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Addendum Issue 103
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#103 : Wednesday 3rd September 2003 : http://addendumtextfiles.org
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Forest tales, By Steak
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I stood on the very outskirts of the forest and peered in. I don't
really know what it was I was hoping to see; perhaps I was just
looking to see if I could get a better understanding of what was
inside. However it is more likely that I was looking for some clue
that could perhaps inform me as to why in the hell the thing had just
suddenly appeared in front of me for no apparent reason whatsoever.
Another thing that I was wondering was why for no more reason than the
sudden appearance of the acres of foliage beside me, the beautiful
sunny Saturday one-pm afternoon that I had previously been enjoying
had morphed and mutated into a sort of muted dusk setting, casting the
area around me into a sort of depressing dull atmosphere.
I looked up into the sky in the vague hope that who ever had made the
sun disappear would perhaps be kind enough to reinstate the fiery
giant back into his thrown in the sky. But alas it didn't seem to be
happening and now i had to deal with my situation in the coming
blackness, this, as you might imagine didn't please me in the
slightest.
I thought about where I had found myself for a little bit. It made
sense to assume that whatever happened tonight one thing was for
certain -I had to cross the forest. I could perhaps stay here for the
next two or three days but if I stayed for much longer than that I was
very likely to go peculiar which would eventually follow its natural
course into death.
I decided that death wasn't the most preferred state of affairs for
oneself to find one in. No, if I was going to make any headway in this
situation I would have to cross the forest.
It took me a while to locate myself a suitable opening in the trees to
walk through, but when I did I strode through it with the pride only
an Englishman can have, confident in the knowledge that I would
successfully be able to navigate this forest.
The path I had found wasn't exactly well made, in fact when I really
studied the thing it seemed as if it were just a continuous series of
convenient clearings all joined together. Added to that annoyance was
the fact that no matter how far I looked or how hard I squinted -I
still couldn't make out the outside of the forest. This made
navigation rather tedious to say the least.
I had been walking for quite a while by now and I was unhappy to
report that the forest was no more easier to get through when I was
some way in than when I had started out. I decided that I was getting
tired of walking and I better sit down soon to catch my breath and
rest my legs. On the next convenient fallen log I would rest, and just
as I was thinking that I noticed a good size log just next to my left
foot, I took it as a miracle from God and used the excuse to sit down
and have a rest.
I for a second faltered with the idea of turning back and allowed
myself a look back at the way I had come. I was rather alarmed to find
that I actually couldn't make it out. It was as if the path had opened
for me when I had wanted it and had closed up behind me as I had
walked through. That scared the crap out of me as I was now lost
inside the middle off this forest that had just suddenly appeared on
the way home from a party and I still couldn't see the end of it.
Night was almost completely upon us now and I sat for a while longer
and tried to remember that survival book that I had read as a child in
the hope that I might recall some long forgotten chapter on navigating
your way through supernatural forests that like to disappear,
translocate and reappear at will. Alas I couldn't think of anything.
I decided that it wasn't going to do me any good to sit on that log
all night, and if I was ever going to find my way out I had better
start walking. I looked around for some more clearings that I could
use as a the start of a new path. I couldn't really see anything
thanks to the rapidly decreasing light levels but I did happen to hear
something.
It was a small child's voice, a girl's perhaps, far too faint to make
out any actual words or anything. If there was someone else trapped in
this forest, a child no less, then I had better find them. Indeed a
child would enjoy better success of survival in the company of myself
than alone. So with this righteousness in my heart I set off in the
direction that the voice was coming from. I had to listen quite
intently as the voice was rather on the quiet side of things but with
the forest being quieter still it was easy to hear her.
Night had reached complete darkness when I came to where to voice was
coming from, in fact the clearing that the two children were in was
lighted only by a large full moon that had swiftly made it's
appearance known over the last ten minutes or so. But I wasn't
thinking about the moon at that time, for I was gazing into the
clearing and low and behold what I saw there made me want to check my
sanity.
There before me exactly like the pictures in the children's books I
used to read when I was young was a perfect setup of Hansel and
Grettle. There were the two woodcutters children standing outside a
house that seemed to be made of all types off chocolate candy and
other sweet confectionery.
"OK, we'll just take a look, Grettle" said the boy "it is made
out of sweets after all so it cant be bad"
And before I could really fathom what in the universe I had just seen
and make arrangements to stop them they had entered into house and the
door had slammed shut behind them. I turned around and sat down. This
was crazy, Hansel and Grettle, huge forests the origin of which was
unsure, what else was I likely to find in this strange obscure place.
I set off walking again, not at all sure of what was going on. I
wondered if perhaps someone had spiked my drink at the party, putting
some little present into it that I was currently experiencing in the
fullest possible extent and indeed in reality all I was really doing
was walking around my local park cooing and wooing over little huts
and imaginary pictures. It seemed possible, but I had experienced
strange hallucinations before and these were much more real, as if I
could reach out and touch them.
As I walked the make shift path that I was sure was closing up behind
me as I typed I was peering off into the distant forest. Disconcerting
as it might be, there was no denying the fact that wherever I happened
to look in the forest I was sure that I witnessed another scene from
some distant memory of a story book from my childhood. I would look
one way and I would be sure that I could see the crimson flowing cape
of little red riding hood and the matted unkempt hair of the large
bloodthirsty wolf following behind her, sneaking cunningly in the
bushes.
I would look the other way and I would for a few moments be sure that
I was capturing a glimpse of a beautiful lady encased in glass with a
handsome prince waiting patiently at her side. He would, for a second
look up at me with a questioning stare before I would walk on
obscuring his view by yet more trees that just seemed to go on forever
and ever.
I walked for hours seeing more and more strange sightings of things
that didn't quite seem right, like I came across a small little man
that seemed very insistent that I try and guess his name. I was so
shocked by the knowledge that the things could actually speak to me in
English and even seemed to get slightly offended by my less than
social nature that I couldn't really think of many names to utter.
"Fred?" was all I could say.
The little man puffed through his cheeks and walked off into the
distance to what seemed like large white tower off in the distance.
'Screw it' I thought 'I have to get out of here; this place is nuts' I
started running. Just running in one way, if I kept running in one
direction I would eventually get to the end, no matter how far it was
away.
I ran straight past a small girl with long golden hair being chassed
from a tiny country cottage by three angry looking bears. I noticed
that I smelled the distinct air of honey-covered porridge in the
atmosphere as I ran past that scene. But not even the sweet scent
would stop me in my plight from the dammed storybook forest. I had
been running only about half an hour more when I crashed full belt
into a man that I hadn't properly seen thanks to his long black robe
and hood that was obscuring his human form. He pulled his hood back to
reveal a head of curly red hair.
"Oh my" he said "I am terribly sorry, I really didn't mean to
get in your way"
"Thats ok, I should have been looking were I was going"
"Indeed" said the man "I wonder if you have seen my class"
"Your class?" I asked
"Yes" he mused, seeming almost instant "I've lost them.
Theres an entire class of amateur magicians in this forest
somewhere and I have to find them. If you see them would you
be so kind as to point them in my direction"
"Yeah, sure thing. Look mate, what is this forest? Why is it
here?
"Huh"? Said the man, seemingly distracted
"The forest!" I almost yelled "What is it doing here in the
first place?!"
The man looked almost hurt as he turned from his distraction to me and
said
"This is my forest, this is the forest of my mind, I have no
idea why your stuck in here with me or indeed if your actually
real, but to tell you the truth I don't care. I have to find
my class before this forest disappears, and if your are indeed
real I would suggest you make your way out off here as quickly
as possible. The exit my friend, is that way," he said
pointing in the direction he had come, and with that he was
gone.
I was unsure if the man had ran off or if he had just simply
disappeared but one thing was for sure I didn't waste much time
looking for him. He had told me a way to get out of here and I set off
in that way as fast as humanly possible, not stopping for logs,
bushes, animals or dream like fairy tale scenes.
I ran and ran and ran and when I had gotten pissed off with running I
ran some more and within an hour or two I had managed to clear the
forest and found myself in the luscious brown field behind my home
just in time to see the sun as it was rising in the sky.
The beautiful fireball illuminated the whole area, surrounding me in a
bright warm glow. I looked behind me for the forest but found that it
had disappeared almost as quickly as it had arrived.
I was slightly disappointed but I concluded that I had really only
expected as much so I wasn't too frustrated, I made my way through the
muddy field squelching my boots gleefully as I came to my house and
into my kitchen where I put the kettle on and made myself a hot pot of
coffee with biscuits, you know, the ones that have cream in the
middle.
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