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Activist Times Inc. Issue 089
ATI. 970810.
DISTRIBUTORS, DO NOT SHIP UNTIL SUNDAY, MIDNITE...
BIG RIVALS BURY HATCHETT TO EXAMINE CROTCHES
Mashantucket - Microsoft and Oracle will co-fund a $160M study to determine
if people wear jeans while chatting on Compuserve.
Scientists have begun investigating whether it's Levi's of JNCO's which
predispose a person to chat on the world wide web.
"Well, it's like this," said Richard Holmgren. "First they get pants
that are too big, falling down and you know, underwear that is so loud.
And no one lets them skateboard anywhere, so next thing you know they want
to tell the whole wide world. What in 'tairnation?"
The world wide web is a perfect place to feed on this obsessive compusion
toward chatting about jeans, according to New Hope National Medical Center
in Bucks County, Pennsylvania.
They're gambling their lives away," said Andrew Hoffman of New Hope. "We
know a lot about alcoholism, drug abuse, we've even got a seventeen-step
program for people who join too many support groups. You know, On And On And
On. But we know almost nothing about Jeans."
"C'mon," Hoffman wagered. "I mean, like OK. How come even for $40 three
of the seams go all the way up all evenly and stuff, then it's usually that
inside right seam has to switch over in the middle somewhere between the
calf and the thigh?" Hoffman went on to discuss how little is known about
crotches, cuffs, button flies, and the all-new "baggy-bottom-butts" with
the scientifically proven fat-free-fat particles which get emitted each
time the jeans are washed.
"I mean who makes denim?" says Hoffman. "Where are they built? Have you
ever met a jeans maker? You don't know, do ya? Huh? Huh?" Hoffman,
incidentally was a paid expert witness last year at Oliver North's trial
when he attempted to prove the sky had fallen, using the tastes-a-bit-like-
chicken-a-little clause which can no longer be used due to copyright laws
at the Library of Bad Fairy Tales.
Bill Gates, founder of Seattle, Washington was quoted as saying, "I've
got no idea what's up. Just that I get half," sipping a "hammer-cinno"
mutterring "cha-ching" under his breath.
Larry Ellison, a local Philidelphia Chair Manufacturer and founding
father of the Ben "Franklin" Hitchcock chain stores, said, "I see the future.
Bill Gates is just doing it for the money. He doesn't care squat about the
little guy. If I did it, I'd only want 1/3.
TEAMSTERS, UPS AGREE TO EXCHANGE LETTER BOMBS
Shipping Giant's Strike Carrying Weight.
Special to PAWN.
Prime Anarchist World News. A subsidiary of the International Business,
I mean Burroughs Typewrite... I mean Merrill, Lynch, Ginsberg and Leary,
er, uh, I mean ATI, Activist Times, Inebriated.
AA
AAA
AA
T
TTTT
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I I
IIII
I I
Your e-newspaper with a pulse.
participate at
alt.society.ati
join at
listserve@brazerko.com
sending "subscribe ATI" as the message body.
PAP #'s run for Thursday, 8am. 35 shooting stars last nite.
27 of them confirmed. 23 of them not. Hey, YOU do the math, it was late!!!
http://www.dimensional.com/~randl/television.htm
http://ultimatetaxi.com
http://hack.box.sk/mirrors/dsl/nws/chesire.phk
http://www.dsl.org/m/doc/arc
http://www.queenbee.net/members/pieman
http://www.garbology.com
http://www.netvideo.com/nobody
http://www.fatcitynews.com
http://www.interactive.net/~bridget
http://www.kmf.org/williams
Almost ATI online - Book Review. by Prime Anarchist. Special to ATI
www.prime-video.com/funstuff.html
Secrets of a Super Hacker
by the Knightmare. 224 pages. $19.95
A manual on the methods of computer hacking. The Knightmare tells...
Who the phuck is he??? Has anybody heard of this guy? (ed note:This just in-
I stand corrected. Long drawn out visit, fun, food and catching up on old
times, between Cap n' Crunch and Knightmare. OK) Buy the book?
CALENDULAR August 6, 1997. 8pm. Bill Woznajobsniakates' interview on
Public Television's "The Revenge of the Nerds."
ATI 89 is dedicated to Mac Lucas. Southeastern Connecticut's most profound
a r t i s t .
GROUND ZERO'S COLUMN. A Semi-regular event around here now.
-------------> Random Notes from Ground Zero
FRIDAY NIGHT AT THE ECO-SALOON: Saving the Planet or A Dash Rip Off?
Greetings, fellow citizens.
Unfortunately, I have not been able to have a column in every issue like I
had intended, however, I am making all efforts to contribute as many
columns as I can. I'm sure you all understand.
On Friday night, August 1st, I was given tickets to the Wetlands Preserve
Eco-Saloon in New York ( http://www.wetlands-preserve.org/ ). It's a
nightclub that supports environmental causes by distributing literature and
petitions, and hosting meetings of different environmental groups. The
place was spacious, and very dark, adorned with banners and posters for
various environmental concerns. However, one has to wonder how much the
proprietors want to capitalize from environmentalism: entry cost ten
dollars, and Heineken beers cost $4.50.
The first "band" on was a guy playing drums and some girl playing bass
guitar and singing, or trying to sing. The second act was yet worse.
My friend and I didn't catch the name of the second act, but we think
it was something like the Dirty White Boys, "the best band in
Queens," according to whoever was up on the stage introducing them.
The announcer also spoke about an "environmental issue": he said that
when we were at the diner later ready to suck down a plate full of
pancakes, we should think about the maple syrup we use. He screamed
that the process of making maple syrup is "SUCKING THE SAP OUT OF
NORTH AMERICAN MAPLE TREES!! THINK ABOUT IT!!!!"
"But I like maple syrup," I protested.
I believe in environmental causes, but not those which seek to
eliminate man's use of resources that is not harmful to the
environment or mankind. My research indicates that the process of
extraction of sap from maple trees to make maple syrup is not harmful
to the trees if done properly.
The main attraction of the night was Dash Rip Rock, a three-man act
from Louisiana. Their music is an interesting mix of country, cajun,
and fast guitar riffs of alternative groups like the Offspring.
While the band has potential and was entertaining to a point, I could
not understand the lyrics of most of their songs, neither could I
understand about 90 percent of what they were saying between the
songs. Their web site, http://www.dashriprock.com/ stated that their
lyrics were intelligent and important, as singer/guitarist Bill Davis
is quoted:
...[Our] lyrics are intelligent - but
we don't flaunt it like BTE, REM,
Live, etc. We cloak it behind a
bunch of loud-ass rock and roll -
and the few people that GET IT,
are the twisted, enlightened crowd
that we like to hang out with.
But all that is lost if a lyric sheet is needed to ascertain what
the lyrics are. One thing I did understand was tasteless and
unnecessary: at the beginning of one song, Davis began it by
counting, "One, two, fuck you."
I'd be willing to give seeing them another shot, however. Check out
their web site, or another Dash Rip Rock page that has a wealth of
information about them:
http://www.datasync.com/~painter/
That's all for now.. Keep learning and be creative!
Ground Zero
gr0und0@juno.com
let erz:
Hi, Marco. No, I don't *recall* an AT link or mention on my Web sites. Oh,
the mysteries of Life and Net! Messing around a bit with HotBot and Yahoo!
and AltaVista, I do see that AT has some good exposure through the search
engines.
>You don't suppose my little ezine got into the book "silicone jungle," do
>you?
I don't remember it there, but then I haven't looked. The only stuff that I
put online from the Silicon Jungle is at
<http://www.clark.net/pub/rothman/jungle.htm>. Doubt that AT shows up
there. BTW, it's Silicon without the e. Leave that stuff to Harold Robbins.
;-)
Best wishes, and happy ego-surfing.
David
David Rothman | rothman@clark.net | 703.370.6540
> ----------
> > From: Deeply Shrouded And Quiet <deeply@carroll.com>
> > To: bridget@interactive.net
> > Subject: ATI
> > Date: Wednesday, July 16, 1997 4:55 PM
> >
> > ATI makes yet another CD Rom!
> > Yes, you heard correctly. "The Black Philes" CD Rom collection of
> > different text files dealing with just about everything contains
> > ATI issues 1 to 59.
> > Way to go...
> >
> > --George
> >
> > (That's 2 cd Roms ATI is on, how about #3? Muahahaha)
AND in other Prime World News. (weather advisory. ATI buys out UPI, AP
AND GANNETT calling the new service MSPrimguano)
"that's the way the wind blows."
--B. Dylan.
TEAMSTERS, U P S AGREE TO EXCHANGE LETTER BOMBS
Shipping Giant's Striking Is Carrying Weight.
by Rose Lynn Carter. Special to P.A.W.N.
Atlantis - Negotiations for the Teamsters and United Package Service agreed
to limit their full frontal attacks to just mail bombs.
"Big bulky wooden bombs," said Ted Crotchett, Drew Carey's special
assistant while James Hoffa IV's indisposed, "are too heavy. They kill too
many people, and besides, splinters are just not my idea of good clean
fair fun, even if this DOES mean war."
Letter bombs tend to just blow up in your face and make you feel shitty,
according to federal mediation and conciliation service director Fred
McMeddan Conservio-Derek.
"Both sides have agreed."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
<> Drug shipments to out-of-area consumers, like
many other deliveries, have fallen victim to
the nationwide strike, now in its fifth tier.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
US SWITCHES STRATEGY ON MIDWEST TALKS
Niobrara - A week after the bloody fishkill along the Mississippi river,
President Clinton has switched course and approved a US initiative that
knocks all dams down and allows salmon to swim their traditional path once
a year.
"We're hoping they'll take a bunch of water with them," said Clinton
suggesting a steady stream of salmon might allow the Navy to just dump all
landfill both toxic AND non-toxic right onto the delta.
"Let it all just go back up there where it came from, anyhow," said
Clinton. "Long as it don't touch Arkansas either way, I don't know what all
the fuss is."
On a side note: three yet-to-be-identified Clinton women AND Mike Tyson
have filed restraining orders with DC courts claiming Newt Gingrich has been
stalking them for months.
JOE CAMEL LOSING THE WAR ON TEENS.
West Palm Beach - Cigarette makers say it's like a 30-year recurring
nightmare come true.
Donna Shanana and Barry McGafferty surveyed a random sample of teenagers
related to them with an accuracy ratio of .15, and 80.1% of all teens
will choose heroin over cigarettes any day.
CLINTON TO EXERCISE LINE-DANCING BUT VETOS LA MACARENA
Little Rocks - One day after signing historic budget and tax-cut bills,
President Clinton said Wednesday he expects to run a pink fingernail down
Hillary's back right down to the panties for the first time in 17 years.
"Read my lips," Clinton said trying obviously to sound like Alexander
Hamilton, "Mmmbop."
/NOPE/ /SECTION/ /OF/ /PAP/ /PAWN/
ARMY WILL TRAIN CIVILIANS TO RESPOND TO VERBAL ABUSE.
Alexandria - There will be no explosive concussion, no obvious victims,
bloody and broken. This catastrophe will be something the US has never been
through before.
"They will use internet hackers," said Oliver North, an expert in
emotional terrorism, wire fraud, verbal abuse and tying high tension wire
from teeth-to-testicles so that a victim will hurt their own self in what
he has coined neo-aikido.
"And most importantly," said the patriotic albeit plumped out pet, ears
all wiggly and veiny-looking like Ross Parrot meets the Hush Puppies
Poster dog, "they'll use million-watt PA speakers from Wolfman Jack's old
mexico radio station to blast 24 hours of nonstop "Welcome To The Jungle"
by Guns and Butter.
Step 1: Admit you're a victim
2: Recite the victim's prayer. (perhaps kaddish apropriate also)
3: Get under a chair or desk.
4: Stay there
5: Never leave
6: Order Pizza
7: Send Money order to Microsoft
8: Eat a Peach or an AppleNectarine Hybrid
9: Take off your jeans
10: Cover your crotch AND your eyes
11: Ignore the song. Scream if you need to.
12: Wear Nikes.
Two Line Poem by Owen Marques. AKA Harry Ehren
There I sat in Elija's Diner
-for 25 hours:
He never came.
JOURNAL POME 17 by Marc Frucht
reprinted from I Slurp My Coffee, (c) 1929.
"what if they staged a war and everyone was on triple-dip?"
"23x23x23x23x23"
For James Ingram Merrill
Dead: gone; still with us --
Poiesies in our pockets.
"Esconse," the Ultimate Lawmakers.
Why do we insist on a terrorist
In our tank, and a texan
In our treasury; when we can easily
Save our cents using common sense???
10-piece celtic band in Poor Richards
Coffee house, Colorado Springs.
Peace Pole put up in Boulder.
Esconse (v) tuck away in safe place.
Pescado taco with turtle beans and
Tortilla chips -- and blue corn too.
Esconder (v) spanish. hide or conceal
"Tipping is not a town in China,"
Says a jar at the cash register.
Canopy forest. Snag, sponge, erosion
Control, bugz, fog, forests are cool.
& my guatemalan pincushions's a sick
Cactus. Too much water? Not enuff sun?
I titled my first book "By the
Author Of" so my second book's
Jacket says, "By the author of
By the Author Of."
We're in the age of overt covert
Action, legitimate terrorism
And organized anarchy.
Ceremony - Dia De La Muerta, a
Gigantic cloth mushroom on the
Dance floor, dancing with a Road.
Route 69, she has "Loose Curves,"
Is "Slippery When Wet," and has
"Soft Shoulders."
Angel drinks Cutty Sark slow dancing
With Friar Tuckette: she has to take
Off her wings to use the powder room.
Dolphin turns to herring, says, "hey
Little guy: next time playing against
The odds? Win one for the Flipper."
I got a Coca-Cola headache
And a chainsaw buzz.
bye/f
address all corrections to
Prime Syndications. Copyright 2002.
c/o
marco99@juno.com
