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Activist Times Inc. Issue 236
...and there'll be songs to sing
in a dog-eared fake book.
Hey, Bif Naked.
What -- Ever.
\ /\ /
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235 0008052055
,
_ || ' What is
< \, =||= \\ the color
/-|| || || of pain
(( || || || is it
\/\\ \\, \\ democrat
or republican?
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
axl rose, can you say anagram?
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dedicated to author Epcot Fitzgerald
Hello there, I'm prime anarchist, and I'll be your
sewer guide through this, the music industry as it
stands. One forNicATION, indistinguishable, under
gold, with Faberge, and just us for all.
Jenifer Love Hewit. Pinky swearing Marie Osmond
that she'll go on the Screamer for her 21st (did you
say 27th?) alcohol-free birthday party. Um, can you
say affected???
The 597 words you can't hear on CD.
"Earlier in the day, eight arrests had been made
at a much smaller demonstration outside city hall
as protestors denounced the Army's School of the
Americas and blocked traffic by lying down in the
street.
The 597 words you can't hear on TV.
"The school, at Fort Benning, GA, has long been
the subject of complaints that it trains Latin
American soldiers in combat methods often used in
human rights abuses to protect dictatorships. The
demonstrators opting for non-violent civil disobedience,
were accomodated by the police, who made fast arrests."
--NYTimes 1Aug00 pg a17
The 597 words you can't hear in a movie.
Federal law provides for a $432,964 fine for tampering
with the smoke detector in this lavatory.
The 597 words you can't hear in print.
BP Amoco - Beyond Petroleum
Beaucoup prices, Boistrous and petty, Badly polluted,
Barely positioned, British privy, bogus pride, Bush
plummets, Butthead proliferates.
Prime Anarchist will levy a $7 surcharge against anyone
insisting on choosing the word "lavatory" verbally or
in print
Hasbro +1/8
Seagrams -7/16
TRIVIA QWESTION -=- Which band members have sued each other
more times in their 40 year histories.
Jefferson Airplane/Starship/Volunteer/Balin Kantner or
John CreedenceClearwater/UpAroundTheBend/Revival Fogarty
or does it even matter?
Delta Airlines - Ready when you are. Home of the world's
smallest #1 plastic bottle of spring water. 8 ounces of
pure Amerikan TruthInAdvertising abuse.
"The sensor-activated video screen jumps to life when you
assume the position at the urinal."
[i'm not making this up] -- adbusters aug/sep 2000 p 16
You are watching ENN. (Elevator News Network)
"He says he remembers your bra hanging from the cockpit."
--flight attendant on her cellphone waiting in Cincinnati
for the plane to get cleaned. (not making THIS up either!)
Mary is her name. I've never stayed on a plane between flights
before. Quite the experience. Now Mary's complaining about
having had to clean up baby barf. Quite a caste system we've
built here, huh?
"We don't clean THAT," she says motioning first to the
girl in charge of carpet sweepering the floor and changing
the garbage bags, then motioning finally to the guy who's
replacing the sodas and springwaters, sandwiches and bags
of peanut.
I've concluded once and for all that the purpose of any
airline is to sell books and magazines. I'm on my first one
hour plane delay in a very long time. There are more book
stores in here than people, methinks.
Noah, of ark fame is a complete typographical misprint.
Just thought I'd better tell you. It's rather how Wisconsin
people pronounce "No." Noah. No.
I'm prime anarchist, and I said all that.
#'s http://www.mp3.com/stations/marcos_ampstuff
http://www.freshpoetry.com/slamamerica
http://www.hoe.nu/twbs/twbs03.txt
http://www.dkp-ml.dk/mp3/folk.htm
http://www.webzine2000.com
http://www.slaminatrix.com
http://www.dsl.org/copyleft
http://linux1285.dn.net/napster
http://www.playwrightstheater.com
http://www.subrevolt.com/index2.html
http://www.ravenswoodinc.com/edit.htm
http://musicdish.com/genome/index.php3
http://www.bbzzz.com/musings/sysop.html
http://www.contentbiz.com/sample.cfm?contentID=617
http://www.objector.org/before-you-enlist/myths.html
http://www.ardmoreite.com/stories/070198/liv_salsa.html
http://www.phoaks.com/phoaks2/newsgroups/comp/society/cu-digest
http://www.hpoo.com
L E T U S
The shutdown of Napster has been brought to you by
the RIAA, original sponsors of HR 2911.
HR 2911 would have added a tax on blank tapes and
recording equipment. The proceeds would have went to
the record companies in the "war on piracy".
Just wanted to let you know.
Patrick (662)
Hey - just saw 231, one of the funnier ones I've seen in a while.
I've never written to you I don't think, though I've read yer 'zine
forever since the BBS days now and then.
I'm the guy that started the cDc thing.
You're out in Rhode Island? I was wondering if you're planning on
attending 2600's 'HOPE' convention thing here in NYC in a week?
[ati wasn't able to go to this OR webzine2000.]
[hopefully next year. burning man neither...]
If so, you should introduce yourself. Jello Biafra is doing the
keynote speech and we're gonna do some crazy show thing on Saturday,
it should be a hoot.
Anyhow- just wanted to say I've been digging ATI.
G. Ratte'/cDc
to ati@etext.org
Shut the fuck up
T.J. Pianto
to ati@etext.org
I saw your listing on the internet.
I work for a company that specializes
in getting clients web sites listed
as close to the top of the major
search engines as possible.
Our fee is only $29.95 per month to
submit your site at least twice a
month to over 350 search engines
and directories.
To get started call our toll free...
Mike Bender
[dear mike, look at where we sit in]
[the search engines, then consider]
[how much we paid (0.00), then refer]
[to what the last reader suggested.]
[no, never mind. I did not say that.]
[[smile]]
Dick Cheney, the added-value candidate.
Think I heard his daughter is gay...
any reality to that?
Akira
[seems to be. interesting which pundits
it matters to and which ones it doesn't.]
WE DON'T DO MUCH WITH 4-WARDED SCHTUFF, BUT THIS 1 HAD
"ADDME" WRITTEN ALL OVER IT!
>leaders of the Evangelical Laodicean Church in Canada last week
>announced the publication of a new hymnal. "This is truly a hymnal
>for the new century," said Presiding Bishop Luke W. Armm.
>
>"This collection of hymns really captures the essence of our tradition,"
>Bishop Armm explained. "At the core of our belief is the motto,
>'Moderation in all things,' and that applies to our faith life as well.
>We just don't like to get carried away." When asked if the new hymnal
>will help the Laodicean Church attract new members, Bishop Armm
>replied, "People in today's society get kind of uncomfortable with too
>much talk about things like commitment and dedication. They'd much
>rather have a religion that they can turn on or off at will. Our church
>seeks to meet that need. This hymnal will help with that, I think."
>
>Editor in chief of the new hymnal, Priscilla ("Presh") S. Moment,
>explained some of the difficulty the committee had in choosing hymns.
>"Many of the old favourites just won't cut it among Laodiceans," said
>Moment. "We had to change a lot of the wording to make them fit with
>our style. We tried to incorporate some new songs into the book, but we
>had trouble finding Laodiceans interested in writing new music."
>
>The title of the new hymnal, Church Songs, was chosen very carefully,
>explained Moment. "We didn't want to turn anybody off with threatening
>words that no one understands any more like 'Worship' or 'Hymn.'" Here
>is a partial list of titles included in the new Laodicean hymnal:
>
> A Comfy Swedish Mattress Is Our God
> Above Average Is Thy Faithfulness
> All Hail the Influence of Jesus' Name!
> Amazing Grace, How Interesting the Sound
> Be Thou My Hobby
> Blest Be the Tie That Doesn't Cramp My Style
> Go Tell it on the Speed Bump
> He's Quite a Bit to Me
> I Lay My Inappropriate Behaviours on Jesus
> I Love to Talk about Telling the Story
> I Surrender Some
> I'm Fairly Certain That My Redeemer Lives
> It Is My Secret What God Can Do
> Joyful, Joyful, We Kinda Like Thee
> Just as I Pretend to Be
> Just as I Am, with Lots of Excuses
> Lord, Keep Us Loosely Connected to Your Word
> My Hope Is Built on Nothing Much
> My Faith Looks Around for Thee
> O, God, Our Enabler in Ages past
> Oh, for a Couple of Tongues to Sing
> Oh, How I like Jesus
> Onward, Christian Reservists
> Pillow of Ages, Fluffed for Me
> Praise God from Whom All Affirmations Flow
> Self-Esteem to the World! The Lord Is Come
> Sit Up, Sit up for Jesus
> Spirit of the Living God, Fall Somewhere near Me
> Take My Life and Let Me Be
> There Is Scattered Cloudiness in My Soul Today
> There Shall Be Sprinkles of Blessings
> We Are Milling Around in the Light of God
> What an Acquaintance We Have in Jesus
> When Peace, like a Trickle
> When the Saints Go Drifting in
> Where He Leads Me, I Will Consider Following
& ON THIS WEEKEND IN HISTORY:
[thank yous to Dustbunny]
All in the Family's Carroll O'Connor,
who played the beloved Archie Bunker is 76 today.
Tony Bennett, is 74.
James Hetfield of Metallica, is 37.
Cult movie director, Kevin Smith, is only 30. Baby.
1951 - "I've Got You Under My Skin," entered the pop charts.
1979 - The Knack's Get The Knack, goes Platinum.
Then they kinda fall from existence, sort of. I mean,
everyone knows the song "My Sharona," but they could've
been a bigger band, no?
1986 - Weird Al Yankovic records "Addicted To Spuds" and
"Living With A Hernia."
1996 - Another group that sadly went out of existence is
Los Del Rio. Their "Macarena (Bayside Boys Mix)" was #1
on this day on the pop charts. I remember going to my friend's
prom and having to learn that dreaded dance. I can still do it,
and I'm sure that you still do it when you're alone in your
room. Don't lie.
1975 - Only because he's a genius, David Bowie's "Fame,"
entered the Top 40 chart.
1986 - Only because they're Christians, Stryper's
"Live In Japan" video was released.
1991 - Only because they sucked, Metallica's
Metallica album was released.
1962 - Marilyn Monroe found dead of apparent
self-inflicted drug overdose.
Beat Generation Godfather, William S. Burroughs,
died this weekend in 1997 at the age of 83.
Sock Puppet Godmother, Shari Lewis, died on this day
in 1998 at the age of 65.
[side reference]-[http://cosmos.lod.com/~ati/ati76.html]
(someone just informed me I mixed her up with the)
( romper broom lady. oh well... )
And now, another ATI quick TAB.
AA, CC, GG, AA.
AA, CC, DD, AA.
[voiceover:] When you want dirty football socks
to look their whitest, just use twice as much GAIN.
So what for eczema, athlete's foot and diaper rash.
axl rose.
OK, one last hint
axl rOSe one more?
ok: 374 2156
And we end this ATI with a poem reprint.
****** ******** ********
** ** ** **
******** ** **
** ** ** **
** ** ** ********
A Commercial Interlude
by Pete Dolack
Come on down!
We've got the best selection around!
No defense contractor can beat Bombs 'R Us
Heat-seeking missiles, tanks, spy planes - we've got 'em all
Whether you're installing a puppet government
or eliminating enemies of the state
We're making deals like crazy
At Bombs 'R Us, our customer satisfaction is guaranteed
our weapons will kill more people
than our competitors' weapons
Or double your money back
Don't forget our 1960's Nostalgia Night next Friday
When Napalm and Agent Orange will be 50 percent off
Dress like your favorite South Vietnamese dictator
and we'll throw in a free pistol holder
And don't worry about your citizens finding out
what you're up to
Because we've extended our 2-for-1 special on all shredders
Autographed by Oliver North
Bombs 'R Us
Our killing is insane!
! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^
Send anything to:
ati@etext.org
Go ahead, you know you wanna...
Get back issues of our Zine at:
http://www.angelfire.com/wi/kokopeli/cygnus.html
and remember the yiddish proverb, "a thousand
corporations can tie down a Rosie O'Donnell..."
****** ******** ********
** ** ** **
******** ** **
** ** ** **
** ** ** ********
OK... One more. Same writer!
this 1's called:
"Coke Isn't It
A trip to the supermarket to buy a six-pack of coke
What could be simpler? I turn down the soda aisle
There are shelves full of coke
Which should I get? There's classic coke, new coke, diet coke,
Okay, I'll grab some diet coke
Then there's caffeine-free diet coke, classic diet coke,
low-sugar diet coke, new diet coke
This is getting more difficult than I thought
Okay, I'll just buy some caffeine-free diet coke and get out of
here, but wait, there's low-sugar caffeine-free diet coke
All right, this is it
I reach for the low-sugar caffeine-free diet coke
I'm finally done
No, it cant' be
It is
Sweat starts streaming down my face as I see strawberry
low-sugar caffeine-free diet coke, cherry low-sugar caffeine-
free diet coke, classic low-sugar caffeine-free diet coke, and
orange low sugar caffeine-free diet coke
I didn't know what I was going to do until I saw a sign
Can't decide?, it said, We can help
Dial 1-800-coke -- cola counselors are standing by
It was my only chance
When the operator came on, I almost couldn't speak
It was just too much
Don't worry, the soothing voice said
We'll put you in touch with a diet coke specialist
The counselor listened to my story
She said we're recommending a consumer training class
And you're just in luck, there's one convening this afternoon
I took down the address and headed over
Several people were already seated when I arrived
But a few minutes later, an armed guard closed the door
And locked it.
Someone wearing a paramilitary uniform stood at the front
Nobody leaves this room without submitting their will to coke
You will know the difference between the different cokes
You will drink only coke
You will spread the word of coke to all you meet
Every waking hour will be spent in the service of coke
I knew I had to find a way out but security guards
ringed the room so I tried to create a diversion
I stood up and said, 'I have reason to believe
there is a pepsi lover in our midst'
A gasp went up from the crowd as a man turned toward me
and admitted to once drinking a pepsi
Take him away! the leader screamed
Security guards grabbed the man
and took him away for interrogation
It was now or never as I charged the window and leapt through
An hysterical voice on a loudspeaker called for all hands
To hunt down the escapee as sirens blared
I ran as hard as I could to escape the dogs
Finally, out of breath and thirsty,
I wound up at the same supermarket
This time I decided to avoid the coke aisle
I asked the stock clerk where I could find bottled water
Oh, do you want bottled water with carbonation, bottled water
with low sodium, bottled water with lemon, bottled water
with a lime twist,
Before he could go further, I ran out of the store and headed
home
Where I decided to stay until Presidential Election Day
Because then there would finally be no choice.
