucks when the only email I'm getting is from some guy named Charlie
Root.
¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?
What you have just read was a step into the unknown spontaneous and poorly
edited thoughts for sharing collectively known as "Angstmonster." All thoughts
on the matter can be sent to <gir@angstmonster.org> or you can just visit the
site http://www.angstmonster.org and see what you think. (But I won't promise
any content to anyone.) Submissions of all sorts are welcome! Everything from
prose and poetry to rants and opinions, creative text art, recipes for yummy
food, reviews of stuff, etc.
Thanks and enjoy your day...
copyright 2002 issue 5
angstmonster.org 8.13.02
Feel free to redistribute this document, although no fee can be charged and the
content must not be altered or modified in any way. Unauthorized use of any
part of this document is prohibited. All rights reserved. (and stuff)
