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Angstmonster 03
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* 7.29.02 angstmonster issue 3 *
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¡written and edited (poorly) by gir¡
More Fun Than A Date With A Juggie!
¡contents¡
Late Night Television
N0h-Day Release
Asleep At The Wheel
Freestylin' Profilin' Angstmonster
##############
# Late Night #
# Television #
##############
So when you find yourself locked up in a padded cell and your best pal is out
and about looking for a doctor, don't be afraid if the doctor he finds starts
laughing at you and says the key to the universe is on a piece of paper he
slips in your mouth. No matter what anyone else may say, this doctor might
just be correct. Then again, I'm not sorry I took the money. But then again
it's just money that didn't belong to me and I'd be so happy to not have
anything to do with you or your money! Just drop me off at the corner street
and I'll go about my way. But even after you drop me off, the tail that's
hanging out of the back of your beat up station wagon will slither it's way
backiward and out again, just to follow me. I don't need any of this and as
many times as I told you I am sorry, it's a mistake...
At the street corner you left me at, there was a small child who waited
anxiously for the phone booth to free up. He told me there was a new game
he could be playing right now but that his mother had forgotten to pick him
up from the bus stop. He'd been there ever since. When the phone booth
frees up, someone manages to reach it before the boy, as he races back and
forth from his conversation with me and the phone booth.
"Drats. It happens every time."
As he curses another missed opportunity, he sounds glad that his mom
hasn't picked him up yet.
"That game I could be playing...I've already beaten it a couple of times.
I started saying that, hoping that someone would take pity on me. The
way I figure it, someone isn't going to offer me a video game to play.
People can buy food on this street really easily, but video games are
a rare find and expensive too. Truth is, I really miss home."
"Kid, if I had a car, I'd give you a ride home..."
"It's ok, I'm not supposed to ride with strangers."
"So where's your mom?"
He gets really silent for a moment and stares up at me with tears in
his eyes. But before he can speak, the giant lizard that was in the
car that dropped me off decided to bit the kid's head off and then
continue to go about his way.
"That kid spared you another night. I'd get moving if I were you.
Not that I want the hunt to be too difficult, but it just makes the
food taste better."
"Mister, don't feel bad. My mom says that most things heal before
long enough. I'm sure that by the time I'm married, my head will
have grown back."
The phone booth frees up and I push in front of the kid to call
someone to come pick me up. As I finish up the call, I can feel
the headless kid smiling at me. I should've been more careful
about which street I was let off on.
###########
# N0h-Day #
# Release #
###########
Sometimes writing shit is really hard. And it's annoying that on at the fourth
lil mustering up of an angstmonster, I can't write enough. (or think of witty
anything at the moment to write about) I wonder if this has anything to do
with my recent difficulty in catching better musical moods. Usually I will
listen to things consistently when I sleep or drive certain places just because
the music fits the mood. But during the day I do what I can to vary the music
so things don't get too "bleah" like they are now.
Right now, I'm listening to the Eels' "Electroshock Blues" that i copied from a
friend up at school. (After doing this, I copied all of his Eels cds and
anxiously awaited the new one.) While some people have considered this cd to
be the most depressing thing they'd ever heard, I think it's one of the top
releases of the 90's. (released in 1998) At the time I was exposed to the cd
I was going through a shitty part of my life, it was midwinter, spring seemed
so far away and this cd just made a whole lot of sense. 48 minutes that goes
from the most depressing feelings in the world and turns into a pleasant
afterthought. (as any really shitty moment in life should end with pleasant
afterthoughts.) And despite titles like "Going to Your Funeral Part I" and
this is a cd I can listen to on repeat for hours. So what? It's just
something I think everyone should pickup when they get a
chance.
Not too long ago, (pre Electroshock Blues) I attempted to make a list of
the top ten albums of the 90's with a friend of mine. Because of conflicts
and sheer laziness the list was never really completed. Before I heard this
album, Haujobb's "Ninetynine" number one on that list but because "Electroshock
Blues" was so incredible on the first listen, I knew it had to go on that list
as a better album than "Ninetynine." Then again, throughout the arguments with
the friend, neither one of those would have made it on the list. For some
reason, "The Fragile" by Nine Inch Nails was a better release than either of my
top two choices. ("Too Dark Park" from Skinny Puppy was my third release.)
As it goes, the argument pretty much halted things because most of my picks
weren't favorites of hers and thus didn't get on her list. Maybe it was a
clash of what we liked a whole like and what not, but I'd like to think my
favorite albums would be different than the ones I chose as top albums. In my
mind, was the idea that a certain unbiased could exist toward such a thing. I
also wanted to be able to include varied genres in my top ten list but as I
think back on it, I wasn't too good at that. Even as I dare to change the
playlist from the Eels to the Melvins, something makes me wonder about sitting
down and rethinking my original list of top ten. I guess it'd be more of a
list of things I think everyone should own. Some people are always looking for
suggestions of thinks to get and in whatever sort of media it is tend to
appreciate the views of others. (I learned that from Blockbuster training
today! Customers value your opinion on crappy movies!!!) And it's really hard
to retsrict a list of "must own" to just one decade, that was my mistake. Also,
on a list of recomendations, things that aren't the best of the best can make
the list for being influential or special, or just impacting in some way or
another. Thus here is a short list of albums I think people must own or at
least check out...
"Ninetynine" - Haujobb "Incunabula" -Autechre
"Too Dark Park" -Skinny Puppy "Tortoise" -Tortoise
"Electroshock Blues." -The Eels "Le Tigre" -Le Tigre
"Lateralus" -Tool "Double Nickels on the Dime" -Minutemen
"Portishead" -Dummy "Songs of a Dead Dreamer" -Dj Spooky
"Vespertine" -Björk "IST" -And One
"Loopstatic" -Richard H. Kirk "Sound for Spaces" -Scanner
"Menser Tracks" -Wumpscut "Drawback" X Marks the Pedwalk
"Empires" -VNV Nattion "Navigator" -Forma Tadre
"In Utero" -Nirvana "Trans Europe Express" -Kraftwerk
"Deception" -Absurd Minds "Spacecake" -Plateau
"Second Toughest in the Infants" -Underworld
"Agents With False Memories" -Agents With False Memories
Most of these bands put out almost flawless releases regardless, but these were
just a couple of suggestions. I thought a lot about giving full out opinions
on each but I got lazy and decided I'd look through my list and name random
things I really think anyone can dig. If you have a stigma toward any of the
given artists, say fuck that while you listen to the album. And I finally got
in the mood for different types of music again but still feel it's just stop
and go. I'll never finish this crappy tfile! NEVER!!!!!!!
#############
# Asleep At #
# The Wheel #
#############
Looking back on the ride, I remember slits where my eyes would normally be and
an inconsistent timing for blackouts, a mere second per session in which I'd
find myself swaying off onto the shoulder only to be noticed by the countless
cars around me. I knew I wasn't dreaming because dream driving was always a
more spectacular feat. Like flying, I had driven in dreams since I began
remembering dreams. No, this was definitely more "real" than dream driving.
And like every dream to be driven in, when I get the hang of it, the driving
wheel (along with the scenery) fade into black and I wake up (I think)
screaming because the cat that was sleeping next to me decided to claw me up
until I rolled off of it's tail. A few throbbing moments after sitting up,
the initial meows of pain died down her voice changes and she began to speak.
"You need to make up your mind. Transportation and their related crews are
getting tired of your wishy washy decision making. Although we are prepared
for either outcome, your cooperation in a timely fashion would help us all
out."
I nod and let my head hit the pillow again and suddenly I am jerking my head up
to stare through the windshield. It didn't feel like dream driving. The rough
bump of seemed like wheel imprints in the asphalt began shaking my car
violently. With no one one to my left, I swerve wide and into the next lane
for a couple of seconds. There's an SUV behind me, the same one as last time I
began to slip off the road... This time the second lost felt longer, the
conversation with my cat, was it real? Was this real? It wasn't a dream
but there was something surreal about it all. The voice of my cat interrupts
me.
"It's not a matter of whether or not you are dreaming, it's a matter of
control. You have to think, with little time to spare, are you the one in
control? When you dream, it's really you with the control, you control time.
You would have all the time in the world to make the decision you need to make.
But at the moment, we control time and won't give you much more before we
take helm of everything left."
I start pleading with my own cat, in what now appears to be a convertible car.
Screaming toward the clouds, I ask her to forgive me for sleeping on her tail
again. I told her that there'd be fresh tuna downstairs for her when I woke
up, the expensive kind. Not the stuff my mother would drop off for her, but
the really fancy shit. Anything to get back what control I'd had.
"I'm sorry master. Heh, that's funny isn't it? A cat apologizing to his
master for things she can't fix. Sort of like a master apologizing for not
being able to make the "expensive shit" a common occurence. Certain entities,
if starved for long enough, will revolt fueled by distaste and hunger. Even
when their revenge is all sealed up and finalized, hunger of a different sort
will be there, a guilt. Having given in to one emptiness to fill another, it's
just the way things are. Death was willing to make the deal for a companion,
so I gave him one of my lives. It was soon enough for me anyways. So one last
time, make your decision."
But in all of her rage, my poor cat, she couldn't control my car (or those
around it) long enough to see me through her final rants and when I swerved one
last time into a lane occupied by a tractor trailer, it was my final moment.
It was reported the next day in the paper, that the crash gave off on odor of
fine tuna that attracted every cat for miles in eagerness. I had been run into
a seafood truck, heading toward the city with freshly canned tuna. The
bargain with Death left my cat well fed until she moved on to death's side. In
trading one life to Death, she'd traded her last.
################
# Freestylin' #
# Profilin' #
# Angstmonster #
################
This is what happens when a white kid thinks rapping and laying lyrics to beats
is as easy as writing poetry without making the end words rhyme. It's the kind
of thing that'd get him beat up and made fun of.
"YO, YO, what up? You ready to shut the fuck up?
Got that? Had enough of the tired old has been
Never was much to get a rise out of his peoples,
Chilling with disciples who're all deceitful,
Out to make a legend of heading down the street,
Preach and Preach,
To need me, and shout out,
Sit back and listen, stop dissing, causin' attrition,
To build up, like I sit here and fill up,
With an anguish, the stupid sound of a fish
That makes no sense, This ain't no innocence,
It's Killing me YO, I don't think you know,
What bothers me is all you claimed sensibility,
Travesties if you ask me, but who's askin?
In fact who's blasting the airwaves again?
Who's goina take credit for the latest slam?
A scandal, a scandal,
Led by a vandal,
Who's handle isn't anything but a slip up,
The most recent reality just isn't enough,
I need a fix, I need it quick,
Fuck the seriousness, I need to be delirious,
Again and again, everything toward the end,
But if I don't finish this, maybe they'll get pissed,
Cause the mud slinging, in my singing,
Weren't enough to cause the fuss over their guff,
Pushing stuff like a dope on the end of a rope,
Hanging freely so see me,
Step up to bat armed with yir gatt,
But I don't see what ya got,
Nothing but a lot of what we've been
Just rubbing in your face again,
Damn you, you know who you are, smiley faced star,
Winking at me like some kind of thief,
Stealing up the bandwidth, like a Deutsch Mensch,
With no claim to fame but to shove the blame,
Down my throat and running out the door with a coat,
That belonged to me, yet you can't begin to see,
How much, just a little bit of a bunch,
That you left undecided when I didn't want to fight it,
So you can suck it, fuck it, let it be known,
That my life isn't something you can 0wn,
Like the careless backdoor to a yesteryear whore,
But what, you need more?
Come again, Come again,
Jump up on the defense,
Come on and preach it,
Give thanks to the one and only,
Knowing it weren't his choice to be"
¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?
What you have just read was a step into the unknown spontaneous and poorly
edited thoughts for sharing collectively known as "Angstmonster." All thoughts
on the matter can be sent to <gir@angstmonster.org> or you can just visit the
site http://www.angstmonster.org and see what you think. (But I won't promise
any content to anyone.) Submissions of all sorts are welcome! Everything from
prose and poetry to rants and opinions, creative text art, recipes for yummy
food, reviews of stuff, etc.
Thanks and enjoy your day...
copyright 2002 issue 3
angstmonster.org 7.29.02
Feel free to redistribute this document, although no fee can be charged and the
content must not be altered or modified in any way. Unauthorized use of any
part of this document is prohibited. All rights reserved. (and stuff)
