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Addendum Issue 076
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Addendum
URL: http://www.adden.tr.cx/
Issue# 75 : Contradictions
27th June 2002
Author: Steak
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"The moon is made of cheese"
Now most people would look at this statement and tell me that I was an
idiot, and tell me that it has been proven time and time again that the
moon is in no way made of cheese. People who would initially believe that
this stamen is false are terribly terribly wrong. For they dont see that
it is in fact true, for the hand of steak has written it so faith says
that it is infallible. But of course the meaning of this phrase lies not
in the literal translation but in the interpretation of the text.
There is obviously an error in the translation; 'makes' was obviously
misinterpreted as 'is made of' this is unfortunate, but quite, quite
possible. Hence armed with this new information we can re-interpret the
statement in the correct way. The phrase now reads:
"The moon makes cheese"
This is an obvious error that any armature translator could make
By cheese the original interpreter obviously didn't actually mean cheese
on its own, but all dairy products. And when you take milk and leave it
out under the moon for a few days it turns to cheese. Which makes the new
re-interpreted phrase one hundred percent correct correct.
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Carrots help you see in the dark
The phrase carrots help you see in the dark has been long regarded as a
old wives tale with little or no truth in it. This original true statement
has been mocked and destroyed by bad publicity.
It has, of course yet again fallen victim to bad interpretation, it is
obvious that carrots don't help you see in the dark, this is ludicrous,
but if you were to interpret it in my way then you would see that it
makes sense.
Carrots are orange, those photos that you get back from the optometrist,
they show the back of your eye as orange and the surrounding area as black.
The part of the phrase that talks about seeing is a metaphor for the eye,
and the carrots are therefore definitely a metaphor for the orange of the
eye, and the dark is a metaphor for the blackness around the eye.
The original creators of the phrase obviously had received divine inspiration
warning about the heresy of the optometrist photos. It is something that
we were never meant to see. I ask you, if god wanted us to see the backs
of our eyes he would have made them point outwards, instead of inwards as
they do now. We are intruding on Gods realm and it was his intention to
warn us through this message, why do you think the phrase has become so
popular? Gods way, thats why.
And yet the unsaved kick this message around like it was some out of date
hags tail, well I will be the one laughing in heaven when I die, while
you, with your fancy optometrists photos will be burning in hell
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"I went down then up the road that was a runway, went into the store and
picked up then put down the local news paper and a bar of chocolate,
which I took home, ate then resold back to the original supplier, for
a profit of minus 40 quid"
This sentence, at first seems to make no sense what so ever. But this is
wrong, it makes perfect sense as long as you interpreter it in the right
way, for the author is not talking about going to the local store, the
store is a metaphor for a bar, and the strange business with the news
paper and the bar of chocolate is a metaphor for the enormous amount of
alcohol consumed there, and the business with the forty quid loss was
due to him loosing two twenty pound notes on the way home due to the
excessive drunkenness. So the statement, when re-interpreted in the
proper way actually reads
"I went down the pub, got horribly drunk and lost 40 quid on the way home"
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Whats that you say? All bible contradictions are a matter of
interpretation....right.
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Addendum
(C) Steak June 2002
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