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Addendum Issue 023
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Addendum Issue# 23 - 4th April 2002
URL: http://www.adden.tr.cx/
Author : Steak "Sleep data, sleep."
================= The Sleeping Series - Part 1 : Dormancy ==================
I like to sleep. That is true. Some people call me lazy but I can't help it.
Sleeping is something that I find highly enjoyable; I will try to get as
much of it as I possibly can. Sleeping for more than 12 hours on some if
not most occasions that I can get away with it.
I wish I could more often, I wish I could sleep for a long time, maybe a
week or so, just once. And not the kind of sleep where you are restless
and spend the entire night tossing and turning. Neigh. I want the real
thing I want to sleep in a bed that never gets sticky with sweat, that
I can lie in and never feel uncomfortable because I'm too hot, one where
I have only good dreams about things and people that I love, and not about
monsters that I cannot fight back to.
I always wake up tired; it doesn't matter if I had two hours or twenty hours
sleep the night before. I am tired, simple. when I finally awake from my
slumber, god damn it I want to feel rested, relaxed, rejuvenated. Not
tired, exhausted and debilitated. I want to feel as right as rain,
alert and not have to rely on coffee to stop me falling asleep at my desk.
I seem to never get enough sleep though. Not even on a normal night
I almost always awake feeling worse than when I went to bed and I don't know
why it is.
I am in the process of seeing a doctor to find out what is wrong with me.
The process involves sticking many thin little sticks of metal into my body
then extracting my life force from my painful body and bottling it,
and sending it to some lab to have tests ran on it. only to go back to the
doctor a week later to find that all the tests were inconclusive. then
being told that I may need psychiatric help and that I may even have
chronic fatigue syndrome, like my sister.
But I wanted to record my feelings on sleep as they are now before some
man with a PHD gives me a long and fancy name for what I am feeling.
I also seem to get insomnia often, which really doesn't tie into the
symptoms of the day. At night sometime I will lie awake at nights for
hours. That is exactly what has happened tonight. I was feeling really
bad all day today. I got into bed and I couldn't sleep. I felt nothing
of the day I had earlier. So I got up and decided to write this. instead
of sleep, which I long for in the day. It really makes no sense.
I don't know why I have such a fucked up sleeping life. I really dont
if I did I think it may go some way to curing me.
I have tried a few things to help me sleep, music can some times help,
I must admit that some of Mobys tracks are very good for going to sleep
to. But recently I have found that I end up listening to the music
rather than actually going to sleep.
I find that having my room pitch black is not sometimes the most ideal
sleeping environment for me. On occasion I find that having a mellow
25w light bulb on in one corner reflecting on the wall can really
create a warm, inviting and non-threatening environment and can really
go some way towards helping me sleep.
Then there are drugs, not the illegal kind mind you. Sleeping pills. Some are
good, some are not so good. Nytol herbal (in the green packet) usually works
quite well for me, they gently get me off to sleep quite well, they taste
like dirt and they are easy to swallow, to definite plusses in my book =]
However there more regular brother, Nytol regular (in the blue box) does
not work in the slightest for me and just seems to give me a headache.
Another one that doesn't work for me is the phenagen tablets, they
are small and blue, and are also used for the relevement of head aches
in small children. I think I heard somewhere that they contain the same
sort of drug as morphine, but with the 'fun' bit taken out. With these
I may as well just take a saccirine tablet, they do nothing for me.
Then there is tamazapan. The real strong stuff. If I have one of these
I'm out in twenty minuets guaranteed. However I find this kind of sleep to
be an artificial kind of sleep. It is like I just get knocked out,
I know that I must have dreamt but it feels like I have not as I
don't remember anything. And I usually wake up feeling as tired
as when I went to bed.
Now there's this new one I am meant to try. It's called Benadryl, they
give it to kids with chronic fatigue syndrome, it is meant to give me a
better feeling and more rested sleep. It's a liquid, which means its
going to taste like whiskey, apple juice, washing detergent and bleach mixed
together. Without the apple juice.
Things are tuff, but I can put up with them, I have for quite a while now,
at least a year and I usually don't whine about it, in fear of joining the
rest of the people saying "I didnt get enough sleep last night" I don't want
to be a sheep.
But some times I just have to let myself go in an addendum. And if I am
feeling generous to myself then I will split it up into a multiple part
addendum, like this one.
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Addendum Issue# 23 - 4th April 2002
(C) Steak April 2002
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