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Activist Times Inc. Issue 162
Primero Mundo, Ha Ha Ha!
Live from Harley Heaven, Wisconsin
It's
AAAA TTTTT IIIII
A A T I
AAAA T I
A A T I
A A T IIIII
without much beer.
ACTIVELY, TOLD YA SO, I'N'A?
issue # 162
9901180000
happpppppppy mlk-day
got email?
Hi there,
Prime here.
No #'s run this week, (and few letters
too) I haven't been near a
$
or a
telnet>
in 4 days.
Prime No Longer Here
bye/f
PRESS RELEASE:
Date: Thu, 14 Jan 1999 19:22:47 EST
From: NAMMYS@aol.com
This year's show is scheduled for
June 19th at Foxwoods. We have a
NAMMY winners tour going out in May
featuring Joanne Shenandoah, R. Carlos
Nakai Quartet, John Trudell and Walela.
More information will be on our
website shortly.
Nammys (212)
NCNCNCNCNCNCNCNC!
new column.
Marco Capelli, the world's first
anarchist virtuoso, will be giving
Classical Guitar anarchy tips.
One a week, here in ATI.
Guitar Anarchy Tip #1
If a baby in the audience is
screaming, or an unruly toddler is
bringing squinched up faces to all or
most of the ticket-purchasers; segue
right into the "Attack Of The Killer
Tomatos" theme song.
Eb, Db, B, Bb... repeat...
Do not play the entire song. You
won't be able to get right back to
serious music if you don't move fast.
One verse or the chorus will suffice.
Kids will dance in the aisles, babies
will request teletubbies, heroin addicts
and stoners alike will scream "freebird,"
"ozzie," or "stairway."
And suddenly the whole audience will be
ready to hear your serious music all the
way thru again.
Parents will smile as if in on a coup
and you will be known throughout somewhere
as the world's next Anarchist Virtuoso.
__ __
/ `-' \ ,,,
( |[====|)|m|a|r|c|o||[:::}
\__.-.__/ ```
A Newspaper Toast (to ati@etext.org?)
Here's to the letters editor,
The person who rations the word.
His job is to see that VOX POPULI
Will never, ever be heard.
DC Dave
Dear sir, madam, or whatever,
Recently, two issues of your
publication were sent to our
submissions address with the
intention, I suppose, of being
published in our magazine. Because
I do enjoy your work (obviously
others do as well), I was wondering
whether or not some of it may,
indeed, be printed in our 'zine.
Whether your response is affirmative,
I would like to congratulate you on your
excellent work and encourage to check out
ours if you're ever in the vicinity of
Green Bay, Wisconsin.
Thank you for your time,
and your reply may be sent to this
address.
mr. nomad
Editor-in-Chief, Up Your Bemis
[ed note: Y soitenly, and thnx]
ati
There's a link in here (or I'll
put one in) that might prove
interesting to some of your
readers.....
http://www.thewordistruth.org
sisyphus (860)
Hello,
Yes we still publish the iron feather
journal. Here is the current
contact infos:
Iron Feather Journal
po box 1905
boulder CO 80306
http://mycal.net/ifj
THIS IS A PRESS RELEASE!
IT IS IN ASCII!
Hey, Marco. You get it first.
Note the title here. Updated 4PM
yesterday. Please note: This most
definitely IS a preliminary
schedule. And I think it just
might fit into 40 char columns.
. . . . . . . . . . HYGIENIC XX
This is the Twentieth Anniversary
of the First Hygienic Art Show
"New London's ONLY winter tourist
attraction." - Alyson Holtz
No fees, no judges, no jury
and no censorship
Rules:
One piece per artist.
Site: The El & Gee Club
Golden St.
New London
Show Time: Sat, Jan 30 8PM to 2AM;
11:00AM to 6PM Sun Jan 31
Hanging: From 10AM to 6PM
Saturday Jan. 30
Artists: Bring in one piece to
the El&Gee between 10AM & 6PM and
hang it up. All artists are requested
to leave their work hanging until 6PM
Sunday. Registration is regretfully
necessary.
Other Events:
Live Nude Art
A life drawing class for Artists
Fri Jan 29, El&Gee Club, 3rd Floor;
Critical Neon Studios
$5.00 donation
pre-registration is requested,
Contact Terry (Davo) Davis 447-1804
...
(cut for space limits. full
updated press release next week.)
#
alt.urban.legends
Do you know you can still leave a
McDonalds (probably any one in the world)
and hear someone arguing whether the
woman who coffee-sued so many years ago
suffered 3rd degree or 1st deg?
Return 3 or 4 days later and someone's
likely debatanauseum whether it was her
thigh or her groin - whether it was a
$1M or 2.
It's like you never left...
S T U P I D F A S T F O O D T R I C K S
by marco
I learned another one 2-day. Order a side
of jalapenos at Taco Bell's drive-thru and
2 7-layer burritos hold the sour cream. You
can alter that to taste, by the way. Go to
McD's inside lobby and order a large fries.
Pour yourself some ketchup and after you've
sprinkled the peppers all over your burritos
mix the ketchups into the juice from your
jalapenos.
Eat as mindfully as you can in a fast food
foyer; if you pay really close attention you
can taste food.
Be fairly discrete - this may be against the
law. Leave while people are still looking at
you strangely, but well before someone tells
you you're not allowed.
Replicated 5 times, 3 at the same place,
the other two scattered.
Be careful of a few things.
1) People using those little paper ketchup
wrinkle-cups get quite jealous of your big
clear plastic jalapenos-2-go container.
2) Many will try and read your Taco Bell
bag. It's from "that other place out there."
3) McDonalds is the US' most popular place
to take small children and tell them Mommy and
Daddy are breaking up.
Do not, under any circumstances allow a
parental unit to use YOUR presence as a
metaphor for their familial dissolution.
"you see," they say, "it's like I prefer
Mickey D's and your mother likes Taco Hell.
See? He's more like you, and your brother;
he likes both. But McD's and TB both love
him! We both love you..."
Neither McD's nor TB like you. They'd
just as soon strike your 1st thru 3rd born
dead jus' so long as your next 7.5 children
crave beef.
Suggestion: Punch that parent square in
the face til the nose bloodies, at once
with no thought and no words.
Me? I'm in a non-violence vow so I must
find alternative methods.
4) run, unless you think you were able
to be discrete about #3 also.
=)
...let s/he who is without sin...
It's official. At least deemed
credible by Wash Post, AP et al.
Larry Flynt's going to "out"
between 2 and 12 more Washington
brassies. At least one of them will
be a woman. I bait with awaited buffalo
breath.
May I scathe a bit?
If scores of former FBI and CIA are now
hired by Larry Flynt to hustle dirt on
politicos; if Ralph McGehee, Phil Agee,
& John Stockwell quit to further peace
instead of war, if Jack Ryan can quit
rather than continue with COINTELPRO
crap, how the hell does anyone within
Edwin Moose's war-on-humans campaign
expect to command ANY loyalty from them
that linger?
Sorry fence sitters, sorry complacent
workerbees, sorry illusioned ones but:
WHAT IF OLIVER NORTH, EDWIN MEESE,
JOHN HULL, GEORGE BUSH AND TIPPER GORE
HELD A WAR AND EACH OF US SAID "F*&K
YOU" ON OUR WAY OUT THE DOOR?
Prediction: Expect a few more attacks
on "derechas humanas." Personal rights,
individual freedoms - all that, before
the dumb shake off their bloody faces,
lift their gloves and dance "to the eye
of the tiger."
I give it 'til November. That may be
conservative.
The republic is in deep doo doo.
Holding on by mercurized cotton thread.
-moliere-
ATI, an opinion page with a pulse.
#
# #
#
S E N A T O R S O F T H E W O R L D ;
U N T I E ! ! !
Gentlemen, Steal Your Pens.
PAPERMAKER RECALLS REAMS OF ROLLS
<PAWN> - Washington - Wisconsin Tissue has asked
for all its toilet paper back from the Senate
Chambers.
"They were dunked in the wrong dipper,"
said Humora Bania, International Paper
spokesperson. She said the rolls of
Senatorial TP had been mistakenly dunked
in liquid Viagra (tm) instead of an
Olestra (tm) perfume, as per US Senate
Request Forms DD2369, and Form DD2.
Harry H. Happy stumbled upon the
problem according to his boss at the
Senatorial Janitorial temp agency.
Happy was taking a quick break while
cleaning all the bathrooms in the
Senate Chambers, both public and
private. He'd thought nothing of it
when each piece of perforated paper
bore the type-error "The Quicker
Pecker Upper," watermark.
But shortly after wiping with the
Senatorial sanctioned papers, he found
himself feeling great, energetic, almost
too vibrant. He also had an unquenchable
urge to help clean all the womens rooms,
which was out of his jurisdiction and
not in his job description.
"Oh, a whole different temp agency,"
said his boss, Saji Jamumora, "a different
ethnic group and a whole other class. Why,
they're women too," he said, in utter
surprise.
Jamumora said Harry H. Happy was then
given the nickname "Horns," but he's no
longer allowed to handle paper products
or his trombone while on duty unless he's
wearing powdered rubber gloves. IP told
Wisconsin Tissue to recall all their
paper products from that delivery so for
the interim, Senators and their interns
will be given per diem to use surrounding
7-11's and Starbucks cafes for all their
daily needs until this matter is cleaned
up.
Senators who haven't gotten word yet
are asked to throw out any tissues that
slipped past the recall immediately.
The first day of President Clinton's
trial is expected to be very hard.
http://homestead.dejanews.com/organize/links.html
Notice:
We regret to inform you that after careful
consideration, we have decided you are not
the type of reader ATI is looking for. If at
any time the need should arise for a reader
such as yourself, we will contact you.
Until that time, we ask that you put the
paper down.
Thank you.
Management.
(Idea Stolen
from Onion
NewsPeople)
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
From Anarchist Wire Services
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Montana - (AWN) Unabomber did more than bomb.
Anarchist Unabomber Thed Katzensakis may have
throttled and flogged a monor, said his friend
Christopher Robbins in his new book,
"UNABOMB: The Violent Ways of Walter Mitty.
The book goes on to say his violence comes
from love compassion and community more than
fear and anger.
(YAWN) Yeltwirtipus AnarchoWorld News
FBI report says violent crime down 5%
but theft of bananas, furbie dolls and
carrots up 35% for fiscal '98
"The violence is like the DOW," said
operative Getem Du-Em, "whereas theft of
petty things more closely resembles the
NASDAQ."
ATI - Automatic Teller I-ching
PEN RECALL
----
AP JANESVILLE, WI- The Parker Vector pens
---- used by US Senators to pledge impartial
justice in the impeachment trial of President
Clinton had a misprint.
Instead of "United States Senator," the writing
on the pens said "Untied States Senator," the
manufacturer confirmed monday.
"The Senate is like any good customer of ours,
and we will reprint the order and make things
right," said Michele Szynal, a spokeswoman for The
Gillette Co.'s Stationery Products Group in
Janesville.
#
.p.a.r.p.o.t.m./.w./.y.
prime anarchist reverse prediction of the
month/week/year
.If Clinton's request for
.100,000 MORE police
.comes up for a vote
.in the Senate with any
.notice MAI will pass
.2 days before it.
DREAM DICTIONARY
<C><V><M> - If you wake up from your 4th
dream in a row about someone grabbing you
by the testicles and saying "vaca, vaca"
and your mouth is really dry and your
foot itches and the last thing you remember
doing was cottage cheese, coffee and
computers
you must:
1. call the American Dairymans Ass. and
say sorry.
2. Milk a cow or goat or yak and give
the formula to a buck-toothed veal-house
adoptee, or
3. plant 7 ceiba-trees in the rainforest
preferable Honduras, Nicaragua or coastal
Chiapas.
Vegans must
4. email 4 or more people reminding them
to turn off lights and appliances they don't
need.
If you don't have a computer
5. Go to mass, church or temple and say
sorry to Guadalupe, God or Grocery-Mama.
Atheists must pick any two of 1-3.
.5 out of 4 polemics .
.surveyed recommend ATI.
. for patience with .
. whom spam them. .
Marco's REmax Realty guide to the USA.
Who's not here yet. Quien falto?
Hay banos a izquierda; bathrooms over
there.
Oh, we have new everything.
New England, New Mexico, New postage
stamps, new churches, new music, new
math, new gangs, the new army and of
course new nazis.
Same war, diff day.
Split infinitives R there 4 your
tempermental pain and suffering.
Song:
children of the revolution
violent femmes
Journal Note: Little Girl. Tuesday.
I think my brother has joinded a gang.
Letter to Little Girl's mother from
brother.
Dear Mom, Basic training here at Fort
Jackson rots. I wanna come home...
We end with someone elses poetry,
4 after all is sediment and dung,
all we gots: pome.
On that glad night
In secret, for no one saw me,
Nor did I look at anything,
With no other light or guide
Than the one that burned in my heart;
This guided me
More surely than the light of noon
To where he waited for me
-him I knew so well-
In a place where no one appeared.
-30-
Loathe us? Tell us.
Like us? Tell phrendz...
ati@etext.org
