Addendum Issue 089

eZine lover (@eZine)

Published in 

Addendum

 · 5 years ago

  

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Addendum Textfiles / 3.3 / Monday the 26th of May 2003 
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          Depression, by Steak 
	¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯ 

The thing about depression that makes it so appealing to each and 
everyone of us is that it's a problem. 

We are by nature, a problem solving species, 

When we come across a problem; like being hungry then we worry about 
it until the problem is solved, in this case we get something to eat. 
We become happy, the problem no longer exists and we get on with 
finding the next problem to solve, like which brand of indigestion 
tablets to take. 

When we come across a problem with no easy answer or no answer at all, 
like the origins of the universe, then we worry about it for a long 
time and we never solve the problem. This annoys us, but we know the 
problem is unsolvable, so most of the time it doesn't bother us. 

When we come across a problem with an easy solution that hurts us, 
like having to pay the gas bill, then we either face the music and 
solve the problem (by paying it) or avoid it and worry about it 
because the problem is still a problem. 

Sadness sets in when we come across a problem that is unsolvable AND 
hurts us. That same nagging is there, seemingly forbidding us to 
forget the problem (the same as, 'oh shit, I haven’t paid the gas 
bill, the collection agency men are going to come round any minute') 
but at the same time the problem remains unsolvable. 

The only thing to do in such cases as this is to try and attain that 
same knowledge that the problem is unsolvable and hence time should 
not be wasted trying to figure it out, it should just be one of those 
things that we should accept and move on with. 

Depression sets in when our ability to do this is hindered by the pain 
we feel and the links that we feel are still tired to the problem. 
Making it even more difficult to ignore. 

Again, the only thing to do in a situation like this is to try to 
realise that the situation is unsolvable and hence should not be 
worried about, try to realise that you need to let go of the 
depression. 

It's just a little bit harder. 

Depression is very hard to let go of because once it's taken its roots 
it doesn't let go without a fight; this is because in the short term 
depression feels beneficial. It's easier to be depressed, which feels 
good in the short term, than to try and pull yourself out of it, which 
sucks at first but is better for you in the long run. 

It's like a blanket, you can wrap yourself up in it, it can make you 
feel secure, if only for a little time. But like the el-cheapo brand 
of coffee with the disgusting after taste, too much of it can really 
give you the shits. 

At the start it feels nice, almost nostalgic to wrap yourself up in 
your warm depression blanket and remember things that happened or 
worry about things that are going to happen. 

But before you know it, it’ll have its hold over you again, and it 
turns from being a nice warm blanket into an old sackcloth. And that 
sucks. 

So you need to force yourself away from your blanket, it can take 
surprisingly little time to decide not to let yourself go back. One 
moment you can be feeling like absolute shit, combined with the 
feeling that your never going to get out of this, the next you can be 
feeling on top of the world, absolutely sure that you'll never let 
yourself fall for it's old tricks again. 

But the blankets tricks are getting better and better, your fighting 
yourself here and who in the world knows you better than your own 
mind? Every time you think of a new strategy for dealing with the 
problem your mind already knows what it is and is working on a way of 
defeating it. Like disguising your blanket as 'thinking of the good 
old times' or something like that, so you'll wrap yourself up again 
thinking that it’s ok, just for a little while and before you know it 
you’ll be back in the blanket. 

If this happens, then once your back inside the blanket you may get a 
feeling of deja-vu like you have been there before and that your stuck 
in the same never ending cycle of sadness. 

This is because it is true, you ARE stuck here again, you ARE 
repeating the same cycle, you need to grab a hold of that feeling of 
repetitiveness and prosper it, you have to let it develop and grow 
into a rebellion against the sadness. 

If you don’t, you will continue to play out the same thing over and 
over again until you break the cycle. You can only do that by 
eliminating the source of the problem (solving the problem) or moving 
on from the problem and rejoicing, as it becomes a non-issue. 

In the end you are constantly being bombarded by chances to leave the 
blanket, to solve the problem, to break the cycle. But it has to be 
YOU who take’s the first steps, YOU who puts in the hard work or else 
it will never get done and you will continue to re-live the same 
bullshit every day, over and over again for the rest of your life. And 
believe me; that will REALLY suck. 

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